Why do cheaters beg to keep the relationship?

Plus-Opportunity8541 · 2024-09-26T21:09:31+00:00

I believe it was something like 56% of people who cheat say they are in a happy relationship. Basically, they're hedonistic and think about the short term gain without ever thinking of the long term consequences. They literally don't even think about their partner, which is the problem. They're inherently being selfish by cheating, and they really want to fuck their cake and eat it.

Slipthe · 2024-09-26T20:30:51+00:00

They are called cake eaters for a reason.

They want to have their cake and eat it too.

The relationship was valuable, but the ego boost/sexual satisfaction was comparably valuable to them, and they thought they could get away with having both.

I don't think it's rational.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-26T20:34:37+00:00

They should be prepared for it to end.

To human beings, the grass always seems greener somewhere else, when routine and predictability have set in. Most cheaters don’t think very hard about what they do. When the realization hits them that they fucked everything up, they want to get it back.

IronDBZ · 2024-09-26T22:15:53+00:00

What do y’all think? Do you think people who cheat should already be mentally prepared for a relationship ending or is there something deeper?

Depends on the person. Some cheaters are pre-gaming a breakup and cutting loose. Some are impulsive and emotionally damaged.

I think the former don't care about or even hope for the relationship to end, in the most malicious way possible.

I think the latter are oftentimes pretty emotionally stunted, and come at it in a very childish/egotistical way. "I didn't mean to, It wasn't like that, We were just talking."

They want the private enjoyment of doing whatever they want without accepting the shame and, hopefully, guilt that comes with it. So they hide their dirt.

I would rather people not cheat at all. I don't think it'd be better if more people were in category 1 but at least it'd be more out in the open.

I also think there's a third category of people who genuinely wouldn't cheat again and just don't want their fuck-up to surface because they're still invested in the relationship over all.

These are just guesses though. Never cheated. I quite like commitment.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-09-26T23:14:11+00:00

Usually because they’re used to it and don’t like change. Humans are a form of stimulation that we crave and grow accustomed to. Humans don’t like losing interesting points of stimulation. So the attachment people have to a relationship isn’t “is it perfect” it’s “is it stimulating”.

Obviously, it’s selfish to keep someone in your life just because you don’t want to lose the stimulation they provide, without wanting to be honest with them. But many people are selfish.

WastedRadiance · 2024-09-27T02:26:34+00:00

They’re mentally ill

aslfingerspell · 2024-09-27T02:02:26+00:00

I think the simplest answer is simply inertia. For some people, I guess, it's easier to just cheat instead of breaking up, being lonely, then finding someone else.

Or I suppose some see cheating as fulfilling a need they don't get in their relationship, while their relationship fulfills a need they don't get through cheating. I.e. a sexually unsatisfied person likes the reliability of the relationship but isn't actually attracted to their wife/husband/etc, so they will get the good sex somewhere else while doing what they can to keep their long-term partner.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-09-27T03:12:51+00:00

because they want their cake and to eat it too

Sharp_Hope6199 · 2024-09-27T02:14:37+00:00

Why do they beg to keep it?

I think it’s because relationships are rarely all bad.

Often there are parts that are bad- like communication, and intimacy on some level.

And another thing I think happens is that when someone is caught out, they are swept up in the moment of knowing they hurt someone, and want to emotionally appeal to repair the harm.

And sometimes it’s because they don’t want to be the one who ended it. Some people are cowards that way, and can’t simply end a relationship that doesn’t work for them. So they look for another, and if you leave them for it, they were not (in their mind) the one to end it.

obviousredflag · 2024-09-27T07:21:46+00:00

If you wanted to step out I don’t see how the relationship was all that valuable in the first place.

That is where your whole argument falls. Cheaters do not necessarily cheat because there was something wrong. It could be the best relationship in the world for them and they still want to fuck another person.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-09-27T05:33:57+00:00

If they wanted the relationship to end they would've broken up. Most of these idiots love the excitement of sneaking around, just want to have sex with other people they are attracted to or truly fell for another person while still truly loving their partner.

There are definitely other reasons as well but I would argue that those 3 are the most common. Either way fuck cheaters y'all are cowards.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2024-09-27T09:54:49+00:00

They want to have sexual access to multiple people. Simple as that.

VWGUYWV · 2024-09-27T11:35:10+00:00

They are selfish people and want both partners or to at least not have repercussions. Some people think cause and effect is punishment. I have a relative who road rages. No one will ride with him. He thinks other people are wrong and mean.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-27T12:04:50+00:00

If you wanted to step out I don’t see how the relationship was all that valuable in the first place

It's a mistake to try to interpret other people's thoughts through their actions. We try all the time and call it wisdom. But the truth is that different people have different brains. So whenever we say, "If you thought X, you would do Y," we're only truly talking about ourselves, not them. And even then, we're usually only guessing. Many people, cheaters especially, discover they react quite differently than they'd imagined when actually confronted by a given situation.

Podlubnyi · 2024-09-28T00:03:26+00:00

A lot of cheating is opportunistic. They're happy enough in their relationship, but they get a chance of a quick thrill at a party, a bar etc when their spouse isn't around, and of course they don't expect to get caught. Then the shit hits the fan and they're faced with the end of the relationship, something they never anticipated.

edgyny · 2024-09-26T21:39:49+00:00

Honestly, I see your logic but I wouldn't expect them to have done any emotional work to process the breakup. Otherwise they'd probably be the type who breaks up before cheating. Breakups are painful experiences and I'd assume cheaters are pleasure seekers. Cheating might also make the miserable relationship more tolerable. On the deadbedrooms subreddit you'll find people who end up cheating explicitly planning for the cheating to make staying in their relationships tolerable. Deadbedrooms tends to split into breakup vs cheat camps and the cheat camps usually talk about liking everything else about their life (it usually rings as bullshit to my ears but it is what they say). So that is just to say... all of those folks have been told they could breakup first and they chose not to: that seems pretty strong evidence they're not ready to breakup.

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-26T20:35:22+00:00

Do they?

In my experience most cheaters are fine with the relationship ending.

Occasionally people will beg to keep the relationship. Usually they are married and have children.

But most relationships end with cheating. Caveats for those with unhealed trauma who might think cheating is normal. That's a horse of a different color.

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LordShadows · 2024-09-27T11:05:40+00:00

Because the need for monogamous relationships and the need for multiple sexual parteners exist in two separate systems in the brain, apparently.

I saw a post citing a study on the subject a while ago.

Some people have a high need for a monogamous relationship, some people have a high need for multiple sexual parteners, some people have a high need for both and some for neither.

People with a high need for both are the most likely to cheat.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-09-27T13:34:30+00:00

They want both people.

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2024-09-27T13:35:37+00:00

"Cheaters" is such a weird misnomer. There are obviously serial cheaters that don't take any relationship serious and are just in it for the fun and thrills. The vast majority of "cheaters" wouldn't consider themselves as such, as the cheating is almost always situational. Cheating is also overused as almost any action taken outside of a marriage that involves another person can be considered cheating, and it's generally defined by the one being cheated on. In the case of men, one guy will think his SO saying hi to another guy is cheating while another will draw the line at a full-on sexual encounter. Not every experience of infidelity should lead to the end of a relationship as long as both partners are willing to own their part in the situation, be brutally honest with one another and be fully committed to re-building a solid relationship. Relationships that crash and burn due to infidelity are almost always because of egos, the inability to take accountability for their part, and an unwillingness to address the issues that led to the cheating. The main takeaway is this- no one (broadly speaking) in a truly happy, stable, productive, and meaningful relationship, cheats. If cheating is happening, something is broken, and it needs to be decided if that thing can be fixed or if the relationship is basically over anyway. People who cheat and beg to remain in a relationship, generally, feel like there is something there worth saving. Or they are terrified of being alone, which was likely the catalyst for the affair because there is nothing worse than feeling absolutely alone in a relationship.

JAH-Ann · 2024-09-27T18:32:48+00:00

Selfishness and immaturity. God complex as well.

apresonly · 2024-09-27T18:52:14+00:00

they are selfish.

even if they want the relationship to end, they want to stay in it until they can monkey branch.

plus if the relationship ends right then, then its "we broke up bc he cheated on me" but if they stay, then they have more plausible deniability about why the relationship ended when either party is asked about it

the dream for a cheater is to have a stable partner back home (esp if that partner is cooking/cleaning/taking care of their kids) and then be able to freely cheat whenever they want

SignificancePlus2349 · 2024-09-27T22:45:19+00:00

Because there is bound to be a mismatch between short-term sexual attraction and long-term partner attraction nowadays.

Women will always derive more excitement from a "bad boy", simply hot hookup-material dude with good game.
And when they try to keep their current relationship going they are being actually sincere, most guys just can't wrap their head around 2 types of attraction.

In Men it's the other way around - you don't really have to worry if it's a random one-night stand somewhere on a working trip or an actual prostitute, it's all about optionality. (It's those he actually talks to you have to worry around, haha)
So in his brain he actually has a woman who is a "wife", who is the main priority of his investment and attention and everything else is just an opportunity. He doesn't really care about losing an option of a short-term fling, but he does care greatly about his wife.

bluestjuice · 2024-09-27T22:57:22+00:00

They did not only want to eat cake, they also wished to have cake.

DamagedByPessimism · 2024-09-28T12:06:51+00:00

Have their cake and ear it too.

Carbo-Raider · 2024-09-29T00:28:58+00:00

Because a relationship isn't just about sex (depending on the person). Sex is about sex. Men like more sex than women, and more variety. And here's something I thought of that no one else has: If the cheating man cheated because he only wants sex from women, he would have ENDED the relationship instead of cheated.

G4M35 · 2024-09-29T04:18:32+00:00

Cheaters want the cake, and eat it too.

meisterkraus · 2024-09-29T17:40:11+00:00

They want the continued benefits from being with said person..

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-09-26T22:48:15+00:00

In my experience with girlfriends when you get cheated on, they want to monkey branch from you. If it don’t work out with the other guy, they still get to keep you until they can try again.

You can catch women red handed or have her friends tell you everything, and they still will never admit to cheating. When you say you don’t want to be together they threaten you.

Men cheat for ego and the rush, they usually have no intentions of leaving their relationship.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-09-27T04:24:51+00:00

The monkey branch was unsuccessful

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-09-27T05:55:51+00:00

People do whatever they think they can get away with. They don't usually think ahead to the consequences of their actions.

Also even in situations when they actually wanted the relationship to end, they still panic when being dumped because they feel like they're being abandoned/it is crushing to their ego.

And finally the act of dumping someone makes you seem more alpha, when they may have previously lost respect for you. For example if you mercilessly throw a woman to the streets after cheating on you it shows you have self respect so she gains attraction for you.

Bloody_Mandrake · 2024-09-28T00:06:57+00:00

When the cheater is a woman, she cheated because the affair partner was hotter than the husband, but as always, the affair partner doesn't want her.

When it's the man, he cheated because the affair partner was easy and he wanted variety or was in a deadbedroom, but as usual, the affair partner isn't as hot as the wife, or she's way hotter but wouldn't take his broke ass after divorce.

That's why hot women almost never cheat (they get the hottest, richest men and they are mostly uncontested) and why rich good looking men cheat on their wives all the time and the women pretend it doesn't happen, because if they say something they get their asses divorced and walk away with way less the hotter younger future wife of her husband will get.

Source: 80-90 sexual partners among lots of cheating girlfriends/wives, had a long string of affairs with different women during a deadbedroom in my last year of relationship too. Never begged her to take me back tho. I confessed, we tried to work things out but in the end I couldn't. We parted ways amicably and have a beautiful relationship now and we are very happy. I'm single, she's married and waiting for her second. Got invited to the weddding, her husband is a really awesome guy.

Next question.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-09-28T03:39:39+00:00

Men can cheat and love their relationship woman without anything else.

Women cannot.

HighValueWomanBook · 2024-09-26T20:44:09+00:00

What have you done to prove you were going to loyal for life? Oh, that's right, you did nothing. So, until there is something you can 'hang your hat on' you were never planning on being loyal for life.

Why do cheaters beg to keep the relationship?

For the same reason you would consider staying in the relationship, you're an easy piece of ass ;) Yes- trash, but you have a wet hole, so, why not try to keep you around? There is no harm ;)

Title	Why do cheaters beg to keep the relationship?
Author	Positive-Emu-1836
Upvotes	17
Comments	64
Date	September 26, 2024 1:56 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fpwsvc/why_do_cheaters_beg_to_keep_the_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-cheaters-beg-to-keep-the-relationship.1531409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531409

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