What can I do if I am boring and not funny?

mPUA_2B · 2011-01-14T03:06:26+00:00

Alright, hello. This is my expertise. You've just written down the story of my life.

I'm 32 now and I can say the same thing. I've never dominated at conversations. Never had all the funny jokes. My mind doesn't sprout up with funny shit all the time, and I would really love it if it did. I LOVE to laugh and therefore my difficulty in making people laugh hurts.

I never did anything cool in my life either except to get good at computer shit and make a lot of money. Which to me isn't really all that cool. I never traveled, never learned new sports, never learned new skills. And because I was always weak at conversational skills and jokes I never went out to practice socializing. This has been changing for me over the past couple of years, and now I am learning seduction skills too.

Look, you're 22. You're 10 years ahead of me. I am going to Brazil this year. I'm going to take dancing lessons. I am forcing myself to adopt alpha behaviors and seduce women. These things are going to literally MAKE me more interesting and funny. But I'm 32. You have 10 years on me in your favor!

Everything people here are saying is true. Go out and socialize. Fail. Sam Beckett said "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."

Becoming funny and interesting takes work just like developing your muscles. You need to work out (and EAT) for a year to see big muscular gains. Same with being funny and interesting. You want to tell good stories? Tell 1000 SHIT stories. You want to tell good jokes? Tell 1000 SHIT jokes. Try memorizing other people's stories or jokes. Write your own stories and memorize them. Practice saying them out loud in privacy with a cool / exciting tone of voice. You have to work out your mentality, but there's no "gym" for that so you have to do it on your own.

So do this. Follow my advice. If you're broke, get a job. I suggest a social job. Like a bartender. Go be a bartender. Just fucking do it. Be nice and courteous and friendly and smile and have EYE CONTACT with everyone. You don't have to be funny. You'll be talking to people every day. Don't worry about being unfunny. Just be polite and friendly. Laugh at everyone else's jokes and say "good one", and compliment them. In your head, remember their jokes.

Save your fucking money. Don't buy girls drinks. Don't blow your money. Save every fucking penny you can. Lower your bills. Get a a room mate if you live alone. Get a cheaper car. Stop eating out every day. Whatever it takes. Save $500 every month, or more if you can. You can have a lot of fun without spending money just by sarging and practicing conversation and eye contact. When you get a date just do low cost activities.

As soon as you can buy a plane ticket to somewhere awesome, like Rio de Janeiro, or Seoul. Don't get a hotel room. Just buy the plane ticket. You can use couchsurfing.com to find people who will let you stay on their couches for free, and you meet the most awesome people that way. I'll be doing this for the first time in March. I'm going to Carnaval in Brazil, the biggest party in the world!!

Keep socializing and practicing your ability to approach everyone, even in foreign lands. When you come back home you'll have real life amazing experiences that are GREATER than most other people's.

Finally, I have great empathy for you. You can learn to dance, and learn to have better conversation skills, and travel and gain experiences. You can do all that, but you might never become the funniest guy around. You might always have a weakness of not being as creatively funny as some other people. Everyone has weaknesses and strengths. I fucking SUCKKKK at being funny. But I have had my good moments.

But you know what? I did stand up comedy for a few years. And I can tell you that stand up comedians are the LEAST FUNNY PEOPLE there are. (Except the odd genius, but I'm talking about in general.) When comedians hang out to socialize they're the biggest fucking nerds ever, and aren't that funny. When they're funny it's usually in a comedy-routine kind of way. I'm also a musician and have written songs. I can tell you that when I was doing comedy every single day, my mind started thinking of new jokes on its own. When I was writing music every day, new melodies would sprout on their own.

IF YOU EXERCISE THE PART OF YOUR MIND THAT IS WEAK, IT WILL STRENGTHEN. But you must be willing to begin by failing, and publicly humiliating yourself over and over and over. But if you're polite and friendly and confident and alpha, you won't really be humiliated. You'll just be the confident guy that didn't have anything funny to say. Or if you say something stupid, you can make fun of yourself. "Wow, that was fucking retarded. I'm firing my comedy teacher tomorrow." If you KNOW what you said was dumb, you don't have a problem. The first step to fixing a problem is realizing you have one. If you can realize you said stupid shit, you can make fun of it, and improve it next time. A true problem would be if you didn't even know you said dumb shit. Then you'd be screwed. Consider yourself lucky!

But it will still take enormous balls to improve yourself. Try to dominate the next conversation and fail. You'll be BLOWN OUT SO FUCKING HARD. People will ignore you and talk OVER you because they could feel that you're story or speech was unfunny or not getting to the point or in the right rhythm. But you know what. Maybe you also need new friends. It sounds like those friends are dickheads by your description.

Go to meetup.com and look for interest groups in your area.

Look, what you have to do is be like courage wolf. http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/3755048/Eat-Anxiety-Shit-Victory.jpg?imageSize=Large&generatorName=Courage-Wolf

Go out every day and night and socialize, approach strangers, go to parties, with a mentality of "I AM GOING TO DESTROY MY FUCKING PROBLEM". Every day you wake up consider it a new opportunity to descend upon your weaknesses like a beast and fight till you can fight no more.

If you take no action... if you let a day go by without doing something that makes you uncomfortable or scared, then you ARE FAILING. JUST. FUCKING. DO. IT. If you see two hot girls sitting together just SAY HELLO. ASK THEM WHAT'S UP. WHO THE FUCK. CARES. MAKE FUN OF THEM (with a smile). DON'T BREAK. Go up to all people, from old ladies to guys to babies and say "WHAT'S UP?". Seriously go up to a fucking 4 year old and say what's up? He doesn't give a fuck. He'll be like "HI PERSON HAHAHA, LOOK AT THIS THING OVER HERE". He has NO clue or care in the world. You gotta be like that. If some bastard rolls their eyes at you and says "weirdo" and walks away then say "Thanks! And start skipping the opposite direction." Fuck it. Just have that attitude.

Alright I've said enough. Go be awesome.

2011-01-13T23:47:23+00:00

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ZanshinJ · 2011-01-13T23:51:31+00:00

Here's the deal. No one wants to be with a loser, so drop that attitude ASAP. If you don't believe you have something to offer then no one else will believe it either.

Go find some hobby you can get passionate about. I like video games too, but I also work out, take Krav Maga classes, have an interesting job, and read a lot of books on social psychology.

Fix your life and you will get confidence. Get confidence and you will get women. Everything is connected.

Don't be afraid to learn about seduction; it's not cheap, morally wrong, or ineffective.

Have you ever listened to a bad speech? The person probably threw in a lot of umms, likes, and I don't knows. Everyone picked up on the speaker's poor technique and the speech wasn't received well. Meeting women is the same game. If you don't have proper technique you'll look like a jackass. Get the dating umms, likes, and I don't knows out of your vocabulary and women will like you more.

2011-01-14T00:36:46+00:00

Because I am terrible at jokes, I can't even make a girl laugh.

I know tons of unfunny people with girlfriends. You don't have to make anybody laugh unless you're a comedian.

No woman has any reason to be interested in me, because there is nothing impressive or attractive about me

Not gonna get laid with that attitude. "Fake it till you make it"

I'm boring and I'm not funny and I have no cool life experiences to share.

So get off your ass and go get some experiences dude.

accomplished nothing

Go accomplish something and be proud of it. Take an art class. How about an improv comedy class since you say you aren't funny? How about changing that piss poor attitude? Don't tell me you aren't good at any of those. That's why they have classes. Now we have goals, lets accomplish them.

achieved nothing

You will achieve a sense of self worth after you try to accomplish those goals I just listed.

succeeded at nothing

It's gonna take a lot of failures. Trust me.

absolutely nothing to be proud of

You will be after succeeding at those goals I listed before.

How do I make myself fun to be around, when I am the most boring and uninteresting person that I've ever known?

You will go through incredible life experiences if you just put yourself out there. Go accomplish those goals.

It's that easy.

screwthat4u · 2011-01-14T00:28:03+00:00

You are boring when you do nothing with your free time except play video games. Go to a bar, go to a concert, go to a strip club, go do something. You will eventually have a lot of cool stories to tell from those experiences. Go hit on girls and fail miserably. It will at least give you some experience and a story to tell.

wilu · 2011-01-14T02:07:56+00:00

Bro, you're on reddit. Save a few interesting posts and talk about it with them

MrPantaloons · 2011-01-14T02:24:41+00:00

Give.

Forget all the shitty advice about trying new things, taking up hobbies, getting 'confidence' etc...that stuff is ultimately useless. You want status??? Stop consuming. Give.

IMO your masculinity is defined by how much you offer to the group. How irreplaceable you are. John Mayer sings like a little bitch but he has status because he is giving us music, while we give him nothing. You can have HUGE masculine muscles but if you hide when there's danger to the group your masculinity is stripped from you, because you can't use them to offer value to others. Giving is the real matrix behind masculinity and status...which aren't formed by society on accident.

So my advice is to NOT focus on how to be funny (although a large databank of funny movie quotes will help you out there, and is an easy rapport builder), charming, interesting, confident, etc...

Draw up a list of 10 things to GIVE to others. How you could give to your apartment building, your co-workers, your parents. Start volunteering on the weekends. Don't just think about it, do it. After you start giving, confidence will come naturally. You will feel important. I would focus on social circle / day game if you aren't that funny, but i'm telling you if you want life satisfaction...limit the video games to 3-4 hours per week. That's consuming, not giving.

MrPantaloons · 2011-01-14T01:33:45+00:00

Go to bed early tonight. Get up early tomorrow morning. The first thing you do, drink a big glass of water (it makes you feel great, really). Look in the mirror and say, out loud, "I am one cool motherfucker". Say it verbatim. Say it again. Louder. Keep saying it till you believe it. It's true, after all. Take baby steps. When you go to work tomorrow, smile at everyone you pass in the hall. I mean, look them in the eye and smile. Speak to your coworkers. Ask them specific questions instead of a simple "how are you". When you get off work, do not go home yet. Think of something you have always wanted to do. No matter how crazy it may be, go skydiving or anything at all. Just go to a bar. Go to the library. Whatever. Just do anything besides play video games.

You have to mold yourself into who you want to be. It is hard work. It is scary at times. Eventually, however, you will grow used to the uncomfortable feeling. Eventually you will crave it. Being social is not hard at all. Being funny and cool is the most natural thing in the world. It is years of being isolated that has taught you otherwise. I am no PUA. Im just an only child who grew up in a rural area. I am forcing myself to be social, and I am loving every minute of it. All it takes is to get up and change yourself.

withClass · 2011-01-14T01:08:02+00:00

Read The Game

There's nothing wrong with you. What happened is that those around failed you: your parents, friends and siblings. They all failed you in helping you develop social skills to become a confident alpha. Now that you realize this, stop your self degradation and reclaim your rightful position as the protagonist of your life. (adapted from Neil Strauss).

Come back after 3 months of:

picking up an instrument
starting a sport
hitting gym regularly
doing well at work
waking up in the morning
eating healthy
talking to everyone you can

sockthepuppetry · 2011-01-14T02:35:41+00:00

Okay, first off, while I've never been exactly in your situation, I do feel for you. I'm a seriously loud guy who tends to dominate conversations and even I've been countless times in conversations where I just don't have anything to say to anyone. You also get into feel bad feedback loop, yes?

*1. Nothing interesting to say, I'll keep quiet.* *2. Aw shit, I haven't said anything, I'm a loser. Now I feel bad.* *3. I feel bad so now I'm not in the mood to say anything.* *4. Return to 1.

So first off, be kind to yourself. Take the pressure off. You have no obligations in any given interactions to fulfill.

Second, the humor issue. You really don't have to be funny to get along with people, to make friends, or to pick up women, but I think it enhances life to be able to make a joke. Sit down and watch some of Jon Stewart, George Carlin, Louis C.K. Sarah Silverman stand up, and see how they do it, see how they take everyday little shit that most people ignore and expose the absurdity. Notice the TIMING. Telling a joke is all about that quick sucker punch the audience didn't see coming.

Third, life experiences. Go out and get some. Do some fun shit. Travel somewhere, go skydiving, get shitfaced with friends, hang around a bar and see who you interact with, go on roadtrips, take a class in salsa dancing, take up yoga, get big into something active like biking, join a local meet-up group that shares your political viewpoints (e.g. there's a liberal meet-up group near me that just grabs beer together and talks politics called Drinking Liberally), volunteer to work with the homeless, mentor a kid, wear a suit to work just to see what happens, go to a local rock concert, theater play, dance performance. TL;DR do ANYTHING other than sit in front of a computer at home. I guarantee you that you will acquire good stories to tell.

This is going to sound kind of Buddhist since Buddhism has been my thing lately but... accept that you are a sufficient person. Stop thinking that you're defective or boring. "Boring" is a label people come up with that describes being out of stuff to say. If you have opinions about ANYTHING, you're not boring.

TL;DR Go live life, stop the unfounded beliefs of your inadequacy, don't put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out right away. You'll be just fine if you challenge yourself a bit.

mgiese · 2011-01-14T00:56:07+00:00

First off, your beliefs about yourself affect your entire reality, here are some negative things you've already said about yourself (although I'm sure there are more negative things that say to yourself on a regular basis):

I am boring and not funny

I almost never [have something to say]

no girl has ever showed the slightest sign of interest in me

I have no friends and no one to socialize with

I never have anything interesting to say or add to a conversation, and my only hobby is playing video games.

Is there any way that I can "fix" myself? (this question assumes that there's something wrong with you)

With no life experiences, I have no amusing stories or anecdotes to share

I have no friends and never socialize

I am terrible at speaking to people

I am terrible at jokes

I can't even make a girl laugh

No woman has any reason to be interested in me

there is nothing impressive or attractive about me

There is nothing that gives women incentive to want to be with me.

I'm boring and I'm not funny and I have no cool life experiences to share.

Acting confident won't help me, because I have absolutely no valid reasons to be confident, so it would be extremely fake, and women would easily discover that I have no right to show confidence.

I am the most boring and uninteresting person that I've ever known

Do you get the picture here? You have a very, very negative self image. I don't know how this happened, you most likely got this from your parents. They probably criticized you a lot.

The way out of this is to learn to love yourself as you are right now in the moment. Do this and your entire life will change. But I do mean now, not when you're somehow "better" than you are now, but right fucking now. You're perfect just the way you are. Love and accept yourself now, and you will find your entire life changes.

Try and change your negative self talk into positive self talk. For instance, here's something you said about yourself:

I am boring and not funny

Change that around to:

I am interesting and funny

And say that to yourself instead.

Another exercise that you can do:

Look into a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself. This will be incredibly hard for you to do. It was hard for me when I first did it. Do this as often as you can, every morning when you wake up, and every night before bed if you can. Just look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself.

If you want more information on this, I strongly recommend you read You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay.

If you need someone to talk to or if you need help or support, PM me and we'll talk.

stevethetoad · 2011-01-14T01:41:39+00:00

Your problem is not that other people don't like being around you, it's that you don't like being around yourself because as you said you haven't done anything worthwhile. You can fix this but at 22 that's not easy. Not impossible but you really have to want to grow.

I'm going to give you some completely different advice than what your getting here. While going out and developing your social skills can help you out a lot, what you really need is to better understand what you want out of life. The best way that you can do this is to start meditating every day. Just sit there for 15 minutes before breakfast or before dinner every day. You're not going to want to and your going to get bored but, as someone who was in a very similar place as you three years ago, I can tell you that I'm a completely different person then the man I was at 20 and starting to meditate every day is the best thing that I've ever done.

swine09 · 2011-01-14T03:45:36+00:00

Maybe as a girl I can lend a little insight into this.

Honestly, right now you sound so pessimistic that I can't imagine hanging out with you let alone dating you. No one wants to be around someone who doesn't have a sense of humor, has fun, or is a positive person. Regardless of funniness, or attractiveness, or whatever.

In my opinion, you need to pick up a hobby that involves other people. Make guy friends. Your social problems are not restricted to finding a girlfriend, as you know. Pursue the hobby, gain self-worth. No one will give you self-worth if you refuse to have a little yourself. If you sit around watching other people have lives and don't experience anything yourself, then you will never have any life experiences or stories to share and you dig yourself a deeper hole.

Women aren't any different from any other person. Start making friends, prove to yourself how likable you are. And I'm sure you are a great guy, but you need to make people feel good to be around you. Be positive, be magnetic, and I know you know, and I know that it's difficult. It drains me of energy, too, but I do it anyway when I need to make a first impression.

You do have every right to show confidence. You're a writer? That's fascinating. I wish I was a talented writer, but I'm hopelessly uncreative. Talk about that. Talk about video games, dammit, if that's what you're into. Meet people through your new hobby- you'll have more to talk about (hobby) and more people to practice on. You'll be able to say "a friend of mine did blah blah" and pass on their stories.

Please don't dig yourself deeper. Of course you can "fix" things.

FailFaster · 2011-01-14T01:22:51+00:00

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mgiese · 2011-01-14T01:48:07+00:00

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glassuser · 2011-01-14T04:55:12+00:00

Hell, I'm going to repost this as a top level reply. Read it.

Damn, dude. I was home schooled too. And I write. And I can't even imagine being as miserable as you are.

Do you exercise at all? Do you try to talk to strangers at all? Do you do anything for yourself?

I'm ten years younger than you, and I've been through most of the same crap, but you are just too unmotivated. I can't even imagine why you made this thread.

Look, I'm going out on a limb here, but I bet you still live with your parents, you have had a couple of part time jobs that you gave up on, and you have no career or continuing education prospects. I'm going to give you the one piece advice that might get through your head and change your life - move across the country and set up shop in a new town.

2011-01-14T06:34:53+00:00

One of the things which helped me when I was your age was to join various clubs/groups. They don't all have to be clubs where you meet women...in fact, forget about that for now.

Just join some clubs, anything, a chess club, a rock climbing club, scuba diving. This will give you the opportunity to start socializing without the need to be funny or charming. You can genuinely just get together with a bunch of other scuba divers(for example) and talk scuba. After a while you will find that your natural ability to engage in small talk improves.

And put down the video games.....that stuff is poison.

noob09 · 2011-01-14T06:41:19+00:00

Drop everything, sell most of your things, store the rest and hit the road. See the fucking world and its sheer magnitude and diversity. Travel until you run out of money, or better yet, work your way through different countries and get to know all the hidden details of each culture. Then when you feel ready come back and WIN at life.

Lon-star · 2011-01-14T08:56:34+00:00

Get a part time job as a barman, I'm no expert in this feild but it definently helped me out of my shell!

Alluvium · 2011-01-14T12:00:25+00:00

Fall flat on your face as hard and as often as you can, then stop - look back at why you fell on your face learn the lesson and move on.

Repeat for a while, and you will be fine.

Important thing is to keep trying, just keep falling over and keep learning.

acllee · 2011-01-14T01:41:56+00:00

well here's something that might help you get a start on developing some fun stories:

Take you favorite video game genera or activity, and try one of the elements in real life. If you enjoy racing games, find a local race track and inquire about "track days" or other days where they open it up to the public for a fee, and GO! put the skills you think you have from playing Forza to the test. Like RPGs with swords? find a local fencing club/team and go join them for an evening, you are not going to be the best but you can meet new people and have a good time. Like adventure games, look into activities like caving and kayaking; long outdoors trips are not always comfortable but the stories you will have to tell will shock and amaze. If you can't get enough of call of duty, try playing paintball sometime. I hesitate to suggest that you go out and shoot a gun, but if you are truly interested in learning then call a local shooting range and talk to the range master about a gun safety course and learn how to properly handle a weapon. After that you could look into shooting trap or competitive target shooting.

2011-01-14T01:44:29+00:00

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strongoaktree · 2011-01-14T00:05:02+00:00

Quit being boring and unfunny.

You make it sound like its a fucking mountain. It's not.

RedErin · 2011-01-14T03:27:28+00:00

Trollin..................

frogma · 2011-01-14T00:22:07+00:00

Go out every day and talk to people. Take up a hobby or join some club, even a stupid one, just to do it. When you enter into a new social group, it's very easy to at least pretend you're not some sort of loser. Your reason to be confident is that you're getting to meet new people. Picture the most outgoing, confident guy in the office and emulate that guy. You don't have to be as funny, but anybody can carry themselves with an air of confidence- good posture, speak with volume, good eye contact, smile. Start off by saying "Hi" or "Hey, how's it going?" Once you get more comfortable with that (trust me, it's easy to do if you just DO it), your socializing skills will increase. Maybe just a little at a time, but it'll grow exponentially if you just go out and force yourself to do it.

kruunch · 2011-01-14T00:49:13+00:00

Get out of your comfort zone at least once a day.

This could mean taking a new hobby, trying new cuisines or as simple as saying hi to a stranger on the street. Baby steps.

Stories will spawn out of these interactions.

kryptobs2000 · 2011-01-14T01:14:21+00:00

There's much better things you can do, and should do, but these guys have touched on plenty of that so I'll leave it to them. That being said, have you ever tried any drugs? Serious question.

RowdyWizzaarrdd · 2011-01-14T02:20:28+00:00

I only read the title. Find something you're interested in/passionate about and go DO IT. Once you meet someone with the same interests (and you will if you pursue this activity for a while) you'll have something to talk about/get excited about, and then you can go from there naturally.

2011-01-14T02:23:57+00:00

This is just an idea, but, what makes YOU laugh? What do you personally find funny/interesting? Say for instance if you find dry political satire funny. You can copy/replicate that based on your own experience of what is funny

2011-01-14T02:40:47+00:00

First of all, have you looked at the post on the side bar for newbies to seddit? It has a compilation of all the most useful posts that could help you like this one.

I can really relate to you. I was a loner in high school too with no social skills and crippling social anxiety. I've gone from being a depressed self-loathing loner to being proud, friendly, and happy with myself. Having great interesting conversations with strangers is easy for me now. Your biggest problem right now is your negative mindset and thoughts. I'd like to get into detail and point you to some resources, but I'm actually tired of seeing these kind of posts on seddit. I'll make a detailed self-post that I can direct people to eventually. If you're interested, I can give you a link to it when I get around to writing it.

I believe that you have more interesting stories than you realize. I think the fact that you were home schooled is fascinating in itself. Very few people have that experience, and you can make conversation about it. It doesn't have to be funny or unique either. Just look at the things people can relate to like your childhood. Hell, I can even talk about video games and keep my audience captivated (ahem Amnesia: Dark Descent). You just have to talk about it passionately and with emotion because you are passionate about it, and in terms that your audience can relate to. If they're still not interested, who cares. Stop seeking validation from other people. Stop letting other people decide who you are. You have to really love yourself first and foremost. I know that sounds corny and cliche, but it is essential.

One of the most important things you have to do is practice talking with everyone every opportunity you get. Make observations. Make comments. Speak your opinion without worrying how people will react. It doesn't matter how you are perceived. The only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself.

edit: I think this post will be good for you too.

topdev · 2011-01-14T02:46:35+00:00

You can start by not being so hard on yourself. The truth here, is you keep reiterating negative thoughts in your mind which makes you truly believe you're inadequate. Replace all the negative thoughts with "I'm the fucking boss," "Those people at lunch are going to enjoy my presence so much, I don't even know if they deserve it." Replacing all the negative thoughts that are brain washing you with positive thoughts will still brainwash you... but in a beneficial way. Sometimes it helps to have an ego trip (but please don't act arrogant).

The start to being social is really just talking to everyone. And when talking to girls make a connection.

To be confident, you will need to (at first) fake it until you make it. Eventually confidence will be in your nature. The best way to start being confident is to modify your body language and work on your inner core (how you feel about yourself... that type of thing).

I read from David DeAngelo, that if you're lacking in/at something it dosen't necessarily mean you're bad at it, you just lack a skill. You don't have any stories... you're lacking the skill to spawn stories from your experiences. You're not social... you're lacking the skill of being friendly and talking to everyone. etc... All you need to do is acknowledge the skills you lack, write them down, and check them off after you smash them.

I'm in the same boat as you, and I know how it feels to not get any intrest, or be regarded as the beta, or not be taken seriously. But put forth the effort, and I think anything can happen. Good luck :)

aquestion111 · 2011-01-14T03:33:27+00:00

I remember being confident about passing tests in school. I did not necessarily pass every test I was confident about - I only passed the tests when I had sufficient knowledge of the subject.

You are approaching this WAY too logically. It does not work that way. I used to have the same problem (although to be honest you have many things that need to be fixed). Most women do not respond to logic. It's all about emotion and impressions... thus the whole concept of PUA.

First of all you need to totally change your attitude. It's 95% attitude. First thing is don't think about women. Think about what you want to do. Go do stuff. Have fun.

battmaker · 2011-01-14T04:10:57+00:00

Surprise yourself with yourself. Then, surprise others with yourself in a similar fashion.

SpiderFan · 2011-01-14T04:54:10+00:00

There are some good general advice on here. But here's some more technical details:

-Don't be afraid to be boring. Just be talkative. If you notice other people, most of the stuff they say isn't high entertainment stuff, a lot of the time they're just stating the obvious.

-All you have to do is be a little bit silly or a little bit funny. But deliver it in a way so that people don't have to laugh. For example, someone was talking about Michael Jordon and I was like 'man, that guy was good at baseball, not so great at basketball' with a bit of a smirk, and I was wasn't looking at anything, I kept looking at my computer as if what i said wasn't that funny. But this one girl busted out laughing.

2011-01-14T05:03:06+00:00

There's a lot of good advice here, listen to it! Here's some stuff not mentioned.

You ARE being looked at. You're probably getting checked out and some of the women are approving of what they see. But, you missed it! Go to the bar with friends(1) and instead of trying to get in on the conversation watch for the non-verbal stuff. I'm always telling my daughter to shut up and listen to the world around her. Watch the interactions between a girl and guy at a bar for those subtle clues. Pick some decent bars further away where if anything embarrassing might happen it'll less likely follow you back to your favourite bars. I know it's not easy and can be awkward. I'm having to relearn all of this after being a virtual hermit for a good chunk of the last decade (unemployed MrMom).

Try out for some local amateur theater groups. Tell them you're new to acting and you'll likely get in over a more experienced auditioneer and get some good lessons to boot. Putting yourself into different roles could get you some insight into the thought processes of others. Because of my upbringing I had/have a real hard time in the empathy department. You need some empathy in order to feel out how people are reacting to you. If you feel no empathy at all, go watch American Psycho, mimic Christian Bale, get laid, go to jail and write dark humour based on your tales of sex & blood.

(1) It helps if it's a slower night but good bartenders try to make sure paying customers are comfortable and don't feel ignored. If they talk to you, encourage them to keep talking. They probably have some good real life observations about nightlife you can use. :)

2011-01-14T05:22:55+00:00

You need to smoke weed son, get some new thoughts flowing through your brain.

2011-01-14T06:25:52+00:00

hey man i was in the same boat as you 2 years ago loner fatty with few friends and zero social life. you know what i did? I built a life worth having...

I took up hobbies that seemed interesting to me to broaden my horizons -backpacking -swingdancing -motorcycle riding I Manned the fuck up and lost 83 Lbs i have pics to prove my success including running a marathon!

I started being the one in my group of friends to start crazy adventures or plan insane parties that way when the stories come up it would start "dude remember at Adam's Party that was awesome" you know why cause i'm awesome and so are you so go invent yourself do whatever you want to do, but you gotta be the one to make it happen

2011-01-14T08:36:05+00:00

It's pretty obvious to me that you are socially awkward and very aware of it. Your awareness makes you more awkward and now we're in a downward spiral. Honestly, from your outlook on things I'd say you need to find a mentor or look at professional help.

I met a guy like you in college, except he was making a real effort to get out of his shell. None of the 26 frats on campus would take him because he made everyone feel awkward. I'm trying to imagine what I would tell him. The problem is your discomfort is pouring out of you onto everyone around you. The same can be said for your attitude.

All I can tell you is if you don't fix it now it'll only get worse and this is the most important issue in your life. I honestly think counseling is the way to go. Good luck.

2011-01-14T08:55:16+00:00

Stop playing video games. They're a safety net that protects you from having to interact with people.

Go travelling - it will change you in more ways than you can know. If you're too nervous to make the first step, do what my friend did: Get drunk, then book a one-way ticket for a few months away.

frag_out · 2011-01-14T09:06:09+00:00

You sound like you suffer from some serious mental health issues. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but do you have depression or social anxiety or something? Maybe something that could be treated with medication? I can't think of a single person I know that would want to hang out with you considering the way you look at the world. You sound like a fucking drag, man. Before you can even worry about trying to get laid, you need to see a professional and get help for yourself.

2011-01-14T13:33:13+00:00

Go out and do something. Vacation in Paris. Get on a swim team. Go to pub trivia. Find a Meetup event online. Go to free outdoor concerts. Feed the ducks at a lake. Join a volunteer organization. Get a dog. Learn about fixing your own car. Build something unique out of scratch. Practice cooking. Tudor in after school programs. Get involved in political rallies. Become a Mason. Do what you want to do.

Remember, you get one chance at this life. There are no do-overs. You're 22 and got plenty of years in front of you. Make yours the life you've always wanted.

daygamer · 2011-01-14T13:45:53+00:00

You are failing to seperate yourself from problems you have. Problems are something that people have and can overcome, they do not define a person. As soon as you start defining yourself as your problems (e.g. I am boring as opposed to I want to add better experiences to my life and learn better conversational skills) you negatively shape your self image. If your self image is that you are humorless, then you will be humorless.

Is there any way that I can "fix" myself?

You don't need fixing. It's not you that's broken, it's your lifestyle and habits. You are not your lifestyle, and bad habits can be replaced by good ones.

No woman has any reason to be interested in me, because there is nothing impressive or attractive about me.

Let the girls decide what they find attractive about you, don't do that bit of thinking for them.

I'm boring and I'm not funny

You lack conversational and other social skills, but this is not who you are, it's just a reflection of your current skill sets.

Can I "fix" these problems? Can I "fix" living a life where I have accomplished nothing, achieved nothing, succeeded at nothing, and reached the age of 22 with absolutely nothing to be proud of?

LOL you're only 22. You could be 32, 42, 52... and still turn all of this around. At 22 you have so much time and room for improvement it's crazy.

My life used to be work followed by internet porn and a takeaway. It was that way up until January last year. I didn't think any girl could find me attractive. I started Tnago dancing, going out sarging with people I had met online. I started online dating in August, and by mid October had banged 4 girls. Could probably have been more if I really wanted to rack up the numbers. Although I have a lot of work to do, and I now want to crack daygame (which scares me) I've come a long way.

In no particular order, here is your action plan:

Get your Facebook profile in order. Facebook is a valuble tool for keeping track of new friends. Think of it as a relationship management tool. Do 1 - 3 status updates per week.
Join a few groups on meetup.com and regularly attend meetups. Start with groups that share your interests, and in time expand to trying new things to broaden your horizons.
Go on the odd trip abroad if you can afford it.
Get a new job. It's hard to recreate yourself in an environment where people already know you, and if you can get more money this will help you out.
If you don't live somewhere with ample opportunities to grow socially, move to a bigger city.
Find local PUAs from Reddit to sarge with
When making new friends, realize that not everyone will like you. This doesn't matter. There are plenty of people out there. There will be people out there who do like you.

The universe owes you nothing. Neither happiness or pussy. It's up to you alone to make this happen.

dark180 · 2011-01-14T16:27:41+00:00

First of all let me tell you something, there is nothing wrong with you in the sense that you need "fixing", you are NOT BROKEN. I know how you might feel about pretending to be confident but you got to start somewhere, i cant remember where i read this but it went something like this"there are no boring people in this world, just boring interactions between them". Start out by pretending that you are confident , get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Don't make the mistake of thinking this is going to be something you can change overnight, think baby steps. This is the reason why some people really like canned material when they are starting out. Before you know it you will be telling your own stories and experiences. Confidence is very influential in how you are seen, even small cues like the way you stand, how you use your arms, how/or for how long you hold eye contact , etc. will get you judged (and this is something we do unconsciously ). You have to believe in yourself. It's sounds to me that you are not that happy with your life right now, get out there and find things that you like doing, try different things even tough they sound ridiculous. I would also recommend going to the gym, not because the way you look is important but working out releases hormones that make you feel better and just more confident about yourself. You def came to the right place for advice, dont be afraid to ask more questions or for help. This is a very good community, we are all here to learn and to help.

2011-01-14T17:18:55+00:00

didn't invite me

you don't sound like you'd want to go, and this is probably what they think.

no girl has ever showed the slightest sign of interest in me.

have you shown interest in them? the man is the one who takes most of the action. you need to turn into a man of action.

no one to socialize with

change this. go out and talk to people. the rest will come naturally.

i'm not even going to read further because it's probably all the same shit. you're more comfortable being sorry for yourself than taking proactive measures to change your life. well buddy, TODAY is the FIRST DAY of the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

if you want to be more social, do it. when people are talking about something interesting, ASK THEM QUESTIONS. Get involved. you don't need to dominate the conversation at first, simply be part of it. BE INTERESTED and in turn you will BE INTERESTING. Their stories will become your stories.

"oh that's funny because the other day, my friend was saying blahblahblahblahblah," or "yea me and my friend were talking about THIS the other day and he said THAT"

there's a whole world out there. dive in, ask questions, and in turn you'll learn a thing or two.

2011-01-14T18:11:37+00:00

Become good looking.

huyvanbin · 2011-01-14T18:33:55+00:00

I don't know how to fix your problem, but I do know that there are people who are on paper absolute losers and do nothing but play video games all day, yet think they're the absolute awesomest people in the universe. Actually, many "naturals" who are good with women are stupid and do nothing beneficial with their time. Then there are alcoholics who are good with women even though they just spend the whole day drinking. But as long as they don't link the problems in their life to their intrinsic self-worth, they seem to do just fine.

Also, I can often make people laugh, but still terrible at getting women interested. So don't think of these problems as causes.

Box-Monkey · 2011-01-14T20:14:28+00:00

All I can recommend is getting out there and taking every opportunity to do so. Take the initiative. Invite people to go bowling, the movies, a party at your house, pickup sports, coffee shops, paintballing, out of town, a dance class, martial arts, debate club, etc. Just get out; Start being active, stop being passive. This is how you become interesting. It's a difficult battle at first, and even now it's difficult for me without the resources to do much, but I manage.

You can also do plenty of things that don't cost money or going out to make yourself more interesting. Take up a bizarre hobby, learn to break dance, start painting, read philosophy, read bizarre news (/r/wtf, for instance), discuss the implications of things, look up jokes online and practice them for optimal delivery. Humor isn't something we're necessarily born with, but it is something we can develop by hanging around with funny people and practicing joking by verbally sparring with others to get our wit better. This is the part I love most about pick-up or meeting people in general: the verbal sparring. Shit tests are fun for me because I try to turn them around and somehow make what they say into a compliment for me and/or an insult to them. If it's a compliment to you, you can also tell them they have excellent perception abilities/taste.

The important thing is to have fun with it. People of our generation typically get too sucked into the internet and have a much harder time breaking away from it. Go ask people what their favourite hobby is, what they think is their most obscure hobby is, or what the weirdest interest they have. This will start opening your eyes to areas that you might've overlooked. Try anything once. Just keep your eyes open and you'll become the most interesting person at the party in due time. Don't get me wrong, this will take some effort and work on your behalf, but it will pay off greatly in the future.

Now, get out there!

seddition · 2011-01-14T23:57:40+00:00

You might still be a shitty writer or you might be great. Just because random fucking people give you feedback doesn't mean you are good or bad. One guy tells you that you suck at animation and you believe him. If I told you that you were gay would that make you gay? Don't believe what other people tell you. Maybe that guy just didn't like your style of animation. Guess what, there are people who think rembrandt's art sucks, but he's still considered a master

I'm willing to bet that women have flirted with you, you just didn't pick up on it because you were so full of self doubt that you couldn't imagine that they would be hitting on you. You can focus so hard on the negative that when the positive comes you disregard it because it doesn't fit into your world view.

You know how you make friends? You be a friend. Offer to help other people do shit that most other people won't. Don't be a doormat, but be reliable. Co-worker moving, offer to help. Co-worker has a sick kid, wife, husband, offer to cover their work for a day or two so they can take care of them. You also make friends through shared suffering. Join a crossfit gym or rugby team. You will train hard, it will hurt, and you will make friends because you have the common bond of hardship. This is why fraternity hazing and bootcamp is so effective at creating lifelong bonds between people.

You are 22 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you.

Here is a short term game plan for you: Go and find a gym that does hard physical exercise. I like crossfit, but krav maga or muay thai or jiu jitsu will work and i've done all of them. You will be forced to meet new people and you will have a common hobby, goal, and you will bond through shared suffering and effort. You will also become much more physically fit and confident in your ability to handle your shit if need be. Don't pass up opportunities to bullshit with people there, and if the gym has social events, which most do, go to them.

Go to church if you are at all religious. Church's thrive on helping people who are social outcasts become part of a community and right now you need to establish a base group of people to socialize with. Back when i was a younger dorkier guy, the church people were the one group who consistently accepted me and befriended me. You know what, it wasn't just to get me to believe, they actually liked me, and i'm still friends with a lot of these people, one of whom is now in a relatively well known rock band. I also met some cute girls there as well. Join and start going to the singles/young adult group if for nothing else than to make some friends.

Take dance lessons. Seriously, girls love to dance, its an interesting hobby, and it will get you in shape. You will also have to learn to communicate both verbally and non-verbally with your dance partners to get good.

Groom yourself. If you don't know how to dress, call a stylist. Hell just go to decent salon, get a good haircut and ask if they could give you some style tips. Gay guys know how to dress and will help you. Get a decent cologne. I like polo, but pick something that smells manly. Get decent clothes, specifically decent dark blue jeans. Anything from express will work. Get a fucking manicure if you have gross hands. Shower and keep your facial hair neat and orderly.

Learn to play an instrument. Its a good time killer, its fun once you get over the initial hump, and its interesting. Guitar is good if not cliche. If you can't do that, learn to dj, i did it all through college and it rocked and i met a lot of cool people doing it. Fuck, play the ukulele if you want, its just something to show you have a creative side. If you can't do that paint. Point is, do something creative.

QUIT THE FUCKING VIDEO GAMES - this is a huge time waster and does nothing to develop any of the qualities you lack. Once you have established yourself socially, you can sneak off a few times a week for a 20 minute black ops frag fest, but you have a lot of work to do, so get off the console/pc and start doing active shit.

TRAVEL- travel is interesting, period. Even if you only go places in your state. Have something to talk about other than your boring ass city.

Learn to cook - you will stay fit, its a good skill, and its helpful to impress friends/lovers when you start making them. I get invited to tons of parties simply because everyone knows I cook bad ass shit.

The bottom line is go out and start doing shit. Don't worry about whether you look stupid doing it, or if people will like you for it. The point is to experience life so you have experiences to talk about.

huls · 2011-01-16T00:12:43+00:00

You want to have interesting life experiences so you can tell other people about them?

You should want to have interesting life experiences because they are interesting.

Considering your attitude, I'm guessing you're a bit of an underachiever, and you're working at a job you're way too good for. The reason you don't really get on with your co-workers is you're much smarter than they are. This has two consequences; 1. The things you say go over their heads 2. The inane shit they talk about doesn't amuse or interest you.

Start hanging out with people you actually like instead of people you'd never talk to if it weren't for the fact you work together. It's better to eat alone and read a good book than eat with a bunch of people who make you feel bad about yourself.

And the most important thing: Stop trying to have conversations to amuse other people - the whole point of having a conversation is to amuse YOU. If you're the only person who laughs at one of your jokes, it's a good joke.

Make this your new motto: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9pvmplOiJ8

bigbadbyte · 2011-01-14T00:42:00+00:00

I suggest being ridiculously good looking. I find that if you are really good looking being boring and unfunny doesn't phase women in the slightest.

lintamacar · 2011-01-14T04:24:49+00:00

Get an iphone or droid.
Share reddits anywhere.
???????
Profit.

Bored · 2011-01-14T01:35:59+00:00

Mimic cool people.

2011-01-14T02:43:49+00:00

Is there any way that I can "fix" myself

Yes. Read the game. Re-post when you finish the book.

abuseaccount · 2011-01-14T05:16:54+00:00

Listen. Join the navy. With it comes lots of commradery, lots of drills and physical training, lots of hands on experience with something "cool", and you may get to travel the world. It seems like an instant "Fix" to your problems. You can, at the same time take up a hobby like reading. Reading works your mind in a very postiive manner. Not only does it lend the experiences and perspective of an author/protagonist. But widens your knowledge of english conventions.

Another option would be joining a sports team of some sort. It provide social and physical interaction, as well as give you something "Interesting" to say about yourself.

However. The best advice I can give you is step out of your comfort zone, and do it confidently. Force yourself into social situations. Force yoursef to workout. Don't regret your failures, but live in the present and the future.

roxxe · 2011-01-14T10:58:39+00:00

watch die hard 4: fail harder

narfman287 · 2011-01-14T05:29:23+00:00

I don't frequent this subreddit often but this particular post caught my eye. After reading a few of these other posts a lot of people are saying just buck up and fake it till you make it. Although it seems you might have trouble doing even that and there is nothing wrong with you. Many people fear public speaking and not just in the giving a speech sense but also in groups. You'll notice that in a large group of people only one or two people tend to dictate the conversation. Either those people are just extroverts and it comes more naturally to them or they are just full of themselves. You seem like a really nice guy who is too afraid to say something because you might not like other peoples reactions. Two Words: Fuck That. I've learned over the years (22 years old also) from switching schools and going through some rough patches that the most important thing is that you, yourself is happy. It's not selfish. It sounds entirely and utterly selfish but I CANNOT emphasize enough that it is not. Until you start feeling better about yourself you won't have anything to give to anyone else. You will exert all your energy trying to please other people and leave none for you. The best suggestion I can give which other people have given also is find a hobby, start exercising (this will make you feel better as well as put you in a social environment), you don't have to start approaching every single girl you see. You don't have to start putting yourself out there immediately, take it slow, at your own pace. Otherwise, you likely will fall back into this slump. When people start exercising for example they overexert themselves and quit, same thing applies here. One other thing I would suggest is actually work on male relationships first before females. Not only will that make you more comfortable at first but these friendships you develop will allow you to meet new people ::girls:: Finding a girl through friends is a hell of a lot easier than picking one up from the bar, which I have never done and don't plan to. I've had one night stands and they are awful. So again, slow and easy wins the race. You'll Make It :)

Oh and about not being interesting or funny, everyone has something to offer. You just have to find your niche and what you can contribute. I personally believe being genuine, honest, nice, and hard working will get you further than anything else, not too mention a sense of humor will develop with those traits. I do stand-up comedy and I'm not very good but I talk about what I think is funny, not what I think the audience will find funny. The people that laugh? Those are the people I want to be friends with.

Title	What can I do if I am boring and not funny?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	70
Comments	146
Date	January 13, 2011 11:38 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f1vo0/what_can_i_do_if_i_am_boring_and_not_funny/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-can-i-do-if-i-am-boring-and-not-funny.1314488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1314488

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