CMV: The "be a man's peace" request is a red flag

volleyballbeach · 2024-12-10T16:18:42+00:00

It’s only a red flag if he isn’t willing to make an effort to be your peace.

I try to be my man’s peace, and expect him to be my peace. To us this means being each other’s safe space to show vulnerability, discuss our struggles, feel safe to cry and know it will be met with hugs and love and support, not ridicule or shame. We give eachother peace, in a world full of judgement, stress, fear, peer pressure, etc.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-12-10T17:48:46+00:00

It’s like “happy wife happy life” for women. Like… okay, that’s nice, but it needs to go both ways, and the gendered language is the part that’s the problem. Be each other’s peace. Happy spouse happy house. Us against the problem, not against each other. Those are all far better ways of saying it if the intention is positive and not implying one partner needs to just shut up and cater to the other.

AestheticAxiom · 2024-12-10T18:33:48+00:00

Could you specify what you're arguing? Your examples are so broad.

Are you broadly oppose to the idea that women should try to make their husbands or boyfriends feel at peace? Or that women should try to be pleasant to be around for their husbands or boyfriends?

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2024-12-10T19:18:56+00:00

I view it as the same sentiment as women wanting a man to be 'their rock'.

Yeah, you can read it in bad faith and argue that it means they want them not to have any emotions and coddle her all the time.

But in general, people want other people in their life to solve more problems than they create. And yeah, of course, life happens, noone is a a saint, your spouse can't fulfill 100% of your social and emotional needs yada yada yada

But a general desire to have someone who is your safe place, your sanctuary, your 'us against the world' space - I don't view it as a red flag. I value that my husband is my peaceful place. I hope I am his. I want him to be at ease with me and make him happier. I think a desire to have someone like that is a part of desire to create a home/family together, so I view it as a green flag.

-angels-fanatic- · 2024-12-10T22:39:36+00:00

Do you think being a man’s peace means you’re his slave???

It just means that he is fighting the world to provide and protect his family and he doesn’t want to come home and fight you as well.

And, yes, women are fighting battles all day too.

This shouldn’t be a gendered thing.

DumbWordsmith · 2024-12-10T19:34:35+00:00

She's free (and encouraged) to raise her concerns, share her opinions, and argue her points respectfully, but if she's constantly starting arguments and raising ridiculous concerns, I don't want any part of what she has to offer. I expect her to feel the same way about me.

I want both of us to provide peace to each other. There's enough bullshit to deal with outside of the home.

I have a friend who's going to get divorced primarily because of this reason. (That said, I wouldn't have married his wife in the first place, as she's combative and loud AF.)

SoulVaccinations · 2024-12-10T19:45:19+00:00

I think it makes perfect sense? Tell me why it’s draconian to want a partner that’s not a chaotic BPD pistol.

alwaysright0 · 2024-12-10T15:11:02+00:00

Ive never really understood this

I'd never seen it before reddit.

Men want peace?

Doesn't fucking everyone?

SnoopyDru · 2024-12-10T15:08:15+00:00

My husband and I both feel that we should be each other's peace. It's about not being neurotic, insecure, nagging, and creating issues where there are none. It's not about shutting up or not having opinions. That's something that you're choosing to read into as their intent. It can be misogyny/misandry, but it's not by default. Black and white thinking works for no one.

SuckingMuffin · 2024-12-10T15:08:33+00:00

Never, ever take anything from TXC seriously.

It's either ragebait or mentally unwell, terminally online femcel posting.

TXC is just R9K for women.

People who dispise the opposite gender and dedicated their days to constantly talking about it.

It's the woman equivalent of those YouTube channels that do nothing but post videos like "Post Wall 30 Year Old Woman Regrets Wasting Life on the C**k Carousel."

It's just a place for the bitter to seeth.

There's actually a LOT of user crossover between TXC and TPD, actually. Which explains a lot. Lol.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-12-10T15:48:01+00:00

How is a man a mysogynist if he doesn't want to argue about every thing?

TrickFox5 · 2024-12-10T15:48:55+00:00

Women can be annoying but it’s not a red flag if a man dislikes it

platinirisms · 2024-12-10T15:54:32+00:00

Relationships should be peaceful, if it’s not then you either have children or something is very very wrong.

If I’m with a woman and I don’t feel at peace, that is a red flag.

This should not be controversial.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-12-10T19:31:28+00:00

I think some men are obsessed with crazy chicks that are the opposite of peace. Being peaceful implies you’re boring or a pushover, so that’s not going to be every man’s cup of tea

BobtheArcher2018 · 2024-12-11T01:59:16+00:00

It could be a red flag, depending on context and how it is expressed. But it does point to some gendered differences that are still there, even if less relevant now that women also are out and competing and stressing in the 'working world'.

Mauf066 · 2024-12-11T08:47:19+00:00

As someone who has this mindset, it's very simple. I am quite peaceful with people I live with, I don't like getting into arguments and disagreements. For example, if someone has a lower standard of cleanliness than me, my first instinct will be to try to adjust to a lower standard (if it's not so low that's it's a health hazard, which it usually isn't). If that doesn't work for me, I'll pick up part of the slack myself, since I recognize it's just my subjective standard of cleanliness. If that doesn't work, I'll have a polite empathetic discussion with the person of what are the reasons they don't like cleaning, and if there's anything we can do to improve it. If that doesn't work, I'd look into hiring a cleaning service and see if the person could do other tasks around the house and/or pay for the service. If that doesn't work, I'd set an ultimatum. And finally, if that doesn't work either, I'd break up.

Based on what I see online, it seems many women don't operate this way. Their preferred method seems to be to nag their man to death about every real and perceived thing he did wrong, and make his life a nightmare as soon as he arrives home. That is what men don't want when they say they want peace. And this is being generous and assuming the man is actually in the wrong, which is hardly always the case. Unfortunately it seems to be a characteristic of most women that they're never happy and always find problems no matter what life situation they're in. If the woman doesn't have the emotional maturity to recognize this and pins all blame on external factors, she's unfortunately going to be an absolute nightmare towards her loved ones.

All of this is gender neutral and can go the other way too, but the question was from the male perspective.

Schleudergang1400 · 2024-12-11T11:30:24+00:00

It's just "happy wife happy life" for husbands.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2024-12-10T16:34:44+00:00

If you define men wanting peace as bad then it will be. This is a self fulfilling argument.

A better way to put it would be to say that some men who want “peace” are just conflict avoidant. But that’s on them and it in no way invalidates other men who want peace.

You’re assuming you break peace by starting an argument. That’s not what it is. Breaking peace is when your partner creates problems you wouldn’t have to make solutions for if they figured it out on their own/if you were single.

Women today are choosing to be single largely because of this same reason. They have more peace when single.

The least “peaceful” women I’ve been with were the LEAST argumentative. They didn’t argue: they fought. Women I’ve dated who can argue usually can also “agree to disagree.” Debating peaceful women means the argument doesn’t have heated emotions boiling under it

612King · 2024-12-10T15:44:29+00:00

Some women are just argumentative because they actually like arguing. Some men also enjoy arguing for the fun of it.

Some people don’t like arguing over small stuff that doesn’t really matter.

I said this to my ex wife because she really enjoys arguing over every little minute detail. The communication dynamic is not for me. There were days I wouldn’t want to come straight home after work because there just wasn’t enough peace in the household.

There were other things wrong in our marriage. But this was just another factor where we were not compatible.

zoxzoxzo · 2024-12-10T15:54:53+00:00

In my view "being a man's peace" would mean not constantly jumping on my nerves and creating unnecessary drama just for the sake of it, rather than the things that you enlisted. I'm inclined to think that a lot of the men would agree with me

Hi-Road · 2024-12-10T15:32:33+00:00

Being a man’s peace doesn’t mean she cant

raise her concerns, share her opinions, argue her point, and push back whenever something is on her mind.

These are very broad and can be interpreted just about any way. Do you have examples? Because there are good and bad ways that we as partners can do these things. Being a partner’s peace is not a gendered idea. Women say they want a man to be their peace all the time and a lot of us look to do that. But every time we ask for something that might even the slightest bit be skewed to a bid for care or empathy from women it’s usually met with pushback, I guess out of fear of being a dreaded “mommy bang wife” or whatever

funfacts_82 · 2024-12-11T08:15:54+00:00

In this reddit post women accurately conclude that the phrase "be a man's peace" is really just a way to keep women subjugated.

In this reddit women hate men. The correct conclusion should be that you just shouldnt add unnessesary drama which coincidentially is what this sub is all about. Adding drama.

No. A woman should be free to raise her concerns, share her opinions, argue her point, and push back whenever something is on her mind.

Ofc but then dont cry abusive when you get pushback because youre an annoying fuck.

If a male says that to you, you should know he's probably a misogynist.

Thats why i say dont say anything just get rid of them and dont look back.

LevelCaterpillar1830 · 2024-12-10T15:04:53+00:00

Welcome back, daily bait post.

What a pedestrian take. "Women should have a say in their relationships".

Wow. Absolutely amazing. Next you're gonna tell me people shouldn't be rude to each other, no?

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Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-12-12T07:20:54+00:00

Tbh, this rule is not that clear and can admit wrong interpretation from both genders. It's like the "raise your standards" rule. The initial goal of those rules is to prevent toxic behaviour

"Be a man's peace" works when it's about respecting him as a human being and not going crazy, attacking, emasculate or belittling him but don't work with toxic dismissive men and lyier/player even if you approach them in the right way (because they are toxic)

In the same fashion, raising ones standard works when a woman is in a toxic relationship when she is exploited by her partner but don't work for a woman still single in her 40s because her standards where to high to begin with (but I trully believe that it's not about how hight they are but if they make sense since both men and women might want to have it all)

Technical_End9162 · 2024-12-13T17:13:24+00:00

There is a difference between communicating that something is wrong and being overall shitty

The first one is great for the relationship and it’s peaceful

The second one is finding stuff to be mad about and starting an argument for no reason, not appreciating what he does for you, making him doubt you, making his day worse by just being shitty towards him when he comes home after a long working day

Even moods swings are completely fine imo, in a sense it’s a part of a normal woman(not all). There is a difference between having natural feminine emotions and letting your emotions make your husband feel shitty by making him feel like the relationship is ending or has to end, and then coming back like nothing happened

Key_Candidate7773 · 2025-06-02T20:51:33+00:00

It depends. The man has to be her peace as well. You can have a peaceful relationship even when you raise concerns and have disagreements, as long as you're willing to communicate and empathize.

Xeltar · 2024-12-10T15:10:21+00:00

I have never heard this advice given but yea, it certainly would be a clear red flag.

Title	CMV: The "be a man's peace" request is a red flag
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	193
Date	December 10, 2024 2:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hb3mvf/cmv_the_be_a_mans_peace_request_is_a_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-be-a-mans-peace-request-is-a-red-flag.1538121 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538121

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