Why do people use the term "deserve" within an entirely free social dynamic like dating?

Creation_Soul · 2022-02-26T11:43:12+00:00

everybody sees themselves as the hero of their own story. Basically since most people sees themselves as "good people", the just world fallacy kicks in and people get upset that the outcome they desired isn't even close to reality.

I think that, even if they don't publicly use the word "deserve" (due to stigma of the word), the raw emotion that some unsatisfied people feel is just that.

Yo_Mamas_azz · 2022-02-26T15:44:51+00:00

You deserve this, she deserves this, I deserve that.....?

I agree. I actually wholly agree with women when they say us men are not entitled to anything from them. Nobody is entitled to shit from anybody. You are entitled to nothing from this life. You earn from this life what you put into it, sometimes you are not fairly compensated, sometimes you are over-compensated. Fucking grind and you will get something from this life.

I can only give advice to men in this regard, entitlement is an ugly personality trait. Stay on your grind and good things will come. Be useful to others and they will want to repay if they are moral, if they aren't going to repay, stop providing your services. None of us deserve anything from this life, especially in an oligarchical society. People grew up valuing those stupid participation trophies too much (which means they valued them at all). The best advice we can give to men is they are innately worthless and must work to build their worth. Life is naturally hell, you have to work to put a smile on.

My annoyance comes with females talking about entitlement being bad, but then being incredibly entitled. I had an ex who would mouth off at guys and felt entitled to me defending her. She got cracked in the face once and I didn't do anything to stop it or reprimand the guy. I just looked at it like I would a kid who has to touch a hot stove before he understands why you don't touch hot things.

mextreme10 · 2022-02-26T15:28:20+00:00

Interesting debate here. Relationships are about as essential to happiness as other things we consider human rights.

We need differentiation between the idea of deserving something because of something someone brings to the table. “I deserve a woman who smells good, because I smell good”

We can also deserve relationships and certain qualities, because it’s needed for happiness. Treating relationships like a human right. “I deserve to have someone who loves me”

The second deserve was solved in society through monogamous relationships. Almost everyone got one person to which they can receive love and sex from. If everybody sticks to one person, everyone to a degree will have love and relationships in their lives. This social structure was built into religions, because historically religions were how society was regulated and strong societies organized.

ruboyuri · 2022-02-26T16:17:03+00:00

People want what they want

Doesn’t mean they will get it

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-02-26T16:45:58+00:00

I think you're confusing deserving something with being entitled to something.

dunamo · 2022-02-26T19:47:14+00:00

I had a causal relationship where the girl wanted more than I was offering, as it was ending she said “I deserve better” my reply was, “no, you want different.”

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-02-26T13:36:53+00:00

Another dynamic that has been set by societal and religious norms. Over the past ten years (some point to social media and the electronic age as the culprit) people have become significantly more self centered. Keep in mind when an individual has different things they believe they deserve in a relationship, it could provide for a great deal of difficulty in a relationship. I once heard a person say, if you find someone, that you can tolerate the things that bother you about them, that's the one.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-02-26T16:25:31+00:00

You're taking my comment to the extreme.

42nanaimobars · 2022-02-26T11:45:43+00:00

I think there are a few basic things people deserve in a relationship: to be loved, to be happy, to be respected, etc..

That being said, I don’t think that people deserve a relationship.

PrettyHappyThings · 2022-02-26T11:44:47+00:00

“There is no deserve.”

Women find 80% of men “below average”.

“There is no deserve.”

modidlee · 2022-02-27T00:28:00+00:00

TBH I never see men say they “deserve” anything. I see women say it though

Raju1461 · 2022-02-26T13:25:38+00:00

I would say certain things like loved, cared for, desired, respected etc are things people deserve in a relationship.

warramite · 2022-02-26T14:31:02+00:00

The only thing that determines what you deserve in the dating market is your SMV whether objective or subjective to the person pursuing you but thats what determines it

It doesn't matter if you think you deserve someone if they don't want you.. you'll die alone on that hill on entitlement

If you can't offer what who you're looking for wants, you'll never get them

Why do people use the term "deserve" within an entirely free social dynamic like dating?

People use it because they feel like they deserve that person they're looking for.. its entitlement nothing more

Leagues and Classes exist in the dating world thats why everyone would look in shock and amazement if you see a woman like Taylor Swift dating a 4'11 indian janitor

throwaway9998785 · 2022-02-26T17:55:46+00:00

my friend always used to tell me "you don't know what you're missing. You should find a partner. Bc you deserve it. "
I don't get it either. Tons of people I find trash are in relationships. Even if you're a bad person or an asshole, you can find another asshole to be with. It comes down to chemistry or compatibility, it's not an achievement.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-02-26T17:57:12+00:00

Because it makes them feel good.

SinhueTheChilean · 2022-02-26T20:14:06+00:00

Because people never quit having an hegemonic, hierarchical view on others. To such people, the word "freedom" only means that such a hierachy is morally right because it is natural and not manmade

YetAnotherCommenter · 2022-02-28T04:33:10+00:00

You're entirely correct. "Deserve" shouldn't be used how it is re. dating and stuff.

But, well, Just World Fallacy is a thing. This is the primary error driving the moralization of dating success/failure. If you fail at getting romantic/sexual success (whichever you prioritize), you must be a bad person/immoral person/"misogynist"/"slut" etc.

caption291 · 2022-02-26T11:53:45+00:00

I feel like you are arguing against the concept of deserving things period and excluding everything except dating based on basically nothing.

The concept of "deserving" something has little to do with rules and regulatory observers. It has everything to do with expected and desired outcomes in a person's idea of a fair world.

the only rule in dating is free will, end of.

How does the free will rule work exactly? Can you use your free will to rape someone? or do we ban free will when it's not the kind of free will that you wanted?

hemaristhysbe · 2022-02-26T13:22:26+00:00

Agreed. With the exception of outliers, you get what you have to offer.

“Nice” is the bare minimum for human behavior. Nice doesn’t earn love or sex. “Honor” is subjective. “Game” is painfully obvious in practice and can never make up for the massive insecurity and inexperience which inspired the game in the first place.

There is a lid for every pot, but pots could benefit from some self-awareness, reason, and logic.

Princess_Mei_Ling · 2022-02-26T12:12:59+00:00

I totally agree with you. People are so entitled these days they think they deserve better in everything not just relationships.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-26T16:00:04+00:00

Stop making sense here in nonsense land.

roaming_bartender · 2022-02-26T19:16:08+00:00

who are you to apply rules and morals and state who deserves what?

You deserve the autism you were born with.

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Narrow_Bridge5804 · 2022-02-26T11:50:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-02-26T15:19:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sarkington · 2022-02-26T15:55:16+00:00

People advocate for themselves. I have no problem with it

It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them

throwaway9998785 · 2022-02-26T17:58:40+00:00

Who are you or anybody else to apply rules and morals and state who deserves what?

exactly. A lot of people want to play so high and mighty based on their choice of partners. Like "I'm not shallow bc I don't go for looks" = obviously if you're average looking, so you can't discriminate and went for someone in your looks range.
"I'm not shallow I didn't go for money" = so ? That doesn't mean you're necessarily a good person if you don't take someone's social-economic status into account or whatever.
At the end of the day, it comes down to compatibility. You're not saving the world by fucking someone else. People were surprised that Rihanna went for a douche like Asap, but at the end of the day, if they're together that's because they share the same value.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-02-26T18:42:19+00:00

Because of the concept of dignity I suppose.

AshiusXX · 2022-02-27T03:16:48+00:00

It might be true in reality but I think it is an toxic mindset to have and make you hate the world more. Ironically, make you more bitter in the end. It is better if everyone tried to make the "dating sphere" work more akin to how it would in a "just world". The dating sphere in the so called "non entitled" world sounds cruel and looks like a "dog eat dog" world. Maybe, I am just a sentimental fool but I prefer the former.

pearllovespink · 2022-02-27T14:51:30+00:00

I think it comes from a “I’m better than this” type of mentality. It can either be a good or bad thing depending on the situation.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-02-27T17:55:33+00:00

Narcissistic tendencies.

HinduProphet · 2022-02-28T11:25:23+00:00

It is a market and functions like any other market.

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-03-01T02:26:20+00:00

This is kinda semantics? Like people say they "deserve" stuff. OK. But if they don't get it, it's not like, they can beat their partner over the head until they get whatever it is they deserve. Maybe idiots think this, I guess.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-03-01T04:05:43+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/jRXROpU8bDs?feature=share

This is hilarious . What's sad is that an entire generation of men that think like this dude ,he's really needing to get laughed at so he knows where he's at on the block.

Qwakeworld · 2022-02-26T15:10:35+00:00

Men don't "deserve" (good), men are "entitled" (bad).

Smitten_Squire · 2022-02-26T16:49:05+00:00

A fat girl wanting a hot guy is just as disgusting as a fat guy wanting a hot girl

Title	Why do people use the term "deserve" within an entirely free social dynamic like dating?
Author	Narrow_Bridge5804
Upvotes	77
Comments	141
Date	February 26, 2022 11:28 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t1v0a8/why_do_people_use_the_term_deserve_within_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-people-use-the-term-deserve-within-an.1102840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102840

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