How has dating changed substantially in the last ten years?

Chikoswe2022 · 2023-05-20T12:05:14+00:00

10 years ago was 2013. Here are some of the things I've noticed

After the #metoo movement of the mid 2010s and the fallout from the bad actors that took advantage of this good cause, most men I know are terrified of making a first move. According to them, "no" is now the best thing a disinterested lady can say. The worst? Now social media gives us the power to humiliate people on a larger scale almost instantaneously. Imagine a girl rejecting you loudly in a bar and multiply that by a few thousand. That's where we are today. Many men I know wonder if the trade off is worth benefit anymore.
In as far as casual sex or short term relationships are concerned, power laws & Pareto distributions now dominate even more than the previous years. (At least more than before the stigmatisation of polygamy) You have a small group of men and women who are having plenty of bedroom traffic while many others receive no romantic or sexual attention. While this applies to both (traditional) sexes, it is especially true for men.
Although, this one is now being debated by many in the world of economics, I find that many young people these days are working even longer than they were in 2013. While some are practicing things like quiet quitting and the like, many are still trying their best to work their way up. Since competition is a lot stiffer in this day and era, this means less time for dating for a lot of younger people. Many who have said they wanted to date, marry and start a family are saying they just don't have the financial muscle to pull it off and are fighting tooth and nail to get there.
The advent of video sharing on mobile has led to an explosion in porn and social media industries. This has brought with it its own issues like excessive porn usage, excessive social media usage, increased body dissatisfaction, increased expectations. All of this makes staying inside a lot more appealing than going out to risk rejection.

NockerJoe · 2023-05-20T14:59:42+00:00

I think a lot of people seriously underestimate what social media does for women. We can talk about Tinder til the cows come home but the reason theres such an abundance of "baddie type girlfriends" is that theres now a shit ton of accessable tutorials and trendy hairstyles that look higher effort than they are and the ebtire workout culture of women has shifted from just cardio to building muscle to accent the ass and thighs. This to say nothing of the explosion in popularity of lip injections/BBL's/other cosmetic work. Or the sheer number of makeup tutorials that just did not exist before. Or hell, the fact that you can walk into basically any mall ajd there's always been 5x the number of storefronts for womens fashion compared to mens.

Women have always had way more avenues than men to glow up but while men have gained more, the expobential growth in what women can do means that basically any mid girl who wants to put in effort can do way more than a mid dude. Those couples are probably way more evenly matched if you take away all the artificial shit.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2023-05-20T10:43:01+00:00

Did a lot of people use dating apps legitimately a decade ago?

Dont know if a lot, but yes, and they were completely different.

Back then IG only was three years old, there were barely any people fishing for followers, the people there was actually interested in meeting someone, you could also hold really interesting conversations and women were way more engaging (preety women). People selling some form of sex were almost non existent, there were one or two prostitutes but that was it (no content packs, no OF, it was beautifull).

Also, they were a lot less monetized, you had free superlikes every day, the free part of the app left you give a lot more likes than now (I would estimate three times more).

Swordfromthecement · 2023-05-20T11:00:32+00:00

Online dating apps, social media, and the expenses involved in dating are the biggest changes really.

On your observation college is the easiest place to meet women. You have a large amount of women in the same age as you that you interact with on a regular basis. People don’t realize how much that familiarity makes dating easier. Once you leave college you’re not interacting with as many women as before on a consistent basis.

I’ve said it before, if you go to college for four years and can’t find one girl to sleep with you or have a relationship with you, then you’re in rough shape. If you can, then your problem is that you’re not applying enough effort/aren’t willing to lower your standards.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-05-20T17:00:39+00:00

The spaces where it's acceptable to approach women in a romantic way have dwindled.
Clubs are declining in popularity.
Dating apps have largely become winner-take-all markets and they get tougher roughly every year or so.
Matching on a dating app is far less meaningful than it once was, regarding whether you get a reply/opener or not.
Women seem to be getting cooler with one night standing guys
Women seem to increasingly be categorizing men into two camps --- 'fuck' and 'marry,' --- which is why you'll see a good looking guy get casual sex but a more normal guy in a relationship. I think this is because while women have become both more confident and more insecure.
More men are having body image issues than ever before
Mental health issues seem to be proliferating.
A lot of men are becoming increasingly passive because dating for most men is a huge hassle with little reward.
The relationship terms for men likely are getting worse
A rise in polyamory aka relationship arrangements that primarily are for the woman's benefit.

Some of these are significant, but I'd say most of them don't move the needle that much. The fact is that there have always been a small group of men who have had casual sex. And mostly, that group of men has casual sex with the small group of women who have always had casual sex.

The GSS numbers on #of sex partners in a year remain largely unchanged --- having 5-10 partners in a year puts a guy into the top percentiles.

However, looks have only a fairly weak correlation with partner count. Your sociosexuality, drug use, propsenity to 'party,' level of extraversion, etc. all count just as much.

Cjaylyle · 2023-05-20T10:42:30+00:00

Everyone, even taken people, are on the most efficient, open, yet private form dating app. This means everyone has one foot in the game.

Instagram

DerayRevan · 2023-05-20T10:26:09+00:00

Mainstream media bruh

The rise of sexless young men

Both genders becoming less social

Inflation, therefore becoming hard to own your place for smashing

More pornographic consumption

TRP

And the final nail in the coffin, COVID

The percentage of people meeting online is also increasing

Hello, have you been living under a rock ?

Affinity4186 · 2023-05-20T21:50:26+00:00

I'm going to make the argument that average looking, neurotypical, highly extroverted men are the least affected by the changes in the dating market over the last 10 years. Social circle game is still very effective.

The rise of dating apps and social media is gives women more options to pick from. Tinder allows women to see just how horny and desperate men can get. Instagram exposes them to very wealthy and/or very physically attractive men that they wouldn't have had access to otherwise. This will have a huge effect on three populations of men.

The well below average men. In the past these guys could just get with a woman that was well below average like themselves. But thanks to Tinder even a 250lb ugly woman can sleep with men in the average range of looks with relative ease thanks to the abundance of dumpster diving men they have access to without having to leave the house.
Relatively good looking men that would have been considered top tier 15 years ago. Thanks to social media women are now exposed to far more images of extremely attractive men in a week than their ancestors saw in their entire lifetimes. This will skew their perceptions of what an attractive man is. The threshold to be a "hot" guy or "Chad" has risen quite a bit. Because of this there's a significant chunk of men that, while above average looking, no longer make the Chad cutoff. So now they have to put in the same work that an average looking guy does.
Average/slightly above average neurodivergent men. It was always hard for these types of men don't get me wrong. But back then they could luck out with a "weird" girl with low self esteem that didn't have very high standards. Now even the "weird" girls have much higher standards because they can hop online and find me who will worship them and boost their self esteem. Social media also makes it much harder to mask your neurodivergence. These days most women will ask for your instagram and if you have a poor profile they overlook you as an option.

thewhiteknight17 · 2023-05-20T11:42:36+00:00

Substantially? No. The top 20% still have all the girls on rotation so yeah.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-05-20T15:16:35+00:00

It was hugely different. You could put a personal ad on Craigslist and women would respond, even if it was just out of mild curiosity (Craigslist stopped hosting personal ads in 2018). Tinder had just started and was regarded as mostly for hook ups. Craigslist had a bad rep too, but it hosted a very wide variety of ads, and was probably the most popular site for kink personals.

I don't imagine too much has changed on campuses as you mention, but you can't stay in school forever (usually).

katyushas_boyfriend · 2023-05-20T18:22:54+00:00

I’m a graduate student so I wasn’t eligible to attend the event apparently but there were so many guys with out with their baddie-type girlfriends. Some of these guys weren’t anything special appearance wise though most had rizz or style if you will. (I am Gen z/ under 25).

Makeup go brrrrr

thetruthishere_ · 2023-05-20T18:26:54+00:00

OLD has been around since the mid 90's. Its surely boomed more in the last decade though.

One thing I think has changed is so many now have a 'swipe the grass is greener brain' when grass is greener where you water.

giveuporfindaway · 2023-05-20T18:53:46+00:00

10 years ago non-app based dating sites still existed. The idea of logging onto a dating site without using an app is completely alien now. I never had success on either. But I assume apps are worse for me in a statistically insignificant way. Aside from this, it was shit then and it's shit now. Same shit, different day. I went from zero to zero.

Zabadoodude · 2023-05-20T19:18:30+00:00

10-15 years ago I was a late teens/ early 20's college student. I have younger siblings and cousins who are that age now. Not a huge sameple size, but here's my observations.

Similarities

Now, like then, extroverted guys with riz don't struggle dating. The people who really struggle are the ones who are introverted and socially awkward.
Short guys have a much harder time, but can overcome it if they have riz and go for short girls
People mostly get together with their looks-match, though hot guys will hook up with average women.

Differences

Online game is huge now. The most common dating app is Instagram, and guys who know how to work it get results.
It's a lot easier to find out about irl activities online, and meet new people through that. My cousins will go to a party with a friend of an online friend a city over. Back then, if nothing was happening where you were, you were just hanging out with the same 4 people.
"Situationships" are way more common. Back then it was mostly monogamous relationships or strictly casual hookups. Now hookup ->fwb -> gf seems to be the normal progression, with blurry lines between the stages. Even average guys will try to delay commitment for as long as possible.
- Young people are more aware that Looks and riz matter. "Gotta hit the gym if you want to get girls" is common knowledge now.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-05-20T14:27:58+00:00

10 years ago a bunch of people in thier late teens and early 20s would go online and complain “I can’t get any matches on Match/OKCupid/EHarmony and I don’t have any followers on Facebook! I’m watching PUA content on YouTube that says it’s hypergamy and that we are in the decline!”

Now it’s a bunch of people in their late teens and early 20s who go online and complain “I can’t get any swipes on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge and I’m not getting any followers on Instagram! I’m watching red pill related content on TikTok that says it’s 3rd wave feminism and we are in the decline!”

So different.

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-05-20T14:18:57+00:00

A quick glance at actual studies that have been on the topic suggests there's has been a decline in men having romantic success, but not nearly to the extent depicted by Reddit red-pillers. For example, the percentage of young men completely striking out sexually has risen to about 25-30%. Some people have too fragile of an ego to accept that they're in the bottom 25th percentile of romantic success, so they latch onto internet echo chambers that exaggerate how much of a dystopia dating has become and claim that no average men are having success, and you have to be a top 20% "chad" to see any success. As you've witnessed, getting off the internet and observing people in real life quickly blows holes in this theory. To be clear, 25% is not a small number, and I don't think it's right or healthy for society to stigmatized all these men as creepy losers. I'm in a very low percentile for romantic success myself, so I'm not one to disparage the group, and I don't consider myself a complete loser. But I'm also able to accept the reality that the vast majority of men do better than me in this one aspect of life.

Ok_Tomorrow_3963 · 2023-05-20T14:26:50+00:00

I wasn’t eligible to attend the event apparently but there were so many guys with out with their baddie-type girlfriends. Some of these guys weren’t anything special appearance wise though most had rizz or style if you will. (I am Gen z/ under 25). People still meet up organically.

I'll believe it when these gen-z guys finally decide to to have sex with their baddy girlfriends. So far the stats suggest your gen is on track to fare even worse than millenials and that's saying a lot

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-05-20T16:32:41+00:00

Between 2013 and today?

Dating itself hasn't changed. Technology has.

Dating apps were a thing in 2013. Tinder blew up in 2013-2016.

trail22 · 2023-05-20T16:39:01+00:00

In general I think that women always wondered what being with a man meant about them. But now more then ever looks matter more with the advent of social media. Where before they would be more about job and maybe even relay how he treats her, now if a guys value isnt demonstrable easily on social media, then they are less valuable.

Preme2 · 2023-05-20T10:30:20+00:00

How has dating changed substantially in the last ten years?

Nothing, people are still out there and you saw it with their concert you went to. You’re right, people still meet organically. Some dating app changes but nothing too crazy. Nothing has changed really. Does that answer your question?

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Safinated · 2023-05-20T15:48:11+00:00

Moved to the internet, obviously. Still there though

EquivalentBedroom317 · 2023-05-20T17:35:56+00:00

Not really, virtually 0 change. Good looking people always were successful. Guys always struggled.

milianawilliams · 2023-05-20T20:50:11+00:00

i feel online dating made a lot of unrealistic expectations

FakeNewsFredo · 2023-05-20T23:25:51+00:00

Online dating was a lot better a decade ago, I'll tell you that.

Now, they have a terrible reputation, so most of the quality people avoid them.

Over_Noise3530 · 2023-05-21T03:25:14+00:00

As a woman it's easier to get hot guys for more frequent casual relationships now, even though I am older. Of course it's because of old. Ten years ago I was stuck using social circle and nightlife to date, I was getting less dates and they were lower quality.

Negative consequences of porn use are increased ed in young men, and more extreme "kinks" like choking. Nobody had kinks ten years ago, now they're the first thing guys talk about

Kobe_curry24 · 2023-05-21T04:55:12+00:00

Has technology changed ? Lmfaoooo have movies changed Bruv nothing is the same we went through a pandemic worse since the plague Yea I think things have changed

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-05-21T07:31:40+00:00

The biggest thing is that everyone wants a perfect relationship from day one and doesn't understand that a relationship is two way street with a series of compromises, especially women.

I constantly hear shit about how women are annoyed that their guy doesn't do their "love language" enough and how it's his fault (obviously chat supports her version of things and calls the guy not good enough and should be doing more).

Yet when a guy comes on and talks about the exact say shit, the comments are bashing him saying "she is a woman and don't owe you anything", "it's her life not your stop trying to change people" etc.

Tldr: thanks to social media women have way more options and understand that so their egos and complete unequal demand have gone through the roof.

Title	How has dating changed substantially in the last ten years?
Author	Youngking41
Upvotes	33
Comments	152
Date	May 20, 2023 9:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13mnpf0/how_has_dating_changed_substantially_in_the_last/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-has-dating-changed-substantially-in-the-last.1219814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219814

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