Q4W: Would you be turned off if a man told you how much he's worth on a first date?

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-08-17T02:49:02+00:00

She sounds absolutely heinous, and you're lucky she threw all those red flags out first thing.

As for the question, it depends on context. If it comes up naturally in conversation that's fine. If he pulls out a bank statement and expects me to be impressed that's gross.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-08-17T02:52:49+00:00

lol yes ..I had two guys tell me their salaries (unprompted) on the first date and it’s very off putting.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-08-17T02:41:08+00:00

She sound coo coo and yes it would be a turn off.

sarkington · 2022-08-17T02:14:10+00:00

Ok, see…..just be happy the crazy showed itself on the first date, k?

Bekiala · 2022-08-17T02:12:23+00:00

It would be a bit strange so would give me pause.

This woman sounds a bit off to me.

pinktuliplover · 2022-08-17T03:04:51+00:00

This woman sounds like she took advice straight from the internet and tried to use it irl. Very beginner mistake. But yeah you are right to be turned off by this with this.

And if a man told me how much he makes on a first date I’d probably laugh internally. Definitely a red flag unless he’s a sugar daddy. And even then it’s still a bit worrisome.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-17T02:43:51+00:00

That's a huge red flag and if I were you, I'd end it right there and be glad she exposed herself so early on.

Most people have some standards, sure, but one has to be totally inept to list them on the first date. People should discuss their expectations and plans, sure, but it's different from a list of one's standards announced on the first date.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-08-17T02:12:35+00:00

She sounds awful.

Where do y’all find these women? Why are men consistently choosing to date these women?

You know how you feel when women choose obvious abusers and you sit there wondering where she found that guy?

Women feel that same frustration.

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-17T03:09:29+00:00

"Show don't tell"

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-08-17T03:39:19+00:00

Going against the grain here but I don’t see nything weong here - especially since you are telling the story - a huge bias in your favor.

She’s telling you her standards. That’s a good thing. Y’all complain that we don’t know what we want.
Alpha/beta is ridiculous terminology. Anyone who uses these is super trashy. Both genders. Like wtf is alpha and beta?!? The male adult wolf of a pack (coined alpha) is just equivalent to a family man. Literally. Yet most ppl call the family man the beta. Makes no sense.
(Not single but if i were…) I’d dump anyone who asked “what do you bring to the table”. Like this isn’t an interview. Just tell me what YOU want in a partner and I can tell you if I’m the right fit. Also it’s super lazy. You can also just say “tell me about yourself”. Or, you can list your preference/standards. No issues there.

The question “what do you bring to the table” (in my ancedotal experience and witnessed for other ppl online) has never been asked with good intent.

What does your title of this post has to do with anything? But yes, talking about your networth is a turn off.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-08-17T02:55:50+00:00

Yes. Listing off standards like that and asking what someone brings to the table are both totally inappropriate and socially awkward things to do. But I mean in this case, I wouldn’t blame you for asking since she did that first. Imo the best response would be to just say “welp, glad that rules me out!” laugh, and leave. Be glad she showed crazy on the first date and didn’t waste your time.

If this really happened, which I kind of doubt.

figuringMylife · 2022-08-17T02:43:14+00:00

yes. and i like men with money.

but uhh. you can have whatever standards you want. who cares

purplish_possum · 2022-08-17T03:29:18+00:00

Who doesn't bring tax returns and W-2s to first dates?

AdventurousAd5107 · 2022-08-17T05:44:12+00:00

Strange for a woman to share her standards with you. If she’s on a date and seriously looking for a relationship she’d more so want to prove that she’s worth your standards. And to be even in a date with you you’d think she really is interested in you and values you- I could be very naive in saying this though.

It almost comes across as impolite? Not sure if I’m the only one seeing this but it almost implies like you want the other person to be questioning if they meet your standards.. like almost passive aggressive

ashpr0ulx · 2022-08-17T08:07:06+00:00

it’s bad form to go into standards and whatnot on a first date when you should just be getting to know one another organically, like normal people.

vivvienne · 2022-08-17T08:57:13+00:00

You're not crazy. If a woman treats you like a checklist she's no good.

WaffleBurner96 · 2022-08-17T12:20:05+00:00

I generally didn’t go on dates with men until I could approximate their worth. Like I would ask them what they do for a living beforehand and take in info about their lifestyle. If they would casually mention other assets they have that hint at them being worth more than I previously guessed, then that was major green flag for me. Few things are sexier than a man with investments.

But I also think outright talking about it is a little cringe. Like, let’s at least pretend we don’t care about that stuff for a bit, yeah?

2022-08-17T06:29:17+00:00

This definitely happened. No question. It is definitely not made up.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-08-17T14:19:27+00:00

Yeah that never happened

2022-08-17T09:48:57+00:00

Yes you are crazy. This is completely normal behaviour from women and it happens to literally everyone on a first date

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-08-17T12:34:17+00:00

Yes. It literally happened. I was a student and mentioned I really wanted to travel and had my first international trip planned. Dude let me know he was a professor from a very wealthy family. That he would love to travel with me and listed the places he had been. I made a joke about needing to work on my career before that was possible for me. He said he'd pay. How much his girlfriend made wasn't important.

It felt weirdly like he was trying to buy me.

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fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-08-17T02:49:05+00:00

Sounds terrible

Yeah I would be tuned off

What I looked for is compatible values and lifestyles and the "spark"

2022-08-17T04:01:22+00:00

Yeah and I probably wouldn’t immediately believe him either.

That woman sounds like she spends too much time consuming content from private Facebook groups. The only thing I’m with her on is about being asked what you bring to the table - it’s a demeaning question for both genders. But the fact that she laid out her standards like that right off the bat makes that a moot point.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-08-17T04:31:27+00:00

you should have excused yourself yo go to the bathroom and just left her there

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-17T04:45:00+00:00

Run she sounds like a nightmare

Ohms2North · 2022-08-17T04:56:07+00:00

Worth should be expressed in units of chocolate

growandappear · 2022-08-17T05:19:12+00:00

Ha, eww. Yes I would be

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-17T06:42:30+00:00

It'd just be weird. You shouldn't have to tell me what to like about you. I'll decide for myself after seeing what you're actually like, nor what you say you're like. It's not really a turn off, just...unhelpful.

2022-08-17T08:19:22+00:00

By "worth" do you mean like net worth or what value he brings? I love elevator pitching myself because I think it's s good way to test how well you know yourself and get a sense of what you do, how you come off to others. I'm impressed when others can do so, too.

People who bring value aren't usually shy about explaining it when prompted. It also sets you up to make your demands and negotiate. I've seen serious dating as some form of a "job interview" type process for both parties, assuming they can "afford" to have standards. It's a two-way street; if you're asking what someone brings to the table, they should be asking the same imo.

Whether or not another shares those values or cares about those skills is a different matter.

BetaNatalis · 2022-08-17T08:41:59+00:00

YES.

As a prior lower-earner, this would have seemed cringy and tacky, and I would have wondered if they thought I was a gold-digger or something. As a current high- earner, this would be soooo uncomfortable, I would not see this person again based on this alone, I would wonder what perceived deficit they thought they needed to make up for, and I would still wonder if they thought I was only interested in them for their money (which means WtF are they interested in me for, if love is this transactional in their mind).

2022-08-17T09:56:08+00:00

I’m slightly confused by the relationship between the title question and the story. In regards to the title question, do you mean financial worth? Assuming so, yes I’d be turned off.

As for her, without knowing exactly what was said, she sounds annoying and high-maintenance. Easy next.

societalies · 2022-08-17T10:58:54+00:00

Try and find a rich man, then claim he raped you and sue is probably her tactic.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-08-17T11:27:05+00:00

Yes I would. Why would anyone do this?

PirateDocBrown · 2022-08-17T11:34:33+00:00

When I became a millionaire and quit working, I bought a modest house in a working class neighborhood, and traded my Mercedes for a Toyota. No one needs to know that I'm rich except the IRS, and i like it that way.

This guy should have gotten the woman's demands before even meeting with her, and not bothered.

This is a strong argument for coffee first dates.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-08-17T12:17:01+00:00

Sounds like an odd topic for a conversation, but then again I haven’t dated for a long time. Is that really what people talk about on dates? That’s even more boring than I remembered.

Ainsleygz · 2022-08-17T12:26:39+00:00

I’ve even had men tell me their father’s worth on a date. It was awkward and there were no second dates

RinoaRita · 2022-08-17T13:28:10+00:00

I would say show don’t tell with regards to your positive traits. If anything guys with money try to play it down to avoid gold diggers. Anyone who flaunts it overly by saying it seems desperate and crass.

gofigure62 · 2022-08-17T14:43:08+00:00

Yes it's a turn off. Unless a man plans on giving me money directly, then his net worth doesn't matter to me.

I only care about a man being able to participate in my current lifestyle. I go on weekend vacations, I eat out occasionally, I go out regularly, I go on vacations, I go to the spa, I go to festivals, concerts, etc.

My lifestyle isn't cheap. If someone wants to date me, they'll need to be able to afford to do those things with me. I don't want some broke dude bitching about the way that I live and not being able to afford to join me.

I also don't want the opposite, with a wealthy guy dragging me around like a novelty either and complaining about my brokeness relative to him.

Anyways, people who spout off lists on dates are trashy. Talk about lifestyles, access compatibility, and determine whether or not further interest in the person exists.

I don't trust the emotional maturity let alone social skills of men and women who go on dates with a list of demands and/or ask what someone will provide in a relationship. People can always lie. The skills of observation and the ability to discern character are required for dating.

carlenvirgo · 2022-08-17T16:19:43+00:00

I always present what I bring to the table and quite honestly, most men prefer women that bring dependency and neediness. This truth was a hard reality to face that my achievement by certain men didn’t mean anything.. it’s only men that value education that find my achievements attractive. So I get why a woman would be hesitant to exploit herself

havemorefunonreddit · 2022-08-17T16:31:13+00:00

People with bad personalities exist and have always existed. Just find a nice girl, it's not that hard.

PeeBottleRedditMod69 · 2022-08-17T16:33:30+00:00

my incel coworker always opens up with

i bought my own house and already paid it off

everyone fucking hates him so take that for what its worth lmao

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-08-17T16:55:04+00:00

Depends.. if the conversation naturally developed then I would not be turned off. If she was like “hey my name is Amanda I make 150k a year and can provide for you.. nice to meet you” I’d probably stick around because that is a wild thing to say and would make me interested but I’d be a lot more carful with her for the rest of the night

ruboyuri · 2022-08-17T16:57:13+00:00

Would I be turned off by insanity? Yes, yes I would

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-17T18:13:50+00:00

I have dated men and women. Someone telling me their net worth on a date would be a turn off. Someone listing their demands would be a turn off. Someone wanting me to list "proof" of why I'm worthy of dating them would be a turn off.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-08-17T19:08:40+00:00

I’d drop her. You should never explain your standards to someone. You keep them to yourself, assess the other person and make a choice.

It’s also weird that you asked her what she brings to the table.

Title	Q4W: Would you be turned off if a man told you how much he's worth on a first date?
Author	xXNoFapFTWXx
Upvotes	36
Comments	156
Date	August 17, 2022 2:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wqcijg/q4w_would_you_be_turned_off_if_a_man_told_you_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-be-turned-off-if-a-man-told-you-how.1128151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128151

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