[Q4All] Whats the biggest thing you have personally learned from your online dating experience?

jonrah69 · 2022-02-09T15:01:02+00:00

My experience: They are very tough if you are an average or below average man. I used to be a lot worse looking and cleaned myself up a lot and it was a night and day difference, almost like i crossed the “threshold”.

Hinge is also the only useable one in my opinion. The match rate on hinge is way way higher than tinder. On hinge i can get some really attractive women and have had some great dates come from it. Tinder is pretty meh

Bendetto4 · 2022-02-09T13:30:42+00:00

How pointless it all is, and how expensive it is of you pay for it.

Firstly, spending an hour every day swiping through your designated people, then spending days talking to someone, only for them to ghost you and for you to have to start again.

Its genuinely the most pointless thing ever. At least dating IRL you get to decide immediately if you're into them or not.

Then just how expensive it is. Hinge charges £37 a month for premium. Amazon prime is £7 a month. My phone is £30 a mo th for a brand new Samsung with unlimited 5G. So for the price of maybe matching with some girls and maybe getting a date out of it. I can own a phone and use amazon prime. That's before you get on to roses, which cost anywhere between £3 each, to £1.50 each depending on which package you buy. What do they do? Well according to the 2 free ones I've used, fuck all.

I'm sure you can pay for higher levels of premium on top as well. But for that price I'd rather join an exclusive gym, or country club, and try pick up women there.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-02-09T15:32:54+00:00

How naïve and stupid I really was when I first started to earnestly try to attract women. How many normalish, professional women have so much dick on the side.

I would be so thrilled to have "gone on a date", thinking there was a connection beginning to form when I would later learn that the very same night we went on a date, the very same women would be sleeping with her FwB that same night.

This has happened enough times that I don't bother with first dates much. Why? Is my function to just warm a women up so that her ex, casual partner, H.S./college friend, or other rando gets to enjoy her while I'm naively thinking this could be the start of something?

Fuck that.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-02-09T13:11:27+00:00

I joined a site summer 14 after splitting from my husband, not going to lie it was an ego boost lots of messages etc. Spoke to a few people only 1 I actually met up with.

throwawayM213 · 2022-02-09T15:49:03+00:00

That I’ll die alone

thetruthishere_ · 2022-02-09T14:17:49+00:00

Its a shit show.

manfrom-nantucket · 2022-02-09T15:26:25+00:00

OLD taught me that I was better off meeting women in person. Ain't no women of quality to be found online.

sootlord · 2022-02-09T13:36:38+00:00

That it's all a game in every aspect.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-02-09T14:22:03+00:00

That having actual good quality photographs is such a flex

Also, how many girls are willing to cheat

MisterFlipside · 2022-02-09T14:45:30+00:00

That I'm lucky to even be considered a human being in real life.

Intrepid_Place5390 · 2022-02-09T16:23:14+00:00

Many women are just looking for attention. If you connect, ask for a face2face soon, if she's delaying, move on

FizzleMateriel · 2022-02-09T13:41:06+00:00

I learned how to talk to women and strangers better.

For women who are interested in meeting people, I developed an approach to get their number/get them to agree to meet for a date and I’ve gotten better at it.

For some of them I was surprised they wanted to meet me and showed up. I thought they were out of my league, looks-wise.

A lot of women put no effort into conversation or dating. They expect the man to do 99% of the work.

DarkSp3ctre · 2022-02-09T15:40:35+00:00

That old is a sausage fest and everyone, at least on old, is superficial.

DJBurpz · 2022-02-09T17:25:46+00:00

I've only ever tried Bumble. I've learned that I'm incredibly confused about what my SMV is, or that highly attractive women are just that selective.

I've gotten maybe a dozen matches that engaged with conversation with me (like it wasn't a ghost match or low effort match), but they were all plain janes and fat chicks.

I asked a couple why they swiped on me after a few phone calls and I've gotten feedback that I'm very attractive. One called me sexy.

But here's the thing; I never get attention from, well, attractive women. It makes me wonder what my SMV really is. I have less than attractive women calling me "sexy", yet no attractive woman ever matches with me.

I wonder if it's hypergamy, or if it's chicks swinging out of their league, meaning the one's in my league are swinging above me. It raises a lot of questions for me.

trail22 · 2022-02-09T19:36:41+00:00

It taught me how unattractive I was. Like you research how toim improve your dating profile and message and you come across stuff liek how race and height affect your dating. Amnd the thing about OLD is you have so many variables you can change. After changing all the variables you realize how the things you cant change matter for some more then the things you can.

throwaway316stunner · 2022-02-10T05:21:55+00:00

If you are a below-average man and/or have mental health disorders/disabilities, don’t even bother.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-02-09T13:15:34+00:00

Just how much of a waste of time it is. I swiped as a guy.

lulll · 2022-02-09T15:33:28+00:00

i've learned women win no matter what and i'm not playing a rigged game. every form of online dating is horrendous garbage filled with the nastiest bunch of cunts the world has ever seen. why anyone wastes their time with any of it is a mystery to me, you're that desperate for a vagina you'll put up with their cunty bullshit? fuck all of them

chromie96 · 2022-02-09T16:07:14+00:00

Personally, that my weight does not deter as many people as society made me believe it would. Like yeah it was hard and some dudes were dicks but also there are people who think I'm gorgeous and had no problem telling me that. It was a big confidence boost on my part.

kyjolski · 2022-02-09T14:08:15+00:00

That people are garbage.

wtknight · 2022-02-09T14:25:22+00:00

I’ve learned that if I want to meet women online that it’s better to do it more organically through chatrooms or message boardsthan to use a dating site or app. Actually, meeting people in real life is the best way to keep things organic, but unfortunately I’m shy around strangers, so I’ve had much better outcomes interacting with people online first.

UnitedIntroduction48 · 2022-02-09T14:43:13+00:00

It’s location and time dependent. If you’re in a big city or an area with a lot of college students or migrants it’ll be much easier to get dates. People are more willing to meet others when it gets warmer outside too.

The only thing better than OLD is having an expansive social circle but that‘s hard to make for yourself unless you live in a big area with a lot of transplants or are still friends with the same people since you were a kid. Dating in a small area can be hell for a lot of people regardless if you use apps or cold call in person.

Habil13 · 2022-02-09T15:06:59+00:00

This might be silly, but it taught me women care about looks. I thought I could go my whole life being obese, and suddenly find my princess whom I’d live happily ever after with.

bison5595 · 2022-02-09T15:54:05+00:00

There are 2 things. 1. People massively overrated their sexual market value. 2. People refuse to do the real work of putting themselves in a position to find what they desire.

decoy88 · 2022-02-09T16:37:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

logiauser · 2022-02-09T18:23:45+00:00

There's always someone better than you.

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-02-09T18:35:51+00:00

Either that it’s a scam to swindle men of their money, or that I’m extremely ugly. Still not sure what the correct answer is. Maybe a mixture of both?

figuringMylife · 2022-02-09T19:54:12+00:00

men are really weird

TheMorningJoe · 2022-02-10T10:12:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

afkawayrn · 2022-02-09T13:50:08+00:00

I am 31, been in a handful of relationships over the last decade and a handful of flings in between those. I 100% think OLD is pointless and never have done it. Since I was 18-19 right when it was even becoming a thing, I immediately saw it as the opposite of anything I would even try to do, I’ll explain why.

When it comes to dating the people who get dates have always been the charismatic people who can talk well, have a social life, and just show they can communicate and connect with people easily. I feel like back then life kinda went two routes for me and my peers, and either you went out to bars and became a socialite, or you sat at home and didn’t. It was very black and white for most my friend groups. Because of this I always knew I needed to go out and meet people in real life, not only to build these social skills, but also to not fall for the game of paying for a app to get me more views or rely on having super dope pics just for the girl to consider me. Immediately it was regarded in my head as even more shallow than meeting people in real life. And even back then I could see women had 200 matches while every guy would have a couple lol, I knew it was a 0 sum game very early on.

I really believe social media and OLD have caused massive problems. For once in human history people could be lazier than ever, even the most basic human drive to mate was officially reduced to swiping on a phone on your couch. This just isn’t it. It wasn’t it for me and I feel like it isn’t for most people but people fall into a lazy trap because it’s what they feel everyone else is doing as well.

Dont get me wrong, some people meet the loves of their lives on the apps. I have 4 sisters, 3 of which are in LTR with men they met on dating apps. But its just extremely one sided. Women are picking threw a buffet of men. So men are lucky if you get picked. Me personally I don’t play that game also because I want to pick lol. I like going out and spitting game and meeting new people and friend groups.

A lot of people will probably say too they just aren’t they “social” but I just don’t believe that lol. I wasn’t social at all. I was a late bloomer and didn’t lose my virginity till 18, I was homeschooled my last two years of high school, huge gamer nerd, I was not a social butterfly what so ever. I just knew I had no choice but to get out there and make friends and try to socialize or I would never have a relationship.

I hope the world returns to real life soon. For the health of young men so they don’t have to torture themselves through OLD, and cna learn some social skills that will carry them successfully through life.

mistresswhat · 2022-02-10T03:41:11+00:00

Being too focused on one specific outcome saps any enjoyment out of the experience and just makes it feel like a frustrating job. If you're a chill go-with-the-flow type who enjoys talking to people you'll probably have at least kind of a good time.

pityforthemajority · 2022-02-09T14:15:59+00:00

In retrospect, I think the reason a lot of women stopped messaging me was because they were expecting me to offer to hookup the the day we matched. I of course tried to take things slow, because I kept hearing women complain about hookup requests. I was married at the time I used OLD, so my situation was a little unique.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-02-09T16:00:02+00:00

It’s a numbers game. If I ain’t hitting up at least 30+ in the span of a week then I can’t complain about my phone being dry because I ain’t take 5 minutes out of my day too hit them up

decoy88 · 2022-02-10T02:31:32+00:00

Whats the biggest thing you have personally learned from your online dating experience

If you’re a man…

You have to be hot, or have VERY good pictures.
The odds are mathematically against you (20% women, 80% men), so strike first, strike quickly, move conversations out of app ASAP and arrange an irl date within 1-2 weeks
Copy and paste unique openers that you made yourself. Tailoring long first messages is a waste of time
Learn the technology of the app, use that knowledge to optimise efficiency. (And get the premium version dammit!)
Average-to-below average women are the most common (hot girls are rare because they get enough attention irl), so IRL approaching have much higher odds of attracting hotter women.
It’s a numbers game, never forget that.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-02-09T14:39:14+00:00

That if you take 10 extra minutes to craft a decent profile and can converse through text... It's stupid easy to rise above the competition

Bingobops · 2022-02-09T14:40:01+00:00

Anyone over 24 on dating hookup apps are extremely unprepared for any real relationship and also are single for a very very good reason :/

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wtknight · 2022-02-09T13:55:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

quiturbitchn · 2022-02-09T14:19:43+00:00

That stalkers will continuously make new accounts to find you

heyitsjeape · 2022-02-09T14:23:51+00:00

I quit after briefly trying in 2011. There were a lot of scammers on there. That was all I learned.

Designer_Ant8543 · 2022-02-09T15:14:34+00:00

That human connection is super rare and that you can’t just decide you want a relationship and find someone that will be good for you.

Too many people actually looking for relationships on apps have very unrealistic expectations of how the dating process works.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-02-09T15:48:48+00:00

I realized with online dating I was really underrating my league

My experience was the polar opposite. I knew my niche group of compatible people was extremely small. They are a tiny percentage of the population in real life. I thought OLD would be an easier way to find them but it turns out it is not.

midwesternMD · 2022-02-09T17:15:48+00:00

Man here.

On paper I’d seem like a remarkable catch. In practice, I struggle but get enough matches often enough that my dating life is ok.

After a lot of honest introspection, I came to the conclusion that looks matter a fuck ton. And it feels like there’s a strong racial bias as well, but that’s a different matter altogether. What I’ve accomplished academically/professionally/etc don’t mean anything if my pics don’t make a woman say “yes.” At least not with current online dating apps.

2022-02-09T17:56:29+00:00

I met some really interesting people. My experience was overwhelmingly positive.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-02-09T18:08:59+00:00

How mind numbing people can be. The apps themselves sound perfect on paper. If you both "like" each other, you can then talk. Sounds extremely straightforward with airtight logic. But nope. Women will match with you and NOT want to talk. Baffles me to no end.

Also, it's pretty confusing how I've matched with some women that I never thought would even look my way but then again, I don't get matches very often. Which doesn't really make sense.

The only women I've dated have been from online so as shitty as OLD is, I didn't really have a dating life at all until it came around.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-02-09T19:12:08+00:00

i have had luck with online dating. i can easily separate the gold diggers from quality women.

i found that there are a lot of thirsty men who ruin it for everyone else. trying to get a woman to like and trust you while women chatting with you and multiple men and narrowing select few made me feel like i did not belong on dating app. because women have the upper hand i chose not to be on dating apps. after i discovered there are 1000 men to 1 woman, i stopped dating apps

Sophiatab · 2022-02-09T22:57:50+00:00

How many men actively hate women and only see as objects to be used.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-10T17:17:31+00:00

I haven't online dated since 2014, I was on Okcupid I refused to try Tinder after seeing some friends experiences.

I learned that I am girlfriend material. My profile emphasized I was into some nerdy things and I was pursued by a bunch of nerdy guys who did not view me as a hookup. They wanted to move into an exclusive relationship with me pretty much immediately and were very upset when I didn't. Every guy was polite, at least initially.

That I look better in person than I do in pictures as it was obvious the men I met were very pleasantly surprised I looked better than my pictures, not worse. It almost made me think having not the best pics might be the way to go.

I loved reading how they answered the questions they asked to determine what they were really like. I actually decided to go out with one guy because he answered a question that he basically had a foot kink. I just enjoy interacting with degenerates I guess.

TheMorningJoe · 2022-02-11T09:05:15+00:00

If you’re not top 20% you’re essentially a free meal.

mlgamblor · 2022-02-09T17:54:18+00:00

Hinge works pretty well for me, despite apparently lacking almost every single trait of the mythical Chad. My swipe rate is about 20% on every message I send.

What I've learned is that many women think you're more attractive if you're great at engaging them in conversation and banter. I'm only slightly above average, but most women I've been with think I'm far more attractive than I actually am.

effeteintellectual · 2022-02-09T14:56:58+00:00

I would encourage guys to be more picky if you can afford to be. Most matches don’t lead anywhere because there’s no compatibility. Be picky, know what you want and focus on your matches.

Title	[Q4All] Whats the biggest thing you have personally learned from your online dating experience?
Author	MasterTeacher123
Upvotes	9
Comments	133
Date	February 9, 2022 1:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sod52s/q4all_whats_the_biggest_thing_you_have_personally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-whats-the-biggest-thing-you-have-personally.1101589 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101589

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Whats the biggest thing you have personally learned from your online dating experience