What’s with her?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-01-28T05:44:33+00:00

She’s trying to hate you.

egogceo · 2023-01-28T08:03:06+00:00

Look up narcissism, gaslighting, if she fits, there’s no repair. All exit strategy to a happier life

unaccomplished420 · 2023-01-28T06:38:17+00:00

I am experiencing the same thing. It is a completly different woman than the one I met and fell in love with.

Amazing-Statement-43 · 2023-01-28T08:11:56+00:00

Most probably she is trying to create some evidence for your cruel behaviour. No matter what don't react. She wants to induce some or any reaction and then she will use that against you in the court. A good idea would be to get some CCTV in your home and be extra kind and stoic. In order to get some reaction from you, she would cross so many lines and you can use the CCTV footage of the same.

Doubledolla · 2023-01-28T06:09:22+00:00

Stay positive. Kill her with kindness. When you choose love you can't loose. If you keep cool and don't react to that behavior you win in a sense. You can look back and have no regerts for how you handled that bag of shit of a situation. It will be hard but you can do it. Know going into situations to fortuitously keep your cool. It will just kill her cuz she wants to hate you but you're not giving her a reason. Not sure of the back story but you can control what happens now into the future. Take care of yourself. Lots of physical activity. Getting frustrated...... go slam out some push ups/ jumping Jack's. More activity will help you fell better in general and the mental health benefits that come from it are just as rewarding. Stay strong. You will always have those moments of doubt or weakness. We are human it's OK to feel but give it just a small moment don't dwell and slam out some push ups if that's what it takes. Go outside! Walks and what ever are important. Get some sun if you can on that face of yours. Manifest YOUR future. Do things you like with friends and by yourself. The future life will fall around positive you choices. Don't react be strong!

Decorum1 · 2023-01-28T11:44:08+00:00

Be sure to use a parenting app to interact about the children. Ask your lawyer to put it in the co-parent plan. There is often already one approved by the court.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-01-28T13:54:55+00:00

Yeah once you’re at that point there’s no coming back. I just did my second therapy session with my wife who acts the same way. She’s not looking for solutions to our issues she’s literally actively working against a solution.

cathkyth1 · 2023-01-28T14:17:44+00:00

Cheaters often have this response too. Its manipulation. My guess is that, she wanted you to work harder for her affections ( pick me dance for her wonderfulness). She probably didnt really think you would actually divorce her, just continue to wait on her.....while she ( explores plan A, cheats, live her life ect)

Shes probably mad she is losing contol over you. Its about power and control, not about love. My guess is she see this as you giving up on her ( aka she's the really victim here) DRAVO 101 to be more specific.

Narcissist always do that. Its the old " its not what I do but how you reacted to it blameshifting. But hey, Whatever "flavor of crazy" it is, just be happy to leave.

Get a good lawyer and record every face to face interaction. Cause it gets worse.

Best of luck OP

Hayekr · 2023-01-28T14:40:58+00:00

Women evolved over thousands and thousands of years to handle conflict differently than men. They could not win in a physical confrontation, so they instead evolved to rely on extreme forms of manipulation, scheming, cattiness, reputation destruction, and passive aggressiveness to a degree most men cannot even fathom doing. We can't understand it because if another man did it to us, it would turn into a physical fight very quickly. Women were obviously shielded from those consequences, so they think they can manipulate men with impunity.

They are just naturally way better than men at this sort of thing. The most important thing is to show it is not bothering you. Her being "receptive to criticism" is not your problem. She is an adult woman and fully auger'ed in on her behavior and beliefs. There's no changing her mind or behavior at this point, so don't even bother trying. Trust me; it's a futile effort.

If you let her get under your skin, she wins. Nothing will bother her more than realizing her childish antics aren't working on you -- so don't let them. Easier said than done, I know; but there are strategies that help with this.

lostcanuck007 · 2023-01-28T09:25:04+00:00

/u/ThunderFan462 hey man. i would really recommend going through my post history on this subreddit.

and my replies here.

We all love you but you're in for a ride. protect yourself.

good luck. I am sorry, i still havent launched my book yet as i get more and more things to talk about the more i talk to men who've gone through a shitty divorce.

dragonfly323 · 2023-01-28T15:51:09+00:00

My ex was the same way. Everything turned into a fight at the end. We communicate through a parent app now but I haven’t talked to her in person in probably 4 months. If we actually did talk in person it would turn into a fight. She was the one who was a serial cheater but she made me out to be the bad guy to justify it.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-28T09:33:13+00:00

Women take 0 responsibility for any of their actions

MadHatOsiris · 2023-01-28T13:59:51+00:00

She wants you to be the villain

CrazySanta7 · 2023-01-28T14:19:30+00:00

The more she fights, the faster the divorce goes through so she can be with her new man. It sucks, but it's true. At the tail end, my ex would pick fights over anything. She had never done that in the 17 years i've known her. I will never forget when she said,'I feel like a battered woman' . I was like, wtf? Guess what? Looked at cell phone bill a few months later....hundreds of text messages to 1 certain number. And I'M the bad guy for invading her privacy on our joint cell bill. GTFOH. It's funny how cheaters blame shift. Criticisms will continue. She is comparing you to her new flame, who can do no wrong in the honeymoon period.

Remember this, you will be the villain in this story. She will never apologize for her part... never ... not even for cheating. Her cheating is somehow your fault. It's a co-parenting relationship and a business now. Good luck bro.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-01-28T15:04:47+00:00

My marriage was in two stages at the end. We would either fight and argue horribly, or she would give me the silent treatment for days. I guess the 3rd option was for her to belittle and insult me. We have a child together and unfortunately 2 years later after the divorce, she is still a chaotic problem to deal with. The nightmare doesn't always completely end after the divorce. I just don't have to deal with it daily. Yet, she always seems to try and create new issues every few months.

thenotknown2022 · 2023-01-28T15:17:41+00:00

that was me and my wife.

any position on any issue i took she took the opposite.

if i said im going to drill a hole in the wool using the drill bit she tell me its wrong (even though she has never used a drill in her life)

if i said i wanted sushi she would say chicken, if i said chicken 5 mins later she would say sushi.

next step she will accuse of doing things you never did, like having an affair, beating her, abusing her etc etc - maybe if she pushes your buttons enough she will achieve it. probably insults you and belittles you all the time too right?

its all the process of her turning you into an asshole in her mind so she can divorce you and try kill you with her lawyers.

you have 2 choices

1) live with the abuse the rest of your life - and even then she will still probably divorce you at some point

2) go no contact, prepare yourself for a nasty divorce most likely, suffer and then be free.

scootfaster · 2023-01-28T15:21:17+00:00

My stbxw does the same thing. Ghosts me for a month, then calls to yell at me. Lol. That menopause must be rough 😆 .

Complex_Meal2687 · 2023-01-28T15:35:42+00:00

Understand this. Won't stick to just discussing the kids. Tries to interfere in things that don't involve her. I ignore her unless it's about the kids specifically. Then, if it's about the kids she will try and steer it toward her new marriage or get off topic. ( big shock she got married within 8 or 9 months after the divorce ) Keeps trying to talk about how wonderful her new husband is when we are supposed to discuss the kids. I don't care. She remarried for the money. Financially she was way more of a mess than I was. The kids are an accessory and a shield for her to hide behind. The constant need to turn ANYTHING into an argument. Lying about the severity of a situation to try to get a rise out of me. If she doesn't focus on the kids without the drama. I don't engage. I've wonder the same. How do you waste that much time constantly trying to fight AFTER it's over. Shift that energy to the new Mr. Right/new marriage. Shouldn't that new life be enough of a reason to wash away all that past drama?

Throwaway4120213 · 2023-01-28T12:33:57+00:00

Because once you are divorced - she knows she can’t control you anymore. In order for her to get you to do any favors or even consider her feelings on an issue after a divorce - she has to be NICE to you.

This is her last window to be horrible to you and bully you into giving her what she wants.

But you have to play the long game. Play nice - get the divorce done and then after - she can pound sand.

You would be surprised by how much nicer my ex is to me after we divorced than when we were actually married!

derelictherds · 2023-01-28T19:23:46+00:00

This behaviour seems to be extremely common. Radio silence is your friend. Don't get a baited into arguments.

AproposWuin · 2023-01-28T21:02:56+00:00

Try to avoid in person conversations and keep it to text or email

That removes all emotion except what we read out of jt

It had helped me, and I have had people read her messages to help me remove my emotion from her message

acg34 · 2023-01-28T23:14:03+00:00

My ex did the same thing. We eventually divorced (she filed). About 6 years later she came back and said she was wrong about me and wanted to get back together. After I said no, she now claims I was abusive the entire marriage. All her problems are now my fault. Our kids want very little to do with her (which is my fault,too).

Sum1StoleMyGamertag · 2023-01-29T07:06:07+00:00

You need to protect yourself, man. I will never be an advocate for a divorce, but this kind of stuff is what blind sides a man. You trying to make it work is completely understandable.. Talk to a lawyer just in case.

I was a shell of a man at the end of mine, still trying to make things work. I held on to that concept right up until she had her mother come move her out of my house. The only reason I found out was because I came home to sign for a UPS package of all things.. Don't be me, and god forbid it ends similar for you, I promise there is genuine happiness on the other side once it's finalized!

domestic_demigod · 2023-01-29T16:30:02+00:00

Agreeing with a lot of other comments bc I am going through the same thing. My practice is slowing down, being intentional to focus on showing up to every situation in a way that I am proud of and models how I want my boys to handle conflict. This takes tons of self regulation and energy so taking care of yourself is key. Also, easier to do if you aren't still living together.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-01-28T11:51:48+00:00

Thats how it is, when they fucked up and want to escape relationship. They dont have a gut or accountability , and oftently already cheated

So, they start pushing on you “that you fucked up”

Thats how they reason their unhappiness And they feel better

Absolute non sense, but thats how every women describe on this forum behaves. Fck up

xadmin123 · 2023-01-28T22:41:26+00:00

Can’t take criticism and fight. That are big signs she has borderline personality disorder.

PoppinPMAGs · 2023-01-29T00:31:50+00:00

In the same boat. I have no idea who this person I'm fighting with is.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-28T11:14:48+00:00

> She can’t even discuss anything amicably

Because you don't understand female nature. Logic doesn't work. It's all about feels before reals in girl world.

> She can’t take any form of criticism

Women don't accept responsibility or accountability for their actions.

DueSuggestion6670 · 2023-01-30T07:51:27+00:00

It seems to be a tactic. I can't speak for everyone but my ex cheated, and filed. Then she hates and I mean HATES me. Like I chose this. I don't know if its a women thing or what.

I did the whole I want to be amlicable thing. I gave a lot. Maybe it was to try and keep the peace or deep down get her back 🤷‍♂️.

Bit objectively as I can be...when girls are done its over. Just don't give in to her demands/asks. It won't be recipricated. No Mercy. Cobra Kai!

Title	What’s with her?
Author	ThunderFan462
Upvotes	32
Comments	62
Date	January 28, 2023 5:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10n7d3x/whats_with_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/whats-with-her.1218156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218156

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