Middle aged men who “don’t know yet” on dating apps

Thestral-glow6 · 2022-02-28T12:15:48+00:00

In my opinion, they know damn well that a lot of women won’t want to engage with them at all, especially if those women themselves want children at some point in the future.. So to me it always feels like they were just dangling the carrot 🥕and leading women on.

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-28T12:28:31+00:00

I think they know, but saying straight up "I want to string you along as long as I can or until I find a new shiny woman" is an immediate turn off even for most pick me's.

So they're trying to increase the probability of finding a woman. We all now they're really desperate, so any chance counts. If they're vague or indecisive (or put the responsibility on the woman e.g. "it depends on who I meet"), they have at least a small chance someone with low self esteem will bite.

Carneliancat · 2022-02-28T13:53:13+00:00

You know how sometimes, in the Fall, when all the other apples have been picked, and there are still those dwarfed apples up on the branches, getting all withered, frostbitten, and rotten? The ones that were never picked, because they never ripened properly, or were full of worms? Those men are like these apples.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-02-28T12:52:01+00:00

Oh they know- they want to get laid and have no intention of anything but a FWB situation

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2022-02-28T14:35:39+00:00

Because "don't know yet" sounds better than "I am looking to only fuck you and ghost you OR if you're lucky keep you around until it's convenient to me * finger guns * ;) "

Sewud · 2022-02-28T13:55:58+00:00

I hate these men who want second chances too. They didn't want kids when they were 30 so they didn't look for a girlfriend, but now that they are 40 they think a 30-year-old will have children with them? Why?

VintagePallor · 2022-02-28T17:24:01+00:00

Any man over 30 on OLD who's not "ready" for marriage can literally get out of my sight lmao, I have no time or patience for your Peter Pan ass 😂💀✂️✂️✂️

eatchickpeas · 2022-02-28T14:45:42+00:00

They want sex they dont want an actual relationship. If they outright say they want sex then they cant benefit from the unpaid labour of a woman, like cooking or cleaning. They intentionally want to keep things unlabelled so that they end up having a live in gf whos only in her 20s, they live for years sharing chores and when she gets 'too old' he dumps her and repeats the cycle with a younger woman.

And of course these men will demand a 50/50 relationship. The problem is when the men realise they can no longer manipulate naive young women they will have to expand their target group to older women but they will still obsess over sleeping with college aged women

galian84 · 2022-02-28T16:49:41+00:00

Oh they know. They just want to string you along commitment-free. I dated a 45 year old man in the past who “didn’t know” when/if he would ever be ready to marry.

He admitted to me after 6 years (I know, I was a 🤡 this entire relationship) that he wasn’t “the marrying type.” His ex wife also had to give him an ultimatum to marry her when he was in his late 30s. That marriage only lasted 2 years.

They want to live the bachelor life while having a (preferably younger) woman around to manipulate and serve him and take care of him when he’s old.

Miss me with that shit.

OldLadyAndHerBees · 2022-02-28T13:33:53+00:00

They want something casual but want to pretend they want more so they can cast a wider net. They can also lead more women to bed without commitment, and then blame it on them.

TVsFrankismyDad · 2022-02-28T18:05:22+00:00

They all imagine that here is an endless parade of horney supermodels waiting just around the corner that they'll totally miss out on if they commit to someone.

From what I can tell, it seems to come from 1) believing they are like two sit-ups away from being Henry Cavill and 2) believing the stories other men tell about how often they get laid. Every guy lies about sex, and every guy believes the other guys' lies.

Also, those old guys also believe the lie that women over 30 are desperate.

In short, it's because they believe the various lies that men tell each other.

Great_Woods · 2022-02-28T14:03:54+00:00

My experience has been that these are men who want to date casually, but not with women seeking the same; rather, they want to lead on a woman seeking to date seriously, act like a boyfriend and then split once the woman asks to define the relationship. They get off on the ego boost of these women wanting to date them, and it not being reciprocated. They want to feel like the woman wants them more. Deplorable.

cutsforluck · 2022-03-01T00:15:50+00:00

I hear you and I agree.

However.

Like you said: they make it easy. You screen and eliminate them up front. No time or energy wasted.

It's the fakers, abusers, and manipulators that you have to worry about.

The guys who say they want the same thing as you, 'something serious.' They realize that they haven't met quality women with their 'don't know yet', so they figure they'll do better if they game the system.

They seem nice, smart, funny. Just had some 'bad luck.' Maybe they tell you a sob story about how they always seemed to meet 'the wrong women.'

You think that you lucked out, finally met a 'diamond in the rough.'

The scenario plays out differently, depending on the specifics. The common point, however, is losing your soul.

bloomingbag · 2022-02-28T16:36:20+00:00

Of course they know, they would just decrease their chances for women if they put “looking for casual”.

Zurflu · 2022-02-28T15:14:12+00:00

"Don't know yet" = just offer me something I'll take whatever I can possibly get from you

imposingllama · 2022-02-28T23:13:23+00:00

So gross. They know that writing they want something casual will eliminate alot of women, so they write they don't know.

At least when they write something casual, it's more honest. This way is so deceptive, like let me string you along and make you guess my intentions while I explore other options. 🤡

lolmemberberries · 2022-03-01T00:37:26+00:00

What they're looking for is a free therapist and to waste your time. Immediate left.

justforfunnsies12 · 2022-02-28T15:15:17+00:00

YEEESSSS!!!

And when they "don't know" if they want kids or not. You're 45 years old. You should have a clear idea about whether or not you want to have children. I'm not talking about the ones who are okay with someone who already has kids. I'm talking about the ones who clearly aren't sure whether they want to have kids of their own yet. By 45 you should know if you want to start a family.

cryptohobo · 2022-02-28T20:13:12+00:00

They’ll know once they ask their mommies first. No bigger turn off than an indecisive man, so I absolutely love when they disclose this. 🏌️‍♀️

Far_Promotion_8513 · 2022-02-28T13:05:32+00:00

They are often married man looking for a hook up. But if they put that in their bio, they would get no matches.

PinchePescadora · 2022-02-28T16:54:26+00:00

Right! Or worse yet, the ones who say they want or are open to kids and also “don’t know yet” 🤡

Thanks for the warning, boys!

AnniaT · 2022-02-28T18:20:53+00:00

They want to keep the bachelor life as long as they can while they get sex, attention and free emotional labor from women without having to invest and commit. Hence why the "don't know yet". If they were honest no woman would give them a chance and they know it.

Maingurl · 2022-02-28T15:04:26+00:00

It's just laughable.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-03-01T02:23:12+00:00

This is a tactical narrative strategy designed to extract whatever benefits are appealing and on offer from any given scenario, without taking into consideration or having any respect for what you may be looking for, because that’s not the priority.

PeachyKeen1975 · 2022-02-28T15:18:59+00:00

They know exactly what they want. They also know that you’re not going to like them being direct about what they want, because it’s not what you want. So they play the game that they dOn’T kNoW wHaT tHeY wAnT to lure in the women who might try to find out. We know what they want and it’s not what we want.

aziza7 · 2022-02-28T18:50:01+00:00

Story time: I went on a date with a 47M the Saturday before the Monday Valentine's day. He arrived with a Valentine's gift in hand (homemade cookies, mini teddy bears, a chocolate bar). We had a lovely dinner and chatted for hours. At some point he let it slip that he had never had a long term relationship. He also admitted he had become addicted to swiping on apps. He drove me home and gave me a big hug with a kiss on the cheek. Then essentially ghosted me until I checked in a few days later to invite him a film screening. He said that he "didn't feel strongly enough to move forward." I don't think he could feel strongly enough about anyone if he's addicted to apps. How can any girl compete with a fantasy who is only a few more swipes away?

jijitsu-princess · 2022-03-01T12:57:27+00:00

They’ve bought into the lie that they have OpTIOns. No what you have is an inflated sense of ego, STDs and bad teeth.

FDS-GFY · 2022-03-03T01:02:03+00:00

They know. They just don’t want YOU to know.

Title	Middle aged men who “don’t know yet” on dating apps
Author	LallieDoo
Upvotes	781
Comments	58
Date	February 28, 2022 11:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t3dsx0/middle_aged_men_who_dont_know_yet_on_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/middle-aged-men-who-dont-know-yet-on-dating-apps.1104866 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104866

Comments