Even in a best case scenario with a seemingly “ok” man, age gap relationships still suck

Buttercup5555 · 2021-11-29T18:57:31+00:00

That moment when your prefrontal cortex matures around 25 years old and you can finally look at the situation like a proper adult. I don't think she has problems with wrinkles, it's deeper than that. At 36 you should not have THAT wrecked of a skin, unless he's even older than he says, tf

Also- a 28 yr old coming after an 18 yr old 🤢 she can say they have the healthiest relationship, I ain't buying it. Poor woman doesn't know any better with that pick me of a mother

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-11-29T18:47:27+00:00

So they got together when she was 18 and he was 28, he didn't disclose his actual age until after she developed feelings, and odds are good he's not taking care of himself because he already scored a young wife. If his deepening facial lines are throwing her off now, just wait until he's 50 and bald with leathery skin.

Part of me feels bad for these women because we all grew up in the patriarchy so this could have been any of us under the wrong conditions. But also what do they think is going to happen over the years? Men don't age well and if you're curious just look at the guy's dad for a glimpse into his future.

Buggy1218 · 2021-11-29T19:25:08+00:00

She says that she looks back on her wedding day and wonders if everyone thought she was a fool making a big mistake. Sounds like projection to me.

She talks about him with so much love it’s like she’s trying to talk herself into it. It’s okay to admit that you’re no longer attracted to someone that’s aging before your eyes while you’re still young and pretty. Lord knows men have no reservations about it when the roles are reversed.

The sunk cost fallacy is doing her no favors. Here’s hoping she comes to terms with her feelings and moves on.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-29T19:48:42+00:00

“my (26f) Husband (36m)”

I don’t think 10 years is that bad -

“We got together when I was 18.”

Oh. 😒

I bet there are deeper problems than signs of aging, though.

youre_a_cat · 2021-11-29T19:14:16+00:00

Well that was incredibly predictable. The average human brain finishes maturing at the age of 25, so she's right on schedule.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-29T20:19:48+00:00

She finally got the ick! Now she's stuck with a melting candle of a man and a long life ahead of her. Poor gal.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-11-29T19:40:22+00:00

Sis, if you need to talk yourself into it this hard, you know this ain’t it.

TherulerT · 2021-11-29T20:24:05+00:00

She's starting to realize but she's not quite there yet. She thinks that at 18 the difference mattered less than it does now.

She's straight up ignoring the people asking her what she'd think about dating an 18 year old.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-11-29T19:56:31+00:00

He probably groomed her. And yes 18 is still young enough to be groomed. I’m 23 and looking back I was so dumb lol

ChgItToRayGunYouFuck · 2021-11-29T20:22:53+00:00

Good Lord, the fucking edit/update. Basically, Reddit told her that ShE's JuSt PrOjEcTiNg HeR oWn InSeCuRiTiEs AbOuT aGiNg!

Fuck that noise. He fucking groomed an 18-year-old when he was 28. And she's now mature enough to realize how messed up that is.

This is exactly why old scrotes go for young women--Get them before ~25 and dump them before they realize what's happening.

PossibleCook · 2021-11-29T20:17:34+00:00

If he’s such a great guy why couldn’t he find someone his own age? Why did he have to groom a child? (Let’s face it, 18 is practically a child). These are the questions she should be asking herself

machiavella_89 · 2021-11-29T20:32:55+00:00

If he's as amazing as she describes, why are signs of aging bothering her so much? Thirty-six is no spring chicken, but it's not geriatric either. Is she really upset for some other reason? Is she concerned he's going to go old-man mode as quickly as possible and stop taking care of himself, stop wanting to do fun/exciting things, etc.? In other words, how likely is it that this sudden concern is about his age/appearance and not his personality?

I'm not saying a 10-year age gap isn't inherently a problem, but she clearly didn't see it as a problem before. I doubt her epiphany is solely related to some wrinkles and thinning hair.

Remember that, ladies, if someone tries to make you feel like you're shallow for not wanting to date older men. It's not just about their physical age, it's about the fact that men who want to date women 10+ years younger often have internal issues they can't or won't work on, and those issues will get worse as they age. It's one thing to be a bit lazy or dull when you're basically still a kid still finding your way in the world and learning to get rid of any baggage your parents saddled you with, but it's a lot harder to tolerate that in an older person.

Sewud · 2021-11-29T21:33:15+00:00

You know what, she's blaming herself, worrying that she's shallow for thinking he looks old, she's swearing to be a good wife who'll never leave him nor cheat on him...

But he would never have dated her if she was 10 years older than him.

That's all there is to say about it. She can spend her life wondering if she's doing enough to be a good woman, if she's grateful enough, accepting enough, but the only truth that matters is that he would never worry about such things.

Is she a fool? To him, yes. He's the one who got what he wanted, a younger woman, without having to do any compromise. He managed to convince someone to do something he'd never do himself - date someone 10 years older.

The question is not even what other people think, it's what he thinks. He 100% thinks she's a fool and he's happy with what he pulled off.

She's pure so for her it's love, it's "when it's true love age doesn't matter", but for him? Age totally matters! That's the entire point why he fell in love with her!

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-11-29T22:27:12+00:00

It's so funny how true the cliche is of every reddit post about a relationship problem written by a woman starts off with an entire paragraph complimenting and preemptively defending the husband. Men don't do this when writing about problems with their wives

Waste-Win · 2021-11-29T21:17:48+00:00

This is why even if the man is decent (which I'm going to assume since OP says so), age gaps relationships are a problem one way or another.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-11-29T23:03:38+00:00

It's because her brain is fully formed now and she is realizing what a mistake this relationship was to begin with. It's not because he's got some wrinkles. It's because she finally realized that her husband should have never persued her.

10 years isn't a big deal when people are middle aged. But he's gross and clearly this was predatory. Grown men shouldn't be going after girls in high school.

Now she is only in her mid-twenties and she is married with a kid to a man she isn't attracted to anymore. Really sad.

kolsen92 · 2021-11-29T20:22:54+00:00

I seem to only have eyes for men 10-15 years older, I’m 28 so obviously not a child anymore but not sure why I’m like this. I literally am not attracted to men my age at all, not sure how to break out of this cycle..

Title	Even in a best case scenario with a seemingly “ok” man, age gap relationships still suck
Author	LallieDoo
Upvotes	213
Comments	46
Date	November 29, 2021 6:38 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r52eco/even_in_a_best_case_scenario_with_a_seemingly_ok/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/even-in-a-best-case-scenario-with-a-seemingly-ok.1089677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089677

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