Anyone else get really depressed by /r/seduction?

coffeeandtheinfinite · 2013-01-17T05:27:43+00:00

Best advice I can offer is to figure out happiness devoid of sex.

Now, that doesn't mean you're ruling it out of your future. Just, at the moment, find contentment in your routine.

Forget about yourself. Forget about who you think you are, societal expectations, and especially any pretenses on who you think you ought to be.

Just be, man.

I know I'm making it sound easier than it is. I know existing is fucking hard. I know being happy when you hate yourself is nearly impossible. Been there.

Focus on action. Focus on what you do. Focus on what is beautiful in life. Focus on what makes you happy. Focus on health. Focus on breath.

Seriously, think about your breathing. I know it sounds silly, but focusing on breath helps so many things. It's insane.

Meditate. Seriously.

Exercise. Seriously.

Yoga. Seriously.

Good shit.

Buddhism is all about the art of contentment. Now, I am not a Buddhist, but I'll be damned if they aren't onto something. Read The Dhammapada. Good shit. Research meditation practices and mindfulness. The Anapanasati Sutra is an awesome practice.

Read and eat well and exercise and forget about women.

Forget about who you think you are, because all it's doing is making things worse.

You know what sex is? It's sex. Of course you want it. Of course you want women, shit, it's a biological imperative. But, it isn't everything. It's a thing. A piece of a whole. In the midst of your self-loathing, even if you become insanely successful at seducing women, you'll still have those fundamental discontentments.

Read The Dhammpada. Read some Dostoyevsky. Read the Tao Te Ching. Oh my God, dude, read the Tao Te Ching.

Such a good book.

You're a good dude. Your writing depicts a sad, but really decent guy. Cultivate the self by externalizing focus. Forget you. Focus on action. On mindfulness. On breath.

Don't think about 'you.' As soon as you're trying to define yourself, or are busy hating the image you've built or drooling over the self you wish you could be, you've taken a step backwards. It's poisonous.

You have it in you to be happy.

It's under your control.

Which is the worst and best news I can give you.

HorseLifer · 2013-01-17T05:24:41+00:00

The world is filled with people who don't take action. Hence your "armchair seddit" observations

Homeles · 2013-01-17T05:35:19+00:00

I was depressed last year, and it was actually /r/seduction that caused me to snap out of it. I realized that the reasons why my life sucked — why I was terrible in social situations, never had a relationship, was bored with my life, and even shit like my poor performance in school — was my own damn fault.

The best part? All of my shortcomings are totally within my control.

2013-01-17T07:09:58+00:00

I once sold cars, my sales manager told me to always believe this:

There is an ass for every seat.

In other words, you can sell any car. Just as to be to the right person.

Same is true about women.

I don't get depressed coming here, or /r/sex where I spent more time, I did get fucking depressed yesterday when I chatted up a beautiful woman and then failed to ask for her number.

That was depressing, but only for a short time. I just used that experience to reinforce the fact I have to do all this other shit people are advising you to do, eat right, get fit, be mentally healthy, get out, and for me it's this:

Ask the fucking question, what's she going to do? Pull out a gun and shot me? A little rejection once in awhile is far easier to take then regret. And I do regret not taking that extra step, because by not playing, I guaranteed failure.

2013-01-17T06:40:55+00:00

You have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

BillCllinton · 2013-01-17T06:18:44+00:00

Ironically the more you focus on girls the more in your head you get.

Focus on yourself first. What do you have going for you? Whats your Job? What do you do for fun? ( I read and run). Part of your depression is you are first focusing on the wrong area of life to Fix.

From the Mystery Method you need balance for Health(Fitness/Positive Menality), Wealth(Job & Goals), and Relationship(Friends & Family & Women). [Lol might be wrong on the last one, correct me please]It seems like you haven't looked at the positives in those fields that you already have. Your mentality seems very down and negative.

This PUA stuff isn't an overnight fix, its inner game first, getting used to social interaction next, and then pulling off approaches. It took me years to get used to doing Cocky Funny stuff because it was so counter-intuitive, but man does it work.

Start off with the Three Gratitudes & One Positive Experience a day exercise(not a PUA exercise, just a normal people exercise). Before you go to sleep and before you wake up, list three things you are grateful for in life and one positive experience from the previous day. It can be anything, some days I am grateful for delicious Fried Chicken, some days I am grateful for being challenged at work. My positive experience from today was going to the gym. Do this exercise for 30 days or more and you will become more positive.

Good Luck OP and feel free to PM me. The fact that you said this realizes you want to make steps towards change. Changing your life habits takes time and realize you are realigning your beliefs and adjusting your habits to put your best self forward.

HumanSockPuppet · 2013-01-17T07:08:26+00:00

I was raised by my mom as an only child, and have always had problems with social stuff.

Same here.

Girls would flirt with me in high school because of my good looks (which are now buried under a thick layer of fat)

Same here, until I made myself lose it.

Coming to [1] /r/seduction is like this addiction that I can't stop. I come here and it's like looking in the window of an exclusive club you desperately want to be a member of, but are barred from at the door

But you're not barred. The only cover charge at Club Seduction is the sweat and effort you expend in gradually improving yourself. The only difference between you and the guys in here who are slowly getting good at this is that they decided to say "fuck pride, I've got to be bad at something before I can be good at it."

I'm emphasizing this idea of gradual change for a reason. None of us started this way. Though we came from different stages in life and with unique challenges to over come, each of us committed to the self-improvement project, and we adjusted our expectations so that we could appreciate the small victories we win on the long and difficult road.

I've written a few field reports and had some decent success here, and I've received a lot of praise and messages from guys telling me they wish they were me. But to be honest, I don't think I'm especially good at this - not compared to some of the big guys here. And among those sedditors I would personally list as my heroes and role models, even THEY have expressed humility and self-doubt at their own skill from time to time. Your apprehension never really goes away, because you're always putting yourself out there.

But that's the whole tragic, exhilarating, ridiculous, and beautiful purpose of social interaction. We all want to be close to each other, and from time to time we'll collide by accident. You apologize, you understand each other, and you carry on.

If you're not prepared to look a little foolish, nothing great is ever going to happen to you.

Make peace with your demons, whatever they may be. You can't learn to engage with people if you're not comfortable with the most important person of all - YOU. Then, get out there and start looking foolish for fun and profit. And sex.

Believe this former self-hating fat guy. There's tons of it to be had.

Tremaparagon · 2013-01-17T06:33:10+00:00

First of all, go over what coffeeandtheinfinite and BillClinton said. "You have it in you to be happy." That's the important stuff now, think of what you're grateful for, focus on what is positive about your life and embrace it. What's important is winning over yourself before you can win over someone else.

Second (moving beyond you now) - I'm going to refer to one of Tyler Durden's talks here: take baby steps. He tells the story of a forum poster who goes out every night, unnaturally attempts to act like he is Mystery or Style or whoever, fails to get laid, and then cries about it. Tyler says that you have to celebrate the small successes instead. If you try to leap to the top of the stairs, you'll hurt yourself, tumble to the bottom, and you'll go nowhere. You gotta put one foot in front of the other, and be happy that you know how to walk.

Why am I telling you this? Well, you said that you can't even talk to girls, while you're also looking at experienced PUA material here and getting depressed because you're not taking home two supermodels for a threesome. You're not gonna be able to get to the summit of Everest with a single jump, you have to use your ice pick and pull yourself up every inch of that mountain.

So enough general talk, let me give you something concrete. And trust me because its exactly what I did. There was a point once in my life where I literally had zero female friends, and even my male friends were limited in variety. Over time, I developed social skills. Being able to talk to a woman about a simple subject without appearing nervous or worrying about what she thought was my first baby step, long ago. In your case, don't even think about sex now. You said you're working on inner game now, which is perfect. Develop confidence and improve your self-image while trying to interact with others more. Something as simple as going to a retail store, finding a cute sales rep and asking some questions about some clothes you want to buy or whatever will help you practice. Would you normally be quiet, shy, closed up in your body language in this situation? Hell, I was so awkward I would have walked out of the store without getting anything. Well, try your hardest to fake improvement, because with this kind of stuff, your confidence will actually increase if you pretend to be confident. Don't even let it get into your head what she thinks of you or how you appear or whatever, you're just doing this to have fun with no end goal in mind, for now.

Why is that simple interaction important? It's about getting out of your head. Its about forcing the shy/scared/nervous/uncomfortable out of your system and gradually replacing it with awesomeness. Each time you do something like this, and push yourself more, celebrate the baby step you took. Forget about becoming a master PUA, and start by just improving your current self. Let's say at some point you'll be able to work up to making developing a close friendship with some girl in a basket weaving class you sign up for. Cherish that improvement, and then continue improving. Based on what you described about yourself, of course you'll fail if you try to be a PUA while all that shy/scared/nervous/uncomfortableness is building up, ready to spew out at a moments notice. If it takes time to develop your inner game this way, so what? Men are lucky in that most guys' attractiveness doesn't start to drop off with age until much later in life. The legendary Neil Strauss was kissless/dateless all the way up through college, and now... well he's freaking Neil Strauss.

gadelat · 2013-01-17T07:13:46+00:00

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mypuaaccount1984 · 2013-01-17T06:36:39+00:00

Initially, yes, when reading really successful field reports I got depressed and thought "I could never do that". It was so far removed from where I was that it seemed inconceivable.

However, since then I've went out with a number of guys from seddit. I've seen them in action, they are of a very diverse skill levels. Some are great, some are just starting out. However, they are all trying. And most of them are normal dudes. There's absolutely nothing special or unique about them that's different than any other guy, other than that they try. I expected a bunch of charming, built, handsome dudes charming the panties off girls with ease. It's actually nothing like that. So, anyone can do it. And while there may be tons of armchair PUAs here, there are dudes going out multiple nights a week trying to better themselves. I've witnessed it firsthand.

After going out a few times, I'm still not great, but I've made progress. When you see yourself making progress, you realize "holy shit I can do this too". There's nothing stopping anyone from doing this. I also have brief moments of brilliance when interacting with sets, "state" as they say, where you are funny, charming, and completely at ease and can seemingly do no wrong. Once you get that once, you realize you just need to learn how to get it all the time. And it gets easier every time. The first time I went to the mall to direct approach I walked around for 3 hours before I got the courage to tell a girl "you're beautiful" then basically run away, heart pounding. Last week, I walked up to a gorgeous woman and told her she was fucking gorgeous and I had to introduce myself. Nerves still got the best of me, and I didn't close, but it was far less difficult than the first time, and she was interested for a few minutes before my incongruence became obvious. This isn't rocket science, it's actually incredibly fucking easy, it's just practice.

I will say 2 things.

The first is, to be fair, I'm not starting totally from scratch. I learned some game when I was young, and got myself an HB10 girlfriend (not exaggerating, since we broke up she's dated celebs). But I was clueless with women for all of high school and part of university. I changed myself through concerted effort. So now, I'm simply trying to get back there. If you're starting from zero it may take you longer, but it's still definitely doable.

The second, you have your work cut out for you. You have issues to deal with obviously, and you should question why you want to do this, and if you really do (if you hate sex, why become a PUA?). While PUA doesn't talk much about "leagues", they do exist. While trying to get your skills up, you should also be trying to better yourself as a man. You need to give yourself every advantage. Being in shape, having style, and being successful are important. I worked hard to better my life before starting this, do that too. Don't just learn confidence and game but stay broke and fat. This should be about more than fucking women, a rather shallow pursuit, it should be about creating the type of life you want, the type of life the whole world wants, and getting for yourself all that this world has to offer.

kungfutitties · 2013-01-17T05:07:24+00:00

It would be bold for anyone to try to get to the level that true PUAs are on. It's not impossible, anyone can do it if they want it bad enough. I suggest not hating yourself so much. That does nothing good for you. You were born you, but you have the ability to change how you look and how you operate. Don't just say "I'm fat and ugly and scared to make a move on girls" Lose weight. Hit the gym. Who gives a shit about all the jacked guys that are already there and are good looking. Thats a big reason why they look like that. They put the time in and made sacrifices. Take any AFC who has had success with women. You just have to try. And not just try. That's the first step. Get outside your self -loathing comfort zone and in some women. Not right away, but you, me, all of us here; were all just young grasshoppers trying to better ourselves, and have sex and relationships with beautiful women.

Tl;Dr Quit being a fucking pussy and become the man that you truly want to be. I could tell you're not happy with who you are. So why have regrets later in life when you can start making the changes now?

2013-01-17T07:28:40+00:00

Go work out

JRAlpha · 2013-01-17T09:45:28+00:00

I'm not gonna address your sob story part, cause I think you're just being lazy.

As for the armchair PUAs... Yeah, there are some. But I came to this, with no skills. I couldn't get a girl to save my life.

Within 6 months I was a changed man. And all I did was what this subreddit and other PUA resources told me.

So no, this shit isn't just for naturals who need to hone their skills. it can take you from neckbeard virgin to relationships with women you choose, if you commit to change.

It did it for me.

misterbody · 2013-01-17T15:14:59+00:00

What set me free was the realization that if your main source of unhappiness is not being successful with women, you're still going to be unhappy even with women around you. Surprise.

It is pretty obvious that you don't even like yourself and perceive yourself as a loser. I know I am being harsh, but you need to stay away from /r/seduction. Your primary focus is to get your life up and running, out of the parents basement, and into a life you actually like.

Even suppose for an instance that you could be suave and pick up women with ease--how exactly were you going to proceed from there? Take them back to your parents basement? Joke about how you're underemployed or change the topic? Demonstrate value? What value? Or just go for a quick one night stand and repeat the process--then what? Fake it til you make it? Then what?

A loser in society who gets laid a lot is still just a loser.

Is a woman's attention just a way to validate to yourself that maybe your life doesn't completely suck?

You may realize that a lifestyle that is satisfying to you will not only make you attractive to women, but men as well--as in, it makes all kinds of people like to be around you, not just women. That's not gonna happen if you hate your life and people aren't going to flock around you to convince you you're cool and fun to be around.

Stay away from /r/seduction for now. It will only waste your time when clearly your focus should be on living a life you love and enjoy.

TofuTofu · 2013-01-17T15:30:13+00:00

Coming to /r/seduction[1] is like this addiction that I can't stop. I come here and it's like looking in the window of an exclusive club you desperately want to be a member of, but are barred from at the door.

That is 100% inside your head. What is stopping you from going out and talking to people?

PaintDreams · 2013-01-17T19:23:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2013-01-17T06:32:10+00:00

It's depressing how shit most of the content is on here nowadays. Just remember that it's not the same person posting crazy reports night after night. There's just usually someone that's hit the jackpot.

batshit_lazy · 2013-01-17T08:27:07+00:00

You'd be surprised how much of it actually comes on it's own when you just throw yourself out there. Everyone are just as eager to meet people as you are, and often they will pretty much do the hard work for you.

2013-01-17T16:30:43+00:00

read models by mark manson

http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/

the advice is orders of magnitude better than the typical seddit advice, and it will allow you to better filter the seddit advice as well

you should also get

http://www.amazon.com/The-Science-Self-Confidence-Brian-Tracy/dp/B000BVWJBG

once you realize you are more important than any women you will ever date, you'll be on the right track...

Ambitionlessness · 2013-01-17T17:31:30+00:00

I went through a ton of emotions with /r/seduction.

First, I was intrigued and excited about the prospect of it all. I've heard about picking up girls and it was such a distant idea to me. You're telling me, ugly little me could go out and convince a woman to make sex on my wiener?

Then I was scared of it, because I told myself that this sub would be what changed my life, finally, for the better.

But then it depressed me, because I would read more /r/seduction than I actually went outside. Not once for one, maybe two years of visiting this sub did I legitimately approach a girl. So here I am reading stories of people doing stuff and succeeding, seemingly effortlessly while I sit by the computer and just read and read and read.

You can't internalize any of this shit if you don't get out and just throw yourself out there and be vulnerable as fuck. I think that's where so much of your growth begins is learning to be repeatedly vulnerable, open to the brutality of human beings or anything in life that can knock you down.

And it is with constant exposure to this that then you're like holy fuck, this isn't so bad... and onto the next step, and the next, just levels of vulnerability.

I don't know if I'm putting thoughts to words here very well, but I hope it makes sense.

Go out there and start having a reason to read seduction, which is to improve upon game, not to start the game.

What's the use of me reading about how to do spin-move-crossover lay-up if I haven't learned to dribble yet?

User_0 · 2013-01-17T21:47:04+00:00

You know what I love here? That someone can come here, write a long "My life sucks so bad, I'll never become anything" posts and get 133 responses saying "No, no. I did it. It's hard put possible. You just have to try." It's so amazingly positive and encouraging.

I eventually learned all the troubles I had meeting girls were in my head. So, my life is set on Nightmare Difficulty and you're playing on Inferno. It's still possible. In fact, you know it's possible because it happened to you at some point.

You learned every thing you do in life. You can learn this too. The only failure that's inexcusable is the failure to try.

thebludgeoning · 2013-01-17T09:26:22+00:00

NO NO NO!!!!! IT'S ONE BIG CIRCLE JERK AND 90 PERCENT IS FAKE. god fucking dammit you bastard. this is the problem. you're letting the guy that dresses like criss angel's gay matrix themed porno movie stunt double, and his buddy with the "blazer and polo, bro" advice (whatagayassoutfit) make you feel inferior because why? you don't get laid? go get laid then! go to the gym to get some confidence! i promise, you do not have to act like a "club promoter" and wear women's sunglasses to get laid. just put yourself out there. do things that make you better. never stop. respect yourself above all else.

Red_rum_it · 2013-01-17T10:53:55+00:00

fuck bitches, acquire happiness

2013-01-17T06:34:48+00:00

And stop whining about how you're fat and unattractive. Go on /fit/, read the sticky, and make the decision to become someone who isn't a loser. Good body is what girls look for, even if you have poor facial aesthetics

seedit · 2013-01-17T10:03:39+00:00

You're very negative. Don't worry so much about the big picture and what other people are doing on seddit. Focus on the smaller goals and improving yourself.

Kitad · 2013-01-17T11:43:21+00:00

We all begin at different levels at the game but nobody is so far behind that he cannot make progress.

I can tell from your posts that you have a lot of limiting beliefs that prevent you from improving yourself. And let me be brutally honest to you, this may be in part your brain trying to come up with excuses not to learn this stuff.

Begin slow! If you can't talk to girls yet, don't expect to get laid the first time you go to a club. Work in the things that need work and slowly begin to improve. Perhaps you need to work on your inner game? Well, pick up a hobby, meditate, reflect upon who you are, find happiness without sex as someone else said. Then, perhaps you need to learn how to hold eye contact. Just go out and try to hold eye contact with 5 people, then you will master that, you will see that it's okay . Then perhaps you need to learn how to have a conversation, simple, just go out there and start talking to people. Read about your problems in the internet (plenty of material), and see what works and what doesn't. Listen advice, try things out, figure out who you are and who you want to be.

This shit ain't easy son, learning this is hard. It's hard because it involves a lot of energy to go out there, but it's also hard because it challenges your beliefs about the world and it makes you question time and time again who you are. Think getting rejected is easy for anyone? It's not, and you cannot make progress if you don't get rejected.

TLDR: Don't make up excuses, happiness and progress is not impossible for anyone, we just start at different points, where we reach is up to us. Don't fool yourself either, this shit ain't easy for anyone at first, but it will eventually be if you want it to.

jackzander · 2013-01-17T13:33:46+00:00

You want a different life, OP. That's clear.

But you have yet to say "I am determined to change". Are you?

centurijon · 2013-01-17T13:41:03+00:00

But I think even the mod here described seddit as being full of "armchair pickup artists" at one point, and I bet that's true.

Doesn't mean it's terrible advice, just not always expert advice.

My sneaking suspicion is that the guys who are successful at this never really had a problem getting girls to begin with, and are just honing and perfecting their skills. But a lot of us (I think?) are SO far behind that we can't really even hope to get any girl.

Is some ways this is true (for me). From the time I started dating until recently I have never not had someone else in my life. I didn't start reading /r/seduction and understanding why that was until sometime last year.

BUT I have friends who have gone through transformations.

One guy I thought would be forever alone can now pull girls on the regular, and he still isn't "in shape" at all, he just worked some great game into his personality.

Another good friend is starting on the road to that as well. He's in great shape and has an awesome personality, but has some of the worst AA I've ever seen. He's getting there slowly, but he is getting there.

and have always had problems with social stuff

I can guarantee that this is 95% of your problem. Start with the "talk to strangers" exercises and keep at it until you're comfortable with it.

Girls would flirt with me in high school because of my good looks (which are now buried under a thick layer of fat)

Burn the fat layer. If you were attractive before you can be it again. Yes, it will help win the ladies over, but more importantly, it will help your self-image immensely.

I beat off furiously to images of women

Personal opinion: Cut back on that. You don't have to stop, we all have urges, but don't do it every day. Fapping is the easy route to satisfaction, choose the hard road and use those desires as motivation to improve yourself.

Follow the advice to the best of your ability. It will work, but you have to make it work.

2013-01-17T13:49:14+00:00

I get depressed because many think it's a game and has nothing to do with the person. They objectify the other and will to connect physically rather than emotionally and physically. Which is a recipe for loneliness in the long run.

bluehat9 · 2013-01-17T14:10:27+00:00

I too suspect that a lot of people on Seddit are massive amateurs, just based on the type of things they post. But you know what? I'm cool with that because I'm a noob too. I have huge approach anxiety and have troubles with assertiveness and leading, but I still manage to get laid the odd weekend out. It's all small progresses and little successes, and we all have to start from somewhere.

Last summer I couldn't even do a single pull-up. Now I do 3 sets, wide-grip. Pickup is the same thing; you start out as shit and gain momentum and slowly pick up speed. Truly, the best way to do this is to go out 4-7 nights a week and work on this stuff. And no, a lot of people on Seddit don't do that.

What kills me about this site is when people post very clear and obvious one-itis stories, or they ask how to game in a LTR that is long past its prime. This is the opposite of what Seddit should be about; Seddit is about men learning how to improve themselves and gain abundance, not how to preserve scarcity.

There is a great deal of advice to be found on this board. What really matters though is execution. You have to go out and start practicing or you'll never get good. I know this too: I'm a weekend warrior and a theory junkie - I have to start making this a full-time thing if I want full-level results. You too, OP. Don't complain until you've tried it. Just go out there, succeed, and love the journey along the way.

RedErin · 2013-01-17T14:12:48+00:00

It sounds like you haven't been here very long. There are a lot of beginner threads in the older posts and in the sidebar. Do more reading. Confidence is something anything can learn, although it does take a lot of effort. Just like social skills in Morrowind.

AtheistAgnostic · 2013-01-17T14:33:27+00:00

Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I'm lazy, being on seddit helps me not be lazy. When I'm not lazy, it's easy.

tl;dr women are easy if you keep on trying

thendrill · 2013-01-17T14:37:40+00:00

If you have never touched a ball, why would a pro football player make you depressed ?

SumYungGui · 2013-01-17T15:10:48+00:00

There ARE solutions, you just don't seem to be taking them into account. First and foremost, you are obviously extremely unhappy with the way your body looks. So fix your body, get it looking more the way you want it to. Start working out! You're never going to get a girl when you keep hating yourself like this, because while you're busy hating yourself, you're never going to be able to convince someone to love you.

As for the lack of sensation, you should consider going to a doctor. In general you seem pretty down dude, counselling doesn't seem like a terrible idea any which way you cut it.

Overall, I'd say you should be working towards self improvement right now. Do you have a hobby of any kind? If not, it's time to develop one. If you do, it's time to devote more time to it. If you don't have one, I'd recommend making working out your hobby so that you can improve yourself AND improve your physical appearance.

Petrarch1603 · 2013-01-17T15:13:00+00:00

in some ways it is akin to going to a car tuning forum and seeing all the rich guys suping up their BMWs and Mitsubishi's while you are still stuck borrowing your mom's ford contour. I can see that, but what I get out of these PUA forums is the practical advice. There are lots of fundamentals that anyone can use, ideas like 'always assume attraction', kino, oneitis, managing expectations, IOIs and such. Don't get distracted by the guys who have slept with 500+ women. Some guys are just born that way and there's nothing you can do. The signal to noise ratio in here is pretty shitty, but there are things you can learn if you're able to ignore the bullshit.

everyoneismyfriend · 2013-01-17T15:23:02+00:00

That was depressing

sixxis · 2013-01-17T15:25:41+00:00

I can relate to how you feel. Our circumstances are different but feelings seem to be similar. The way I see it you have 3 options:

Easiest solution: Get perscribed anti-depressent meds. This will "cure" your depression and most likely kill your libido. I've never gone down this road but have researched the hell out of it.
Fix yourself. The first step in this community is getting your inner game together. You can't leave your castle searching for maidens if it's underseige by doubt, depression, negative energy. This action requires ambition and research/learning. The book that got my head straight was A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I personally suck at finding time to read books so I got it on audio book and listened to it on my comute to/from work. I can't recomend this book enough as it truely, honestly showed me how to bring peace to my mind. After you got your mind right, then you will be in a much better place to work on your outer game.
Do nothing. I guess I should say this is the easiest option but you won't feel any different than you do now.

Change takes time and effort. Just remember that small steps take one a great distance if enough are taken.

itsmevichet · 2013-01-17T15:48:08+00:00

But yeah...my sneaking suspicion is that the guys who are successful at this never really had a problem getting girls to begin with, and are just honing and perfecting their skills.

Everyone has that suspicion. It's valid for maybe 1 percent of the male population, who are just all around good with women from the beginning.

The rest of us had to work.

I'm being selected out of the gene pool, because I don't have attractive qualities.

See, the depressing part of Seddit is people with your attitude.

80 percent of people are capable of positive change. Maybe 20 percent of those people will actually make any lasting, positive changes.

Be the 20 percent. In the face of all odds, be it. Even if you don't get results right away - ESPECIALLY if you don't get results right away.

If you know what your problems are, fix them, and be glad that you at least knew where to start.

Because I grew up being told that I was exceptional, talented, and that there was nothing wrong with me. Yeah. There was nothing wrong with me, but I had no friends, no one liked me, I was nervous around other people, and had anger and depression issues.

Right.

Fix your shit. You're not fooling anyone but yourself.

Sinandomeng · 2013-01-17T15:58:37+00:00

But yeah...my sneaking suspicion is that the guys who are successful at this never really had a problem getting girls to begin with, and are just honing and perfecting their skills.

First of all I am short, which is just as worse as being big and fat. I was once an introvert. Really shy with people, I prefer to be alone, especially when eating. But I just don't want to be alone, I don't even want to be seen, so I usually find a hidden spot on campus to eat. I had only a few close friends. I had attempted to go on dates, but I always freeze up and girls never want to go out with me again. So I was really getting frustrated with myself. Then I fell really hard for this girl, I had a oneitis. But I just didn't know how to talk to her, and I just waited for her to talk to me, which rarely happens. So this really really frustrated me that I couldn't talk to her because I didn't know how, and I was depressed and brokenhearted. Then I said fuck it, I'm talking to people, screw being an introvert. Both to learn, and because talking to other people is the only way for me to not think about this girl. It's like being alone became dangerous and painful, and socializing is the only cure. I couldn't be alone anymore. I needed to socialize. So I worked hard, I started smoking because I thought smokers were friendly and borrowing lighters seem to be a good conversation starter. Then I joined the school paper and learned photography, and found really fun people and sociable people that I could observe how they pull of jokes. After three years of working on it, I am a very sociable and out going person now, made a lot of friends, really close friends. And in fact I pursued photography, and I now shoot regularly at nightclubs. In fact I'm so comfortable with people now that I frequently climb up on stage to get a group shot of people with their hands up. If they don't have their hands up, I put my hands up and swing it, and they follow. That's how comfortable I am with people now. And although still don't have a girlfriend, but have a fubu, but I no longer have problems with talking to girls and know that if I meet the right one, I won't freeze anymore, and I'll be able to approach her in almost any situation. :D

*TLDR: I'm a short person, introvert. Had oneinitis for this girl that I couldn't talk to. Got frustrated, worked hard for 3 years, now I'm a very sociable person, and have no problem with talking with anyone at any situation and with large crowds. *

krizalid70559 · 2013-01-17T16:19:38+00:00

I see that you already have plenty of people commenting trying to help you, but I just want to point out one thing... there's nothing wrong with not wanting anything. If you just simply don't want anything (social relationship with people), it's totally fine, you don't HAVE to interact with people. However if you actually want to interact with people but you're too afraid... then this is just a learning curve. I mean, it's like learning how to walk, at first it's scary because you don't have the balance, and then you get the hang of it, so you start walking.

You want to talk to girls and build a romantic relationship with them? Why don't you start building a friendship with a girl first, and don't have any ulterior motives. That'll be like learning how to walk before you run. I come on this sub-reddit to learn how to social with people/women because I have the same shy problem. But I also realize that I don't need anybody to live, so I am not going to do anything for anyone else (figure of speech, I will do things for families obviously). Getting in shape, improve your "inner game" or whatever... those doesn't mean anything if the reason why you want to improve is because you want to meet people. You have to improve because you WANT to improve. Hating yourself wouldn't fix anything. Who cares if you like women or men, you can be asexual and still be comfortable - that's what matter the most.

2013-01-17T17:25:40+00:00

coffeeandtheinfinite has really laid it out already, but there are two quotes that have - literally - made me do a turn around on my life already.

"Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right" -- Henry Ford.

"So what god put your life on hard mode? Beat the game anyway." -- Boogie2988

I'm not a natural. I know that. I'm not the best looking guy either. But that can't change, can it?

I know what CAN change. And that's why I come here every day. Why I "fake" qualities I don't have but I WANT to. That's why I practice sleight of hand. Why I jog. Why I (try to) play the guitar. Why I learned to meditate.

My goal? It's not women - it's life.

So what if I don't get women out of it. Magic is fun, jogging is healthy, guitar is deep, meditation works...

You can do it. Seriously.

You can.

Edit: Saw this moments after: http://youtu.be/opUT4lSM2dc

heckz · 2013-01-17T17:31:24+00:00

Just wanted to point out that its not all armchair puas. There is a seddit group in the bay area full of people actively going out and trying things. That being said it really doesn't matter who is giving the advice if its useful to you. You just have to start taking action on your own.

2013-01-17T18:22:06+00:00

You're okay. Read this: http://postmasculine.com/youre-okay

2013-01-17T19:56:42+00:00

You know, I have kinda made this decision right now to not chase girls. I had some terrible relationships (especially the most recent) and now I am completely uncomfortable with being in a romantic relationship with a girl. It's a complete weight off my shoulders when I go out or meet new people because the plan is to not peruse so I don't have to worry about them liking me. I still would love to be in a relationship or even just get laid every once and a while but sometimes you have to step back and fix some problems before you step forward.

I guess looking at the issues you were saying: I would suggest putting yourself in social environments. Things that you aren't good at can be uncomfortable or even painful. It's like me and my flexibility. I have been going to the gym and working out but opting out of stretching after. In turn my flexibility has suffered to a point where I can barely touch my knees let alone my toes. When I do stretch it's painful and uncomfortable and I feel ridiculous because it is apparent I'm not good at it. The thing is, though, the longer I let this go the worse its going to get to eventually I hurt myself and I'll have no one to blame but myself and all it would have taken was 15 minutes a day to improve.

callmechad · 2013-01-18T01:34:17+00:00

What I try to live by is,

Do what makes you happy. Screw everyone else and such. Go out their and do what makes you happy

Go to the gym and get in shape if that makes you happy do it1

joecartoon72 · 2013-01-18T03:24:59+00:00

With this many comments that I'm obviously not reading, I'll just very concisely say what I believe needs to be said which has probably been said in here already. You whole issue starts with you and only you. To be more precise, it starts 100% with your attitude with yourself. High quality genes?? WTF is that? You're awesome, you make yourself into whatever the fuck you want to be. Apparently you're fat? GO TO THE GYM. Sex sucks yet you masturbate furiously??? So here are some tips I have for you that I almost always give to those over the internet since I can't actually teach you, only tell you what works, give the tools to you, not do the job for you.

Stop Masturbating Work out, at least 4 times a week or 30 min a day Pick up a hobby, be happy without women, enjoy your life being yourself, the girls will come to you Hygiene is always important

And my most important advice: DON'T THINK, DO. Stop thinking. Stop over analyzing. Stop thinking what to say next in the conversation or even if you should start the conversation to begin with. DON'T THINK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. "Should I talk to that girl, I dunno, this, that" STFU and just do it, like literally the second the idea pops into your head just do it. Now seriously these things just rely on you so start small. Get yourself back in shape. Find a hobby. Get a decent job you enjoy. Get your life on track and do your thing. That's what this sub is about, self improvement and the girls come to you. Now I believe in tough love, sink or swim, so I'm not gonna say hold girls off till you do some checklist. Talk to all girls if you want, talk to everyone, become a social person.

Now I'm not saying I'm some expert but what I will say is that this shit said here works, as long as you add your own tweak of yourself into it to make it genuine, but my own story short I'll just add I might know many women more than themselves after these last few months, and with that said, you first make sure that being a "PUA" is actually something you want. Remember, it's all about self improvement, about being the best you that you can be. Now why wouldn't someone wanna do that?

jnethery · 2013-01-18T04:27:44+00:00

Sounds like you have some serious self-esteem issues, man. You should sort out your own life before you start pursuing a relationship or even casual encounters.

funkyboodah · 2013-01-18T04:43:39+00:00

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

2013-01-18T11:21:47+00:00

I recommend you read Feeling Good by David Burns. Download link

DrunkAtTheWedding · 2013-01-21T21:54:17+00:00

Get Ripped, Stop Masturbating from this point on, and pick up 1 hobby that you enjoy doing. All your problems will dissolve themselves after you do this. Fact.

MrNonplussed · 2013-01-17T13:11:10+00:00

Also check out /r/nofap

Not jacking off 3 times a day has a notable impact on other facets of life

zompreacher · 2013-01-17T09:13:49+00:00

Man the fuck up!"terrified of other guys" you sound like a pussy and you will never get girls being a pussy. Thats the cold hard truth deal with it.

psykocrime · 2013-01-17T21:02:12+00:00

I think you just need a good swift kick in the ass. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and talk to women, it's really that simple. Yes, there are "armchair pickup artists" on here and on every other seduction related forum. Who cares, go out and field test the stuff for yourself.

There's also a ton of good information here, and this stuff does work. I can personally vouch for that. I, like you, was always terribly, terribly shy and insecure around girls. I was the nerdy, awkward kid in high-school, never had any girlfriends in H.S. and the whole bit. And I'd be flat out embarrassed to tell you how old I was befor the first time I ever walked into a bar or club, cold approached a girl I didn't know, gamed her, and then exchanged numbers. Now, while I'm far from an "mpua", I start conversations with attractive women all the time, and get numbers and go on dates on at least a semi-regular basis. And I know I could do more if I just committed more time and energy to the whole thing, but I work a full-time job and I'm founding a software startup, so I don't even really have time for dating right now.

Seriously, don't put the pressure on yourself of expecting to ever pickup every woman you meet, and don't try to be Mystery or Style or Gunwitch or DavidX or Captain Jack or Badboy or Herbal or $insert_name_of_famous_pua. Just focus on the fact that you can and will get better if you put this stuff into practice.

Gloom and doom, I know, and I admit that I'm just feeling sorry for myself to a degree.

Then knock it off, get your ass off the computer and get out there. And if you think your good looks are hidden by a layer of fat, then put down the fucking Cheesy Poofs, join a gym, buy a pair of running shoes, and find your way over to /r/fitness and get your fat ass in gear. Buy the book Living Low Carb and also Starting Strength and put their recommendations into action. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and DO something.

Also, read this for some encouragement / motivation:

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sex_news_sports_funny_grok/guest_atomic_dog

Finally, IF, IF, you think you may have clinical depression, then look into real, authentic, professional help. If you aren't interested in that, at least start taking a fish-oil supplement and consider a 5HTP supplement as well. Fish oil has been demonstrated to have a powerful anti-depressant effect (works better for some people than prescription anti-depressants) and 5HTP tends to improve your mood.

2013-01-17T22:40:44+00:00

I get depressed when new people of seddit ask newbie questions that are already answered in the sidebar.

2013-01-17T13:51:58+00:00

You sound like a depressed teenager. I prescribe you 1 dose of exercise, taken 3 times a week, one dose of age, i'd say about 2-3 years. Taken rectally of course ;D

But really though, i was like that when I was a teenager, I came here to figure out how to get a girlfriend about 1.5 year ago after having broke up with an ex. It's gets easy once you stop caring, once you realize that that important 'bond' you feel, is something created out of spending alot of time together, not some magical event where eyes meet and all that bullshit. Alot of the talk makes us seem like superficial animals, but that's mainly because it makes it easier to talk about. Objectification if you will.

Most likely you think of yourself as socially awkward and fat. Most people think of themselves as socially awkward. One of my friends who is the most social person ive ever met constantly refers to that penguin meme.

The sad, hard truth of it is all you have to do is get your ass off that chair and go do something outside for a change. Explore what you love in life, work towards it, and don't give up, and you will have everything you want.

luigicast · 2013-01-17T11:48:03+00:00

Urgh couldn't be arsed to read this whole thing but I read the start about when you say that you're far with a neckbeard without a job living at his parents. Go fucking do something about it instead of complaining.

puaCurveBall · 2013-01-17T16:48:13+00:00

Basically, you can't fool them into thinking your genes are of a higher quality than they are. I'm being selected out of the gene pool, because I don't have attractive qualities.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

This goes against the entire reason the seduction community exists. the entire point is that you CAN change it.

This community WOULD NOT exists if it was all about guys that were already capable of getting women.

Stop whining.

Title	Anyone else get really depressed by /r/seduction?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	157
Comments	160
Date	January 17, 2013 5:06 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/16qhfk/anyone_else_get_really_depressed_by_rseduction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/anyone-else-get-really-depressed-by-rseduction.1345995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345995

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