Q4Men: In honor of Father’s Day, would you act as a father to children that weren’t yours? Why or why not?

tired_hillbilly · 2022-06-20T02:11:25+00:00

I'm not strictly opposed to it. I find it unlikely, because single moms usually come with a lot of baggage even excluding the kid. And it's a two-way street; even if I was 100% sold on being a step-dad, if the kid doesn't play along it'll just never work out. But if we all somehow hit it off, yeah, I would. I still will want my own bio kids though.

Adoption and fostering seems great too; super super stressful, but those kids are under a lot of stress too. Stress they didn't sign up for.

todo_pasa_ · 2022-06-20T01:03:55+00:00

Would I want to raise another man’s kids? That depends if they are up for adoption. I would not want to be a father to some single mom’s kids that are young. I am fine adopting a kid that has no parents.

If I was to date a single mom it would be living separate lives in separate places and us just meeting up.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-06-20T01:16:05+00:00

Since I have a daughter I’m like 5% more open to it but really no lol ideally that’s just too much.

And I wouldn’t trust that THEIR child wouldn’t do something to MY child because they don’t see them as true siblings so…..yea no.

Draco359 · 2022-06-20T04:01:26+00:00

No.

Not my children, not my problem.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-06-20T03:23:59+00:00

Only if I chose to adopt one of my own volition. Or had to take in a niece/nephew. Outside of that, hell no. They wont respect you the same way, the father will be apart of their life and by extension yours, and you may get attached to the kid only for things not to work out which sucks for them as well.

Generally I think childless men with any self respect should avoid dating single mothers. It's not your job to raise another man's kid.

bigboymanny · 2022-06-20T03:49:30+00:00

Thats the only way i would ever have children. There are so many youg kids out there suffering who need a home that i would feel bad not offering a safe home if i could. Also me and my family have too many chronic health conditions both physical and mental for me to feel comfortable fathering a child.

shonenhikada · 2022-06-20T09:05:31+00:00

Didn't someone post on here a real life story of a guy who married a single mother and raised her daughter for 25+ years only for said daughter to pick her biological father in walking her down the aisle. And even after he complained about this to both his wife and his step-daughter he was told to not be selfish and how it is her day. Just lol if you are pumping resources to help another man's blood line to survive.

Steakman1 · 2022-06-20T01:08:47+00:00

If this in reference to all situations, then sure. But if I were to for whatever reason be dating a single mom, like maybe I’m in my late 30s trying to date women in their 30s, then there would have to be some sort of agreement where if her and I were to split, that I can still be involved in the child’s life in some way. Of course she can just disregard the agreement and that would be a risk I would need to be willing to take. But I’m not going to put myself through loving a child as my own if it’s conditional on the mother and I being together. Because if I do choose to love a woman’s child as my own, then her and I splitting would be no different than the mother of my own kids splitting with me and taking the kids.

So I guess in conclusion, I’d say I’m capable of it at some point in the future. But it wouldn’t be ideal. And if it’s a child of a woman I’m dating, she would need to be one hell of a woman.

SmakeTalk · 2022-06-20T02:25:56+00:00

Provided that's a respectful and reasonable option (either through adoption or being a step-father) then yes of course.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-20T02:19:14+00:00

Nah, the only way I'd really seriously ever date a single mother is if she's on positive co-parenting terms with the father, I don't mind being the step in "cool uncle" type but at the end of the day that's not my kid

PaleoPimp · 2022-06-20T01:06:14+00:00

I think as a father you should try to shape your kids better than you were shaped by your parents. Where did you parents fall short? And go on from there. I absolutely would give them the best advice I could give them. Talk to them and see where they are struggling, then talk to their parents about fixing the issues they have.

wtknight · 2022-06-20T01:21:21+00:00

I used to avoid single mothers and I am married now so it's irrelevant, but hypothetically if I liked her enough, sure.

NICHIJOU2411 · 2022-06-20T02:00:55+00:00

No since I’m too young to be even thinking about raising a kid

dysonRing · 2022-06-20T03:22:19+00:00

The answer is no, but as adoption is on the table as a couple.

But the other question is even more disturbing, why are single moms essentially childfree, from now on?

Look I get it you don't want to risk going through that again, but the unspoken truth about dating single moms is that they simply won't have any more kids (even from Chad I guess), isn't that fucked up?

SteveSan82 · 2022-06-20T05:07:49+00:00

It won’t work. The mother will not let you discipline her kid. She will take her child’s side 90% of the time whether right or wrong. You will never be respected by the kids or your wife-girlfriend.

There are plenty of single women with no kids. Stay the hell away from single mothers.

scwizard · 2022-06-20T05:17:20+00:00

For sure if I had a wife who I loved, and she was interested in fostering or adopting, I'd be on board with it. I know a couple at church who has an adopted son and 4 bio children and they seem pretty happy.

But I don't know if I could marry someone who was completely infertile.

Marrying a single mother who wants additional kids would be a bit uncomfortable but if it was someone I loved I hope that could overcome that.

Marrying a single mother who doesn't want additional kids, I don't think my heart is big enough for that.

Lecanayin · 2022-06-20T10:21:51+00:00

I’ve been taking care of my So’s son for over 2 years. When leaving the father asked if he could get the dog instead of custody of the kid, juste to give a little info on the dad.

He calls me his father in front of his friend but never call me dad. He’s a great kid and I now having a father figure helps him a lot.

Catherine772023 · 2022-06-20T01:37:29+00:00

Only if the single mom was super hot and we were super compatible. Like hot to the point where any of my non-parent options couldn't come close.

And even in that case, only like one kid. I'm not taking on the father role to like three or four kids.

Basketballjuice · 2022-06-20T04:12:54+00:00

No but I'm 20 so it's subject to change

circuitburner · 2022-06-20T05:11:14+00:00

Absolutely not. Especially if I didn't have kids of my own.

If we're talking about a couple where both parties have already had kids that were old enough to to provide for themselves, that could be considered for a less serious relationship. It's still a big strike/red flag though and far from ideal. Not raising somebody else's bloodline.

wejaow · 2022-06-20T05:44:32+00:00

Wouldn’t be my first choice.. or second tbh.

I understand the need for step fathers and I salute them. I’ve learned not to talk down on it. I’d just rather not .. probably for some toxic reason that idc enough to examine.

2022-06-20T05:45:05+00:00

Would i wife up a single mom...no.

Would i ever mind being a strong male figure for someone with no dad, i would have no problem. But i wouldnt be their dad, and be on the hook financially.

For the record i actually did date a single mom when i was younger....never again

Now if we're talking adopting or fostering...nothing against it

midwesternMD · 2022-06-20T05:57:53+00:00

Tough question.

If I adopted them with a partner, yes, I would. If I were somehow dating a single mother, I might take on some fatherly roles, but I wouldn’t act as their full dad. Certainly I wouldn’t treat kids that aren’t my own the same as I would treat biological children. This is arguably the most compassionate reason I have for not dating single mothers.

BlKaiser · 2022-06-20T08:13:54+00:00

I am so hoping to become a dad one day, with my own babies. But in case I would marry a single mom, yes I would definitely try to act as a father to her children, especially if they were young. I know and believe that in general it's better for children to grow with 2 parents than one, so it would be the best for them.

2022-06-20T16:28:55+00:00

Only if ive been around since the kid is very young and I'm in a serious relationship with the mother and the father its dead or something.

I'm not doing any Capitan save-a-hoe tho. She's gotta have her shit together too. No broke asses looking for a simp.

Is never go out of many way to be with a single mom with baggage

Teflon08191 · 2022-06-20T03:22:13+00:00

Nah. I would only dedicate my time and resources to raising my own genetic offspring. Otherwise nothing could ever erase the fact from my mind (and the mother's and the children's minds for that matter) that they aren't actually my kids.

Exciting-Necessary-5 · 2022-06-20T01:38:05+00:00

Unless I voluntarily adopted the child, then NO.

But, certain women on ppd already have a definition for men that raise other men's children 😏.

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-06-20T01:14:13+00:00

On one hand, you are going to see tons of responses to this question that are like fuck no, but in reality, it happens all the time

sarkington · 2022-06-20T01:20:09+00:00

Nope never. It's an absolutely absurd idea.

Miranduhhh_xo · 2022-06-20T03:59:39+00:00

I find men who are GOOD stepdads to be more attractive

Play_Muted · 2022-06-20T01:23:13+00:00

even if she was the last human on this planet (except her kids and me ofc) I wouldnt.

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-06-20T01:32:29+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB4Nby2Ai-g

caption291 · 2022-06-20T01:37:24+00:00

No, and the reason is that evolution made me not want to because it wouldn't be beneficial in the context of passing down my genes.

This is LESS negotiable than attraction.

h1shman · 2022-06-20T01:44:54+00:00

The more options a man has the less likely he is going to. The exception is for men who can’t have their own or don’t care but I’d say that percentage is very slim. Someone else’s kids are a large burden in many ways regardless of the possible fulfillment child rearing has. Add to that if you were to split it adds a whole host of complications. I wouldn’t do it for this reasons.

Most guys “settle” considerably out of desperation when dating single moms.

People with kids should just date people with kids but most single moms wouldn’t date a guy with kids.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-06-20T03:17:09+00:00

attyeah, lets say one of my nephews becomes an orphan, i would treat he or she like my blood, or maybe i kid i rescued from somewhere, but ultimately i comes to the context and the situation....now if it comes to the typical situation of a woman whose baby daddy aint "shit".....then i would laugh in her face....dont care what they say, the only single moms who i dont dislike are widows or raped women who decided to had the child or couldnt abort, but even them, as a guy with no children, i don't fantasize nor see the woman of my dreams as a single mom, i imagine her without kids ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, attraction is a reaction,not a concious act, sure you can be aware if you feel attracted to someone....but you just dont say "I want to feel attracted to this person" and bang...you suddenly feel attracted to them

Cerrax3 · 2022-06-20T05:42:46+00:00

Yeah, for sure. I’ve always liked the idea of being a father and parenting is about a lot more than just a genetic relationship to me.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-06-20T02:28:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-06-20T14:21:20+00:00

Probably not exactly what you are asking: but my wife and I fostered. She needed a foster home while they tried to look for her family. Mom had really bad substance abuse issues and I don’t think she ever knew her dad (or if he was even alive). So she became part of our family and stayed with us for a couple years while they tried tracking didn’t her family. She gave us more love than we could ever give her and she still calls us “mom and dad” even though it was somewhat brief. When he maternal grandmother and aunt were able to track her down it was both the best and most heart wrenching moment for me and my wife. But we were able to reunite her with her family and she has lived a life a lot better than if she “was in the system”. And she still does things like call me on Father’s Day to tell me she still loves us. And we still love her. Always will.

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Vigeto619 · 2022-06-20T01:16:52+00:00

Depends if they are a product of infidelity. Maybe dating someone with kids

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John_Oakman · 2022-06-20T01:44:05+00:00

Yes, but my man card had been revoked already so it doesn't count.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-06-20T02:17:38+00:00

Strangely, I would adopt but I wouldn't seriously date a woman who had kids. Somehow, this makes sense in my mind.

yasserino · 2022-06-20T03:33:32+00:00

It's an annoying situation. My animal instincts say no, my guilt makes me say yes. So that's for wrong reasons, so definitely no.

toastedtomato · 2022-06-20T04:49:56+00:00

Nope

Aramuis · 2022-06-20T06:05:53+00:00

I do not want children. At all. I've never wanted to be a father and I have the vasectomy to prove it. HOWEVER, if something tragic happened to one of my sisters for example and it was either I take the kids or they end up in Foster care then yeah I would take em.

-passepar2t- · 2022-06-20T07:40:22+00:00

Why would I ever, ever do that?

abaxeron · 2022-06-20T09:59:56+00:00

If got paid for it, OR if it was needed to minimize immediate danger to the child, sure.

anon-sucks · 2022-06-20T10:15:22+00:00

Taking dating single mothers out of the loop entirely, I think it’s absolutely critical for successful men to mentor boys. They have become the forgotten group, assumed to not need help because of some mythical patriarchy. So, yes I do mentor them. Even my nieces (but that’s my extent with women).

trilobright · 2022-06-20T10:35:06+00:00

Only if I had kids of my own to whom she was also acting as step-mother. I wouldn't get with a single mum if I was childless, unless she was a widow and was open to us having more kids together.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-06-20T11:13:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-06-20T11:24:18+00:00

Not unless I were a single father (which is unlikely to happen).

Reasons are obvious. Her kids are her problem. If she got knocked up by some deadbeat, that's on them, none of my business.

Electrical_Coat_8714 · 2022-06-20T12:19:18+00:00

No, fuck literally every kid who isn't related to me, I didn't get a dad they can cope too. Why in god's name would I raise someone else's kid.

Exception would be if my sister had a kid and then both her and the dad died.

But I'm not helping raise another man's kids, where is he?

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-06-20T14:59:44+00:00

Meh. I think it would just feel kind of weird to me. And kind of like I was being taken for a ride.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2022-06-20T15:03:43+00:00

Whenever I have a family I think I'd like to adopt or be a foster parent.

warramite · 2022-06-20T15:34:02+00:00

If they're orphans or I choose to be a foster parent then yes I would but if its with a woman im dating I wouldn't do it..

Largely because I dont want to hooked on child support for a kid who isn't even mine, if the idea of that child support is completely removed for some reason then yes I would act as the father

2022-06-20T15:44:49+00:00

I have a "only my kids in my house" policy.

If I ever do "get back on the horse" I will have a strict no cohabitation policy and that goes double for a woman with kids.

Then again, at my age, kids are older so "playing daddy" shouldn't really be an issue.

Besides, if you form attachments with people's kids, when they dump you the kids suffer for it. It's really quite selfish.

I think for single parents, FWB is the way to go. Blended families - bad idea.

sarkington · 2022-06-20T17:15:11+00:00

No. Their own fathers should.

There are a whole lot of downsides to trying to father a kid that's not yours.

SenorCerv · 2022-06-20T17:32:47+00:00

I have a non blood related niece and nephew that are now mine. Oldest is three. Got taken to a carnaval yesterday for father's Day. Yay me. 25 years old. Ever since I was 15, I've been training myself to become the best father for my future children. Yes, being a dad is my dream.

just_a_place · 2022-06-20T18:21:23+00:00

I have no clue how to be a father so my answer is a hard no.

Not to mention the minefield this is from being trapped into some fucked up child support scheme to a mother who has kids that aren't even yours to accusations of being a pedo, to them scaring away any women that you may want to have your own kids with.

Society's definition of fatherhood is: "That simp paying money to the woman."

Carloverguy20 · 2022-06-20T23:05:07+00:00

It depends, as long as they respect me and whatnot than sure. If the children are of school age, it would be a lot easier, because it would be more hands off type of style, unlike a infant etc.

The manospherians here, act as if every single mother was knocked up by 20 different guys and has 40 kids out of wedlock living in a slum.

Most single mothers have had only 1-2 partners in their life, I've known one who had 1 partner in her life, but they broke up after many years.

I really do not think that many manospherians talk to many women irl.

smegma_enthusiast · 2022-06-20T23:06:45+00:00

I would.

I would prefer if the mom was out of the picture. Just me and some random kids going on awesome adventures.

old_wise_man_ · 2022-06-21T12:58:07+00:00

No. Not my kids, not my genes so no. Waste of resources.

Global-Bridge-6787 · 2022-08-27T03:29:03+00:00

Fuck no. I’d rather adopt than do this horrendous shit.

Title	Q4Men: In honor of Father’s Day, would you act as a father to children that weren’t yours? Why or why not?
Author	sarkington
Upvotes	28
Comments	149
Date	June 20, 2022 12:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vg8tpr/q4men_in_honor_of_fathers_day_would_you_act_as_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-in-honor-of-fathers-day-would-you-act-as-a.1120790 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120790

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