Positive male spaces that exist

AnFGhoster · 2024-09-23T22:37:38+00:00

I used to help run a support group for abused young men and teens.

Many had been sexually assaulted, nearly all had tried 'traditional' therapy and support services (myself included) and found they fuck all worthless, and all of us lacked institutional support.

That was why we came to this group. It just started with a handful of us with a few degrees of separation but word of mouth got us a sizable roaster when I was last involved in it.

Two of the starting members was myself and a guy I had met in a "all gender" group session. Both the proctor and the other members of the group made us feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. They sought to take out their hang ups on us and the proctor did everything but outright encouraged it. Both of us had been abused by women so we weren't real happy having that thrown in our face by all but one of a large group of them. (The one exception had also been abused by a woman and so was far more willing to bat for us than the rest were). This was the last in a line of attempted to find therapists and counselors that nearly all went poorly.

We had played by the rules and tried to use the resources that are 'feminist' friendly. Those resources basically said "cry about it" and punched us in the gut. We were fed up with it.

So we fucked off and made our own supports. If not for us than for the others that followed.

angry_cabbie · 2024-09-23T21:30:08+00:00

Men aren't allowed to have safe spaces. Every time we start to have one, it gets derided as sexist until it's opened up to be more inclusive of everyone that already has safe spaces.

6-leslie · 2024-09-23T21:51:52+00:00

On Reddit I know of r/mensupportmen and r/CPTSDmen

I think most spaces are probably supportive friend groups, local clubs, things that aren’t accessible to everyone

alterumnonlaedere · 2024-09-24T00:31:14+00:00

I hate the "men should just create their own spaces" argument. They try but they're constantly faced by opposition.

untamed-italian · 2024-09-23T22:41:44+00:00

Men only have the safe spaces we do not tell women we have.

coolfunkDJ · 2024-09-23T23:11:40+00:00

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. This is a purposeful catch-22 where in no matter what we do, if we create safe spaces and exclude women, or don’t create safe spaces, either way we’re all misogynistic.

All roads lead to Rome.

DeeLowZee · 2024-09-23T22:51:53+00:00

Whenever men try to have their own spaces women demand inclusion, invade those spaces, then complain about said spaces being male-centric and trying to change them. While there are women-only spaces everywhere, what spaces are men-only? We can't even go the gym anymore without being filmed for some "influencer's" content and called a creep just for having eyes.

addition · 2024-09-23T22:07:06+00:00

You can create male spaces but only if you continuously praise women and don’t actually talk about men’s issues.

You can talk about your feelings but only if they’re mild. Otherwise I’ll look down on you as less of a man.

You can bend gender norms but not if it interferes with the ways I benefit from them.

You can explore your sexuality but I’ll act weird if we’re romantically involved and you do anything that even hints that you might not be 100% straight.

Etc. etc. etc.

austin101123 · 2024-09-23T21:58:03+00:00

It's chapter/university dependent (so I can't suggest a specific fraternity) but some fraternities are pretty good about this. Obviously you need to be in college for this.

I absolutely can not say this with certainty, but I think Pi Kappa Phi and Triangle are more likely so be such chapters. PKP being the original anti-fraternity and Triangle being a frat for engineering (or STEM) majors.

Smaller chapters, <50 I think are usually better too because you can actually have some sort of relationship with everyone.

tonicKC · 2024-09-24T02:01:37+00:00

That’s because virtually every male space gets accused of being misogynist or otherwise problematic or not inclusive enough in some way.

Simply drawing attention to men’s problems is belittled dismissed as “what about the mens!”.

The only time men are allowed to to discuss men’s issues is if the discussion can be construed as a criticism of patriarchy or if the conclusion is that individual men are to blame for their personal problems.

NonbinaryYolo · 2024-09-23T22:11:51+00:00

I'm going to use the exact same argument structure.

If women really cared about ending patriarchy they'd be emotionally and financially supporting men so we could break down toxic masculinity.

VanillaAbstract · 2024-09-23T23:33:33+00:00

Don't tell her any. This might be a trick to expose male safe spaces and get them deleted.

Adventurous_Design73 · 2024-09-24T02:50:52+00:00

First off with this tweet it doesn't make sense. Why does something need to happen for male mental health to be important? Men create their own spaces and they get shut down. Lack of male spaces doesn't mean male mental health isn't important. It is important but isn't viewed that way as they get sacrificed for women.

This tweet just seems like a way to shame men and treat them as lesser. To instil into them to care more about women's issues than their own. "You shouldn't care about mens mental health because it's worse for women". The person behind the tweet seemingly got triggered that any amount of care would go to men and needs to diminish it. Instead of thinking oh people need help they think men need help and men are bad they hurt people why should we help them.

country2poplarbeef · 2024-09-23T22:13:03+00:00

As far as I've looked into it, going into therapy myself as a man and speaking to the therapists I've been going to, the shortage isn't in men seeking help. There's a backlog of men, particularly, because there are a shortage of therapists, psychologists, etc., actually trained in male-specific therapy and psychology. Imo, the problem is that we've always assumed that general psychotherapy was built around men in a patriarchal society because we usually assign the male as the default, but when it comes to the study of psychotherapy, particularly, our model of care actually seems to largely be built off women due to our stereotypes of women being hysterical and them being more likely pushed into therapy.

Professional-You2968 · 2024-09-24T05:20:31+00:00

Oh "Danisha Carter" has an opinion.

ArdentGamer · 2024-09-23T22:10:58+00:00

Technically, this sub reddit could be one. It could be discord channels or group chats, it could be friend groups, could be playing sports or video games, it could be bars or sports lounges, or it could be gyms and saunas. Most of these can include women, though they might not have always used to, but that is not a bad thing. Men don't need to exclude women to create safe spaces, and the idea that women need to exclude men to be safe is inherently chauvinistic and hateful. It is wrong. What these women actually say when they say they want "safe spaces" is that they want a space where they can be free to preach and practice misandry, and promote ideas that can't hold up to the scrutiny of impartiality. The goal shouldn't be to emulate their bigotry, the goal should be to create something better.

Over-Wing · 2024-09-24T06:23:28+00:00

We have some, but it is an area that we kind of suck at. Women are born into sisterhood; they intimately connect with each other very easily. I've heard it said that they have more connection with random women they encounter in bathrooms than men have with their own best friends. I think there's some truth in that.

What is especially discouraging to me is the thought that society really has created generation after generation of men that are suffering quite badly, yet in the increasingly radical online feminist circles (which do have a knock-on effect for offline women) see it all as a competition. Male suffering can't matter because we're somehow all collectively responsible for it, or they say it doesn't matter to them because they think they have it worse. They probably do have it worse in certain respects. But the difference is that we have to shoulder it all alone. I'd way rather have to suffer but have comradery with half the planet than to simply have to clench my teeth through all my life's trauma's. It's so easy for someone like this user to say "they should create their own spaces and go to therapy" when she's never had to live a day in her life where she had to bottle her life's anguish's, stresses, sadness. Yeah, you try figuring out male bonding when we've grown up with men's best efforts to support each other is telling each other to suck it up and soldier on.

The therapy one always gets me. They're literally saying: you're gonna need to pay someone to listen to you because we sure as hell won't. And this is coming from someone who has been to many therapists and is a believer in therapy.

Expert_Funny_9337 · 2024-09-24T09:20:29+00:00

the only male spaces that are allowed are licking women's asses

No-Knowledge-8867 · 2024-09-24T10:06:45+00:00

Yeah, the boy scou-..., oh, never mind.

excersian · 2024-09-23T23:03:06+00:00

Your premise is wrong. Red pill spaces are in fact a way for many men to be reassured they're not crazy, and to speak freely about their anger towards the status quo. In fact, this very space is red pill, going against the narrative is what it means to be red pill. If you weren't red pill you'd be entirely indifferent, or a male-feminist.

Complex_Experience83 · 2024-09-23T23:23:27+00:00

There are a number of men’s work communities that exist and it doesn’t matter what any feminist thinks about them.

Man Kind Project, Sacred Sons, Wildman gatherings.

if you aren’t near one of these groups, consider starting a men’s group with your male friends. I did it with some of my friends and it was one of the best things I’ve ever been a part of.

There’s a lot of negativity here. Just saying there are ways to build healthy masculine containers and honestly just tune out the feminist noise. It will be good for you i promise.

Low-Face-6346 · 2024-09-24T02:33:14+00:00

Thank you all for commenting. I’ve been reading them all throughout the day and have found them very interesting and insightful. There’s so many more comments here than I would’ve expected and I appreciate you all taking the time to respond, and I’ll keep reading any new comments that come. You’ve all definitely given me a lot of things to consider as I continue this journey to research men’s issues, so I appreciate that

La-Dolce-Velveeta · 2024-09-24T07:51:52+00:00

There are plenty of male support groups here in Warsaw which are as far from redpill as they could be.

Minimum_Guitar4305 · 2024-09-24T09:52:47+00:00

Sports teams assuming you've the right team environment/culture.

Mythically rare, but Barber shops.

Mens Shed's (when they're not being protested/shut down by vitriolic feminist lunatics).

Prophetclip · 2024-09-24T17:38:30+00:00

There are no such thing as male spaces there are female spaces and then everyone else

youfailedthiscity · 2024-09-24T00:28:58+00:00

I've been to multiple therapists but it's not a button you press. It's a relationship that needs to be cultivated by both parties and the patient needs to feel comfortable and understood.

9/10 of the therapists in my area are women 10+ years younger than me. They don't have the tools to understand the issues I've faced. I know because I've tried and they simply aren't right for me.

I would love some more spaces where I can hang with my friends but all of my friends have kids which makes free time nearly impossible. I haven't even been able to get a game of D&D going on years because no one has time.

Prudent_Medicine_857 · 2024-09-25T10:03:15+00:00

r/malementalhealth seems good.

Also, I've recently subscribed to these two subs, but I need some time to read them and make sure they are really positive and non-toxic (seems like they are): r/masculinity_rocks r/mensupportmen

Spirited-Savings-160 · 2024-09-25T13:54:43+00:00

Simply put, the concept of brotherhood and fraternity has been shattered. Piece by piece, law by law, politician by politician, activist by activist. Often such male-only spaces are criticized for being in this perceived "manosphere", which they claim is a far-right, misogynistic group that wants to roll back women's rights and restore the patriarchy. There is no "womanosphere" on Wikipedia - because such "womanospheres" exist on subreddits such as r/AskFeminists, which are far-left instead.

There are a few organizations, such as Freemasonry and such, but they're condemned - condemned by far-right idealogues for causing conspiracies, condemned by feminists for being a fraternity group. The Army isn't a safe place either - no room for weakness, and we got women going to serve in our divisions (not that I have anything against women in the army.).

All-in-all, the world is still, undoubtedty ruled by silent communists/socialists that run major countries. However, sororities and sisterhood is promoted - as this is more "positive" on the influence of men.

I do deplore movements like MGTOW, Incel, Redpill and such - they're just far-right men who hate women so much they want to ax them from society or force them back into the times of the 1950s or what Schlafly would've wanted.

I do support the fact that equality must be there in society - and that too includes men, not just women. That includes the whites, not just the minorities. As MLK once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" - meaning that if there is injustice against men's safe spaces, that means that's a threat to all safe spaces.

jessi387 · 2024-09-26T19:03:22+00:00

The ignorance is remarkable. “Why don’t men go make their own spaces?”, while simultaneously demanding that more women be represented in male spaces….. like, is she an idiot

iChavDec · 2024-09-24T03:51:28+00:00

Lmao, even gay clubs are being taken over by straight women wanting hen nights (bachelorette nights).

Afraid-Night3036 · 2025-12-05T13:48:47+00:00

I don’t know about other platforms, but at least on Reddit, the biggest male-oriented subs are run by women, have women moderating, and welcome women to participate in and answer questions… so they’re not really “safe spaces” for men at all.

ElegantAd2607 · 2024-09-23T22:03:08+00:00

I guess men just do hobbies together in person if they're not on forums and Discord. There aren't that many male spaces that aren't for therapy.

Someone in the comments said that men aren't allowed to have spaces because they're deemed sexist. Could you give me an example of a group that was called sexist?

Title	Positive male spaces that exist
Author	Low-Face-6346
Upvotes	242
Comments	90
Date	September 23, 2024 9:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1fnvvkq/positive_male_spaces_that_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/positive-male-spaces-that-exist.1531182 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531182

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