Hard day brothers...

SwordfishVegetable38 · 2023-12-26T10:33:30+00:00

8 years sober. Alcohol is not the answer.

Find a recovery meeting. Alcoholics Anonymous has meetings running almost everywhere 24/7. Even if you're not an alcoholic but have a drinking problem, you are welcome. You can just sit and listen. People will greet you and welcome you. No judgment. At least you won't be alone, and you won't be drinking for an hour or two.

And if you are not an alchy and you go to meetings and are not drinking for a couple of months, big deal. If you are an alchy and you go to meetings and are not drinking for a couple of months, that's a BIG DEAL.

Gunslinger1925 · 2023-12-25T18:41:51+00:00

I feel you, brother. I asked for a divorce from my infidel STBXW at the beginning of December. Even posted on here about it.

This past week was better. Like I felt better. I avoided the alcohol, but I have been to the gym regularly these past two weeks. I feel better, and I can already begin to see a change on my waistline. Then again, I've been able to have my kids today.

Point is brother, use the day to mourn. But tomorrow, pick yourself back up, put the bottle away, and begin this new journey. I'm looking at my divorce as a new lease on life. I see the road is going to rocky, and I'm sure I'm going to find myself in some dark holes. But the horizon looks clear.

Be strong for yourself and your kids.

warrior_up · 2023-12-25T17:20:06+00:00

I drank myself into detox twice after my divorce. Easy way to cope - seems like an even better way to kill time.

Sober now 2.5 yrs, wouldn’t change a thing as it was my divorce that was the catalyst to a sober life. The best life

when you’re drinking to numb emotions bad things can/will eventually happen. I’d recommend checking into a med detox, easy way to recover no possibility of drinking while you’re there.

Life is so short man, quit poisoning your mind and body and get fit and healthy instead. Best of luck. Sober life is 100000x better bro

medic4401 · 2023-12-25T15:47:50+00:00

It’s not you. Never was. They change over time.Morph into another person possibly hormonal changes. Why should you suffer. It wasn’t your fault. New chapter with new opportunities for new partners. Perhaps many new partners. Life will be better.

MNCPA · 2023-12-25T14:33:08+00:00

Go to your sister's house. Be silent. If anyone asks, then just say that you're tired from working. Being present is better than nothing at all.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-12-25T10:46:15+00:00

They suck a little less with each passing year. The first one for me was utter shit. Living in a motel, 2 months out of the world exploding. I had the kids for the day, heard about the ring her "friend bought her" and that crap. But we bought Chinese food, they opened their couple presents I could get them, and it snowed, and we saw a deer across the street from the motel. It's the little things that you have to grab onto .

Start your own new traditions. Find little things that make it special for yourself. It sucks because the years of billing a life form pulled out from under you. Now you can rebuild, one small step at a time.

S4z3r4c · 2023-12-25T08:17:38+00:00

Allow yourself the day. Be hungover. Then on the 27th get your arse in the gym and go silent for a month.

Gattsama · 2023-12-25T07:48:54+00:00

The holidays are just another day. It's not the event itself but our view of them that matters. Go to the soup kitchen and pass out food, take a long walk, listen to stoic philosophy on YouTube, and go to your sisters. Most of the time, we think we are protecting family by not seeing them or sharing with them.

But in fact, all we are doing is blocking an opportunity for them to love us. If the roles were reversed and your sister was hurting, would you be upset if she came over for Xmas? You don't need to suffer alone or in silence. It's a choice. And while some people will turn you away, most will not. Hell brother most people here have your back.

The world is full of hateful people, ie tour eX, but also loving people. Not all, but most family wants you to reach out to them. Even if all you do is sit in the corner and observe, please consider reaching out. Worst case they say no and your no better than now. Best case you have some positive energy in your life. And they get an opportunity to love you.

life-is-short- · 2023-12-25T07:39:27+00:00

You know what. Take it. Make yourself drunk. Release your energy. Just do not make it outside. And next day become a better version of yourself.

lifeisallihave · 2023-12-25T07:30:20+00:00

Don't destroy yourself man. Throw away that bottle and become the man and father you'd like to be starting with the new year. You got this and you can do it. You will also meet some amazing people by working on yourself. Happy holidays brother.

Brave_Quantity_5261 · 2023-12-25T06:37:59+00:00

I feel you. First Christmas alone and I just want to hang myself. I would never because of the kids. That makes it so much worse. The urge to die but the obligation to live. My stbxw is such a fucking bitch, has me so fucked up. Moved to be closer to her family then divorced me, leaving me all alone but her with her family. And I’m stuck because of the kids. I wish i could get an attorney and move the kids back home, where we all lived til 2 years ago.

Aceking1983 · 2023-12-25T06:34:19+00:00

I feel your pain, my wife asked for a divorce 3 days before Thanksgiving. But out that energy in something beneficial over a bottle. Get outside and run, lift weights, or if you can't run then walk. If you can't walk then write, call a friend and catch up like you used to begore you were married were you had the time to talk for awhile. It's painful, but drinking your lain away will only cause more pain.

IllustriousCry672 · 2023-12-25T05:37:18+00:00

So much me. My folks are dead, my sister has her family and doesn't need me bringing down the mood on the holidays.

So I sit at home and drink by myself, and miss the life and family I had, and mourn that it won't come again.

Moeasfuck · 2023-12-25T05:00:46+00:00

I understand man

Joocewayne · 2023-12-25T04:41:31+00:00

When you wake up tomorrow and your brain is deadened to joy… it’s ok. It’s ok you grieved and the sadness and despair is necessary to feel in order to move on. You are worthy of love. Don’t let anyone define who you are but you.

Figure out your standards of morality and live up to them. Grieve for a while, but never let yourself down.

Cheap_Baseball3609 · 2023-12-25T04:27:00+00:00

Hang in there man. I know it is super hard. I thought we would be sharing memories with our children and our self until the end of time. Now, I cannot even talk about our own child who we used to raise together with her because it is hostile. Like I was sleeping next to you not long ago and now this. The hardest part is knowing everything was cut short. It is a death. I am mourning what could have been, a family, a best friend and a whole story. I didn’t get any closure which sucks and probably never will. So it’s just like a stop in time boom.

The_Usual_Suspect___ · 2023-12-25T03:09:15+00:00

I hear you champ, you aren't alone, I got four walls and a ceiling to keep me company. Beers and blow is the modern therapy. Sure I work out and eat right and blah blah, just can't fight the waves of sadness.. Merry Christmas king...

probebeta · 2023-12-25T03:08:13+00:00

Sending positive vibes your way. It's a tough one. My first Xmas without family. But I'm flying to Colombia tonight. C'est la vie. Gotta keep looking forward, please do.

Thrownaway_marriage · 2023-12-25T02:42:12+00:00

You are more than your relationship with one person. We all seem to forget this when we work so hard building that life up.

I hope you find something new that you enjoy. I know I've found it hard to put the glass down after finding out about my STBX's affair.

Remember that this world is better with you in it, and I'm sure your sister would rather see you, even depressed than think of you sitting alone drinking.

After today, you put your glass down and you begin working on you again. You are a project of a lifetime. A project whose direction has changed, but whose work isn't done. Only when you stop have you finished, and you, sir, are not yet finished. Do not let your ex win. You build yourself into a better version of you, so you can spit in her face and let her know what she lost.

Tasty_Yogurt_9478 · 2023-12-25T02:40:54+00:00

Cry it out then get out the house , cry for 8 hours then get to work outside, drive Uber , go to a old folks home they love to talk but don't drink yourself under the table . Your self medicating has to change . You got this fuck her.

rhett342 · 2023-12-25T02:39:45+00:00

Hang in there, brother. You're with friends who understand you here.

Eyesayah0 · 2023-12-25T02:39:05+00:00

This hurts my heart because I'm going through the same. I don't have any advice, and I know in some things it doesn't make it better to hear you're not struggling alone. But I do know what it means to be in a house so empty that your thoughts have echos.

It doesn't feel like it will, but I have to believe that this will pass so that I have a reason to keep fighting. There's nothing wrong with being in this pain, brother. Just keep faith that as bad as it is, it's not going to last forever.

idiskfla · 2023-12-25T02:06:03+00:00

Sorry to hear this brotha. If you can, find a new hobby that doesn’t remind you of her. It could be something silly, it could be something incredible.

I explore the following new hobbies over the past two years:

Piano Guitar Windsurfing Remote control car racing Fishing Canoeing Reading Walking Driving a manual car again Bike camping Watching sports Video games Martial arts

Stay strong brother. I live in Asia, and Christmas Eve was much tougher for me than Christmas Day. I bought some overpriced steaks, downloaded a new video game, and am watching football. Felt like crap yesterday, but looking forward to my steak and watching football today.

Tomorrow will be a better day. You’re not alone, and your story and struggles are similar to many men all over the globe.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2023-12-25T00:55:28+00:00

Sorry man.

Here's some tactics that might help, because we're all guys here and we're solutions oriented!

Get the atmosphere under your total control. Favorite, happy music, or if there's too many memories, try Drone Zone on soma.fm or Space Station Soma or any other channel. It's just space documentary style music and might help you zone out.
Great time to reorg everything. Put the coffee where you want it, most convenient for you. Sweep behind corners, move the fridge or oven and get under it. Productivity kicks Melancholy's ass, the hard part is getting started. But once you start moving... You know, that cabinet or door that squeaks on the hinge... Make a list of minor annoyances to whoop.
Talk a long ass walk.
Letting the demons out with booze is fine for a night or two. But after that, other than an end of day beer or highball, might want to stay away.
Everything that's happened to you, there's another dude with the same story. You're not alone in this. It's more common than anybody suspects.

rickyspanish12345 · 2023-12-25T00:52:41+00:00

My dad used to say, and I hated hearing it but he was right, "focus on what you do have and not at what you don't."

It'll get better bud.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-12-25T00:51:25+00:00

I’m sorry man. It is tough to go through. But this too shall pass. You will look back in a whole and realize it was all for the best. Enjoy your buzz, and don’t wallow. You are a better man than to allow it to take you over.

giraffe-zackeffron · 2023-12-25T00:46:14+00:00

Last Christmas was my first completely alone. It’s rough man. Go ahead and out the bottle down for the night if you can. There are no answers at the bottom of it. But I would be a hypocrite of I pushed you to that because god knows I’ve searched many bottles for answers. If you’re gonna keep drinking, drink lots of water too. Stay hydrated. Go to bed early, wake up tomorrow and be determined to put yourself back together. It’s hard. I’ve had to do it a few times now. But you will live again man.

Least_Winter9632 · 2023-12-25T00:27:49+00:00

It’s fucking brutal. I’m also getting good and drunk tonight. You’re not alone mate

SII75 · 2023-12-25T00:27:15+00:00

Brother. You need to wake the fuck up and look in the mirror and know that you are lucky to be alive and how all the world’s pleasures and blessing are waiting for you. Women come and go, but you were always there. It was just another chapter of your life and the book hasn’t ended. It just getting good. Hang in there and just keep saying to yourself that you are destined for greatness. It’s God’s promise.

josh11915 · 2023-12-25T00:24:40+00:00

Get into a hobby. I highly recommended BJJ. The first time a stepped on the mat, all the bad feelings went away. After a few days it was like she didn’t exist and my life improved. I can’t recommend it enough.

yknotalpha · 2023-12-25T00:14:40+00:00

my stbx has fuked me up..lost my job..

I came to thailand for a short break with .y savings.. life going hard next fee months or year.. hut fuk off let me take a break and think later

domo_roboto · 2023-12-25T00:14:00+00:00

Let me pour you one, my homie. We're all here together.

berzerker5000 · 2023-12-25T00:00:59+00:00

You are a good man brother. I tried calling me kids during my allotted time and exw won’t pick up. Thankful for my dog and a couple friends probably will end up at the strip club tonight. No family within 2000 Miles. Gotta make the best of it! So many of us are struggling today. You are not alone.

Title	Hard day brothers...
Author	Initial_Topic_4989
Upvotes	64
Comments	49
Date	December 24, 2023 11:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18q6zpk/hard_day_brothers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/hard-day-brothers.1241487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241487

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