CMV: It's reasonable to want your partner to be "on your level" financially.

arcadefiery · 2023-08-31T04:49:14+00:00

I wouldn't date someone who wasn't roughly similar to me in terms of attractiveness, intelligence, resourcefulness, etc. Doesn't have to earn the same as me but has to have similar academic qualifications (professional/masters degree) and has to be of similar level of ambition.

I'm a guy btw.

Equality is the way.

ThatPizzaKid · 2023-08-31T03:00:27+00:00

Depends how much money you make. The more of an outlier you are at something, the smaller your pool if you expect someone to be equal or greater. Like imagine if Michael Jackson would only date someone who was as musically successful as him. Who does that leave, Beyonce... maybe?

Or lets say youre a bodybuilder like Arnold, who has won multiple national competitions, is your pool now only top female body builders. What like all 20 of them.

If youre a big outlier in something, by definition you shouldnt expect to find someone who is as big an outlier as you, as your existence as an outlier was already stupidly rare. If you care about even a couple of other things, on top of that outlier trait, your chance of finding someone drops precipitously.

babazuki · 2023-08-31T02:24:49+00:00

The more success a man gains in his career, the more he expects he will attract beautiful women.

The more success a woman gains in her career, the more success she requires from men.

Men and women are not looking for the same things. Women don't become more attractive as they age and gain success in their careers. They just require more.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-31T03:22:25+00:00

I think people involved need to have an understanding of their expectations for their partner and how they plan to live.

I don't see a reason a rich person and a middle class or poor person couldn't be successful assuming they all agree on how they want to live and what they expect of each other.

The issue is when class differences and income differences are at a clash of how to live and what everyone expects of each other.

Me personally, how much money is made doesn't matter so long as there's enough for a modest life and no one works so much that they aren't around and cannot enjoy the life and love built because they're constantly gaining wealth. Which means I'm best suited to middle and lower class life, but not so much a wealthy man. But there's plenty of middle class women who would adore a rich man and wouldn't mind him not being around so much or having an immodest lifestyle.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-08-31T03:32:26+00:00

She's more than welcome to require whatever standards she wants. I (30m) never even thought of the idea of picking a SO based off of their income, even when I was broke.

To would have virtually zero dating options now if I had the same stipulation, requiring someone to be relative to my income. I make too much. It would be almost everyone but if I date a woman who makes her own money, I'm indifferent about it. I don't hold it against her, nor does it give her brownie points.

I always looked for more relvant qualities (in my opinion) and it genuinely never occurred to me to pocket watch.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-31T03:36:41+00:00

I have always been a strong proponent of dating men who dont make much more than me. Why?

Men who make more than you will use it to hold over your head and to get out of other aspects of the relationship (loyalty, doing chores even when you work full time like them etc etc)....its a power imbalance
For me, those men usually work too much and are drained...as I always made around the median salary when I dated so this relative and may not apply to poorer people but for me a man who makes significant more than me is likely a workaholic... quality time is my top Love Language.
Easier to match lifestyles
Men who make more than their women tend to view women more negatively- not sure why, maybe they see them as golddigers even when the woman doesnt act like one. Just something Ive noticed.
If you get divorced, he cannot accuse you of "financially using him" I see this alot, I use to work in law and in my personal life, most SAHMs who got a divorce, their husbands wanted them to be SAHMs (to make their career progression easier!) If youre a guy and dont want a financially screwed over divorce, dont make your wife a SAHM.

Every person may have a different view of this. What I mean by "much more" is more than a 30k salary difference to me.

Akainu14 · 2023-08-31T03:37:00+00:00

Or we could just not be materialistic and view men as human beings instead of human doings

neverendingplush · 2023-08-31T09:01:51+00:00

Yeah . I want my my partner to not need me. I was with someone who refused to work for a few years, but living in germany the government played half her portion of the rent and gave her money for living costs, not a lot but doable.

But basically anytime I wanted to do anything with her, I was basically the de facto atm.so I never really wanted to travel because she'd essentially be bumming off me the whole time, which in principle gets old after a while, especially if they aren't making the effort to fix the situation.

One thing I don't understand about guys. If you use your money and career to attract women , don't be surprised and mad in the end when that's all she wanted you for. A lot of guys will cry and say I'm 6ft, nice car, house, go to the gym. Like wow ok, so are you actually a cool person, are you nice, your views on the world etc.....

2023-08-31T03:21:25+00:00

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-08-31T17:08:20+00:00

I wonder how men tolerated marrying women who literally couldn’t work for so long

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2023-08-31T18:21:58+00:00

Well that women clearly said she wants a rich man. Not a man on her level. Which is also ok. But just shows you the difference between a man and a women. A man would date a women who makes less than him, a women would not.

What is wrong is women expect traits of a traditional man such as being wealthier, stronger, more stoic, etc... But get butt hurt when men expect them to be a traditional women.

Joyful-Adsorption · 2023-08-31T19:16:39+00:00

It is logical to want them at the same level. Love happens best illogically, though.

I'm 42. When I was dating there were no dating apps so you had to actually talk to someone to find out much about them. So attraction would happen first, before any information changed hands. Chemistry is more important than finance.

Kid I used to babysit just got married (he's 30). He quit his job to wander New Zealand in a van. A girl he had just barely started to date before he left the US joined him there on a whim when he asked. Neither set of parents thought this was a great idea. Two lovers scraping by on what they could make at odd jobs. Now married, one is an engineer. Life changes, and love changes you.

Don't be afraid to take chances in your love life. You want to talk finances, sometimes a seemingly low investment pays off.

Pizzashillsmom · 2023-08-31T02:01:13+00:00

You can get a career woman and help fund her lifestyle or you can get a non-career woman and you’d also fund her lifestyle, but at least she’d take care of the kids.

ace52387 · 2023-08-31T02:05:58+00:00

I think it goes both ways. The man should probably look for the same in a woman. The actual current situation doesnt matter nearly as much as the trajectory unless youre older.

operation-spot · 2023-08-31T02:36:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Teflon08191 · 2023-08-31T03:51:41+00:00

It can be reasonable, but if it's the first thing she wants to know about then that's extremely off-putting. Gold digger vibes. I'd excuse myself from a date with that woman the instant she starts asking about my bank accounts. I have a feeling with the energy she's exhibiting in that video that this has probably happened to her at least a few times already.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-08-31T05:42:07+00:00

The more traits you add to the list, the harder it'll be to get what you want.

Women generally want: 1)hot, 2)rich, 3)socially competent(from having social status to having the balls/social skills/charisma to approach her, entertain her, plan and pay for dates and later take care of most of the financial responsibility if they get married), 4)good character(from values and morals to decision making skills and track record).

Men generally care about: 1)hot and 2)good character. That's it.

The more traits you add to your list, the harder it becomes to get what you want.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-08-31T14:26:48+00:00

True. Problem is with a woman like this is this, she wants a man thats like double as successful as she is regardless of her own success no matter how small

Women like this are the worst because they move up the ranks and get some fluffy ass project manager promotion or something and all of sudden want a hedge fund owner or CEO for a significant other or hes a loser

Over_North8884 · 2023-08-31T04:36:28+00:00

The problem is, women who make $X only consider men making $2X to be on their financial level, but with a minimum male income of 6 figures regardless.

NFthrowaway8302021 · 2023-08-31T03:37:14+00:00

This guy is a real version of the wojack meme

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-31T12:04:44+00:00

I think women conflate money with value for men. It's just not the case. You can always demand whoever you want, but you may not get it. A 5/10 woman making 100k is not the same value as a 5/10 man making 100k. The man has far more value in the same marketplace than the woman, simply because men don't care about money as much.

That's all.

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Safinated · 2023-08-31T02:50:59+00:00

I thought you were a tradcon, lol

md8716 · 2023-08-31T06:31:02+00:00

I think that having problems and friction because of mismatched finances won't matter because it'll have problems and friction regardless. The vast majority of people people under 40 today are simply not wired to be in long-lasting relationships anymore.

So is it reasonable? Sure. But it doesn't matter. For this generation, chronic breakups and dying alone will come all the same.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-08-31T11:05:14+00:00

I think everybody should just date on the standards they want to date on

silkyj0hnson · 2023-08-31T12:17:13+00:00

What an idiot. Wealthy people don’t keep their wealth in a bank account. If she were doing it right she would ask to see asset holdings like in a brokerage account. She thinks she’s smooth, but in the end she’s just smooth-brained.

Durmyyyy · 2023-08-31T12:43:10+00:00

As a man its never been much of a concern, I just wish they were willing to do their part no matter how much that is.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-08-31T16:16:08+00:00

I agree 100%. I'm not dating no broke ass woman.

midwesternMD · 2023-08-31T16:41:00+00:00

I think it’s reasonable for all women to want that, but it will be mathematically impossible for all women women to obtain that.

Last I heard, women have been outperforming men in academics and out-earning men at least on the entry-level and mid-level job markets. Established men only out-earn women at upper management. So if the trends continue, there simply won’t be enough men who are “at a woman’s level” for every woman to find a financial match.

Besides, beyond a certain income level, it’s not worth it to filter for financial parity. If you earn say >250k, the number of single people who also are in that tier are so small that a financial filter will exclude some 97-99% of people. That’s why I personally never bothered looking for someone “at my level.” It could also be that I’m a man, and I’ve never cared about that to begin with.

Icy-Sprinkles-638 · 2023-09-01T15:00:49+00:00

As long as she remembers that men don't have that same expectation and so she has to also present the things that men in her target income bracket actually value if she wants a relationship and not just a hookup she's just fine to have that standard.

RedditAlt999 · 2023-09-01T19:20:26+00:00

It's reasonable for women to want that, but men typically don't care if the woman makes significantly less. The issue women don't seem to understand is that if your income standard for men is "as much as I make or more", the more the woman makes the smaller the pool of eligible bachelors becomes. Then they want to get mad at the men who do make as much as them for choosing women who are better looking but make less money.

purplish_possum · 2023-09-01T23:58:43+00:00

I certainly don't want no broke-ass woman.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-02T03:29:31+00:00

These people that haven't been on a first date, going on like their choosing a spouse

Title	CMV: It's reasonable to want your partner to be "on your level" financially.
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	17
Comments	115
Date	August 31, 2023 1:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/165xk2g/cmv_its_reasonable_to_want_your_partner_to_be_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-its-reasonable-to-want-your-partner-to-be-on.1230616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230616

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