Q4W: How often do you make very attractive men wait for sex to vet him?

Ainsleygz · 2022-08-21T18:52:31+00:00

I don’t make men wait because sex is part of the vetting process

ashpr0ulx · 2022-08-21T18:12:28+00:00

i don’t make anyone wait if i’m into them. i got with casual partners fairly quickly and the same for relationship material guys.

rurunoa · 2022-08-21T18:23:48+00:00

1/1 times because im making my first and only bf wait (hes making me wait as well) until were married.

BaiKingu · 2022-08-21T17:54:17+00:00

Everytime because a man JUST being attractive isn’t a recipe for good sex even if I was looking for a hook up.

I’ve had sex with very attractive men and some of them were really, really bad experiences

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-21T20:30:29+00:00

I don't "make" anyone do anything, and they can leave if they don't want to be with me when we're not having sex. I'm not comfortable with having sex before I'm in love with someone and have been dating then for several months.

DXBrigade · 2022-08-21T18:56:32+00:00

Just tell the woman, you want casual sex. There you go, problem solved.

thelajestic · 2022-08-21T18:55:42+00:00

I've never had anyone wait for sex in order to vet them. Sex is pretty much how I vetted them - although if I met someone and didn't want to have sex with them at that point then I wouldn't, but I also just wouldn't see them again. The only exception to that was my first relationship, but it wasn't anything to do with vetting - we were teenagers and both still lived at home, so we didn't have an immediate opportunity.

However, I've never gone out with the intention of getting a relationship, so it's never really occurred to me to do something different in order to obtain one. They just kinda happen.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-08-21T17:48:38+00:00

I choose men with similar values so I don't have to "make" them do anything.

2022-08-21T21:13:09+00:00

Sex is part of the vetting process

cardiogoblin · 2022-08-21T17:56:52+00:00

I never have sex with men quickly. I think the absolute quickest was 5 months lmao

I don’t engage in casual sex or anything so I can’t really answer the second one. I would guess no woman would want to have sex with someone they found to be a dick though - if they aren’t tolerable out of bed, the bedroom isn’t going to improve that.

I would just say be upfront - “I’m looking for more of a casual hook-up - are you?” And if no, be on your way. Women do still want to LIKE the guy, though - it makes it easier to discuss sexuality if you’re comfortable with them.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-08-21T18:14:47+00:00

Until I feel he’s committed to me and in love with me.

My husband waited like 3-4 months. He was my first and only partner.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-21T17:44:11+00:00

I've ever dated only my husband and we both didn't have experience back then, so we waited for a few months before we got intimate. He is an attractive man and eventually I couldn't hold my hands away, I was the one pushing for sex.

Having said that I'm also close to demisexuality, so I need time and emotional connection to start feeling sexual attraction. I don't think I physically can feel attraction "on the spot". I've never met a person who I just looked at and thought that I wanted to be intimate with them.

Considering your last question, I don't think a lot of women really have different "waiting" standards for men they're dating long-term and casually. A lot of Reddit stories seem to be kink fanfiction at this point.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-08-21T19:51:06+00:00

i have never done this in 5 decades of life, nor did i ever know a women in person who did it when i was young

wintergreen233 · 2022-08-21T17:36:30+00:00

I wouldn’t sleep with someone who has a bad personality, ever. The question is about chemistry and compatibility: whether we have that spark of a deeper connection, or whether this is someone I can really see myself developing feelings for, or already have developed feelings for. If we do, then I need to protect myself until I know if we’re on the same page. Casual sex is for if he’s cute enough at the right place and the right time, and I find him nice and like hanging out with him, but don’t observe any deeper connection.

TheMedsPeds · 2022-08-21T18:58:39+00:00

If I were single, and met a guy I was really digging, I’d probably have sex somewhere between the 3rd and 6th date. In terms of how long timeline wise, I’d like to think somewhere between after 2-3 weeks up to 2-3 months in some extreme situations.

I’ve only had two partners in the last decade though.

Pigeon_of_the_sea · 2022-08-21T21:59:13+00:00

I won't have sex with someone until I feel like I want to have sex with someone. The time that takes varies person to person. I'm not going to have sex with someone I'm not wanting to have sex with. If that bothers the man in question, then we aren't compatible.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-08-21T23:27:06+00:00

i don’t think “making them wait” if you want to date them is really the right phrase. it has a negative connotation that implies a punishment when really it’s meant to enhance the experience.

i’d be careful with trying to have a “bad” personality. if you’re not very attractive it’ll eliminate you from the pool entirely, and if you’re hot, and the personality is bad ENOUGH they won’t want to associate with you enough for there to even be a chance of a hookup

ashleyrose56 · 2022-08-22T00:26:37+00:00

I've never been pumped and dumped. Before I even have a first date I make sure they want a LTR too, if that's what I was looking for. So, I've never had to play these silly games. I don't wait because I could not care less about bodycount nor making a man wait just for the sake of waiting.

I would be very disappointed if I waited six months, where I'm already emotionally invested, only to find out later thar he has an small dick, low libido or is not interested in BDSM. Sexual compatibility is important because that's the way I feel loved and cared for.

Willow-girl · 2022-08-22T00:45:20+00:00

Never? But I never put a huge emphasis on having sex or felt an impetus to "keep my N-count down" or some silly shit.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-22T01:46:34+00:00

I don’t make anyone wait if I like them, life is too short to play games

beautifultomatillo2 · 2022-08-21T17:44:33+00:00

To answer your question the most efficient thing for a good looking man to do is to be upfront and honest about what he wants (casual sex) and find women who want the same thing. That way he can easily filter out women who aren’t interested in that. That’s usually how it works anyway, has nothing to do with having a “bad” personality.

attendquoi · 2022-08-21T18:35:54+00:00

I don't date strangers, so I do most vetting before even going on a date. That really just leaves me waiting for him to show he's sincere about a relationship. I look for things like: am I invited to hang out in group settings where I am obviously treated like a romantic partner? Does he talk to me about his personal life? Etc.

You're also missing an obvious part: what the man SAYS he wants. If a guy is upfront about wanting just sex, and I find him physically attractive, he'll get it. If he says he wants a relationship, he's going to be vetted according to those standards instead. (and he still has to be physically attractive)

Men really need to gain some self-respect and be honest about what they want. It would save so much time and effort.

Lisavela · 2022-08-21T20:53:13+00:00

I don’t participate in casual sex or believe there is a time frame but I don’t sleep with anyone I’m not in a relationship with and don’t have the gf/bf title with.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-08-21T22:03:43+00:00

My husband and I slept together within 2 weeks of meeting each other.

I was a firm believer in testing out the merchandise before saying I do . Lol

Horrible sex experience kills attraction immediately from my experience when I dated. It's up to the individuals expectations, however personally no way I'd invest months to years of my life and not know how the person performs sexually. I know of three different instances where people had waited until marriage to have sex, and two of them were completely incompatible ,and the other one was gay situation.Which didn't come to light till after being married.

700horses · 2022-08-21T18:54:35+00:00

You have to understand that a man can give a women TWO types of attention:

Sexual attention (based on how you look) and commitment attention (based on how behave).

Most men will eagerly smash ugly, overweight women if presented with the opportunity to do so because attaining sex for most men is much more difficult than for women.

The longer you wait, the more resentment = Higher chances he’ll dump you afterward, unless you have a really good personality.

RealNiceLady · 2022-08-22T00:54:34+00:00

attractive + not good personality) = casual sex and dumping afterwards -

A guy's personality has to be good for me to sleep with him.

The way to get casual sex is to trick her into thinking she has a chance at ltr.

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BigGaynk · 2022-08-21T17:54:24+00:00

what exactly is a not good personality?

Eval-conundrum · 2022-08-21T18:15:28+00:00

Let me apply some weaponized autism to this.

The most analytical choice is to have sex as rapidly as possible.

Here’s the logic.

No matter who you’re going to be with, you’ll probably end up having sex. You might as well find out, if it’s important to you, that there is compatibility.

Negatives? Not really any in this day and age.

By having sex, you identify a huge number of red flags.

If he bails and leaves you might have had great or terrible sex, but there’s been zero investment. It’s over. It’s done.

If he starts having some emotional issues, weird fetishes, leaves the seat up in the bathroom, etc. you see those flags way early.

People at are their most exposed when naked and fucking.

If you enjoy it, the conversation, green flags, then boom, you’ve moved to a relationship.

If he judges you for having slept with him “too early” then that shows a whole host of problems he’ll be. You probably don’t want that. Red flags galore.

sarkington · 2022-08-21T21:19:07+00:00

I wouldn’t, because I wouldn’t want a relationship with him

_revelationary · 2022-08-22T02:28:26+00:00

A “bad personality” probably won’t get you much sex but that might be an unpopular opinion around here. It sounds like you’re considering changing your personality to get casual sex? Sounds like a blast.

To answer your question: I was never a casual sex type of girl so this won’t be helpful for you — but I waited to have sex until I had established a trusting relationship with my SO. I think about 5-6 months. Personality was part of the screening process so a bad personality would not have lasted past date one.

Also, women who want a LTR are likely not using you for sex…

ruboyuri · 2022-08-22T14:08:29+00:00

If he was that attractive I wouldn’t care

Sophiatab · 2022-08-22T17:00:13+00:00

Until marriage.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-08-22T18:50:16+00:00

I don’t make anyone wait for sex. If I don’t want to have sex, I don’t want to have sex.

2022-08-24T08:45:06+00:00

As soon as I'm comfortable and that depends on what season I'm at in my life. I've never "made" someone wait per se (in my head thinking he needs to wait 60 days etc). I'm EXTREMELY picky with who I go on first dates and seconds with.

I think it depends on the girl and location. At a club there might be a greater chance someone will sleep with that hottest guy that approaches that night and not "vet". But if a guy asks you out in the workplace or school maybe you take things slower. Some girls have always dated purely for marriage from day one with huge standards - others it might depend on if they are ready/looking for a relationship or not (e.g. when not looking for a relationship might be lower barriers than when ready for something more committed).

Title	Q4W: How often do you make very attractive men wait for sex to vet him?
Author	Rubber-duck7203
Upvotes	10
Comments	106
Date	August 21, 2022 5:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wu56ke/q4w_how_often_do_you_make_very_attractive_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-often-do-you-make-very-attractive-men-wait.1128570 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128570

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