Does establishing sexual attraction & chemistry before seriously dating help mitigate retroactive jealousy & sexual jealousy for you?

zyramain69 · 2021-10-20T01:02:40+00:00

I mean a redpill tenet is that you can't negotiate attraction, so if it's not there upfront why bother?

Sad_Top1743 · 2021-10-19T23:20:59+00:00

I've had a long term relationship with a higher N-count woman and the one thing that made me feel comfortable about it was how sexual we got. If I had spent months dating her while she would bang other dudes for sport, then yea that would be a killer.

I felt desired and wanted from the onset so I was able to look past a lot of normal red flags with her. I think most men would feel the same so if a women sleeps around, fine, but if she makes special rules for you, that's a no.

Anantha1996 · 2021-10-20T02:54:46+00:00

Not really. I think having a simmilar sexual history seems to be the most optimal way to mitigate sexual/retroactive jealousy.

TheRedPillRipper · 2021-10-19T23:45:01+00:00

help mitigate retroactive jealousy

There was an interesting take on TheFresh&Fit podcast with DJ Akademiks about this. In summary he said what if he messed with a girl, then wanted to get into a relationship with her. He brought her to the club, and one or two guys he knew there had hit it. How would he feel about a future relationship with her then?

Mitigating that jealousy or discomfort isn’t about him. Or any man. It’s about the choices a woman makes sexually. If for example a woman bangs your friend; you entertaining a future with her? Most men wouldn’t.

Godspeed and good luck!

TheLoneMushroom · 2021-10-20T01:07:59+00:00

I'll never feel purely sexually desired before a relationship as casual sex absolutely disgusts me. The only discomfort I have with a women's sexual history is how many guys on tinder she's slept with. I don't want to ever date a women who has sex outside of a loving long term relationship, and I would have no jealousy for the men before her so long as I know she's in love with me. I don't have a problem with people who have casual sex as that's basically everyone I know for the most part. I just have different sexual values and want someone who shares the same feeling.

OwnerAndMaster · 2021-10-20T02:46:52+00:00

Yes

Reason being: a lot (a - lot -) of women today are fine to have first-day sex with men they're sufficiently attracted to. And that's fine, I'm not shaming anyone

If you're holding back and being deliberately logical with me, then I'm not your type, I'm a convenience or beta bucks deluxe. Back when I was single, if a woman postponed the p*ssy then I mentally put her on the "not worth my time" list. That doesn't make her a bad person, I just knew she wasn't into me like that

I've heard of spiteful men even waiting the 90 days or 3 dates or whatever timeframe women were attempting that season, while these men were restricting the amount of money / effort spent, or giving her full KiSA treatment but really talking to other girls, then ghosting immediately after sex. Because they got what they came for in the first place. These girls probably thought they were in a relationship, but really they killed the relationship potential on day 1 and got strung along until they trusted a person that didn't want them anymore. It's an evil world

Exception: Virgins. Obviously, if you've never had an encounter then you've had a history of resisting first-day sex with men who you're attracted to, and men expecting a one-night stand before taking you seriously would be foolishness. Flipside: if you claim to be a virgin and you're not, the dude you're with may be kinda peeved and you may lose what you gained

LeadInfusedRedPill · 2021-10-19T22:46:18+00:00

Absolutely. I then know she is attracted to me without the need to bargain with commitment or material things. My main concern is being taken for a ride (not the good kind), so I always shoot for intimacy early on.

alialahmad1997 · 2021-10-20T00:08:55+00:00

I do prefer women who are not into caual sex so no but for the majority of men i would say yes

Taipanshimshon · 2021-10-20T02:26:55+00:00

What're you trying to get at here ?

And why would anyone seriously date before establishment of sexual chemistry?

wtknight · 2021-10-20T13:51:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fudstersecured · 2021-10-19T22:35:20+00:00

I don’t see how this will help a guy utterly obsessed with her past and N-count. It probably would mitigate things though for men who merely are worried about being desired, if romance/sex emerge concurrently in the relationship. Jealously is a pretty visceral thing in my experience and people with wildly mismatched attitudes towards or experiences with sex should contemplate if they are compatible.

harold_shipman_gp · 2021-10-19T23:26:59+00:00

Question is a bit strange, and not sure I'm the target audience as I don't care about body count, but:

Surely feeling purely sexually desired is a requisite for a relationship anyway?

Personally, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a woman who doesn't want to rip my clothes off. Anything less is surely a recipe for disaster?

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Hoopy223 · 2021-10-19T23:13:44+00:00

I don’t understand. For me if theres no sexual attraction before dating I cannot imagine getting involved later on. And then if you find out a bunch of stuff about her past it really matters more how you are being treated or how well your relationship is going.

If things are going great you won’t care, if things are questionable it adds to the “oh shit” factor.

Slyfer_Seven · 2021-10-19T23:28:10+00:00

Sure

But honestly, if this isn't the default for a guy, to the point where he has to establish the requirement... He's already fucked

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-10-20T02:39:50+00:00

Yes that is why I like online dating as opposed to real life where she could end up in a situation where she was just dating to be nice then catches feelings then dead bedrooms you down the road.

2021-10-20T04:14:39+00:00

Isn’t feeling purely sexually desired a prerequisite for even considering a serious relationship with someone?

I’m not a jealous person, especially not about sexual matters, so to me it doesn’t matter.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-10-20T08:30:07+00:00

Oh yes. Of course. I've never really had retroactive jealousy because i know that the woman im dating is totally in to me because we had sex immediately/after the first date or soon thereafter.

Women who wait are either

-- religious (i am agnostic)

-- conservative socially (I'm medium-high in openness to experience, take drugs sometimes, like to party, hook up etc)

-- low sociosexuality (I'm medium)

-- low libido (I'm medium)

Or, the big kahuna

-- not viscerally attracted to you but see you as a potential LTR partner

Now, obviously the latter is the most difficult to swallow and I'd absolutely prefer to be single than be in that situation. But how to prevent it? Make sure she's viscerally attracted to you IMMEDIATELY because she wanted you so bad she fucked you.

Then who cares about the other people she's been with? She proved that she likes you most RIGHT NOW. And if you're good in bed you've got it locked down

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-10-20T16:57:41+00:00

Of course it "helps," but it's not like I would look past her past simply because she is sexually aroused by me. I wouldn't be jealous, but I would also most likely next her.

That's just outcome independence, and it's the opposite of insecurity.

Now the reality is that, as in all things, exceptions can be made. E.g. Her N-count is slightly higher than he's comfortable with, but dude is close to certain he's her sexual best. I wouldn't knock him for making an exception to the rule.

but the higher the notch count/older the woman, the less likely that would be.

ToughAnswers · 2021-10-19T22:13:02+00:00

Nope. Not committing does the trick though

GuitarsBack · 2021-10-19T22:37:03+00:00

It probably would. Never tried it, but I think it would.

purplepalmpilot · 2021-10-20T00:13:06+00:00

Everyone should have lots of physical chemistry with their partner especially before embarking into a committed relationship. It definitely helps motivate the past feelings. I personally haven’t minded even talking about the past circumstances a partner had experienced sexually or who they were with, as long as said people are not in their lives in any way in the present.

If a partner is a bit transparent about their past it builds trust and you also get to know some of their experiences and what they might wanna experience with you and create new fun sexual times together. It does feel a bit awful and creates insecurity if someone’s past partners have qualities you don’t have, but for me it only bothers me if I knew my partner actually prefers those qualities or may still want them in someone. Otherwise my partner shouldn’t bother getting seriously involved with me if they are holding on to past experiences (sexual or otherwise) that I can’t match.

If anyone needs a different body type or any other external factors by comparison then she shouldn’t be involved in a relationship with someone until she’s done exploring and / or brings up her needs to explore safely. However IMO you shouldn’t commit yourself to anyone in the first place if you aren’t fully in with the person. Just don’t set yourself up for something you aren’t ready to follow through on.

Sexual chemistry is incredibly important and when it’s naturally there - no experiences from the past should matter / should make you uneasy or uncomfortable UNLESS the people are still involved in their life and if so I hope communication would be open and respectful to make sure any relations your partner still has with people are by no means any threat to your union

Bandit174 · 2021-10-19T22:25:46+00:00

I think it would help, but I can't say for sure. It definitely feels a lot better when I think about that scenario compared to one where she was slutty with other guys but wants to take things slower with me.

XtoDoubt · 2021-10-19T22:37:07+00:00

Her sexual history is not relevant. It's what she does for me that matters.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-19T22:59:14+00:00

No. Men are almost always going to feel jealousy at some point, and especially if their partners provide a reason to feel jealous, such as making their partners feel second best to a previous partner or just inadequate in general.

redpillbob69 · 2021-10-20T01:32:35+00:00

That appears to be a modern take. It has risks. People used to get married for it. In the past, I would be opposed. I think it is better to establish a connection before sex. The root of jealousy is insecurity. So I don't think you mitigate. Jealousy is also a very normal human defense. When it gets irrational, I think that is what I would want to curb. I am for establishing sexual attraction and chemistry beforehand to prevent dealing with incompatibility after feelings are involved. The balance might be waiting to establish until you feel something at the very least before sex.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-20T02:40:28+00:00

I don't know I've never been retroactively jealous or sexually jealous of a partner's previous history but ultimately everybody wants to be desired, especially by who they love

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-10-20T05:29:20+00:00

I'm not really worried about a woman's sexual history. I have my own. I'm more interested in whether or not they'll be good long-term. So far I don't see commitment potential. CMV. r/Marriageisntworthit

purplish_possum · 2021-10-20T06:15:11+00:00

You don't "establish" attraction. It's either there or it's not. Takes just a few seconds for a guy to tell.

M3taBuster · 2021-10-20T09:23:02+00:00

Not for me, no. The only thing that can cure retroactive jealousy entirely for me is if my partner is a virgin, so there is nothing to be jealous of in the first place.

Besides, I don't actually want to jump into sex too quickly, myself. I'd be going against my own desires just to settle the score with her past partners, all for it to not even really help ease my jealousy anyway.

So yeah, having a past is just a deal breaker I can't get over no matter what she does.

back_in_blyat · 2021-10-20T14:32:36+00:00

a woman not having a sexual history that causes me discomfort is the only thing that prevents her sexual history from causing me discomfort

StarchRunner · 2021-10-20T16:51:47+00:00

It's really easy, I don't care about the history of a woman I'm fucking, other than she's clean of STDs. I can care for them but will never love them. I'd care if we were serious and gonna get married.

There's very few marriage women around anymore, and I seen what marriage did to my grandfather, father, brother, and friends. It's not worth it.

So, problem solved.

AggroWeasel · 2021-10-21T14:20:17+00:00

Women’s extensive sexual histories don’t make men “jealous” or “uncomfortable.”

Women’s extensive sexual histories are simply unattractive and a major turn off.

Title	Does establishing sexual attraction & chemistry before seriously dating help mitigate retroactive jealousy & sexual jealousy for you?
Author	BrodieDharma
Upvotes	16
Comments	235
Date	October 19, 2021 10:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qbm8d7/does_establishing_sexual_attraction_chemistry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-establishing-sexual-attraction-chemistry.1078561 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078561

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