How do bluepillers reconcile the two statements "Looks don't matter" and "Most people are dating someone with similar looks"?

Steakman1 · 2022-09-22T16:31:18+00:00

I think when they say “looks don’t matter” they’re implying you don’t need to be physically attractive to find someone. Physically unattractive people dating physically unattractive people would be their evidence of that.

But if the message is that looks don’t matter meaning an unattractive person can still easily date a physically attractive person, then I would disagree with that message.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-22T16:34:18+00:00

If most people are average, then most everyone will end up dating someone who is average, i.e. on their level. At the same time, looks can fail to matter (no dog in this fight, just stating the logical congruity of both statements) much for mate choice.

darkvalleys · 2022-09-22T20:59:41+00:00

That’s not what we say and you know it, because that would be delusional

We say “looks aren’t everything”

And they’re not

Gigamon2014 · 2022-09-22T17:06:19+00:00

I think the idea is that average people will date other average people.

The implication though is in the fact that average people (now moreso than ever) don't want to date other average people. And I think that goes for men and women. And it's not only happening in dating, I actually think its happening in the labour market too. Of course, employers aren't absolved of blame (too many have gotten away with shitty working conditions for way too long) but I'm noticing more and more a surplus of vacancies for entry level positions in a variety of sectors. This seems to a phenomenon largely exasperated by covid.

However, what I've noticed more now is a rise in the number of people going for jobs that almost may be above their pay grade. I'll go on linked and see a hundreds of applications for a senior contractor position....and yet somehow those same roles constantly end up being reposted as it seems the hiring teams struggle to actually fill the roles. What they'll tell you is whilst there's a bunch of people with the ambition, there is a severe lack of people with the requisite skillset. I've waltzed into very high paying positions despite experiencing fairly soft interview experiences and I feel its testament to the sheer lack of talent out there.

Dating is similar.

I'll notice some of fit friends get hit on incessantly by bigger women. Sometimes I ask myself if those bigger people ask themselves how such a pairing would ever work out considering the vastly different lifestyles both people lead. Sadly, a lot of those near delusional thinking can be blamed on the proliferation of self affirmation culture and the popularisation of self help content.

Ultimately, I feel it leads to the market being ripe for exploitation.

BasicallyYogurt · 2022-09-22T17:54:24+00:00

I don't know if you knew this, but most bluepillers (and a good portion of red pillers) have no fcking clue what they're talking about.

They don't care about being logically consistent. They care about feeling good.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-09-22T18:08:30+00:00

I don't think "looks don't matter" is a common belief anywhere. It's just something red pillers like to claim everyone else believes in order to pretend they have some unique secret wisdom.

KirthWGersen · 2022-09-22T17:18:14+00:00

A less attractive person simply chooses from the options he/she has: other less attractive people.

More attractive people choose from among other more attractive people, because they can.

So looks do matter in one sense; but they don't preclude you from meeting potential partners and having great sex.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-09-22T20:32:26+00:00

who is saying looks don’t matter? i don’t think you know what blue pill people actually believe

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-22T16:46:53+00:00

Nobody says looks don't matter at all. It's true that plenty of people of varying looks find someone to date. Looks are subjective, and relative. What matters is how the other person sees you and how you see them, not whether the rest of the world thinks you're ugly.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2022-09-22T16:58:39+00:00

It's simple, lots of people that have trouble dating blame it on looks. While physical beauty is important, it doesn't supercede personality. There are plenty of attractive people that can't keep a relationship, or have trouble dating. All you have to do, is look at the success rate of funny guys.

BaiKingu · 2022-09-22T21:15:56+00:00

I don’t think anyone but insane folks say looks don’t matter

I think the more common sentiment is that they’re not really the whole picture either especially not in long term stuff

risdeveau · 2022-09-22T17:31:36+00:00

We say that to educate petulant children who insist that ONLY looks matter

richard_golbes · 2022-09-22T16:28:01+00:00

looks don't matter

Nobody serious says this.

wintergreen233 · 2022-09-22T16:51:48+00:00

Honestly, I’m not sure anyone on what we call the BP side thinks that “looks don’t matter” at all. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone take that position.

I think everyone understands that looks influence your success with your target dating market. The question is whether looks totally remove you from chances of having a successful sex and dating life, and for the vast majority of people the answer is “no.”

What blue pill people tend to be reacting to with the “looks aren’t everything” bit is the Blackpill-type assertions of the “if you aren’t a six-foot Chad with a good canthal tilt it’s over for you” or whatever. Which just isn’t the case.

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Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-09-22T17:14:40+00:00

Who says looks don’t matter? Like fucking who? I heard people say “looks aren’t the only thing”. I heard “you don’t have to be the best looking”. I even heard “it’s gonna take more than looks to impress me. But who is out there saying “looks don’t matter! In fact , just get up from that Ditch you drunkenly found yourself in and taken to those girls! They won’t cate that you look like a hungoever hobo!” Who? Seriously who the fuck is saying “looks don’t matter”

or are you trying to equate it has to be ONLY looks matter OR they don’t matter at all? Cause that’s stupid.

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-09-22T18:30:47+00:00

I’m not bluepilled by any means but has anyone actually said to you lot looks don’t matter? I’ve never ever heard anything along those lines with men and women, the only thing I and a few of my male friends have had backlash over is our focus on a woman’s appearance and we should focus more on personality but never looks don’t matter at all.

I find it outstanding how men on here act it’s some huge revelation like it’s basic common sense and your intuition should be telling you the same.

OccasionAgreeable139 · 2022-09-25T00:23:38+00:00

blue pillers just say whatever feels good in the moment and deny whatever feels bad in the moment, if you observe them long enough, they contradict themselves constantly without end.

literally most of them will say leagues don't exist blah blah blah, then, later, will claim someone needs to "lower their standards" (they usually say this to men not women) when someone can't get laid or a relationship.

but wait a minute, i thought leagues didn't exist, now i have to purposely shoot for a lower league cause it's my fault i don't get laid cause i was shooting too high into a league which, doesn't exist cause leagues don't exist? huh?

its kind of like when women type a post that brags about their bf being over 6'3 while reminding you they really really don't care about height at all, also it's a coincidence that all short men have bad personalities. they don't really believe this nonsense, they just can't say these things out loud to themselves, admitting they are just shallow or that some people will just never get a partner is too harsh so they just make up nonsense that doesn't make sense and nonsense that contradicts the other nonsense.

Hungry-Nebula · 2022-09-22T16:44:30+00:00

I believe those two statements are said by different people.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-09-22T17:16:58+00:00

I think as it pertains to dating looks don't matter is one of the biggest lies that people were told throughout our childhood and I'm glad I see that sentiment less and less

Philosoferking · 2022-09-22T19:09:14+00:00

Looks definitely matter. Cuz I know I look good and I catch women peeking at me behind their boyfriends back in public. Women throw themselves at me.

Too bad I'm a life long social outcast so instead of banging tons of girls I just have panic attacks when they do it.

But after so many years of being confused I realize it's all very simple. Everyone just wants the best looking partner they can get.

gate18 · 2022-09-22T16:52:23+00:00

How do bluepillers reconcile the two statements "Looks don't matter" and "Most people are dating someone with similar looks"?

I don't think "Most people are dating someone with similar looks" is true, but still I can't see a contradiction if that was true.

then that means looks must be a deciding factor for attraction that is non-negotiable, can't be compensated for our downvalued, so no movement in either direction.

I don't understand that. If you are a 3 and want a partner, the only thing you want is another 3. This is like saying, if you are an American, the only thing you want is another American. The idea that the French would never go out with you doesn't matter.

But, I don't think people date someone with similar looks. In that Bob doesn't go out with Alice because he thinks she's just as good-looking as he and vice verse.

John_Oakman · 2022-09-22T17:07:36+00:00

Because regular people aren't obsessed with relationships & sex like addicts, nor are they hypercompetitive in most other aspects of life. With those two factors in mind, both of those statements make sense the their grand scheme of things: that looks doesn't matter that much in life overall, and that most people will settle into the expected social station in life at some point.

Also there's usually a moral component: it does not matter that life and society is often brutal and cruel, because the real essence of living is through the pursuit of moral virtues, and by doing that any worldly/material results are irrelevant.

mc0079 · 2022-09-22T17:33:33+00:00

They are not. Looks do not matter in finding someone. But they may matter if you are targeting one specific person.

dottywine · 2022-09-22T21:25:38+00:00

They’re saying looks don’t matter because there is always someone in your looksmatch to date. Meaning if the goal is to find a partner, you will find one in your looksmatch so don’t stress about it.

But usually when I hear looks don’t matter, it’s in reference to someone with a personality that super overcompensates for that.

kaycyy__pluto · 2022-09-22T21:36:56+00:00

If bluepillers believe either of those they a more r-worded than I thought

badsign12 · 2022-09-22T21:40:26+00:00

One of the things people you might call blue pilled have in common is that they haven't struggled or have stopped struggling to accept their own attractiveness. Outliers aside, how attractive I am has a big influence on how attractive the women who might be interested in me will be. This is generally true.

People who are not very conventionally attractive react to this mainly in a number of ways. Some almost seamlessly gravitate toward people actually likely open to them. Some make this adjustment consciously but mostly painlessly and get on. Then some people fight it, some will choose not to date or relate if their options are limited and accept their choice, and some choose not to date or relate and bitch about it.

Blue pilled people are mostly in the seamlessly adjusted or consciously but painlessly adjusted groups. We may sometimes lament the limitations our looks place on us but see no remedy and feel happier accepting what is.

Red pill people seem to be looking for a work around, and in some cases are really dedicated. Zealous. Telling someone zealous about reaching X to accept Y seems they're being told to capitulate to some unreasonable demand. Or to accept heresy as truth.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-22T21:41:15+00:00

Oh look a strawman

Hard_Corsair · 2022-09-22T22:21:13+00:00

If nearly all people are dating someone on their own attractiveness level (league) – then that means looks must be a deciding factor for attraction that is non-negotiable, can’t be compensated for our downvalued, so no movement in either direction.

Your trampoline must be very impressive to allow you to jump to such conclusions.

The key part you're missing is when Bluepill says "looks don't matter" it's always in response to Blackpill saying "I'm entirely barred from dating because of my looks." Bluepill is saying "looks don't matter in the sense of eligibility to date at all," not "looks don't matter, anyone can score with a supermodel."

That's why pointing out similar-looks couples isn't a contradiction.

social_mule · 2022-09-22T22:41:19+00:00

The same way they reconcile all the rest of their double soeak. By gaslighting, moving the goal post and accusing anyone who points out the discrepancy of being autistic.

hairlossthrow4w4y · 2022-09-23T09:10:37+00:00

I'm not a bluepiller but my guess is that they really mean "looks don't matter as much as you think" I hear girls say that all the time, but I think what they really mean is that as long as you're not an objective 1-3/10 you have enough other factors to work on that can get you most girls.

I see it this way, looks are a single component of a person. If we had 10 components of attraction it means looks are only 1/10 (not exact numbers just an example) and we have another 90% we could focus. In that sense looks don't matter (that much).

For your second statement, I'm not sure this is exclusive to blue-pillers to be fair. I think it's just a weird thing that some people say, so I'm not sure where you're finding the contradiction. Anyway, people date same for a variety of reasons. Most same-looking people come from same socio-economic backgrounds. Like let's be real, if Kylie Jenner or Kim Kardashian were broke as shit, they'd look at the very BEST average. But because they're rich they're considered A tier. This means that broke people usually have less resources than middle-class and rich people. I can attest to this as somebody who grew up in the "hood" and now in a very upper-class city. The people here are way more beautiful BUT that's because they eat the right foods, they don't get stabbed or get into fights, they don't do drugs because their parents loved them and they don't drink and they play alot of non-contact sports to keep healthy. We date in our socio-economic class because we have more in common with people to the left or right of us. meaning we date similarly attractive people.

Redditcritic6666 · 2022-09-23T15:54:17+00:00

They don't because they don't need to. Bluepill are allowed to contradict themselves and they do this all the time. It's super easy to defend one's position if their position is just against another position (in this case the redpill). Thus it's pointless to argue against bluepills. Instead one should just focus on seeking their own truth and what works and achieve success instead of listening to bad and often contradictionary advice from people like the bluepill.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-09-23T18:50:53+00:00

So at my work there is a fitness center. I have been very proud of myself for recommitting to changing the shape of my body near the twilight of my middle age. I'm seeing great improvements and feeling very good about myself.

Unsurprisingly, the fitness center has been very empty for many months until recently. A late 20s woman has started to appear at the time that I go.

Her ass is. ah-may-zing. Like insta worthy. her body is fit and she has a bounce to her step like she is pleased with herself. The fabric of her bottom highlights her booty in the most pleasing of ways.

I understand I have zero chance for a sexual or romantic relationship so I've left her alone. Barely a look in her direction. One day a few weeks in I try to give her a nod and half smile as if to say "hello, I'm here and I acknowledge your presence".

She gave me a a neutral to slightly disapproving look back. That annoyed me. Then a guy showed up in which I thought it was a classmate asking her about some subject. Then they kiss. This left me very confused. He was about the same height, 5'6" ish. Slight of frame, and not very masculine looking at all. He wasn't good looking, and his voice and demeanor didn't scream charmer to me. Didn't appear outrageously wealthy either.

For some reason I felt bad about myself, even in my youth I was unable to pull that kind of quality physically. Very seldom. So i try to power through my set and take stock of my past experiences, for the millionth time. All the past faces and opportunities seemingly missed. I beat myself up.

Weeks later another gym goer shows up. A guy. We bond a bit. Again, that guy shows up. Gym buddy snickers and grins. The woman and apparent bf leave. I ask the guy whats with the grin, he's like, jesus that girl is so hot and a total bombshell. I'm like, no doubt, how did dweebo ever get to that. Guy laughs. He is in the same class as her. They are in an "open" relationship.

Which in this case means she is out there indulging in all she wants, and this guy is basically left holding his dick in his hands. Sure he may get to smash, but at what cost to his self esteem?

I chuckle. I don't feel bad at all. It's all an opportunity cost. We pay with either money, our time, attention, or our own self respect. All men have to pay, the only control we have in the situation is ...

Which currency do you wish to use, how much of it?

Title	How do bluepillers reconcile the two statements "Looks don't matter" and "Most people are dating someone with similar looks"?
Author	HighValueMoidxD
Upvotes	56
Comments	171
Date	September 22, 2022 4:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xl60jq/how_do_bluepillers_reconcile_the_two_statements/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-bluepillers-reconcile-the-two-statements.1132093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132093

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