This hit.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-11-06T02:12:43+00:00

I’d also add, you only hear the stories we recognize/name as sexual assault. How many women don’t think that what happened to them was really assault because “it wasn’t that bad” or “we were dating” or “I was drunk”

liz2e · 2020-11-06T04:09:15+00:00

one time my dad was like “none of of the women i know have been sexually assaulted.” sir, you are speaking to your r*pe victim daughter who has never told you about it because a) your shitty ass attitude and b) it’s so painful for most women to talk about that of course no one has told you their story. for fuck’s sake.

thegenuinedarkfly · 2020-11-06T02:44:55+00:00

No one has ever heard mine.

Askybluesky · 2020-11-06T04:26:07+00:00

Does telling yourself the story also count?

It took me years before understanding/registering/counting “rape”. It’s your brains defense mechanism, and it’s basically gaslighting yourself. I was raped ~~4 times~~ ~~6 times~~ 7 times if we count stealthing, and a person coming in you when you tell them not to.... I didn’t really register the information until years later. Still processing to this day, I guess.

- Once by a bf when I was sleeping. (and that’s only when I caught him

- Once by a hospital staff when I was heavily sedated. I was a teenager.

- twice I’ve had a man start anal with me with no warning. I dissociated and chose the personality that would ‘take’ what was happening. YUP. (

- a boyfriend came in me when I told him not to,

- and I was stealthed on a date. He gave me an std.

- when I came back to get my things from an ex, he wouldn’t let me leave his apartment, and blocked the doors, used physical intimidation, etc. almost threw up on him.

I was watching a stream today where the interviewer/twitch guy was asking these 8 women about their issues with guys/dating/the FrIenD ZoNe etc, and this panel of girls opened by discussing the normal stories of getting hit on and prepositioned by their university profs, unflinching, which led to the discussion of how the power is always held over you as a woman being harassed, because saying anything, you are in danger of losing your good grades or your job. (Big duh for most of us here)

Yet The host was so floored just by this common situation. He has a degree in psychiatry as his gimmick/thing/twitch street Cred, but has no idea about this fundamental human experience... he nervously says smiling, “Uh wow... uh this got dark fast!” the girls stoicly paused in unison as if to say ‘why are we even here? lol’ , one girl said “...... well..... this stuff happens“.

I think men don’t hear about this stuff because women only discuss these stories amongst themselves casually. “Rape talk” is our “locker room talk”. We feel men judge us, and question our memory and experience, or that such an event exists in the first place. Our lives are full of these situations, regardless of our attractiveness, age, desire to engage, and with my aforementioned experiences, I consider myself one of the fortunate ones, at least for now.

edit: thank you for the star!

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-11-06T01:37:15+00:00

Especially online. Right after an assault I made a post in the now banned GenderCritical sub and /r/drama cross posted it to call me a slut, say I wanted it, all kinds of horrible things. I tried to get it taken down SO MANY TIMES. I finally desperately messaged a bunch of mods and one of them got it removed and a day later the sub had a 3 day ban.

I can’t believe Reddit allows mocking serious assault yet GenderCritical is gone.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2020-11-06T00:59:16+00:00

Oof this hit real hard

Pahapan · 2020-11-06T05:29:40+00:00

I'm 30 years old and it wasn't until this year that I told anyone (two siblings) I was molested as a child and raped by my first boyfriend. There's a wall of silence. I would venture to say that the majority of women have been sexually assaulted.

Happypengy · 2020-11-06T01:10:11+00:00

aint that the truth

theawkwardalli · 2020-11-06T03:56:47+00:00

Almost no one knows my story. I thought about another incident today that happened a year and a half ago and realized it was assault, but I can’t bear to think of being assaulted twice, so I’m not considering it that to prevent me from going into another downward spiral

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-06T01:40:18+00:00

I wish this wasn't true. Rape needs to be a death penalty offense. Rapists know women rarely are believed and that rapists rarely get caught.

pinkliquor · 2020-11-06T13:15:00+00:00

Men are scary. I’ve been mid sex with a guy and when he was going too far I would say no stop I don’t want to do that and then he would kick me off of him and I would feel so stupid. Just sitting there naked and feeling stupid and crying. Also had an ex, who if I would say no to sex- would kick me out and make me go home. So there’s times I had sex when I didn’t even want to have sex, I just didn’t want to fight. Or the ex who would secretly record me while having sex. One time I was blindfolded and he tried to switch out himself for his friend thinking I wouldn’t notice. I’ve been through so much, let me stop. 😫

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-06T01:16:11+00:00

Ow. That stung.

Rasaya87 · 2020-11-06T14:13:40+00:00

Thinking back, I was called a psychotic bitch for my first rape by my supposed friends back in high school. It was my first boyfriend who did it, after we had been sexually active for a good year and a half. I wonder if that's why I wasn't believed, even by the police. Ex first bf had been joking about raping me in my sleep for fun.

It probably doesn't help that I was still grieving the death of my mother, so a deep depression and no support from my father, much less the gaslighting, blaming and what I now recognize as emotional abuse from friends and family during that time, fucked me up for the 15+ years after, until recently.

Some partners later, I've realized I've been sexually assaulted one to many times by most of them. The gaslighting from back then made me think that it was okay for the guys to have sex with me anyway, even if I didn't want it. Coerced and pressured into sex was a common theme for me until early last year.

Still, me finally realizing all the situations where I should have just left didn't help when it came to the bs my recent ex did after my feelings for him dropped (due to his revealing his true colors.) 🤦‍♀️

mxmoon · 2020-11-06T04:13:56+00:00

Yep. I won’t ever report the worst one. I can’t bring myself to and I have no evidence.

alchemisttrilogy · 2020-11-06T04:21:57+00:00

This actually make me very sad...I’m glad I haven’t been sexually assaulted but now, I can’t even imagine what those women have been through :( Imagine all the unheard stories. I do hope those women heal.

engg_girl · 2020-11-06T01:55:08+00:00

Yeah :(

foreveryoung737 · 2020-11-06T01:58:52+00:00

Damn this hit hard.

ChoiceScarfMienfoo · 2020-11-06T04:07:33+00:00

i've repressed the hell out of mine. don't think i'd ever share, nor if anyone would even believe me as we were in a relationship at that time.

cheesymacaroony · 2020-11-06T04:18:15+00:00

Yep this hit. .HARD

Hugs to all the women in this thread 💗

AlextheAnalyst · 2020-11-06T09:06:29+00:00

I'm thinking of all the pinning down and vagina- and breast-grabbing that went on at my high school. None of us ever reported any of them, because it was just the default way that boys interacted with girls.

If I think about it now, I realise that there were quite a few teachers there, including the principal and vice principal, who genuinely cared and would have turned the world over to do something about it. But your sense of self worth isn't provided by your school, it's taught at home, and most of us had been taught since birth that we were useless burdens who only ever got what we deserved. So I guess those teachers' real heart for us went to waste.

2020-11-06T14:18:28+00:00

The same goes for the stories we tell ourselves.

I used to feel ashamed that I was attracted to the person that raped me (we were dating). I would later fantasize about having sex with him and it would turn me on.

It made me wonder, how can I consider it rape if I’m using it to get off to? Does it even count? I googled it, and apparently it is not uncommon. It is a way of retelling the story of the traumatic experience to yourself, so that you are not the victim. That was incredibly liberating to me.

I’ve done that with another guy that assaulted me when I was 15. I’m not even attracted to him, but I would fantasize about him molesting me exactly the way in which he did, and taking it even further (I had stopped him before he could actually have penetrative sex with me). It is a way of controlling the narrative in a safe environment.

LunarCannons · 2020-11-06T15:48:09+00:00

Not to mention that dead women can’t share their stories.

💔

sassyheather · 2020-11-06T09:18:59+00:00

I keep telling myself "At least I escaped, at least it wasn't actual rape, just the danger of it, at least I managed to kick him out of the room and locked myself in"

daisy_0720 · 2020-11-06T21:11:41+00:00

And there are so many 'good guys' walking around out there that don't think they're rapists. If she asked you to slow down or stop and you insisted on finishing inside her first, you're a rapist. I don't care how 'nice' you are.

2020-11-06T02:51:11+00:00

i could never tell the person who did it to me, so they're out there walking with no consequences

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-11-06T04:05:59+00:00

Fuck yes... so sad but true.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-11-06T04:43:05+00:00

Seriously; how do you know which one is a rapist or not???!

oreooreooreos · 2020-11-06T16:02:53+00:00

Damn this triggered the hell out of me.

Molamola14 · 2020-11-06T16:18:35+00:00

I was assaulted recently. This is very true.

smokeandfireflies · 2020-11-06T03:12:00+00:00

Truth.

JesusisKingisLord · 2020-11-06T04:02:39+00:00

Wow.

guacamole1987 · 2020-11-06T05:29:32+00:00

Sigh. Yeah.

soundslikeautumn · 2020-11-06T07:06:28+00:00

Holy fuck this is so horrifyingly true.

Sensitive-Shoe-1079 · 2021-02-06T13:54:32+00:00

Every time I think someone hurt me for their own pleasure and I did nothing bc I understood it was culturally appropriate...it lights a fire underneath me. A large, let's surgically emasculate all males fire.

2020-11-07T08:09:00+00:00

When I got raped as a child I was too afraid to tell anyone. Adults tell you not to talk to strangers, to avoid them, to not accept gifts. I was told to come home after school every time, all my time was accounted for, yet I still went. When I got home acting strange it caused a fight and I was blamed for causing a bad mood. I did not tell them because it would have been my fault too.

throwawaydoll0 · 2020-11-08T14:11:11+00:00

Yes 😟

2021-02-08T22:13:43+00:00

I love you all.

Title	This hit.
Author	azureangel35
Upvotes	5229
Comments	95
Date	November 6, 2020 12:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/joujs2/this_hit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-hit.1193730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193730

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