How do you guys get over the nagging feeling that some girls are just too attractive for you?

PaticusGnome · 2015-05-26T14:44:04+00:00

There was a study done a while back that showed that the people pair up with others who have similar self perception levels (i.e. If you think you are a 7/10, girls who feel they are a 6-8/10 will be attracted to you and feel comfortable acting on it.) The short answer is: If you want to catch a 10/10, you need to feel like a 10/10 yourself, or find a 10/10 who feels like a 7.

I like to remember that they all have insecurities, just like me. They aren't showing it now, but there's a good chance you share a few fears in common. You don't have to start the conversation out looking for those, but knowing they exist makes things move along a little easier. Also, for the 11/10's, knowing there is no chance is in hell that you'll be successful, but flirting with them anyways, takes the pressure off a bit. You've got nothing to lose...

Kanye_Weast · 2015-05-26T14:39:31+00:00

You've got to realize that attractiveness=/worth. You can be a 10/10 and still be a shit stain to humanity.

Looks are nice but they shouldn't intimidate you. Accomplishments, values, hobbies, interests are all things that are more attractive.

Think of physical looks as her getting her foot in your door. Treat her like you would anyone else and you'll see how well you do.

JJMythic · 2015-05-26T16:43:53+00:00

Just so you can see how a winning personality can beat looks. http://s216.photobucket.com/user/bastardlybutta/media/bastardly-photos/album161/christina-hendricks03081001.jpg.html

lofiharvest · 2015-05-26T14:46:12+00:00

You don't have to create the reason why a woman won't date you. Let her decide that for herself.

gramsespektrum · 2015-05-26T14:43:48+00:00

Think about it for a sec. The statement: 'she is so attractive that I better not talk to her' makes no sense. Sure, some girls are hotter than you are, and maybe they're going to reject you. That's no problem. If you want to you should still talk to them.

What if a girl was interested in you, but thought you were out of her league (which many girls think all the time), what would you advice her? To give it a try.

Don't respect the thought that she's too hot.

zevah · 2015-05-26T16:36:08+00:00

You can always look at this picture:

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/07/29/article-0-021A8FAB00000578-579_468x554.jpg

cfuzion · 2015-05-26T18:07:42+00:00

Plain and simple, you don't have enough reference experience. You haven't made it a habit yet. To be good at talking to attractive girls, you have to make it a habit to talk to attractive girls as much as you can. You have to treat it like the gym. Once you get into the habit of working out, missing days can mess up your habit and it makes you feel shitty, so it becomes a must. Socializing with or picking up attractive girls at least 4 times a week (not even every day) can still create a habit as long as you know that you commit to it every 4 days of the week.

One thing that really helped me in this regard was my previous job in retail. It helped me talk to girls that I thought were out of my league every day. I learned that a lot of the HOT 8+/10 girls were normal girls (some of the hottest ones are even nicer/friendlier than average girls) and a lot of them would reciprocate and flirt back when you go direct with them. Getting numbers from behind a cash register was never something I even thought was cool and the old me would say its really lame and that a hot girl wouldn't date some scrub doing retail.. but I outgrew that thought when I found myself texting attractive girls that I picked up from work and even dating some of them. (The ones that panned out anyway, but its still a favorable lottery that you can win)

Also, like /u/gramsespektrum said, girls think guys are out of their league just as much as we do. You'd be surprised if you went direct with a girl and then ask her what she thought of you. Girls will mention that they think you're attractive but they're either shy/nervous or whatever the reason. Will you run into some cocky ones that think they're too hot for anyone? Sure but that exists on both genders. All you could really do is take a chance. Action is always better than inaction. Focus on the pain of inaction rather than the pain of the unknown and it will help you approach. You just have to re-wire your brain into thinking its ok to approach rather than avoid the unknown.

new_cummer · 2015-05-26T23:30:20+00:00

Multiply all women by 0.

CUNTASAURUS_REX · 2015-05-26T14:07:29+00:00

Imagine them taking a huge runny shit while talking to them

zoomfrog2000 · 2015-05-26T17:04:22+00:00

As an average looking guy who likes girls not of his own race, I understand this sentiment. What it boils down to is, yeah, it's a numbers game. You can better the numbers by working on yourself and your perceived value. I'm not saying become a celebrity but if you look there are a lot of average looking celebs with hot looking women. Try to be good at something and be known for it. You have to stand out somehow because at a glance the naturally attractive guys will always attract initial attention.

Every now and then I see a guy who is just not attractive at all with an extremely attractive so. He probably knows he's not an Adonis, but I bet he knows he kickass and has fun in life. That's what makes him attractive. You don't seem to be happy as a settler. You need to be a reacher even if that means you get less play.

NippinCheddar · 2015-05-26T17:26:48+00:00

Next time you see a girl who is an absolute missile, remember: she shits too.

recyclablebantha · 2015-05-26T23:13:38+00:00

I've always been fairly successful with girls, but it's never the girls I covet. These girls just sorta seem untouchable and when I try to make something happen it is always more forced, where other girls come easily.

Right so you've pegged the issue here but as to the solutions, you have a false dichotomy.......

One attitude is just to say fuck it and play the numbers game, assuming it will happen.

Another is to try to improve yourself to where you are at their level. I haven't really had a ton of success with either.

If you fail to address your confidence issues, then going into more "sets" is only going to leave you operating under the same limitations over and over again.
There are no such thing as levels, unless you assume there are, so it's not about improving yourself "to their level." This approach leaves you with a weak foundation.

This isn't an arms race with girls because seduction isn't really a competition. You're not really competing with other guys and you're not trying to make her or trick her into liking you.

Since reading here I've gotten more comfortable with getting girls, but that's mostly a product of being more confident and assertive. However, this doesn't really get me more attractive girls.

What advice would you guys give? I want to date the girl(s) of my dreams, how do I make this happen?

There are a couple of assumptions and ideas that you must deconstruct and throw away if you want to have a better time here.

One, that there are "levels." There aren't.

ANY girl, regardless of how attractive you think she is, has her own tastes in men. This is the only real differentiation between them. There are some women in the population who are into the kind of guy you are, even right now. And in that segment of the female population, there will be girls you find attractive and girls you do not. But by assuming that there are "levels," you are choosing to look at yourself as if you aren't worthy before you even get to know a person. And if you believe that, you will convince them of it and screw yourself out of chances with girls who might otherwise be all about you.

That there is a girl of your dreams: She's out there but she's a real girl, not a "dream girl." And the underlying assumption here with this phrase is that she's up there and you're under her. If you're going to think this at all, you have to realize that you're someone's "dream guy." But really it's better to start thinking of things in terms of searching not for some mythical ideal, but rather for mutual attraction with someone who excites you.

This boils down to making a different choice and then reminding yourself of these truths when you have irrational thoughts running through your head. YOU have to do the work. There isn't a magic bullet for this.

Lateroni · 2015-05-26T15:32:22+00:00

Attraction is different for everyone. If you are attracted to a certain type than that's your brain saying "I want that" and you should go for it. Not everyone finds the same things appealing. Too often we hold back because we find someone "too good looking" for us but those should be the ones you really pursue!

Bigtime1234 · 2015-05-26T20:02:25+00:00

Not being funny or an asshat - I have never felt that any girl was out of my league. If she doesn't want to play then it's on to the next one.

redwormcharlie · 2015-05-26T20:55:49+00:00

Just think about a 10/10 taking a big 'ol stinky shit when you feel intimidated. You won't feel that way for long.

Im_probably_naked · 2015-05-27T00:52:42+00:00

Having sex with one normally helps

henry_k · 2015-05-27T08:14:56+00:00

/u/PaticusGnome and /u/sleeps_with_crazy gave excellent responses to this thread. Thanks for the value sharing guys

DaygameCoach · 2015-05-26T14:34:34+00:00

You are good enough and hot enough. If you think otherwise, it is true.

I'll give you a kind of sideways suggestion. Read these body language books: Superflirt, Superdate You Say More Than You Think. Good luck finding the first 2, although Amazon Used has them really cheap. The thought is that if you realize (via IOIs) that they are into you, it should help.

Cuisine, daygamer.net

SonOfJupiter · 2015-05-27T03:34:44+00:00

What you have to understand is that you are seeking advice here on Seddit, or a subreddit dedicated to developing 'game'. Think of it as a literal strategy game. For instance, in football it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you develop yourself to the point where you meet the standard i.e. fitness, weight etc. Facial hair, hair style, the colour of your eyes, skin tone, muscle definition means nothing. All that matters is your understanding of game play and your ability to carry it out.

The same thing works for us in the field. Don't worry so much about what she looks like, because I guarantee you 9/10 times when both your clothes are on the floor and all sweaty after some fun, YOU will look better than her. 9/10 times their beauty comes from a painted face or an outfit designed to conceal flaws. Most guys are not happy with their bodies, but most girls are INSECURE about theirs (BIG DIFFERENCE)

TL;DR As long as you develop yourself, don't worry about looks - just focus on strategy!

SomethingRelevant93 · 2015-05-26T16:06:08+00:00

I haven't felt that feeling in a long, long time. You need to reevaluate your self worth if you think any girl is too good for you.

mydogfartzwithz · 2015-05-26T16:29:21+00:00

The top upvoted comments in the thread about self perception are pretty spot on but also.... What has gotten into your brain? Appearance is so in important. If a girls quality in society is derived only from her appearance what does that say about her? She'll have to work so much harder to get YOU to generally be interested in her. Yes she'll have to prove HER worth to you. Obviously she won't have to do that if you haven't gone up to speak with her though

drum_playing_twig · 2015-05-26T17:17:17+00:00

improve yourself to where you are at their level

what does this even mean?

danxmason · 2015-05-26T18:21:28+00:00

Beliefs can only be changed with reference experiences. Work your way up the bang chain.

manslutalt · 2015-05-26T18:53:11+00:00

I compare them to other hot girls I've fucked. It turned out they were normal people too, just like everyone else. Some were nice and some were bitchy, some were good in bed and some were bad.

sedaway_r · 2015-05-26T19:47:10+00:00

The truth is, assuming your and her self-perceptions are correct, and you do not have the same value, it should feel that way. This is a good thing, though. It should motivate you to improve yourself.

Tom2208 · 2015-05-26T20:48:50+00:00

John Greenleaf Whittier said it best: "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been."

Give at a shot, make her (or him) tell you no.

SheepKing · 2015-05-26T21:54:49+00:00

One day you'll be "just practicing" on a 10, and you'll notice you're actually kissing her.

romerom · 2015-05-26T22:52:25+00:00

you're puttin the pussy on a pedestel

MrGiggleFiggle · 2015-05-27T00:08:23+00:00

This happens to me as well. Although I do get intimidated by her looks, I think that I'd be more intimidated if a girl had more money than me, either that she earned herself or got from her parents.

Let me explain. When I first meet a girl I know how I feel about her within 5 seconds. There's this girl at a Toastmasters club I'm in. I would say she is just above average. We are both in our 20's, and everyone else is 30+ so needless to say I was attracted to this girl. Then she walks to her car, which turns out to be a Mercedes. I'm instantly gutted. I don't know how to get over this feeling.

windowtothesoul · 2015-05-27T00:16:07+00:00

I think it is more beneficial to be realistic in life. Is it possible to get 10s if you're a 6? Sure. Is it likely? Hell no.

This isn't to say you shouldn't shoot high. Hell, aim for the stars. But don't aim for 10s. Don't aim for 9s. Don't aim for any number. Make yourself the best you can be, take chances, learn from mistakes, keep on keepin on, and eventually you'll figure it out.

crjcrj · 2015-05-27T00:25:57+00:00

i have had zero luck in my life for the most part trying to make something happen.

willanthony · 2015-05-27T00:58:01+00:00

It's all in your head.

AyJusKo · 2015-05-27T01:01:03+00:00

Start approaching women who are "too attractive" more often and you'll find yourself becoming more comfortable and it won't be such a big deal anymore. I remember when I hit on my first 10 at a bar. Thankfully she was really nice and laid me down easy because I started thinking "That wasn't so bad, I should talk to all the 10s I can!" Not all the 10s I approached were as nice as her, but I definitely got comfortable around them and wasn't intimidated anymore.

brujon · 2015-05-27T02:21:06+00:00

Girls don't generally date people who are lower in value than they themselves are, or, more precisely, perceive themselves to be. Therefore, the only surefire way to date more attractive chicks is to be more attractive yourself.

Confidence and cockiness is all well and good, and it really does help, but it won't make a 6/10 guy get a date with a 9.5HB. You might get lucky every once in a while and nab one that's going through some stuff or maybe is drunk enough not to care, but it'll be very hard for it to be anything that lasts.

There's no going two-ways about it, if you want to get in with the hottest 20% of women, you have to be one of the hottest 20% of guys, or have something truly remarkable about yourself that redeems your looks, like money and status.

In fact, if you're a 6/10 and a 9.5HB is getting attached to you, be wary. I consider this to be a red flag, and so far, i have not been wrong often. Generally, these girls have a lot of baggage...

jamesgfilms · 2015-05-27T02:33:49+00:00

I dated one... I have regretted it ever since. We split up after a few tumultuous months and now I find girls who are hb7 or even hb8 just don't compare.

praisebetothedeepone · 2015-05-27T03:55:30+00:00

I acknowledge that ugly is not 5. Average is 5. Cute is 6. Perfect is 10. Unicorn is 11. I'm a goddamn unicorn.
I have a mental reel playing to me how awesome I am. How I'm building myself to be epic.
I want to be a legend that is told to my ancestors in 10(0),000 years; throughout the galaxies of the universe.

My goals are bigger than some woman's vagina, so if I'm going to let a vagina distract me, it had better be damned good.

dking168 · 2015-05-27T03:58:58+00:00

I think it's a lot easier once you bag a 9 or 10. As it is a numbers game, sometimes you get lucky and it's the same notion with anything "if you do something once, you can do it again". Once you get some success, you will learn what works and when you come across another 9 or 10, you'll be like "I've done this before, I can do it again". That confidence is what gets you the success you want.

altiuscitiusfortius · 2015-05-27T04:03:43+00:00

By having sex with them. ^{^Just} ^{^kidding,} ^{^Im} ^{^so} ^{^lonely.}

The-Pussy-Whisperer · 2015-05-27T05:40:29+00:00

There isn't a woman on this planet I couldn't make cum until they forgot their own name, given the chance.

It is them who should be considering me out of their league.

iedaiw · 2015-05-27T08:48:15+00:00

Attraction is a funny thing. There is no reason at all why people are attracted and fall in love with people. Anyone can fall in love with anyone, So you just got to try.

JessePinkman88 · 2015-05-27T10:34:22+00:00

If by more attractive, do you mean their physical beauty? If you are trying to get them mostly because of their physical beauty then you are putting them on a pedestal and thereby treating them different.

This is a subtle desperation that you may not notice but they will.

Try approaching them with the intent of finding out if they are the right fit for you personality-wise. Eg. Is she smart, funny and fun? If you are trying to find out these things, then you are connecting with her at a human level rather than superficial level and it will often be well appreciated.

jurkdre3k · 2015-06-10T00:11:15+00:00

It's easy. You treat the girl of your dreams differently than the girl who's not as pretty. I do it too, it's normal and you get a little nervous before talking with them. Get rid of it by talking to literally every pretty girl. The ones that would make you nervous. Talk to them, night or day. You'll see how they are the same, that they also need affection, and how you will start to become more relaxed.

MrLadyfingers · 2015-05-26T19:06:13+00:00

10s aren't only attracted to 10s

BravoPUA · 2015-05-26T15:31:23+00:00

Fuck a handful of them.

PROVE it is wrong

brownj99 · 2015-05-27T00:43:51+00:00

I feel the exact same. I can pull 7s all day, 8s on a good day but 9s not even close, and 10s... Hah, riiiight.

I find the biggest thing isn't my intimidation of them as much as their social calibration is just so much higher. They are so much more on point than I am. I honestly am just not up to snuff and I think it comes down to how I deeply value myself and my insecurity.

I don't think I'm a 9 or 10 at all. I feel like an 8 at my very best. Normally like a 7-7.5. I take care of myself and everything but yet it remains. I don't know. I just don't feel like I deserve that at a core level. I think for me it's going to take some intense inner transformation and I hope just my awareness of the issue will help me overcome it. Some meditation and some reflection and reprogramming my self image over time. I know I'm valuable but some part of me holds back.

I think things of this nature are the true reason for it. Just plain ol pedestal thinking. I know I deserve the very best because I'm willing to make myself my best self, but theres a lot of inner clogging that needs to be worked out before I can genuinely say I have that level of value to offer another human. I'm just too insecure at the moment and I know they might be fundamentally more emotionally satisfied elsewhere. I'm not yet the leader of men I know I can be.

Anyway, that's kind of how I see it for myself. Maybe the fake it till you make it can lift you up if you're lucky here and there but I think core fundamental change is the way to go. Good luck!

astronautcult · 2015-05-26T15:17:52+00:00

Work your way up if you don't feel comfortable with the hottest at first.

Title	How do you guys get over the nagging feeling that some girls are just too attractive for you?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	235
Comments	138
Date	May 26, 2015 1:53 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/37bt6v/how_do_you_guys_get_over_the_nagging_feeling_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-guys-get-over-the-nagging-feeling-that.1388701 https://theredarchive.com/post/1388701

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