Do older women resent younger women ?

lovelythecove · 2022-11-10T15:47:54+00:00

When I was 20, I knew everything and didn’t listen to the older women in my life (30+) who gave me both advice and criticism. Now that I’m 30, I agree with them and wish I had valued their words more. I find myself just like them now.

They were, largely, future me, and trying to guide me away from the mistakes they made. In some cases, I learned the hard way.

I never felt resentment, disgust, or jealousy from older women over my youth & beauty. I did feel as though they were more parental figures than peers, but never felt as though we were in any sort of competition.

EulenWatcher · 2022-11-10T16:04:15+00:00

Some women do, but I’d guess they’re a minority. A good share of older women I know in real life feel rather maternal towards younger people, especially if they have kids close to your age.

Things you’ve listed don’t necessarily come from jealousy or bitterness. I’m in my middle 20s and agree that if you look for a sugar daddy/want to be a trophy wife, you should be really pretty for it and be prepared that it can be a rather temporary deal. Insulting others is never okay though, sure.

In my experience insults like “slut” or “whore” are usually used either by men, religious women or women whose husband is a cheating piece of shit and she has displaced anger about it. So it isn’t necessarily age-related.

Also lol at “competitors for dick”. You don’t have to compete for dick, it’s cheap and available. You might “compete” for a good lyrics partner, but that’s more about attraction and compatibility rather than real competing. Imv no guy is worth actively “competing” for him if he can’t decide between you and another woman.

lovelythecove · 2022-11-10T17:13:46+00:00

Virtually none of the older women I know are like this at all. I’ve never felt any amount of envy or resentment from older women for being young and beautiful when I was in my early 20s. I’m only in my mid-ish 20s now, so I suppose I have a ways to go before I can see it from the other side, but I don’t envy younger or more beautiful women. If anything, I feel sort of “big sisterly” towards them. It’s a protective feeling. Men can be extremely manipulative and predatory. Men certainly tried to take advantage of me when I was younger (and probably still would if I hadn’t wised up, learned about their bullshit, and also taken myself out of the dating game via marriage.) I have always gotten that same feeling from my female friends who are 10+ years older than me (or perhaps a “maternal” feeling, depending on the age gap). I would not describe any of these relationships as being envious or resentful.

I only know one woman like you’re describing, and she was always like that. She always saw other women as competition. I’ve known her most of my life (she’s my best friend’s mother) and she even competes with her own daughter (who unfortunately for her is a very beautiful young woman). It’s sad. But definitely not remotely typical for the older women I’ve met.

I’m not saying it never happens… but it’s faaaar from the majority of older women.

2022-11-10T15:45:29+00:00

Some do, some don’t, I’d guess the former are an extreme minority. Frankly, I never noticed it as being any sort of common thing in my younger years, and now that I’m a bit older I don’t experience it or feel that way towards younger women. I’ve certainly never heard an older woman call a younger one a whore or make comments much like what you’re describing.

ETA: then again, I’ve also never seen women treat each other like “competition for dick” outside of like, a handful of the more melodramatic 18 year olds going to the bars for the first time. Not really an issue I’ve ever encountered.

Bekiala · 2022-11-10T16:08:18+00:00

Wow, I have never seen an older woman indicate they are jealous of the attention that younger women get. I live in a fairly progressive area so maybe this accounts for it.

I feel protective of other women and super concerned if younger women are placing their value in being young and attractive. I do what I can to be there for them in a positive way.

What is your community like? My community may well be unique so maybe yours is more common.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-11-10T16:10:14+00:00

Lmao 🤣

“That being said, MOST hetero women see other women as competition for dick, regardless of age.”

Hahaha, women aren’t competing for dick. Women might put in extra effort for a loyal man who is looking for a committed relationship or a man with resources who will allow her access to those resources but definitely not over dick. Hahahahahaha!

Also most competition is done between young girls close in age or of low class. In my experience it’s not a young vs old thing. Older women have offered me and others advice to help us not be tricked by men only looking for sex and as I age I’m starting to see the newest version of the game men play and will be helping younger women going forward.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-11-10T16:42:37+00:00

Just because men compete in everything doesn't mean women see each other as rivals. Projecting much?

I'm not sure I count as "older woman" because I'm 34. But when I talk to younger women I just want to help and protect them. We can warn them and tell our stories as much as possible but if they decide what to do in the end. I'm not jealous of younger womens options. Nobody is fighting for dick. I worked for 14 years with new trainees every year. They were usually around the age of 16-18. In my early 20s I saw them more like friends or little sisters. The older I got the more it turned into a daughter thing. I was never jealous or envious. I cheered them on when they learned, pushed them to be better and gave advice about mistakes I made in my life and experiences I had.

And older women towards me are just friendly and do the same I do to younger women.

2manyltrnmoths · 2022-11-10T17:19:08+00:00

I would definitely be considered an older woman by this crowd. My main feeling for younger women is fear for them. It's getting harder and harder to eek out a living both solo and with someone. Resentment between genders has grown enormously. Men are lost to porn and VGs, women are lost to social media and streaming. Women are expected to have a career yet still end up carrying the burden of majority housekeeping and childcare unless she can afford help. If anything that last part has gotten worse since the counter cultural movement, not better, because there is zero sympathy these days for mothers who are stretched thin. She'll just he criticized for her choices, including reddit's favorite 'you shouldn't have had kids.'

And speaking anecdotally, things still suck for women in STEM. Being the only or one of a handful of women, constant sexual crap from colleagues (both intended and unintended). It shocks me that in 2022, women in STEM still have to face this.

One thing I can say OP is women are absolutely not competing for dick. There is no competition. Even at my age I could collect a man harem in a day or two if I were determined enough. I'm not sure exactly when things changed but women basically hold all sexual control now, at least in the west and not counting sex trafficking.

neetykeeno · 2022-11-10T17:23:43+00:00

I'm in my fifties

My main emotions about younger women are concern and sadness. It is a tough world out there and men aren't particularly helpful in surviving it.

Just about every woman my age I have discussed it with agrees. We feel sorry for girls because they have such a hard and risky future to negotiate.

I don't know where your perception of the relationship between women is coming from but it doesn't seem realistic to me at all.

Noodles_R · 2022-11-10T15:52:44+00:00

I don’t think I count as old, I’m 32, but I’m not against or jealous of teens/20s girls.

If anything I feel protective of them. I hang out with a lot of them, they’re very fun.

The naïveté can be startling at times, as well as the trust they can put in strange men. They have lessons to learn, as we all do!

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-11-10T16:55:30+00:00

as an old woman i can say no, absolutely not. they are not my competition in the universe we are on different planets. i think older women fear SPECIFIC young women in their lives and homes with regard to their husbands, but not younger women as a class. i think if youre going to find that attitude anywhere its unmarried women in their lower 30s who are still competing for eligible men

2022-11-10T17:10:55+00:00

I don't think they do. Most older women have been nice to me and sometimes momish. I actually just got done talking to some work contacts who were visiting, and one was a woman who's at least 60 and she looked stunning. She was very warm and nice to me.

Women don't really "compete for dick" like that, ime. Especially partnered ones.

I don't feel resentment toward women younger than me. I feel an urge to guide and protect them. I want them to have it better than me, if possible. I want to help them have healthy self esteem and know they're capable.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-11-10T17:17:57+00:00

No, Im glad Im older! LOL Hell to the no would I want to be 22 again.

Im also not competing with young women. Im 'competing' with women around my age and the men that would date us.

Men at my age that want a 20 somethings are not even in my dating pool.

IntegrityDJones · 2022-11-10T17:47:21+00:00

No. First off.. there’s no competition for dick. Dick is free, plentiful, constantly thrown out and has no value.

I definitely feel protective over younger women. Not just from men though. The bitter angry old women who resent their youth and beauty. I actually had a comment a week ago about how we know older men want to prey young women. And I don’t mean just physical attraction. I mean the men who sick out young inexperienced women to be shitty to them. Quite a few of them on this sub.

But one day we will have a real conversation on older women and younger girls. Especially older women who were never attractive and like nice guys, think they have a personality and are smart because they’re ugly, and target young women who are smart, accomplished and beautiful. I see this in tech all the time and have had to protect a few young beautiful and capable women from being targeted by older ugly women who think they’re smart because they’re ugly.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-11-10T17:51:21+00:00

I am 45 and no not at all. I think you forget that we were once those younger women so we know what they are going through. And yes I was in beauty pageants and was considered very attractive in my younger years so I would qualify as one of the women who was judged based on my looks. You mistake our advice for bitterness. If you marry a man who marries you because he likes younger women, you will almost always end up heartbroken. Why? Because you will age and he will leave you. The reality is everyone ages and although you will always be younger than he is you will not always look like a 20 year old woman. And when you no longer look like that he will want nothing to do with you. You should never marry a man for money, nor should a man want a woman to marry him for his money because it's important no matter your gender to stand on your own two feet. You never want to be trapped in a relationship because you don't have the money to leave. You never want any sort of power discrepancy in your relationships. The reason older women may seem "angry" when older men go after younger women is because we were once those younger women who were lusted after by these CREEPY old men and we remember how disgusting it was to be hit on by 40 and 50 year old men when we were in our teens and 20s and even our 30s and so when we see men doing it to younger women, we cringe. It's like when you have experienced something disgusting yourself and see it happening to others you want to make it stop for them.

All married people lust after others that's normal. If my husband or partner were lusting after women that were substantially younger than they were that would raise a level of concern to me. Women lust after hot men too even in committed relationships. I point out other hot women to my partner when we are in relationships, if you are confident you don't have issues with it. The difference is that you are committed you don't do anything about it you just look.

Do you sometimes long to look the way you did in your 20s? Sure I certainly miss that metabolism, but I would take the person I am today anyday over that girl in my 20s. And I would never blame women that I don't even know for my own insecurities.

bunnakay · 2022-11-10T17:58:08+00:00

Ha, no. If anything, I sympathize with younger women because I know exactly what they're going through. Life just gets so much better when you get older.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-11-10T16:52:53+00:00

I notice whenever a young woman says she wants a man with money, there is one bitter older woman saying something to the extent of "you better not age" "you better have a hot body if you want a wealthy man".

I mean, is this wrong? Wealthy men don't bankroll old ugly women for the most part.

pro-frog · 2022-11-10T15:37:29+00:00

Not any of the older women I know, but that's a limited perspective. Stuff like this always sounds so bizarre when most of the women you know are pretty secure and confident in themselves and their relationships.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-11-10T16:26:23+00:00

No, I don’t. I feel sorry for them because the world is so much worse for women now than in the 90s.

PotentJelly13 · 2022-11-10T17:09:25+00:00

Man this group is so entertaining.

“I’m not saying it’s all of them but I’ve seen enough to recognize a pattern.”

You got it all figured out huh? Lmfao 🤣

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-10T15:41:22+00:00

I've never felt any anger projected at me by older women for being younger. In fact, many of them aren't jealous at all of those who are still in a situation where their lives aren't together yet and dating is hard and often offer support and advice. I'm not sure who they'd even want to compete with younger women for - men in those women's age groups who they generally acknowledge are way too young for them, or creepy old men who like younger women? Neither really seem like appealing options.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2022-11-10T16:43:39+00:00

I never felt resentment from older women, only support.

I do feel resentment from older men, when I say I don't want to date them or when I succeed.

Whole 21studios is one big festival of bitter men resenting and being jelous of women.

CimZim · 2022-11-10T17:26:20+00:00

Speaking for myself, no, I don't resent younger women. I do feel bad for them though, they're growing up in a time when social media is destructive rather than connecting.

2022-11-10T20:08:27+00:00

Older women give less fucks, so they will tell you how it is without sugar coating things.

Someone with delicate tendencies might find this unpleasant, and even think they're coming from a place of bitterness.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-10T15:53:04+00:00

I don't. I have an adult daughter and she has friends she's known since pre-school and I'm very proud of how they all turned out. Even if I didn't personally raise those girls, they spent a lot of time at my house and slumber parties and such. I was perfectly happy to hang up my dating hat and marry my best friend and live happily ever after. But what do I know?

Jambi1913 · 2022-11-10T22:27:54+00:00

I’m not saying there are no women who feel this way, but I see men getting far more envious of other men who get “pussy” than I’ve ever seen women get envious of other women who get “dick” (even highly desirable “dick”). Women might compete to get a desirable man and get his commitment, love and devotion. They are not competing for access to “dick” though. Women don’t value that in and of itself the way men value “pussy”.

And I have never really felt resentment from older women - nor do I, as an older woman now, feel resentment towards young women. Certainly not over men. I think I’ve had older women be resentful because of their own regrets getting married young or something, when I was traveling alone and seemingly very free compared to their own youth.

I feel protective of younger women, I feel frustrated by their dumb behaviour sometimes - but I don’t envy them overall or view them as competition. I was never in the league of hotness of women who were so pretty and attractive to men that they could bat their eyelashes in some rich guys direction and be seemingly set for life. Do I sort of envy those types? In a way - but in some ways it seems a confining sort of life. I guess I try to be grateful for what I have and don’t see the point in being resentful or envious of others.

Women don’t want their husbands lusting after young women for several reasons. 1) It’s a potential threat to the relationship if he might act on that lust 2) It’s sometimes pretty gross depending on how old your man is and how young the women are he’s openly lusting after 3) Of course we all have insecurities and want to believe we are still attractive and desirable in the eyes of the person we love - if he’s lusting after young women, then perhaps he’s comparing us unfavourably and that just feels bad. I expect men might feel somewhat threatened or insecure if their wife is openly lusting after a guy who is taller and more well-built or he makes more money or something. That’s just normal to feel a bit threatened by that.

I think I grew up resenting men more for being superficial and not caring about women’s personalities or achievements or life goals and instead going for the generic hot girls. I didn’t resent the girls for that - I didn’t really want to be that deep down, even if it seemed “easy”, it also seemed cheap, shallow and short lived. And around here, I feel there’s a lot of resentment from men towards not only men they view as “Chads” who are successful at getting casual sex, but also they seem to be resentful and envious towards women as a whole - who they often paint as having it easy not only in dating and sex, but in life in general.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-11-10T15:47:43+00:00

I've never felt resentment towards younger or more attractive women. There's nothing in the world more natural than young beautiful women having their pick of top quality men. What does make me resentful is when I see women I perceive as lower than me (older, fatter, uglier, whatever) that have things I want.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-11-10T16:02:00+00:00

it’s not a vibe i feel much anymore. i have girlfriends older than me who i don’t feel resent me, and girlfriends younger than me that i don’t resent.

i have only experienced that attitude with significantly older women, like legit elderly women, which makes sense as it literally was a competition for them when they were younger and a good man was the biggest resource they could score.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-11-10T19:00:53+00:00

Hasn't been my experience. They tend to support and look out for me. It's interesting that this sub often talks about male "protective" instincts when I've experienced that the most from older women.

ziriani · 2022-11-10T19:14:31+00:00

The bitter ones have the most to say so they stick out, but in my experience most older women just don’t want us to go through whatever they did. They’re more maternal than anything. Women are also a lot less competitive for men than men are for women, so that might decrease resentment. Competition is there, but it’s not as intense as what men go through

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-11-10T17:08:10+00:00

Define "young."

I think 25-32 is honestly the sweet spot to find a healthy LTR for most people... and stats track that out to be mostly accurate.

Marrying before 25 significantly increases your chances of divorce. Though I will agree with many RP guys that after 35, many people become inflexible.

As for the beautiful younger women 18-24, yes they get the most sexual attention but you also have to consider the fact that:

Most women want to date in their age cohort, and many attractive younger guys with options aren't looking to settle down yet. And many guys in their 30s who want women in their 20s (not all but many) mainly want them for casual.
Even if you're "hot" as a 20s woman, many of your peers are too, so it's not as rare. It becomes rarer to get to your mid-late 20s staying good looking/fit, positive, and building up more emotional maturity.
People are just largely immature in their early 20s. You could be the full package as a woman, and still get used by a lot of dudes who simply just want to play the field and can't appreciate a good woman until he's actually ready for a LTR (and has had some bad experiences with shitty women).

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-10T17:38:42+00:00

Women are each others’ worst critics and biggest cheerleaders. I’ve definitely heard bitter things, but then I have also heard things like “that’s how it should be done, you go girl”.

I don’t think it’s competition for dick. As my best friend’s mother said when my friend was worried if she was attractive enough: “pfft, you can always get a man!”. And she was a 50-year-old relatively conservative lady. It’s competition for everything: service, visibility, promotions, etc. Women who realize it (and accept the fact that everyone ages) will more likely work together and connect with each other.

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-11-11T01:55:33+00:00

older women in particular feel resentment towards young women bc they value themselves through the male gaze and feel threatened by anyone who's perceived value is higher than them.

More like older (and younger too, if they're wise) women feel resentment towards chronophiles. Such women either have personally suffered negative experiences with chronophiles or have witnessed that happen to others, thus warning other women about it so they don't go through the same (ofc chronophiles hate this because it throws a monkey wrench in their own selfish schemes, so they'll try to pit older women and younger women against each other in attempts to prevent younger women from listening to elder women.) You even touched on that point yourself:

older women who grew up with prescriptions about how they should look, carry themselves, dress, etc to attract men and keep a man.

the misogyny that they themselves have endured

Also, about this...

Same when their husband lusts after younger women.

Some have found men who aren't like that and so encourage other women to not settle for such piss-poor treatment because there is better out there, albeit harder to find and so patience is required but it pays off handsomely, especially considering the alternative.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-11-10T15:48:49+00:00

What are we categorising as 'older women'?

2022-11-10T22:32:10+00:00

nemma88 · 2022-11-10T23:31:03+00:00

What competition? For the most part men 40yo and 20yo women are dating, and want entirely separate groups of dicks.

The competition is in your own age bracket, not others.

piggybrickhouse · 2022-11-11T06:53:12+00:00

No. Women are never jealous of younger women. I've never seen it once in my life. I have seen many older men absolutely seething over younger men. Remember when murdering Justin Bieber was a common fantasy even though he did nothing wrong except be young and cute? It's projection.

You're getting your ideas on women from fairy tales... and not even classic fairy tales. Modern fairy tales. "Evil Queen jealous of Snow White's beauty" is not a tale as old as time. It was made up by the Grimm Brothers because they had weird religious views about Eve being the downfall of humanity and hated women. Before the brothers, Snow White's enemy was a team of bandits.

Men who think women are jealous of younger women are straight up getting their views from Disney. It's sad and funny.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-11-11T08:27:40+00:00

I notice whenever a young woman says she wants a man with money, there is one bitter older woman saying something to the extent of "you better not age" "you better have a hot body if you want a wealthy man".

How is that resentment? To me it seems like a good warning and I wouldn't bother warning someone I resent. Sure, not all rich men would drop their partner when they start to get wrinkles, but a lot of rich guys would. Letting them know what they might have to ''provide'' for that type of relationship to work doesn't sceam ''bitterness'' to me.

But older women in particular feel resentment towards young women bc they value themselves through the male gaze and feel threatened by anyone who's perceived value is higher than them

Sure, some older women who have accepted the idea that their value is only temporary will do that. But there's plenty of older women who give advice to younger women to help them avoid mistakes they may have made in their youth. You can't say ''older women resent younger women'', because older women are not a monolith.

MOST hetero women see other women as competition for dick

Most hetero women I know don't think dick is worth competing over.

Any-Bottle-4910 · 2022-11-10T17:15:27+00:00

Please, for the love of Pete, stop saying “Patriarchy”. It’s dumb AF, and we don’t live in one since before I was born, and I am not young.

Odd_Interest_5311 · 2022-11-10T15:35:27+00:00

women's fleeting youth and fertility has nothing to do with patriarchy

swordfishrenegade · 2022-11-10T16:36:16+00:00

100%. But it’s natural, so can’t blame them. Younger women will always get picked up by the best men, and older women aren’t even in consideration after they hit the wall. So resentment is a byproduct.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-10T22:00:33+00:00

In my experience, yes... One example I was a a party where these cute younger girls showed up and the hosts gf made them. Leave eventually because his GF and mine actually were worried they were going to steal there men. They were loudly ridiculing them just out of earshot too.

The girls were a lot cuter than them as well.

Just sad, real sad.

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oldcamembert · 2022-11-11T11:32:52+00:00

I am an older woman and no, not jealous or envious of younger women. I offer my perspective only if asked for advice though, as otherwise it is just a waste of time and also quite impolite. As many other old hags on the thread, I feel protective rather than anything, and yes, there's some underlying urge to point things out to them. Similar to when you see someone lifting a heavy thing incorrectly and you know from experience they'll pull their back, and that there's a much safer way of doing the same thing (just thinking of the best advice ever I got from a complete stranger).

I even felt somewhat protective over a teenager my ex-H left me for, rather than jealous. It didn't work out between them and she weirdly reached out a few months after their breakup to apologise for "stealing" my man, apparently recommended by her therapist - she genuinely didn't see all the things that went wrong between them from the very first day, when it was absolutely clear to anyone with a shred of life experience that it just won't work out and will result in a heartbreak.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-11T12:01:33+00:00

I resent beautiful women. Are they aleays younger? Not really. Same as older women being mostly ugly

Beaufort62 · 2022-11-11T14:00:43+00:00

Hi, looks like you’ve had some bad experiences with older women. You say you know they’re not all like that but your post is worded as if you’re talking about all of them. I, and most older women I know couldn’t care less. Your priorities change when you get older and it’s not all about attracting men.

Please don’t call women (the ones who don’t insult you) who have been mistreated and are unhappy bitter. Try a bit of empathy.

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-11-13T05:08:08+00:00

The ones who are in competition and resentful are narcissistic trash. I know a few. They are not good people. The rest have tried to warn me. What is a 20 yr old doing with a 30 yr old? I thought "im just mature and they're jealous." But they warned me something is wrong with a 30 yr old man dating a 20 yr old. Now im older I realize how right they were. That man, and many others approaching me were and are trash.

Title	Do older women resent younger women ?
Author	Misericordia45
Upvotes	3
Comments	90
Date	November 10, 2022 3:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yri1n4/do_older_women_resent_younger_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-older-women-resent-younger-women.1144610 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144610

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