Which would you prefer: a partner who experienced ample love and companionship before they met you or who lived a life of mostly loneliness and frustration?

Safinated · 2023-04-10T19:58:48+00:00

It’s better to be affirmatively chosen than desperately snatched up

wtknight · 2023-04-10T20:53:01+00:00

I’d prefer that she had as few relationships as possible. That means less emotional baggage. Every breakup happens for a reason.

jeanironplate · 2023-04-11T01:36:08+00:00

I'd have to pick the lonely and frustrated one. I don't morally agree with promiscuity. However it doesn't help as much if they were lonely and frustrated because they were a coomer. I don't want a coomer.

Subject-Ad-9613 · 2023-04-11T00:24:22+00:00

that's fallacious because the modern relationship history the more bitter and frustrated a woman is. its simply an illogical choice that doesnt exist

EulenWatcher · 2023-04-10T20:04:28+00:00

I think most people would prefer a partner who has had positive dating experience. It usually means they have less issues and probably won’t ditch you the moment they’ve found someone else, because they didn’t start dating you out of desperation.

Considering n-counts I’d prefer someone whose number is close to mine. So when I was 16 and single, I was looking for someone with a similar lack of experience. If I had to date now, I’d prefer a person who’s been in LTR for years and doesn’t have a lot of exes.

h1shman · 2023-04-10T20:10:47+00:00

My gf wouldn’t know I’m hot shit if she didn’t date other guys before me 💅🏼

stats135 · 2023-04-10T20:06:06+00:00

I want a partner that appreciates the good I do for them, and not one who takes it for granted.

roastpork99 · 2023-04-10T21:18:59+00:00

Hmm maybe I'm cynical (well...considering this is PPD I gotta keep my guard up for sneaky behaviour), but this very much seems like a proxy for high N partner vs low N partner but disguised in the question.

I also think your question is much too black and white, but if you forced me to give an answer I'd choose the experienced partner in this scenario as they sound healthier.

In the "Real World^TM" I think stuff like compatibility and whether the woman I'm interested in is a genuinely sweet person matter the more (obvs it goes without saying that I must find them physically attractive). I'm less bothered about n-count than many people here (within reason ofc and provided she's been safe wrt STIs).

Barely-moral · 2023-04-10T22:46:20+00:00

I would prefer the latter.

A shared experience is a good base to start from.

Also, that means my partner has an immediate need I can help with and a role she needs filled.

I would never go after someone with options.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-10T20:06:00+00:00

As someone who is dating a virgin with zero relationship experience before me I can confirm that these are not the only two life experiences men can possibly have. Yes he is a late bloomer in terms of romantic relationships but he had a very loving family, close friends, and a comfortable life long before he met me.

WingOutrageous9987 · 2023-04-10T20:07:07+00:00

Someone with positive dating experiences but maybe some bad things happening also. If their life would be too perfect we would have nothing to relate to I think.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-04-10T20:13:42+00:00

Probably the former. Someone who has always been lonely and frustrated likely has issues (though honestly, this is really common post-covid).

But the real question you're asking is about n-count. How does it align with the sentiment of it in RP philosophy.

My take as a 24 year old guy is that I don't obsess about the specific number that much like some of these redpills guy do. But I agree with the underlying value.

A woman who has been in multiple relationships, has kids, probably a house at some point, vacationed all over etc. is unattractive. The reason is that it makes the prospect of you building a relationship with her way less special, she already experienced it all.

In that case, yeah I'll take someone with an isolated past given that they're within the realm of reason. i.e. not chris chan levels of weird.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-04-10T20:14:52+00:00

none of them particulary appeal to any of my preferences with just those facts about them, the second one however would call my curiosity a lot, wouldnt help but wonder why she lived a life like that.

I believe this question lacks nuance, what do we mean by ample love and companionship? a woman who was married to a really lovely guy for 10 years and then widowed?, a woman who slept around?

Lovers691 · 2023-04-10T20:59:27+00:00

Define ample?

Graaarg999 · 2023-04-11T00:23:39+00:00

My life is mostly loneliness and frustration. I wish for her to have experienced only good stuff, but if It was the contrary, i could keep her company

baresquad · 2023-04-10T20:14:00+00:00

No one wants a lonely frustrated partner. Misery loves company and they’ll just bring you down too.

I’m taking partner with experience. They’re well-rounded, have a sense of themself and know their needs and wants. Makes for an easier time.

Afraid_Top5800 · 2023-04-10T20:12:16+00:00

Love and companionship is not restricted to only romantic relationships, I know many men and women with great families and friend groups who have not dated a lot. Tying into notch count, in my personal view the people who have had the most healthy upbringings are the ones who have only dated a couple people long term and the ones with rough childhoods such as ones filled with sexual assault or broken homes are the ones who have lots of casual sex since they are seeking to fill up something they are lacking such as a parental figure or quick validation.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-04-10T20:29:29+00:00

I'll preface by saying I hardly even care about n-count (barring an absurdly high number, or especially low relative to age). Your follow-up question seems to be implying there's a dichotomy of sorts where the "experienced ample love and companionship before they met you" group has higher-n while the "lived a life of mostly loneliness and frustration" group might have lower-n.

In short, the two groups of your premise seems to be:

Amply loved, Higher-N
Lonely frustrated, Lower-N

Consider the other two quadrants, if we expand beyond the dichotomy and make it multi-layered:

Amply loved, Lower-N
Lonely frustrated, Higher-N

Someone in a super loving LTR or two before meeting their lifetime partner would have low-n and have experienced ample love and companionship. Someone who is perpetually lonely and frustrated might chase external validation through flings and short "relationships" to self-medicate their loneliness.

The short answer to your question, that if all else is equal, I would probably prefer the amply loved person over the lonely/frustrated one due to the likely energy/chaos/drama differences I would invite into my life between the two group. However, very little of that has to do with n-count (within reason). Someone who does care about n-count however would prefer the "Amply loved, Lower-N" group the most.

According_Talk_3084 · 2023-04-10T20:19:48+00:00

Either are fine as long as she loves me.

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PlatypusPolka · 2023-04-10T20:19:24+00:00

Depends. Do you mean had some loving and fulfilling relationships in the past? Probably that person. Do you mean has fucked anything in a 20-mile radius? Not so much interest in that. Someone who has lived a life of loneliness and frustration, it depends. Is he loving and able to overcome his lonely and frustrated past, or is he using me as a scapegoat for all the problems he has had with women his entire life?

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-04-10T20:35:16+00:00

Which would you prefer: a partner who experienced ample love and companionship before they met you or who lived a life of mostly loneliness and frustration?

Neither.

My partner and I have very grounded and realistic opinions about life and love because we've experienced both ups and downs in past relationships. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'd hate to date someone who's been turned bitter and jaded out of loneliness/frustration, just as much as I'd hate dating someone that thinks relationships are nothing but sunshine, daisies, and unicorn farts.

Does your choice align with your opinions on n-count?

Yes, it does.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-04-10T20:42:57+00:00

Give me the person who’s been through relationships, who knows how to communicate, and who isn’t gonna be thrown for a loop every time something doesn’t go the way he expects it should.

BigTittyCowGf · 2023-04-10T20:45:22+00:00

I literally would not care either way lmao. If I like a person and they like me, their dating history doesn’t matter too much to me.

Certain specific things might be a red flag, like if the person was still talking to their ex or not fully over them, or on the other hand if I found out the person was always single bc they were Red Pilled those might make me feel a certain way but otherwise it makes no difference

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-10T21:07:42+00:00

i can go with either but, but it really depends on how the person with many relationships is c whether they’re bitter or not - assuming they’re not, petter someone who’s experienced ample love and companionship seeing that i’ve experienced the opposite most of my life + i tend to have my fair share of deep traumatic issues. So someone who is both experienced and not bitter would probably work better for me cause they’d know how to handle difficult states. That being said, if they’re bitter due to lots of relationships i’d probably prefer someone who’s been lonely.

Barneysparky · 2023-04-10T22:19:19+00:00

Ample love. Bitter people do not change once they get into a relationship.

As a happy optimistic person living with a person who is not happy is soul-suckingly awful. Living with someone who takes fits is mind-blowing impossible.

Happy people don't hurt others if they can help it, because they know hurting people feels friggen bad.

Reptheft · 2023-04-11T04:16:40+00:00

The latter. I like helping people who need it.

Kaminaxgurren · 2023-04-11T05:13:47+00:00

It would probably kill me to know that someone I loved had gone through the same kind of life I have, and on one hand, I'm sure it would be incredibly satisfying to do everything in my power to help them through healing from that, but on the other, I'd rather they had never had to go through it at all.

Lucky-Raspberry-3821 · 2023-04-11T07:02:02+00:00

There is too much data confirming that experiences flavor your future judgment and makes unwelcomed comparisons a certainty. Also, I am by fact of nature not the only guy who uniquely possesses a certain ability to make you feel a sensation, and it's a statistical reality that exposure leads to more expectations. Of course, creativity can mitigate a person's predispositions but positive sexual discoveries can only go so far. There's a certain point where experience become jadedness: "I didn't enjoy this experience with xyz" becomes "I don't enjoy this experience*" (or "I know what I want" effect).

To be clear, I am not scared of a woman "who knows what she wants", just aware of what that woman "doesn't want". It also invites a certain disgust in me when I am assumed the same performance minus the courtesy (I've done it enough to know i don't like it).

SecondEldenLord · 2023-04-11T07:36:41+00:00

I personally would want someone who lived a life of loneliness and frustration. Frustration is a normal human emotion that seems that no one wants to validate it as an actual valid human emotion that almost every one of us experience. And besides, if that lonely frustrated person is chosen, that means that cycle will end. No one wants to admit it that loneliness, real loneliness can make you frustrated and it is ok! It is so hard to be positive and optimist all the time when you have 0 reasons to be positive and optimist.

CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-04-11T14:10:09+00:00

I see the issues on the long term.

A partner with more experience and sexual history than me is also more likely to compare me and also treat me as shit, and leave and make my loneliness even worse.

So it is not wise except for short term dating.

Boxisteph · 2023-04-11T17:09:58+00:00

Experienced love. He knows what is healthy, how to react and respond appropriately qnd isn't shy to return the affection/scarer to get attached

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-04-11T22:10:16+00:00

It would depend entirely on how that person dealt with and managed their loneliness and frustration.

None0fYour8usiness · 2023-04-12T16:23:57+00:00

I'd have to take the lonely and frustrated one. It's more likely we'll have more things in common.

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