What Draws Men to Women Who Warn Them About Their Emotional instability?

stlmick · 2024-01-09T09:04:08+00:00

Low self esteem. Savior complex. History of receiving emotional neglect and abuse. He may think he's finally got his life together enough that he can make a relationship work like he previously couldn't. He may think the work he's put into himself is finally paying off. Might just have a crush on you and he's picked you as the one he wants, based on the fictional version of you that he's made up in his head. To you, you're a 5.5, to the world you're a 6.5, but to him you're a 9 and he doesn't even care about that. He wasn't interested in conquering you. He wants to be accepted by you. Making your life better makes him feel like he's worth something. After you break his heart, and tell him he's too good for you, because he couldn't do it anymore and he's broken now, he'll realize that the person he loves isn't you, but a version of you that he created in his head. It won't really be like a break up, because he'll realize all the flags were true, and he doesn't actually love you. It'll be more like accepting a death, as he'll realize the woman he loves doesn't exist. He won't know this until a month or two after you leave him.

Question: Is your name Lydia?

Safinated · 2024-01-09T08:32:18+00:00

Pussy

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-01-09T09:52:27+00:00

Ok, I’m gonna ask something really personal and of course you don’t need to answer. But we’re you sleeping with them fairly quickly?

I’ll explain but you kinda mentioned it in your post already. Lots of guys love the idea of the “Harley Quinn” gf. A beautiful crazy gf that is utterly obsessed and obedient with him. He has completely control once he’s ‘conquered her’ and he’s her only means of happiness. But she can also become an intelligent, normal person when she has to as well dependent on the situation.

Obviously this is not real life, And then the realities of dating someone with mental health issues kick in and it’s no longer crazy sex but just crazy (I don’t mean offensive sorry just can’t think of a kinder way to put it) to the point they can’t just “switch to normal” and the guys can’t deal with the lack of control

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-01-09T09:43:38+00:00

1: Desperation/low standards 2: 'I can fix her' syndrome 3: Addicted to drama

Planthoe30 · 2024-01-09T08:43:59+00:00

Ok, so he doesn’t care about your personality because he knows he can have sex with you and doesn’t see a future with you. You are what is fun right now and he is low quality not really caring about the potential consequences. Good luck with that.

KaleidoscopeOk9162 · 2024-01-09T14:13:22+00:00

You didn’t say anything about your “pluses” though. Speaking merely of looks, if you are even moderately attractive many men won’t care if you’re Charles Manson reincarnated. But also, looks aside, struggling people oftentimes have an uncommon sensitivity that can be truly delightful to experience. I am a musician (no longer professional) and I had some serious mental health problems when I was younger. I used to be the artistic type, and unfortunately, at that age, many “artistic” people come with quite a baggage. I dated more than one “fellow artist” girl struggling with severe eating disorders. I was so delulu to think that we could fix each other, when therapy would have been the only wise thing to do (please, keep it up). But the highs were truly incredible: perhaps we were able to dig so deep in each other’s dark places that it seemed like experiencing one’s soul in 4K. In particular with the one I used to consider “the One”, I reached a degree of connection I never experienced since.

wtknight · 2024-01-09T14:24:43+00:00

Many men are desperate for sex and even love and don’t have many options. They will overlook a woman’s emotional problems for a while if she is attractive enough to them.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2024-01-09T08:13:29+00:00

Why do people want anything that's bad for them? There's gotta be something to it, right? Some people find crazy much more thrilling than stability. It's like a drug - cycles of highs and lows.

Or maybe they find you oddly attainable, perhaps if you are 'out of their league.' Or the classic 'I can change him' but in reverse. They think they can help you keep the lid and turn a new leaf. And well, it sounds like you were also sexually voracious, and that probably got them turned on as well. Men, especially younger ones, will put with a lot of BS if sex is involved. I certainly did, and current me understands (because hell yeah, bomb sex), but would not be so impressed with past me and how much BS I tolerated. As one philosopher said, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-01-09T09:01:52+00:00

TO ME, I've not had many issues with immature or emotionally difficult women. I'm somewhat known for being able to handle difficult women. So to me it sounds like fun. And when you can bring peace and stability to an emotionally challenged woman, she never going to leave, in general because it feels so great for them. That's my experience. Now average normal guys...? Wtf idk why they would bother. That moment where a woman breaks down crying and gives up on her bullshit life and puts her trust in me and only me, that's beautiful. 😍

obviousredflag · 2024-01-09T11:50:33+00:00

You know some men have issues, too, right?

Over_North8884 · 2024-01-09T12:47:50+00:00

In general, mental instability and promiscuity are positively correlated, especially so after filtering out the FDS types of mentally unstable. So for men, after proper filtering, mentally unstable women are low-investment.

The unseen risks however can be quite high after breakup, such as stalking, false rape accusations, social media harassment, and rumor spreading. This is a reason to get confirmation of consent by text message, taking women to hotels so they don't easily know your home address (or even better renting an airbnb so they think it is your home), not dating within social groups, not introducing dates to friends, and not sharing social media profiles.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-01-09T14:54:24+00:00

Here’s a question, if you know all these things about yourself then why are you even entertaining men at all. Why can’t you just so no?

Here’s part of what I think is happening. You are addicted to the attention and you don’t have to suffer any consequences for your behavior. You cause harm and then send men harmed by you out into the world where they are now broken.

It’s not cute or funny and you take no ownership for what you are doing. They wouldn’t even know your story if you just say no and don’t engage. You want them to try to save you knowing how messed up you are so you can continue to abuse them while fixing yourself.

Once you are fully healed and done using them as your emotional crutch then you will discard them because why would you stay with someone that you have broken so throughly.

Learn to say no. You should work on that with your therapist. Stop being abusive.

I am also a woman who has to deal with men who have dealt with people like you. They suck after dealing with people of your ilk because they keep waiting for the crazy to happen and when it doesn’t they don’t know how to deal with it.

If you don’t engage you don’t have to warn anyone about anything.

DesertShifter · 2024-01-09T14:02:03+00:00

Crazy chicks fuck the best, especially hot and crazy. Get in quick, get out before the shitstorm and enjoy

chickenfriedsteakdin · 2024-01-09T13:23:33+00:00

Men will f anything they find attractive and put up with so much more than woman will.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-01-09T14:39:45+00:00

You're vulnerable. If you're emotionally unstable, then he can write off any of your negative behaviour as just "you being crazy", even if that behaviour is you giving legit complaints about his behaviour regarding things that need to be addressed. He has no need to improve anything about himself that effects you, because as far as he's concerned, you aren't really affected, you are just overreacting.
They don't believe you. The more misogynistic of them might even think that you're just "normal" and exaggerating, and if he can "handle" anyone else, he can "handle" you.
There is a common stereotype in media called "Manic Pixie Dream Girl", where some "crazy" girl comes into a boring man's life, and then somehow simultaneously makes his life interesting while also submitting to him. That's what he may think of you. (It's kinda the same vein as women going after "dangerous" men with the idea that those men will use that to protect her and make her life interesting, but somehow without putting her in danger as well).

macone235 · 2024-01-09T08:57:45+00:00

Well for one, it's pretty typical of women.

These men are just desperate, and, or overlooking. Unlike women, men tend to feel bad nitpicking a woman's flaws, because men are wired to accept women and take care of them, but overlooking these red flags also lands them in bad situations.

It's not until men have really been put through the ringer that they start to really understand that they need to put themselves first, and put women in their place. At that point, women who don't easily fall in line (neurotic women) are discarded.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-01-09T09:05:58+00:00

Men love going after messed up women, dysfunctional women, traumatized women. It's like when your cat hears a baby bird that has fallen out it's nest and is chirping for help. Instant "that's easy prey"

100 percent the best way to get every guys attention at a party is behave like that chick back in highschool whose uncle touched her inappropriately and now she talks to brave and flirts too much and is a bundle of raw emotion and has almost no executive function.

They're not thinking about how ghastly the resulting relationship will be...any more than the cat thinks maybe thats not a bird maybe it's my owner trying to tempt me out from under the house and shove me in a carrier and take me to the vet.

babazuki · 2024-01-09T12:58:17+00:00

Do you also warn people that water is wet?

You argue and throw tantrums for no reason, yeah. You get bored easily and are very emotional, yeah.

Your warning is just that a woman is a woman. That's why no one cares. They already know.

TheImmortalBantha · 2024-01-09T09:03:42+00:00

You're being used as a fun experience and are too arrogant to realise this.

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TomKikkert · 2024-01-09T12:34:45+00:00

Crazy women are better in the sack

hyperlinktoZelda_v2 · 2024-01-09T13:51:11+00:00

Some guys are genuinely into crazy chicks whether they admit it to themselves or not.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2024-01-09T14:01:25+00:00

Maybe he wants to keep getting his dick wet?
Maybe he doesn't think he can do better?

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-01-09T14:18:15+00:00

People have answered here already better than I could. The only thing I would expand upon is the fact that you probably gravitate towards a type of man who likes your lack of boundaries and crazy behaviour. They're probably younger and more needier. 10 years ago when I first started dating (I was a late bloomer), I attracted a whole heap of neurodivergent, bipolar, and generally toxic women. Whilst I looked great, I was too young, dumb and inexperienced to know any better. I had no self esteem outside of my looks and was in university (and not doing particularly well either). I had all the time in the world to dedicate to some fruitcake chick who, whilst ultimately harmful, could give me all the attention I never thought I had previously.

Fast forward to today, in my 30s, knee deep into a highly successful career and a few relationships with a good, stable women under my belt and...I just couldnt imagine being with a girl whose bipolar. Just wouldn't even be on the same wavelength. Hell, I think my social media/dating profile pic would put you off. I've grown past silly topless selfie pictures and don't need to write needlessly aggressive/eye catching bios either. Essenially, you're drawing a very particular kind of man anyway.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2024-01-09T14:26:10+00:00

Personally if you would have said this to me I would never consider you for anything serious, they might be just staying around because there aren't any other options that are better

Natural-Sun1850 · 2024-01-09T14:29:48+00:00

You’re not “emotionally unstable” or “immature” you are an abuser and you prey on desperate and vulnerable men. You’ve just never faced any consequences for your actions because you’re a woman. Even the women in this thread are rushing to reassure you that actually he’s a predator just for wanting to date you, even though by your own admission you like to “wrap men around your finger.” You will get away with it again and again because there’s no consequences for women in our society.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2024-01-09T14:30:21+00:00

Some guys will do anything for consistent sex .

throwaway164_3 · 2024-01-09T14:34:19+00:00

If she’s hot and the sex is good.

Basically, most men are doing the mental calculation if the hot sex is worth putting up with the crazy 😂😂

The hot/crazy matrix if you will

xothrowmeaway · 2024-01-09T14:49:05+00:00

As an emotionally unstable woman dating a guy who has been patient and caring and loving even at my ugliest, I'd say it's hopefully because he really likes you. Enough that he's willing to endure the red flags for all the good that he sees in you. Maybe that's a little optimistic, but I've had guys run when I tried to explain my crazy. The one that stuck around stuck around for a reason.

KayRay1994 · 2024-01-09T15:35:39+00:00

There are two sides to this - men who see unstable women as easy to take advantage/control of vs men who themselves seek these same emotional highs/lows to compensate for their own issues - i’ll speak about the latter because that’s the exact space i was in.

Being a man who was attracted to emotionally unstable women, so much of it stems from issues within the home growing up, mommy issues, low self esteem and a misunderstanding of your own emotions.

Emotionally unstable women give you some very high emotional highs, but also some crashing emotional lows. This isn’t uncommon when growing up in abusive households + when your nervous system is so used to extreme emotion, anything outside of that can feel bland and boring.

Another layer in this is that low self esteem means the emotional highs hit a lot more, you feel unstoppable when given the extreme, high octane support and the sense of confidence in these moments is nuts (almost as if you’re trying to replace the love your mom never gave you)

It’s a tricky situation all around, and having gone through all this myself it really is unpleasant. That being said, being someone who probably at least somewhat identifies with the label ‘crazy’ at this point (used to be much closer to it months ago) - the classic “like attracts like” comes to mind too.

Though keep working on yourself and get better, the “reformed crazy” space is the best to be in, from what i hear - you know exactly what to look out for + you have a huge understanding of yourself, and you’ll cherish your new found stability far more than most.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-01-09T17:46:59+00:00

Lack of options*, and the fact that the relationship doesn't have to last forever, it can just go until the wheels fall off. My 1st girlfriend was as you describe. It was either her or nothing as far as my options went. The good parts were good, and I decided to just wait and see how bad the bad parts would be. Eventually I got tired of the tantrums (by about the third one), and at about the same time she was burned out or bored of me. Overall, I'd say it was a positive experience. Her tantrums bothered me, but I didnt' take it too personally because I could see that was part of her personality.

*-Lack of Options as a motivator is probably something women can't comprehend. I'm not exaggerating when I say lack of options; this was the 1st girl who showed an interest in me in years.

ColbyXXXX · 2024-01-09T17:49:59+00:00

Crazy women have GREAT sex. I am not sure what makes it so but man. It is so freaking good and frequent as well. All my best sexual partners have been BPD.

apresonly · 2024-01-09T18:21:10+00:00

emotional immaturity that results form having emotionally immature parents

a guy who has a mom or dad who is emotionally unstable will chase emotionally unstable partners bc it feels familiar and thats what they think "love" is.

Spyro7x3 · 2024-01-09T21:53:07+00:00

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-01-09T22:30:09+00:00

Captain Save A Hoe and “I can change her!” Which are both based on misunderstandings of what love is.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-01-09T22:49:02+00:00

I have a FWB with BPD. I have always been 100% upfront with her about wanting to be casual. It's a sweet, caring relationship but one without expectations. She seems completely in control of herself and I've never experienced any negative effects from her condition.

I gotta say, the sex is ridiculously hot. She has a high sex drive and it shows. I've heard this is common with BPD.

But I know that the condition could be very hard to deal with if we decided to try for something more. I think I might try for the right woman, but I would have to be convinced she is a rare find.

So I guess I don't have an answer except that sex could at least be part of it. Or savior complex, like others have said. Or he just thinks you're great in every other way and he wants to try to make it work.

Regardless, I hope you find happiness! <3

DoinIt989 · 2024-01-10T03:02:02+00:00

The stereotype is that emotionally unstable women are better in bed or more sexual in general (probably because the emotional issues go hand in hand with trauma)
Some toxic guys view it as a way to get a partner who's more "dependent" or easy to manipulate because of her moods
"I can fix her" mindset applies to some men just like "I can fix him" applies to some women

coping_man · 2024-01-10T16:08:24+00:00

Men's Emotional instability Draws Them to Women Who Have It

Den_the_God-King · 2024-01-11T05:44:35+00:00

It indicates that you possess honesty and introspection to some degree. I hate expectations, and similarly, I choose to openly lay out my flaws from the start, dispelling any inaccurate, idealised perceptions that others might have of me and preventing potential disappointment in the future. I exhibit symptoms of all disorders in Cluster B, particularly those associated with BPD.

Mocha636 · 2024-01-12T04:25:45+00:00

Because they think love can come overcome those faults and fix them

Automatic-Shelter387 · 2024-01-12T05:23:12+00:00

Wise men don’t want crazy women. Boring is good because boring is sure. If a woman makes me feel unsure, I will walk away.

Title	What Draws Men to Women Who Warn Them About Their Emotional instability?
Author	Effective_Music_9688
Upvotes	11
Comments	80
Date	January 9, 2024 8:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1929lrq/what_draws_men_to_women_who_warn_them_about_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-draws-men-to-women-who-warn-them-about-their.1242549 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242549

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