Should I still go out with this man tomorrow?

anon3325 · 2021-12-07T06:27:48+00:00

Update for anyone interested: I blocked him and spent a lovely night at home instead! Thank you for all the responses and validating how I already felt. Learning to trust myself and my decisions is quite the journey. I am truly grateful for this sisterhood supporting me ❤️

feministcutie · 2021-12-06T14:43:34+00:00

This looks like a conversation between me and my busy friends not a potential date 🥲

wavesandtea · 2021-12-06T12:04:58+00:00

It would be a no for me but as a side note don’t ever show that you are available all the time. If someone asks Monday or Tuesday YOU choose one and mention the time that works for you. You don’t want to set the pace of him always choosing the time that works for him.

Him choosing a place next to him is showing that he indirectly is not valuing you or your time/travel time.

If you’re time is not filled with activities, family, friends and hobbies... you should still project that, otherwise your time will not be respected.

creamtart_ · 2021-12-06T08:29:32+00:00

This is painfully casual. Nothing is more attractive to me than a man who takes initiative and plans a lovely date.

“Hanging out” and “shooting for X” is what teenagers do. Adults make plans because we are busy, have tighter schedules, and need confirmation of concrete action.

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-06T10:22:09+00:00

If I were meeting some guy on OLD, I would not be comfortable meeting at a restaurant specified by him that is close to his place. Unfortunately, there are perverts on OLD. The guy is more familiar with the surroundings than you do so it'll be easier for him to isolate you if he wants to assault you. It'll also be more difficult for you to flee away from him given your lack of familiarity with the area.

extraodi · 2021-12-06T05:59:14+00:00

I know a great Italian place “by me.” I wouldn’t go there. Why does it have to be near where he lives?

poppinkitty · 2021-12-06T06:24:41+00:00

Hard pass. His texts scream LV to me. A HVM would suggest a place near to you. And the vibe is just off. Don't go out with him. Waste of time.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-12-06T06:48:17+00:00

The “let’s shoot for” is getting on my nerves. This is a date, be a man, pick a time, and arrive promptly

aeorimithros · 2021-12-06T11:05:50+00:00

Tried to get you to do all the mental load of choosing a day and time. Doesn't (I assume) message for two full days and still doesn't have a full plan for the date?

No. You should not go out with him.

anon3325 · 2021-12-06T05:55:36+00:00

He asked me out, we established a time and date but not the place. The night before (less than 24 hrs) he’s trying to establish a place and ask for my input. In my opinion it’s a bit inappropriate to plan for a date this last minute. Not sure if I’m being harsh. Please let me know!

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-12-06T06:58:31+00:00

Ummm no because he planned nothing. The restaurant is so “great” because he can probably walk there and it’s easy to try get you back to his place. The ”let’s shoot for” already screams zero commitment.

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-12-06T16:07:08+00:00

Going forward- always control the narrative, if a man says Monday or Tuesday, you say Tuesday is great because you want to present that you are a catch because your life is jam packed with excitement even if you’re just watching reruns of Seinfeld in your pjs lol.

The next thing I would’ve done is ignored his last text and answer his food question with, I love Thai. Or something different from the place near him.

I wouldn’t agree to meet him at a restaurant that wasn’t close by ME, not him.

He already seems selfish tbh. I might still go on a date with him if he snaps into line during our texting, but he probably won’t.

The_Moon_Piece · 2021-12-07T00:33:05+00:00

This reeks of LVM.

“Shoot for” is a red flag by itself. Sounds non-committal and low effort. A HVM values your time and his own and would show decisiveness.
He stated his available time and didn’t follow up with a question? I examine the reason why people to choose to say what they say as much as what they actually choose to say. A HVM wouldn’t just state his availability and expect you to fill the void. A man who’s into you is eager to take you out and would not leave things so.. unspoken.
Okay, you reached anyway and made a plan for a time, which should’ve been made by him. If it’s his invitation, why is he leaving so much up for you to decide? LVM.
“Sounds great to me!” then crickets for a whole weekend. Is he not interested in engaging with you anymore until he gets a chance to make a move? Not even asking how you're doing? Why settle for this, when you can vet and only allow access to men who are excited about you and will make an effort to show up and be in front of you?
He didn’t even offer cuisine suggestions, which is already below minimum, let alone pick a restaurant like a gentleman. He has the audacity to rely on your labor to decide where he is going to take you.
Then the coup de grace- “(…) restaurant by me!”. Sis he is literally full on expecting you to drive to him. I can bet money he just wants an easy, low effort lay. And I’d bet my paycheck he would try to split the bill. Cause I mean.. he’s made it this far with less than minimum effort, LVM will push to see how much they can get away with.

I personally think he should’ve been vetted out much sooner than this. I have a feeling there might’ve been other clues before this screenshot, but I’m so glad you checked to make sure. I would block and delete. Stay woke, sis!

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-06T07:23:41+00:00

Bin him sis. He screams scrote. Block and delete.

meetme__atsunset · 2021-12-06T06:29:26+00:00

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I was taught it's rude to call someone (or for 2021, text or IM) between 9pm and 9am. Rubs me the wrong way to try and confirm plans with you so late, and only give you a faux chance to give input on the locale. This isn't considerate enough of your time and preferences, imo.

daisy_0720 · 2021-12-06T19:05:54+00:00

So he couldn't be bothered to confirm a venue until the night before? That's rude as fuck; I wouldn't tolerate this from a friend, let alone a romantic interest. Super disrespectful of your time and too late for him to call and make reservations.

Block and delete.

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-12-06T11:27:21+00:00

The fact he seems to mostly message after 9pm (based on this snapshot), makes we wonder if he is texting after that time for a reason. Either wanting sex only or already has someone - maybe both.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2021-12-06T08:09:49+00:00

Sorry, I wouldn't trust a date with anyone who says stuff like "shoot"

subgirlygirl · 2021-12-06T06:48:37+00:00

He looks unkempt to me. And his use of exclamation points is immature. And he didn't have a place locked down by the evening prior. And he asked what you wanted and didn't wait for you to respond. And he suggested a place close to him.

I would next him without a second thought.

Astral_weaver · 2021-12-06T11:36:40+00:00

I vaguely can see the photo, but he seems ugly on top of everything. Next him with no explanation.

seashellsupplier · 2021-12-06T13:18:19+00:00

Pizza places near me usually don‘t take reservations, so this could be a ploy on his part to get you to do takeaway at his. Also why did he not answer on the weekend? To me it seems like he had dates on the weekend that didn’t pan out the way he had hoped and only now decides to lock down plans with you. Block and move on. Also read the handbook.

CoriVanilla · 2021-12-06T20:26:39+00:00

No lol if you wanted to plan a date for yourself you could have done that already

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-06T23:49:55+00:00

It's a no for me. My friends put in more effort when planning to get together for dinner.

candyfox84 · 2021-12-07T01:35:00+00:00

My ex was like this and it became exhausting. Just a constant barrage of questions and him never taking initiative. Also, this guy obviously takes all his dates to this Italian place. Low effort!

Muffcakelord · 2021-12-06T11:44:14+00:00

Block and delete. The way he treats you is legitimately how i'd treat someone i'm angry with.

abirdofthesky · 2021-12-06T17:23:53+00:00

I’m going to go against the grain and say that this seems fine to me, but might not be fine to you and that’s ok. I don’t mind a bit of flexibility when trying to schedule because some people might genuinely feel they’re being considerate by allowing that your schedule might change. As long as he’s on time, that’s great.

Is it a cute Italian place, or pretty casual? Is his neighborhood far from you? If it’s not far and it looks like a nice place it might genuinely be a good date option. I do understand that on balance sometimes choosing a place you know to be good that’s closer to you is better than risking a new, unknown spot. But again, these all are so dependent on details and if you don’t feel comfortable then that’s that.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-12-06T06:10:05+00:00

Tell him a different spot

Softrito · 2021-12-06T12:51:01+00:00

If you have a personal vehicle you could maybe investigate him a bit further by continuing the date? Just don't go to his house if he mentions it.

Title	Should I still go out with this man tomorrow?
Author	anon3325
Upvotes	95
Comments	54
Date	December 6, 2021 5:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ra01ak/should_i_still_go_out_with_this_man_tomorrow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/should-i-still-go-out-with-this-man-tomorrow.1088432 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088432

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