True Crime Discussion

Frogspocket · 2021-09-03T11:44:33+00:00

I have a friend who is really into true crime, like WAY into it, to the point where he literally helps find missing people. So my friends love talking about that stuff with him and I HATE it. It makes me feel some type of way when everyone gathers around in excitement to discuss real life murders. BUT I am going through a little bit of a mindshift over it lately because he has met tons of people over the years who are interested in true crime and he said that the "true crime entertainment" audience is actually mostly women. And most of the volunteers organizing behind non profits and stuff are women too. And the reason a lot of women enjoy it and are drawn to it is because it's validating.

Like most of the time when you talk about red flags in men, bad vibes, intuitive gut feelings and all that you get brushed off as a man hater or over exaggerator. But when youre discussing true crime scenarios suddenly you're someone with a skill set and your opinions aren't dismissed as mIsAnDrY, suddenly it's seen as expertise.

Basically it's the one social space where your awful experiences with men get taken seriously and recognized as abuse instead of the usual reaction of ignoring you or gaslighting you into accepting "not all men" or "communicate". That helped me to understand the appeal. I still don't have the stomach for it, but I do get it. He has said before that if you were to just replace some of these useless apathetic detectives with older women who are divorced from narcissists there would be cold cases getting solved in a day

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-09-03T10:54:09+00:00

That stuff scares me so much, our learned behaviour makes us a target for these creeps.

I am so much more careful now.

Also when I’m walking my dog I do carry something for defence, I’d rather be explaining why I defended myself with an illegal weapon than dead

aslirakhisawant · 2021-09-03T11:17:10+00:00

I think it's a good reminder for what the world really is like for women. That you can never be too cautious and have to be on guard for predators. For me genuinely it helps me recognise red flags and manipulation. There is always that point where you can see the perpetrator for what they truly are. That moment is why I watch these shows. At the same time I do believe that violence against women is used too often by media as sensational content, which disrespectful to the victim and to all women.

blueboobs- · 2021-09-03T12:24:20+00:00

I do not obey the law because my predators don’t....🤷🏼‍♀️ I absolutely carry pepper spray.

2021-09-03T11:06:45+00:00

Crime shows have taught me a lot on how to be more careful amongst men.

mothertuna · 2021-09-03T12:23:21+00:00

I got into true crime heavily as a teenager. Used to watch shows on Investigation Discovery, A&E and the like. I knew even back then to not have a pattern. I rode the city bus and I would switch up which bus stop I got off and which way I walked home.

I feel much safer in the area I live in as an adult but I still watch my back. Even at the parking lot in target, I still lock my doors once I’m seated in the car.

True crime has shown me that by virtue of being female I’m at risk. I especially hated stories involving pregnant women. Those stories shook me and made me definitely watch who I got with because who wants to get pregnant by a maniac? I know it’s not always easy to spot the signs of an unstable guy, but one step of protecting yourself is paying attention to how they treat others.

jkklfdasfhj · 2021-09-03T11:10:47+00:00

I think I operate on a baseline of fear and take the usual precautions. I do carry a very loud alarm when I know I'm headed somewhere where I won't feel safe.

I also reduced the amount of true crime content I consume. It only makes me more fearful. I'd rather consume educational content on what to look out for and how to protect myself than consume such content that is often designed to entertain.

I'm also looking into self defense and martial arts classes which I think should be on every school curriculum for girls since my society has decided to protect men instead of women, their victims.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-09-03T11:54:37+00:00

I used to. Then I had a kid and it became harder and harder to stomach. There is enough suffering in the world and I didn’t like to focus on death and crime as entertainment anymore. I was also becoming very paranoid. I noticed recently that Netflix is like all true crime documentaries now so obviously it’s super popular. Just not my thing anymore.

nikkirosex3 · 2021-09-03T11:31:22+00:00

I think the law enforcement part of it is interesting too. From what I've seen, if the woman who is killed is of a lower social class such as a prostitute/drug addict, people in law enforcement tend not to prioritize the case. The Long Island Serial Killer Case (still unsolved) is a good example that involves a lot of police corruption and cover-ups.

Never trust police officers (which are overwhelmingly conservative men and "cool girl" women) to give a shit if you're in danger. In a lot of instances, the men will be way more willing to help if you're attractive, which is sad, and even then they tend to think that women overexaggerate everything.

maracat1989 · 2021-09-03T13:45:57+00:00

I was loving criminal minds until I read something on FDS that said media constantly uses “the murder of women as entertainment” and it got me thinking differently about rape, murder and violence in shows/movies. Haven’t been able to enjoy criminal minds since.

throwaway-fds · 2021-09-03T14:38:55+00:00

I'm convinced places that make it illegal to carry even pepper spray are anti woman. This law only hurts vulnerable women.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-09-03T13:07:27+00:00

I’m from a country that bans knives and pepper spray, and I was able to get my hands on “dog spray” on Amazon. You could give that a try.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-09-03T12:32:35+00:00

I am a huge true crime uh, watcher/reader. I hesitate to say “fan” because I don’t love crime and violence. But it’s been great tool to learn about red flags in men (and UNlearn dangerous female socialization). I watch it with my husband and I’m always way faster to point out the moment the red flags start popping. To be fair he’s pretty good, he’s not a dimwit “not all men” guy and he realizes that, even though sometimes the show is about a female murderer, that males make up the vast majority of violent criminals. He also knows that misogynistic violence is a major cause of death for women (ie, killed by men close to them out of sheer hatred and entitlement). It’s so exhausting when men don’t acknowledge plain facts backed up by every statistic on earth, or they try to excuse IPV as a man just “snapping”.

I have issues with the amateur true crime community, like on YouTube. It’s mostly young women hosts, and there’s this tacit denial of the epidemic of male violence. There’s a ton of libfem apologia too. There’s also this attitude that pointing out psycho behavior or huge red flags in dangerous men is “victim blaming” so there’s never much analysis or learning to be done. That’s why when FDS said they might do a crime pod I got excited, because I feel they’d shine a light on this.

A good example is, I’ve heard more than one true crime case where a woman went to meet with or talk to her violent, abusive ex alone and wound up dead. IMO it is not “victim blaming” to warn women to NEVER meet with or get in cars with a dangerous man or god forbid, go to his house or let him in YOUR house.

Edit: derps

Thereismorethanthis · 2021-09-03T11:49:00+00:00

I actually run a true crime group on Facebook. If any of you lovely ladies would like to join feel free to message me.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-03T13:57:07+00:00

I spend a lot of time listening to True Crime podcasts when I clean or walk my dogs and some time watching TC tv shows. My mom was big into true crime so I was raised on it.

I’m always so baffled and underwhelmed by the murderers, rapists, stalkers and criminals. In the aftermath of their actions the underlay is always the same. Just a pathetic, misogynistic, lonely pos narcs who have done nothing to facilitate good things going on for them in their lives, and stupid enough to follow through on being a monster without thinking long term, even if it was just for their own long term.

I can’t imagine how much someone has to hate themselves to be able to take another persons life.

Potential-Bid-245 · 2021-09-03T13:57:02+00:00

I used to be into it also. I kept myself up to date on technological advances in forensics and always had a plan to obtain lots of DNA samples from my attackers, and to always leave a piece of me behind. Blood and hair in their car, etc. I always keep myself physically fit so I can escape.

My biggest ally is my own brain and intuition. I have learned to outsmart them and always trust gut feelings that say to stay away from someone. This includes women and even children; the most evolved predators will have helpers to lure us in. Those types seem to be in high positions of power and trust, so trust them even less if something feels “off.”

Trust yourself and do not defer your intuition to others (“He’s such a great guy! He wouldn’t hurt a fly!”). If something feels wrong, it is.

CDNblondie · 2021-09-03T14:22:08+00:00

Yes for the Gift of Fear! I recommended it to this sub a few months back. Glad you're reading it.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-09-03T18:34:46+00:00

I once had to use a knife as a weapon against a man. He had trapped me in my kitchen, was drunk, screaming at me, threatening me. I couldn’t get out of the room to call the police because he was blocking my way and wouldn’t move so I grabbed a knife from my dishrack and cut him with it twice.

It worked, he left. Then the police showed up—my neighbour called them after hearing him threatening me—and I got arrested.

There were no self-defence laws in my country at the time. The charges were dropped but it took a year.

It was quite a nightmare but I don’t regret it. I’m alive, after all. He probably would have beaten me to a pulp.

notochord · 2021-09-03T13:50:43+00:00

I can’t stand it because it’s depressing AF and I need to surround myself with positive content for my mental health.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-09-03T13:08:54+00:00

What brings me comfort, honestly, is knowing how much crime involves opportunity. It's crazy how many criminals take advantage of a victim's self-doubt or an unlocked door. Predators want easy. We can't control all factors, but we do cut down on our risk significantly if we listen to our guts, trust red flags the first time, take reasonable precautions, and stick to our boundaries as much as possible.

I had 2 guys try to follow me into a building the other week in broad daylight. Long story short, they fed me an obvious lie to try to get access to the building, and I bluntly told them no. They were taken aback at my "rudeness" and said I was being mean, but who cares? They fucked off.

anonymousgirl99 · 2021-09-03T11:45:44+00:00

Carry hairspray? Super easy to explain why you have it

Suspicious_Bad_5178 · 2021-09-03T12:41:01+00:00

I love reading and watching True Crime. Unfortunately there aren't many weapons I can carry in my country also, but I usually focus on the profile of the perpetrators - which guys to avoid and which behaviours to look out for.

For example, if FDS existed back then, many of Ted Bundy's victims could have been safe because they would know that men don't ever ask women for help being genuine. There's always an ulterior motive and it's never a good one.

tzijo · 2021-09-03T18:45:53+00:00

This sub and true crime made me realize the extreme amount of misogyny out here and that a lot of men have a toxic relationship with money. Men’s greed seems to be glossed over! Podcasts like to talk about salacious details like mistresses but details like child support, life insurance, and fraud seem to be a passing mention.

openpathway · 2021-09-04T04:01:09+00:00

Even if pepper spray is illegal, carry it anyway! Do you think the man you spray will file a police report? Spray and run away!

Just don't show it off to people and you should be fine.

It's better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

Throwawaysealove96 · 2021-09-04T09:15:08+00:00

I see gun ownership as a safety/ feminist issue. The only thing that equalizes things between me and a man intent on harming me, is a gun. So weird—I didn’t say “a man or woman intent on harming me…” just a man. 😱 That must mean I live in reality. I also carry to stay safe when I go into grizzly country. I used to live in MT. Guns are tools, and I have several. I have a few for clays, a 9mm for my home, several long guns which were passed down to me, and a .357.

stackofwits · 2021-09-03T23:47:36+00:00

I am admittedly obsessed, and the way that I always look at it is that every case I listen to and learn about is another recognizable warning sign to put under my belt. I’d liken it to reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. When I consume true crime content, I feel like I’m studying, like I’m doing my homework. I feel safer knowing what’s out there.

VanillaBeanFrapp · 2021-09-04T05:04:44+00:00

I love true crime, but it really makes me very sad and extremely mad that as women we are always the target of extremely heinous crimes, all at the hands of disgusting abusive deprived scrotes

NoOrdinaryLifeXO · 2021-09-03T14:34:36+00:00

In my country it's illegal to have pepper spray and carry a knife.

I do it anyway. 🤷🏼‍♀️

BarbwireBoots · 2021-09-03T14:46:54+00:00

Was really into learning about the profiling techniques (John Douglas’s books, for instance) and when life scraped too closely to actually dealing with psychopaths I backed off for about 20 years because I couldn’t handle the triggers. I’ve been on antidepressants for a while now and since have been able to pick up reading and learning about the criminal mind again.

My husband (HVM, 15 years married) and I watched Dirty John season one about a month ago and it was practically a handbook of red flags. I recommend it. I also know the difference between salacious true crime telling and actual analysis. I tend to stick to the analysis because the other kind is icky, imo.

To break up the true crime monotony I watch lighthearted stuff because it will make one a bit extra paranoid.

VenusInsufficiency · 2021-09-03T15:14:06+00:00

I watch Bailey Sarians makeup and murder videos on YouTube and I like them because I feel like a lot of the stuff she talks about is so relatable for everyday life........ and also, she's beautiful. What a gorgeous woman! And she seems so nice. Like she's friends with her audience.

Then sometimes I go down rabbit holes and read other true crime stuff but it gets too heavy. It's really soul sucking.

It's the same when I try to learn more about protecting my kid from predators online. It breaks my heart because the reality is so grim.

moistmonkeymerkin · 2021-09-03T16:37:59+00:00

That book is everything. I read it years ago and it hurt me to realize how many times women ignored themselves just to be polite and ended up hurt or killed. I recommend The Gift of Fear to EVERYONE.

Luci_Fabia · 2021-09-03T18:48:14+00:00

If you live in a country where pepper spray is illegal like me, you can improvise with chili oil mixed with alcohol.

First, it doesn't come off as defence since it's a food/condiment thing. And if asked, you can basically say you are building up your spice tolerance.

And it can serve as a pepper spray should you need it. It will disable attacker if you spray it into their eyes. They will need milk to wash their eyes with.

Put your chili oil & alcohol mixture in small spray bottles and stash one onto your key chain & another in your handbag.

FunResponsibility826 · 2021-09-03T22:28:25+00:00

I stay away from watching anything that doesn’t make my heart happy. Yuck. I won’t even watch the movie Zodiac even though it’s supposed to be really good because I don’t like consuming other peoples tragedies for my own enjoyment (sometimes I do, but it’s rare). I prefer my own Disney reality. 🌸

marzipan_plague · 2021-09-03T22:37:37+00:00

Take some kinda martial arts. 2 years of Krav Maga and I’m not afraid to defend myself if need be.

t3ddi · 2021-09-05T14:08:36+00:00

What gives me comfort is my own instinct and intuition and the fact that I know the truth about predators.

Title	True Crime Discussion
Author	honey-vixen
Upvotes	409
Comments	72
Date	September 3, 2021 10:45 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ph2pcg/true_crime_discussion/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/true-crime-discussion.1067146 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067146

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