In for a fight, does it sound like I have a chance?

SpiritualEnema · 2022-10-22T16:58:38+00:00

Listen carefully. Absolutely do not leave the house. It sets the stage for you to be viewed as abandoning your kids. She is trying to position herself to not have to pay you alimony, which she absolutely should have to pay you. Don’t sign anything of hers, talk to a lawyer ASAP. What she is offering you is an absolute shit deal for you, which shouldn’t surprise you. House should be sold and the proceeds split, or one party can buy the other out. That’s how it works in 50/50 states typically.

I hate to say it, but since you’re in a position of power here, in that she is likely to be paying you due to the income disparity, you might want to prepare yourself for some false domestic violence charges or allegations of “abuse/threats” coming your way. It’s what modern women do now to gain the upper hand in divorce and keep the house/custody of kids. No I’m not being paranoid. Read the experiences of many other men here. Record all your interactions with her if your state is a one party consent state, but if you want 50/50 custody of your kids DO NOT leave the house. With the income disparity it’s likely she has a higher value 401K as well, which will need to be accounted for.

If you want a reference point, I make $160K, my ex makes $80K and I pay her $3,213/month in combined child support/alimony. You should be getting something as well. These stupid laws won’t change until women start to get hit with alimony too.

If I was you, I would “pretend” to be interested in the non-contest document in order to buy time and get your ducks in a row legally. If you throw it in her face right away she might decide to take the nuclear option.

Why is her boss giving her legal advice? That is so inappropriate in a normal office relationship, and could potentially be a disciplinary offense. Think about it and you’ll likely come to the same conclusion as us, assuming this person is male anyway.

chughead55 · 2022-10-22T17:41:12+00:00

Whoa, flip it. She owes you.

She doesn't have a retirement account. YOU BOTH have that retirement account. You get half of everything.

HALF of everything is the starting point and should stick.

She makes more. THAT means she owes you alimony and child support.

Get an attorney, don't worry about that cost. She will pay half.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-22T19:36:16+00:00

First rule of this sub: DO NOT TAKE LEGAL ADVICE FROM YOUR STBX. You need to retain an attorney. It's standard practice.

There's absolutely no reason why you can't have 50% parenting time if you're both working. She isn't a more capable parent just because she has a vagina.

You don't get what you don't fight for.

Daddy_data_nerd · 2022-10-22T16:40:22+00:00

Talk. To. A . Lawyer.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-10-22T17:17:12+00:00

Ok, you can toss that agreement. Anything that was built up during marriage you will have a cut off. That means everything, including retirements plans etc. you will not walk away with nothing.

You will be receiving child support if you do this by the book.

Stay in the house. Go for 50% or more of custody.

You may get alimony too.

So, slow down. Do not move. Do not sign anything. You have all the time in the world to get your bearing. Then handle this as a business transaction

CleburnCO · 2022-10-22T18:29:25+00:00

This is not complicated- When someone says "don't get a lawyer"...you should RUN and get a good lawyer.

Seriously...you aren't even getting 50/50 and if she makes more $$$$, she owes you alimony.

Half of all earned income, assets from the marriage, and equal parenting time...that is your standard.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-22T17:42:03+00:00

Stand your ground. She is trying to bull doze you. She can’t win. Tell her She can leave. You’re entitled to 50% of her retirement and the house. Go see lawyer now! Like Monday! And don’t tell her.

You need to be prepared for false accusations. Change your passwords and have your check sent to a new account.

fajandi · 2022-10-22T18:13:43+00:00

My ex wife accused me of physically abusive to her and my children. It was a good thing my children debunked her claims as to me being to them and her. OP be aware that she is not the woman you married before. She is the devil's advocate and wants to ruin your life. She's a narcissist and have no compassion and empathy. I believe she's cheating that's why she's checking out on your marriage. You have an advantage here financially. She has to pay you alimony when you contested the divorce. Don't sign anything from the devil... It will be your death warrant. As many have said, prepare for battle and lawyer up. Good luck!

samk002001 · 2022-10-22T22:45:29+00:00

Go ahead and fight for 50/50! The reason she kept saying no-contest, healthcare, etc. are because she’s likely have to pay you CS since she’s making way higher than you’re! It’s sweet to see ex-husband getting CS and benefit! Welcome to feminism and equality! Fight it!

RedditDude07467 · 2022-10-22T17:39:50+00:00

Most others hit the main points but I’ll add a few. Texas is a “no fault” state, but they will still punish cheaters on the asset split saying you “dissipated marital assets” while engaged in an affair and can be very punitive well in excess of any amounts actually spent on an affair. You didn’t mention the “reasons” for the divorce here so I would caution you to TELL YOUR LAWYER EVERYTHING, so they can prepare properly. Good luck!

Stalkmoney · 2022-10-23T00:26:19+00:00

One thing to add all the good advice here - schedule a consultation with all the best lawyers in the area and she won't be able to use them as it's a conflict of interest.

OptimistPrime31 · 2022-10-23T02:26:31+00:00

Absolutely consult with a lawyer and never leave the house. Let her do her false allegations and restraining order. My ex got a restraining order based on false pretenses, I challenged, the judge even didn’t let my lawyer speak, the judge herself challenged my ex wife and dismissed the restraining order quickly and comfortably (she actually stated that she’s very much comfortable dismissing). If you haven’t done anything and she doesn’t have any proof, she can’t do shit. It will actually make her look worse in the eyes of the judge. Just stand your ground, be super cautious, document every single tiny things, be under camera recording 24/7 until this is resolved.

Get a nasty female attorney with experience. I hired one, she crushed my ex and her lawyers. Cost me a fortune but it was worth it. Money will come and go but peace and resolving this without implications towards your future are the key goals.

Good luck.

jimsmythee · 2022-10-22T23:33:50+00:00

Tell her this. “This divorce petition you have presented to me is horribly unfair. I will never agree to this. I think we will need to go to trial.”

BeneficialAbalone578 · 2022-10-22T19:07:30+00:00

Already so many good comments here and sounds like you’re on the right track, just wanted to say keep your head up and listen to your lawyer. It’s expensive and sucks but in your situation especially it’s hugely important. Obviously she was trying to keep your head in the sand.

One note I wanted to point out, which you might already know given you have lawyer now, but hasn’t been mentioned yet is that TX is not 50/50 standard child custody and has the stigma to lean heavily toward the female for primary in most counties. Discuss your options for working out 50/50 (or you primary, whatever) with your lawyer in the best interest of the kid(s). What has been mentioned and is crazy true is that divorce brings out the worst in people and when she sees that 50/50 would turn it into her paying you cs, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she’s going to flip out regardless of what she thinks might be best for the child.

CRobinsFly · 2022-10-23T12:04:46+00:00

Dang the guys came out in droves here for support and I'm with them - tons of good advice.

My message is short: you got this, stick her with CS and alimony, know that you are entitled to 50% of the martial assets. You might consider being nice, but don't, she wouldnt be to you - the person you knew and loved is gone. Divorce and divide assets in accordance with the family law system. You have pretty much all of the leverage here and your children deserve to be in a 50/50 custody situation since you're both working.

Good luck. Cheering for you.

2022-10-23T03:13:29+00:00

Half of what she saved for (pad) her retirement account should be yours, you should get a few years of alimony since she earns a lot more. Go for 50/50 custody and child support, it’s fair. Also get an attorney!

Complicatedlogic · 2022-10-23T04:08:49+00:00

Don’t leave the house, get a lawyer. She’s trying to take advantage of you. Do what you have to do and GET A LAWYER, she’s maliciously wrong in this case.

someatxdude · 2022-10-23T05:32:55+00:00

Sign nothing.

Consult with a few attorneys immediately.

For $1,000 apiece or so (for good ones), you will learn much about your rights.

From what you've written, she's WAY out of line in Texas, and should get nowhere with those demands.

Spodee5 · 2022-10-23T06:42:02+00:00

Don't leave the house. Get the best attorney you can even if you have to go into debt. She's in a bad position and she knows it. Only the lawyers truly know the state law re: splitting retirements, home etc etc. You might be eligible to a portion of her retirement depending on state law and if that was started before or after the divorce, or even part of it that she contributed during the divorce. SpiritualEnema's advice is spot on. I would advise to take it a step further and try to only communicate in writing. Make a new email thats specifically for this. Like the names of your kids + dad @ whatever email service you prefer.

If you want 50/50 remember that courts typically (I don't know you states law get an attorney) base your parenting time on number of overnights. Child support payments are also typically based on the number of overnights too. The more overnights you have the more she will pay.

If your ex motions for a parenting evaluation make sure you say you are the primary parent to the evaluator as much as possible.

If you don't already start taking care of your kids...meals, shopping, medical and dental appointments....make sure you can say that you are actually taking care of them at least 50% of the time.

I agree with others and based of things you have said in comments she is considering the false DV charges to get the TRO to try and gain the upper hand.

Spodee5 · 2022-10-23T06:43:03+00:00

PS Everything she is saying is BS scare tactics let an attorney and a judge deal with her.

Spodee5 · 2022-10-23T07:00:21+00:00

Make sure in your lawyers request for what you want that you ask for whatever car works best to transport the kids.. It makes you look like you are wanting to take care of the kids while she is just interested in her new relationship. Ask to stay in the house with the kids. If you can make the mortgage payment as that she pay you 50% of the equity. Ask for whatever the state allows in CS, Alimony, portion of her retirement you may or may not be entitled to under Texase state law.

I envy your position. Minus legal fess (which you could ask the court she pay as she makes so much more than you) you are in a great position and whatever you do next you won't be strapped financially to you ex.

Islandboy2000 · 2022-10-23T12:33:31+00:00

1) STAY IN THE HOUSE

2) Be cordial. Don’t ever raise your voice, not even 1 decible. Take zero chances with DV. …and yes, yelling at her, could land you in jail for domestic violence and child endangerment (1 felony charge per child), no matter if it’s in front of the children or if they are asleep in their bedrooms. That’s how serious this risk is! Ask me how I know. So Great idea installing cameras.

3) I realize that you’re fine with her being the primary custodian, but don’t give up on the custody quite yet.

Here’s what I learned from mediation: Mediation is about “compromise”. Well that’s obvious, you say. But here’s the part that they don’t prep you for… if you go into that meeting starting with the outcome you’re fine with, or what is “fair and reasonable”, then you leave yourself zero bargaining chips for later. Frankly bro, demanding to split ALL assets (including “her” retirement and savings) as well as 50/50 parenting (with her supporting you!) should be your starting point. If you go in already giving up on that, then they will likely make you give up even more. It’s a silly game, I know. But you must not give up your biggest chips for nothing.

So stand your ground and demand to split all assets & 50/50 custody. Then when you’re at the negotiating table, only give her the primary custody when she has agreed to all your other terms.

Agitated-Fee-6497 · 2022-10-23T16:26:40+00:00

Always seems to be around year 12 shit ends

FUMoney · 2022-10-23T16:26:58+00:00

Your ex’s “proposal“ is horribly unfair. And she knows it. You must fight. Sign NOTHING. Stay in the house, don’t ever leave/abandon it and your kids. She can leave if she wants to.

Logical-Proposal-827 · 2022-11-28T07:47:10+00:00

Get a lawyer, listen to the lawyer. Tell her she has forfeited the right to speak with you, only through lawyers and co-parenting app. Tell her if this must go to court the first person to be deposed is her boss. It's your life and your kids, time to start baring your teeth. If not for you do it to show your kids never accept disrespect from anyone not even the two timing slag called their mother.

Title	In for a fight, does it sound like I have a chance?
Author	Massive_Concern1843
Upvotes	25
Comments	71
Date	October 22, 2022 4:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yas1qk/in_for_a_fight_does_it_sound_like_i_have_a_chance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/in-for-a-fight-does-it-sound-like-i-have-a-chance.1136889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136889

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