How many dates you should wait before sleeping with a guy?

V4NC · 2024-04-25T19:37:27+00:00

Whats your guys age? You can initiate a conversation about what he is looking for, whats your relationship and what he sees in you etc on your next date. How far did he go already? I am a guy and i would say its a good sign that he goes on several dates with you but didnt instantly try to have sex. If i think a girl is only interesting for sex i wouldnt invite her on several dates, i would just invite her to my place. But if a find a girl interesting i would invite her to a couple dates before trying to have sex with her to keep it special

Reasonable_Mail_3656 · 2024-04-25T22:22:50+00:00

Lmao you are attracted to a player (typical stuff here). It’s a game and thats it (just by me saying this will likely make you question things more and even MORE attracted to him. Somehow..) . Let’s face it, he WILL get into your pants and then yes he WILL move on.

If I’m being too blunt, it’s because I know how this shit works and you can warn someone all day but you’ll never change their feeling about the situation. You’ll just have to get through that yourself, unfortunately likely after being hurt.

I’d suggest walking away. If dude were interested long term, he would have mentioned it by now. An authentic guy whos not after just puss would anyway. If you gotta keep guessing where you’re at with him, then he likely isn’t in it for that and just like manipulating you until he gets what he wants.

Good luck

Ill-Valuable6211 · 2024-04-25T22:01:28+00:00

How many dates you should wait before sleeping with a guy?

The brutal fucking truth? There's no magic number of dates that guarantees a guy won't pump and dump you. It's not about the number; it's about the connection, trust, and mutual respect. If you're worried about being seen as "easy," you're probably not yet comfortable with him or the pace of the relationship. Why rush into bed when you're already sensing red flags?

I'm really afraid to get hurt after sleeping with him cause I know that he likes playing mental games, chasing and after sleeping with him he can lose interest.

You've answered your own question here. If you know this guy enjoys the chase and plays mental games, why the hell would you consider him a good candidate for something more? Trust your gut. If it feels off, it probably is. Why would you want to sleep with someone who might just be using you for a conquest?

We don't really text each other between our meetings and I feel he's not ready for something serious.

Actions speak louder than fucking words, or in this case, the lack of them. If he's not engaging with you outside of dates, that's a huge sign he's not in it for the long haul. You feel it, so why doubt it?

So how can I discuss with him my feelings without scaring him?

Just fucking talk to him. "Hey, I'm enjoying our time together and would like to understand what you're looking for in this relationship." Simple, direct, no bullshit. If that scares him off, good riddance. You need someone who can handle straightforward communication.

And how much should I wait before start trusting him if he's not just playing with me?

Trust is earned when actions match words over time. Keep your eyes open, don't rush into anything, and see if he's consistent. Is he transparent, does he follow through on what he says, does he make an effort to connect outside of dates? These are the signs you watch for. If he's just in it for the chase, you'll know soon enough, won't you?

Remember, if it smells like shit and looks like shit, do you really need to step in it to know it's shit? What do you think, are you seeing the signs clearly yet?

Ruftup · 2024-04-26T04:26:31+00:00

Lol I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was such a walking stereotype. You’re literally the nice the girl that’s dating the asshole/player only for you to get your heart broken later on and then ask yourself “why can’t meet a nice guy”.

Re-read your own post. A person that treats you this way and plays games with you to manipulate you to feel something for him is what you’re describing. Obviously he’s gonna pump and dump you. Tbh, he’s probably fucking other women

Just accept the fact that this guy is going to end up being a fun few nights and then you’ll probably never hear from him again. Once that’s over and done with, you should re-evaluate what you’re actually looking for in a partner.

If you’re looking for long term and stable, wtf are you doing chasing actual players?? Or just accept the fact that you just want to fuck around and stop acting like such a prude that’s trying to “fix the bad boys”. Either accept that you want to fuck around, or develop some self-respect so you can actually get what you want in a relationship.

sxyheelz · 2024-04-26T02:58:55+00:00

Why wait? If you guys are vibing.... no need to wait.

IcyBjorn84 · 2024-04-25T20:57:32+00:00

Judging from what you wrote I suggest you find another man. If he likes playing mental games, chasing and losing interest after sleeping with someone then he's not a catch. Why would you subject yourself to being another notch in his belt if he has that pattern? You should feel more worthy than that and find a man who actually LIKES you and not with you on the chance of a hook up and dipping out the first chance he gets.

But in the spirit of the main question of the post I will say this. There is no right or wrong answer to how long one should wait as long as communication is present in the situation. I'm not the kind of man who believes two people should wait until marriage, but I'm also not the kind of man to suggest anyone go out there and be like a human pinball going from hook up to hook up. So whatever you choose, make sure you respect yourself and that the other person will respect you as well. That goes both ways by the way.

Ampboy97 · 2024-04-26T01:38:32+00:00

Don’t wait. No need to play games.

cemj86 · 2024-04-26T03:52:06+00:00

Right away. Get the sex out of the way then you'll know if he's really feeling you after. I think people put sex on an unnecessarily high pedestal. I understand self control but if the attraction is there and a mf can spit that game in your ear and mind correctly you better get on it why the passion is hot.

All the best relationships I've had with longevity started as hook-ups. The women who I've gotten to know and spilled all the beans to early ended up holding back (friend/marriage vibes), sending their "representative" because of the fear of possible judgement. The ones who I got to know on the back end of sex were the opposite. This is with every woman now. You can't beat that attraction period.

MrHound325 · 2024-04-25T21:54:03+00:00

Literally no one can answer this for you

Ok_Sea399 · 2024-04-26T07:48:16+00:00

If the girl slept with me before the 13th date, she will never ever see me again, I will block her number, and pretend I dont know her. Simple rule, how to not waste more time with someone who worths for one night only.

morphinetango · 2024-04-25T20:48:05+00:00

If he's told you that he generally loses interest in a woman after he's had sex, believe him. It's perfectly fine to ask somebody what they're looking for early on, or how they feel after several dates, and anybody who acts like that is too deep of a question is trying to manipulate you.

vtribal · 2024-04-25T23:02:33+00:00

ask him what he is looking for, he might lie but if you have any doubt in your head then just say "maybe next time" and see his reaction. there you will see his true colors

say_no_sex_ · 2024-04-25T23:56:37+00:00

DISCUSS it ...
because then you would have clear choices to choose from ..
and everything after that would be your decision ...

_JohnFloyd · 2024-04-26T04:58:32+00:00

Skip it , next …

EngineeringGeneral · 2024-04-25T19:24:17+00:00

Just ask him simply, "are we exclusive?"

No-Grade-5057 · 2024-04-25T19:44:10+00:00

YOU hold all the cards right now. YOU dictate how this relationship goes. YOU are the prize. YOU set the bar. What kind of relationship do you want?

Tell him exactly this... "Look, I'm not a casual girl. I'm not having sex with someone until i know we're in love. I don't want to mistake hormones for emotions. And I won't share this part of myself with anyone outside of a loving, committed relationship."

You spelled it out for him. Now you lean back and observe. Please do not pursue him or any man... ever. Know your worth!

Theboynextdoor09 · 2024-04-25T22:51:43+00:00

It's okay to ask and see what he wants just make sure you communicate what you want and are afraid of. So far it sounds like he's seeing how it will go

Ok-Abbreviations9212 · 2024-04-26T01:17:34+00:00

Reading through your other posts, I have to agree with Reasonable_mail. He's kind of a dick about it, but he's right.

Drop the guy. He sounds like a heel.

berzerker5000 · 2024-04-26T02:00:20+00:00

Too complicated already it is doomed.

6ee · 2024-04-26T03:11:11+00:00

Could be years after you guys are official. Don’t fall to peer pressure. Otherwise that’s how people take advantage of you.

cemj86 · 2024-04-26T04:05:08+00:00

Real ones don't scare away...

Also if you're dealing with a Man, some might call a player and it gets a bad rap. You can ask him "what are we" but he's already showing you with action. We all know not to be like square guys who will text you all day. He's doing the right thing by making you feel like a woman as you deserve, not over texting. Only communicating to set up meets. (Leading)

Stay consistent with it and keep it positive and be yourself but save the drama. This is how Men move you have to get over the unsureness and if you like him keep following his lead (with boundaries of course)

So in short: express your feelings, we understand you have them and he'll tell you how to move from there. You're in good hands already it seems. Exclusivity comes with a lot of time and consistency not just because of a little sex. He's not going to be like the other males that turn into puppies as soon as you give affection. If you feel safe, seen and respected that's all that matters.

Remember consistency.

mredge73 · 2024-04-26T13:37:23+00:00

I slept with my first and second wives on the second date. For me, the magic number is 2 for a successful LTR. Sexual connection is important to me, it may not be for you. The best advice is to have sex when you want to, not when he wants to.

There is some risk of getting hurt when you attach emotional weight to sex. Good sex increases all the relationship bars (attraction, comfort, commitment), while bad sex will lower them. The best way to avoid getting hurt is to assume he is dating other people and not ask for exclusivity until the 3rd sexual encounter. Don't block out other options until the exclusively talk.

yoouie · 2024-04-26T14:41:19+00:00

Generally men value girls they want long term much more and are actually more cautious with them. So if a guy just feels way too comfortable initiating and trying to sleep on you the first date that’s really a red flag. A lot of men would not do that because there’s a chance you might not like that , and think he only wants you for sex and ghost him.

Im just gonna add a second part to help you out. If you want to know if a guy isn’t just gonna smash and dump you. Judge him as a person overall. Is this guy willing to not only meet your parents but take you to your family? Does he respond to texts when he can? Does he respect you much enough to not over sexualize you, especially when you guys first meet? Does he care about how you are feeling? Like would he buy you food if you’re really hungry or offer to share his food if you asked. Is he confident in you to show you off? (A lot of guys will hide a girl they sleep with but uninterested in).

^{^} anyways, that’s just a general guide. A lot of men aren’t intentional players but might still play a girl accidentally because they just don’t know what they want or their plans. Like they didn’t talk to you with the intention of playing you, or with the intention of marrying you for life. They are just blind walkers.

West_Hunter_7389 · 2024-04-26T15:05:56+00:00

My question is: are you willing to have sex with him if it doesn't lead to anything serious? then tell him directly: I don't want to have sex until we have a serious relationship. Of course, he can leave if that's not what he wants, but he can stay, and enjoy a happy relationship respecting eachother's boundaries

Kagenikakushiteru · 2024-04-26T15:51:54+00:00

I ghost chicks who don’t sleep with me after 3 dates so it’s up to you.

It’s not because I only want to play you, it’s because you’re clearly not that interested in me

Valennaughty · 2024-04-26T18:20:12+00:00

Express your concerns about the lack of communication and potential for hurt directly to him. Ask for clarity on his intentions for the relationship. Trust develops over time, so observe his actions and take things at your own pace.

dacution · 2024-04-25T21:28:04+00:00

And everything goes to sex, I'm really afraid to get hurt after sleeping with him cause I know that he likes playing mental games, chasing and after sleeping with him he can lose interest.

You aren't sexually attracted to him. You can keep him around for emotional support and more dates if you want, but it won't work out in the long run.

daddyvow · 2024-04-25T19:33:08+00:00

I’d say at least one but no more than four.

atomant88 · 2024-04-25T20:30:57+00:00

the whole point of pickup is to sleep with them ASAP homie.

VovoSimon · 2024-04-25T19:31:50+00:00

Honestly, if I have 3 dates and still haven't managed to sleep with her, I just start to think that she has no sexual interest in me and I leave. But I think this is very subjective. Imo, the perfect time is on the second date.

On the first date, it's normal for women not to want to have sex for fear of him thinking you're a whore or something, but on the second date, if you're into each other, it just doesn't make sense for it not to happen

mike2928 · 2024-04-26T01:31:40+00:00

You are saying he likes playing mental games… what do you mean by that? Do you like the guy or not? It sounds you are letting fear and insecurity navigate you unless you got more context to add of him being shitty. Honestly, just go with whatever your gut tells you

supremeandjela · 2024-04-26T06:34:04+00:00

Watch out before doing anything. It would be great at that moment but after that as u said you could get hurt. Maybe stupid advice but you can make him fall in love. So you end up in relationship.

disguised_reallity · 2024-04-26T11:19:00+00:00

Friendzone him. Period.

TheOneAndOnlyABSR4 · 2024-04-26T12:54:41+00:00

Logic over emotion.

Yea this guy makes you FEEL but realistically he will leave you after he gets what he wants (sex) so I suggest you leave now.

Remember kids. Facts don’t care about feelings.

tabooforme · 2024-04-26T14:00:18+00:00

You have to figure out if the guy is a player. If so only outcome , a) you have sex with him and he moves on. b) you hold out and he gets bored and moves on. So, if you trust in your woman intuition, which I have found is usually very good with most women, use that to guide you. If not a player you can probably make it work.

SecretAccount111191 · 2024-04-26T17:26:31+00:00

RubenCa1 · 2024-04-26T17:28:22+00:00

I would sleep with the guy before a date

LustfulLoveQuest · 2024-04-26T20:09:05+00:00

Ask him as soon as possible. It's funny how as soon as the sex is had, the power gets shifted to the man's side. Suddenly she's the one who's nervous, overthinking things, emotions deregulated, etc.

I personally don't like this way of modern dating, but it is what it is. Sex first, then relationship -- if the guy wants to. Modern dating has bred the archetype of the f*ck boy, and I'm trying to learn how to get in on the action before women come to their senses (although it's been like 20 years and hasn't come close to happening).

greekgod_O · 2024-04-26T21:25:22+00:00

Marriage.

MajesticFerret36 · 2024-04-26T21:30:44+00:00

Second or 3rd date is the sweet spot. Every girl I've been with that lasted several yrs, including the one I'm currently with going in 6yrs now, put out in the first 3 dates. 2nd is prob best, but only if the chemistry is off the charts. Current girl I'm with we slept together on the 2nd date.

If she puts out on the first date, that's usually a sign she is a bit too easy and I might judge a bit. If she makes me wait longer than 3, you risk things getting awkward and the chemistry stagnating. Then again, I move pretty quick and usually will come onto a girl pretty strong in the first few dates, but a more shy guy might need longer, but typically confidant dudes are ready go by date 1. My ideal 1st date is the chemistry is off the charts and we're both ready but the girl makes me wait anyways as that shows restraint. Ideal 2nd date is we end up ripping each other's clothes off by the end.

MOTAMOUTH · 2024-04-27T00:29:41+00:00

Lol, there is no rules around this. Girls assume that if they wait, the guy will stick around. That's not how it works. Do it when it feels right, cause if he was going to leave after he'll leave after no matter what.

Mundane_Natural5131 · 2024-04-27T01:53:04+00:00

Its crazy the amount of people telling you he only wants to use you like they know him personally lol

CharityBeaver · 2024-04-27T06:11:24+00:00

You can just have fun and move on too. Not everything has to be a relationship.

lucas-il · 2024-04-27T12:00:56+00:00

Às many as it takes to get married. Don't be promiscuous

throwaway908456 · 2024-04-27T14:44:53+00:00

Same night

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-04-25T19:19:49+00:00

Ask your mom to sacrifice a chicken and to create a potion to give him so he can fall in love with you.

If that's not an option, just communicate your needs to him openly and see where the chips fall.

WhyteChorizo · 2024-04-25T21:24:52+00:00

he obviously doesn’t want anything special with you and just wants sex. if you’re looking for something serious u should cut ur losses and move on. nothing u can do to change his mind

Minnon · 2024-04-25T23:19:14+00:00

Personally, I would say 3. Less than that and the chances of me taking the girl serious as a potential long-term partner aren't great. More than that and I'm going to get restless.

hairykitty123 · 2024-04-26T06:59:58+00:00

First 20 minutes

Sure-Wish3240 · 2024-04-26T12:47:10+00:00

People that feel attracted to each other and emotional connection usually improve their relationship after having sex 3-5 times.

People that are meant to each other, so called soul mates experience transcendental orgasms during these outings.

Its OK to bem nervous and have a not a so good sex at the first time together, that IS why i Said after having sex 3-5 times.

People really mutually attracted and that feel mutual connection do not ghost after sex. If you are afraid of being ghosted after sex, there is no mutual attraction or connection going on and you are both wasting your time.

There are two solutions to the whom should you sleep with dilema.

One is to sleep with anyone that wants to sleep with you . Sex feels good even when its not perfect. And feels off the charts amazing when execute properly. You body needs and deserves sex for your brain to function properly

The other is to only sleep with people you can safely say that you would be proud to tell your friends you have slept with. Your soul needs and deserves sex for Very much the same reasons your body does. The old adage of sex being a sacred thing is real. The oldest civilizations had sex temples for a reason. Nothing wrong with being selective on your partners. All females in nature do that. Males should avoid stickin themselfs inside crazy.

RedFox457 · 2024-04-25T22:03:38+00:00

0 dates is an acceptable answer, but all the things you re concerned about aren’t alt whether you have sex fast or not but if he sees that you’re honest and secure in WHO you are.

People want a relationship with ambitious people, confident people. You don’t ‘lose him’ if you’re already doing the work to be your own person

ShawnSimoes · 2024-04-25T20:07:36+00:00

Doesn't sound like you're compatible

lemuriakai_lankanizd · 2024-04-26T03:36:04+00:00

Me a guy here, I suggest you to have no sex in your relationship. It’s good you came here (Reddit) or Atleast to me. I may not be someone who is a love guru or has been in a relationship before. But i suggest you to be the one who does sex during marriage and not before. I don’t know if you done it before or not but avoid him as possible. and a guy who loves playing mind games is a big hazard (same thing for men especially if a girl also tries to be manipulative or use psychology to an extreme even its a daily routine for her to control or knock a man down). So drag this relationship till you can get enough information about him and his past and characteristics. If you can visit his family’s place that’s also not an issue and give a good look at the surrounding (not the house but the atmosphere and the entire day) paying attention to his everything like behaviors, characteristics and any hints you can achieve. If you are dumb and not intellectually strong. Just delay the dates and show no interest as well. If you’re a virgin or someone who has had very low body count then why would you waste yourself and end up in a trauma after being dumped. Not only intercourse, even kissing lip to lip, cunnilingus, nipple nibbling, and giving him even a blowjob. Also flashing or stripping for him is not worth it as well. He can get that from a hooker or internet 🧴. So my advice to you is not to have sex on your dates (even for another man good or bad) and keep yourself for marriage. Atleast you won’t have much marriage problem like those who fucked a lot in the youth but has have “love issues” within their marriage. So stay safe and please have some decency and maintaining your chastity. You don’t have to be religious to be such but to avoid problems within your marriage.

Dynamix86 · 2024-04-26T07:55:37+00:00

A minimum of three months and having seen each other at least 15 times and when you have talked about being in a relationship.

You don’t want to get used by this guy and then maybe another and another because by the time you’re of a certain age and you find a really really great guy, he will lose a lot of admiration and respect for you if your body count is too high to his liking and possibly he wouldn’t want to be with you because of that.

Title	How many dates you should wait before sleeping with a guy?
Author	NectarineLate5884
Upvotes	141
Comments	80
Date	April 25, 2024 7:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cczunw/how_many_dates_you_should_wait_before_sleeping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-many-dates-you-should-wait-before-sleeping.1516392 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516392

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