Q4W: Looks, money, status... Is it true?

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-03-19T01:15:31+00:00

Income level should be median for my area (~$45,000).

I couldn't care less about status.

I highly doubt I could know "instantly" from a coffee date that I want to "lock a guy down." Vetting can't happen "instantly."

gothfrootloop · 2024-03-19T01:22:35+00:00

I am absolutely evaluating on an equation of looks, money, status (I am defining this as status of criminal vs upstanding citizen), and an extra variable I’d like to add- personality. Lots of one category can make me overlook less in other categories. Only exception is the status, since I do find it very important to me personally that my partner be a non-criminal or not participate in illegal activities (including recreational drugs and driving under the influence), since I am from a family of law enforcement and I would not be able to shoulder the knowledge that I am bringing shame to my family and their reputations.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-03-19T02:53:22+00:00

looks, style, taste in movies and music, and worldview. these are most of what I care about

thelajestic · 2024-03-19T09:55:24+00:00

Reworded: If your physical Prince Charming took you on an introductory coffee date tomorrow, what status and income level would you expect him to have? Be reasonable, and be honest; please and thanks.

None. Status is a meaningless buzzword. And my husband was unemployed and on the dole when I met him. Personality and sexual compatibility are the important things.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-19T01:10:49+00:00

You know how computers have background processors and tabs? I have tabs open for all kinds of things about a guy. Personality, skills, lifestyle, family, goals, money, career, father potential, status, humor, looks, the list goes on. I'm processing different things to different degrees at different times and it largely just makes sequential sense.

Like, before I talk to a dude, I'm probably just looking at his looks, right? Or how other people treat and receive him? There just isn't much to go on outside of that. I can lightly detect personality or lifestyle. But I couldn't guess if he'd be a good dad. Status has never meant a super lot to me, but he can't be in poor standing within our communities and I certainly prefer he be in good standing with decent status (same for myself. I'd say my current boyfriend is similar status and maybe I slightly outrank him).

Money is just about lifestyle, ambition, and survival. I've never been interested in rich or piles of money, just not what I know or respect generally. And I don't want the lifestyle attached. I also have no interest in being poor, constantly scraping by, or struggling all the time.

I, like most people, want an upper middle class lifestyle of working hard, but not too hard. And I want to be wise with money and see my partner as financially responsible, capable, and ambitious, but also someone who will be there with me and to raise the kiddos. (Boyfriend and I made the same when we met, now he makes more.)

Put bluntly, like most things, this is goldilocks stuff and it also tends to matter less the more in love with a person you are. I've expected a man to match my status. I've expected him to make a decent living, not have debt, be capable of providing during early years for babies, have goals, and be financially wise.

Some of it matters your start in life too. If you had truly shitty parents (like my current man), I'm more forgiving so long as you display teachability about finances than I would be to someone who had normal decent parents who gave them a good start in life.

Status is harder to forgive simply because it's more generally a reflection of your social and relationship skills. So if people don't like you or listen to you or wanna be your friend, it tends to be a sign of who you are.

Ultimately, I'm looking for an ace. He's gotta be it all. The total package. I'm gonna love who he is, his lifestyle, what he wants, how he operates in life, etc.

I think men here often want us to admit that LMS are everything and everything else is secondary, and my experience of being a woman and other women is much much worse: we want it all. It's all equally vital. We don't plan to go without any of it. We aren't compromising on anything short of a perfect match for us. LMS isn't more important than sense of humor or personality or if he'd be a good father...it's equally important to all of it.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-03-19T01:33:01+00:00

So I was someone who loved being single. I was the aloof, noncommittal, slutty girl who thoroughly enjoyed sex with people I wanted to have sex with and not having to wake up next to them the next morning. I was dating several people, all handsome with great jobs, nice cars, owned their own homes, all good. But I didn’t want to settle down. Any time I would reach out to see if we could get emotionally a little deeper, they always let me down. “Yeah that sucks, but just don’t think about it!” Or “have you ever tried like not doing that thing?” Oh wow - it has never occurred to me before right now this very moment, thanks… No one was ever good enough. And that was okay. I wasn’t sleeping with them to date them. They had to be a good lay and little else.

And then I met my fiancé. He was cute, a little chubbier than his profile pictures, but I prefer that. He lived with his parents, drove a car with a GIANT sticker on it promoting the job he worked for - his friend’s company he made less than $35k at. The car wasn’t his, he couldn’t take me on vacations like frank could, he didn’t buy me dinner like Allen could, but he could eat kitty like his life depended on it.

At the time if I met a guy a he was cute enough and I enjoyed my time with him, I’d give him a shot for an evening. And he showed up and showed out. So I kept seeing him. He was on rotation with the others - but something about him was different. I found myself wanting to be with him more. I’d turn other guys down hoping he’d ask me over - to his parents house no less. I didn’t even realize there was such a huge difference between him and others until the pandemic hit. And when I had to quarantine, he’s who I chose to do it with. When I lost my job, he was who I called to hear everything I wanted to hear. When I broke my back, he was the person I’d call for help. Of course he was getting sex, we’d talk for hours, I’d take him on silly dates to the cider mill or bubble tea. But I noticed how he was so into it, but never suffocated me. He was always available but never too available. He always had something to do without me, was sleeping with other women, did his own thing. But if I wanted to be with him, he made it happen.

He never got angry when I fell asleep early. He never flipped out when I didn’t text for a few hours. He didn’t break down or punish me when I had to call a date off. He took my effort and matched it. Always. Days I had more to give, he gave more with me. Days I had less, he backed off. It was like he was always in sync with me. We just meshed.

When we had been together about 6 months we decided to become monogamous, mostly (three ways with another woman are always on the table.) and we built a life. We have two dogs and a lizard. We own a home. We own two vehicles. He DnDs professionally three nights a week, I do crafts and sell rare plants, we both work as project managers in construction. We play BG3 together and we’d always rather be home together than anywhere else. He had a huge group of friends while I’m more of an introvert. We communicate about everything, no matter what. We worked to create a relationship that is worth going the distance. We don’t fight or call names. We hardly ever disagree and when we do it’s always with respect.

I say this long… everything… to demonstrate that for me, it had very little to do with status or money or anything like that. It was 100% compatibility and emotional maturity. He’s a healthy and happy man. And I fell in love with an entire person. We both work hard to be better and do better for each other. And we have a blast doing it.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-03-19T00:58:06+00:00

Non smoker
College educated
No kids
Actually single

After that he needs to keep me laughing. I don’t care about money or status. I make enough money and status has never interested me

Safinated · 2024-03-19T02:38:03+00:00

Nope

Most of us want someone who actually cares about our brains and not our genitals or caretaking abilities

This is difficult to find

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-03-19T01:15:14+00:00

No.

I think people value different things. I think if you are dating solely in search of that you are going to not have a good time. Because that pool would be so shallow or non-existent. How many wealthy, hot, and famous dudes are there seeking normal ass women? Likely none. You won't ever have a chance to be in the periphery of someone like that because we are normal.

I think most people just want someone they are attracted to. They click with on some level. You can be authentically yourself with.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-19T01:18:01+00:00

Status - meh, don't care. I would like him to have friends and hobbies so I'm not his sole form of entertainment and socialization. Other than that, I'd prefer a guy who is college educated, has a job that's not flipping burgers or at the very least has something he's passionate about even if his job sucks, and preferably makes around the same amount as me.

Sillysheila · 2024-03-19T03:08:57+00:00

I’ve already met my Prince Charming. But I’ll bite.

Income: I come from money and have work skills, so it’s not highest priority for me.

Ability to make decent income idk maybe if I had to ballpark it 50,000-80,000 AUD. Just not working at McDonalds, and something that has a bit of a future in it.

Education/intelligence: I like some education and think intelligence is pretty sexy. Admittedly hypergamous in this area because I’m curious and like to read up on things but I am not Einstein.

Status: I don’t really think about status all that much? Not sure. I definitely wouldn’t consider it as much as education, looks, or intelligence.

Looks: You don’t mention these or say they’re included in the hypothetical but they’re important to me because I’m a sexual person and want a sexual relationship. That would be hard to do if I found my partner incredibly unattractive. Hercules level physique is not required. I prefer either just a plain slender man, or a man that is a combination of slender and muscular.

I love good male faces, so I maybe have high standards for that. I have lower standards for height than some women as I prefer to prioritise facial beauty in a man. I guess I still like them fairly tall though, most of my crushes were 5’8-6’0.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-03-19T09:06:48+00:00

Total bullshit. Maybe just looks. But I can find someone beautifull and still not be attracted to them, it's more spark / butterflies / chemistry than looks, it's that magical click taht you just KNOW, there is just something you can't describe but you just click with that person. But he still have to look somewhat nice physicaly in order to make me feel the spark. But even if he is the most beatiful man in the world in my eyes the spark and that click might still be lacking, looks is not enough. Money I couldn't care less, I have enough money for both of us. I love him for HIM as a person, not for what he provides. And status... I don't give a fuck about what other people think about him. So total bullshit.

So basal needs regarding money... I'm fine if he at least doesn't gamble and put us in debt by spending our money irresponsibly, that's enough since I have enough for both of us already without his potential contribution. If I had less money the basal need would be that he can at least support himself.

Basicaly the basal need is that the two of us together can afford to survive with our money combined.

And I don't give a fuck about what other people think so statust is completely alien term for me, it's simply not a factor.

So looks are part of attraction, spark. But I love him for HIM as a person, I don't evaluate and count what he can provide. I really love him for him not for what he can give me.

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no_usernameeeeeee · 2024-03-19T02:31:48+00:00

Money - I date guys who are doing something with their life. If they have a job and are responsible, then that’s good for me. I’ve never asked a guy how much he makes but i’ve noticed that men talk about it upfront. Maybe because they think i am assessing that. I’d say realistically in my city , making 60-70K is ideal at the minimum. Even if a guy is not making that much, i’d want him to at least work towards it. It’s pretty doable if you know how to find the right opportunities. I’d probably asses that more if i genuinely see a future and want to move in with him and stuff, i make around that amount and i think a dual income with that salary would give us a good standard of living where we would be both comfortable paying bills but doing other things like traveling at least once or twice a year.

Status - I’ve mostly dated men with normal jobs; who have degrees, aren’t struggling too much financially but not rich either. Dunno what status that is, but that’s what i’ve dated & im happy with that.

Realistically though, the only way i’d instantly want to lock him down is because we actually get along, he’s a good person and we have chemistry. Those other aspects i can be less strict but who he is and our connection is what matters the most. I’d want him to also be someone with hobbies, friends and who respects others… especially women!

2024-03-19T03:21:51+00:00

I don’t expect the men in my age group to rolling in cash as of right now but I’d prefer if they’re working to towards attaining a solid degree/receiving higher education of some kind or trying to make something decent out of himself. Like he should have potential or future prospects. I grew up middle class and I want that or better for my children.

AriesProductions · 2024-03-19T04:24:40+00:00

Any man I date has to be able to support himself financially. Not me, just him. He should be able to at least occasionally treat on dates, but not even 50% of the time, nor do they need to be expensive dates. I’d be happier with a homemade $15 picnic in the park & feeding ducks than a $60+ movie date.

He has to be able care for himself & his domicile. Be clean (we all get messy occasionally, but clean is a different standard) and courteous. If he’s rude to wait staff or retail staff, he’s not for me.

I don’t care at all what he does for work, as long as it legal and morally unobjectionable. If he’s a “starving artist” who waits tables to make rent, it just shows he has a passion for art but the responsibility to know bills still need to be paid.

As for looks, he has to be appealing to me. I don’t care if other women (or men) think he’s hot. I don’t care if he’s slightly under my height, as long as he’s secure about it and not going to make it a thing. I’m not into body builder physiques. Sure, Jason Mamoa (etc) may be pretty to look at, but it’s not going to make a difference in my attraction level, as long as he’s in a relatively healthy state (dad bods are just fine). I’ve seen bald guys who are all that and the bag of chips, but I’ve seen ones who are obviously self-conscious about it and it makes them awkward and overly insecure and I find that a turnoff. So hair, height & body type are all pretty flexible, as long as you own it.

I do not put up with sexist, racist or bigoted views. He can be conservative but if he’s red pill, right wing fundamentalist etc. it’s not going to work. If he thinks women are “less than”, he can go find one that will accept that because that ain’t me.

I think men can be wonderful. They can be awesome. But they can also get so twisted up in themselves they shoot themselves in the foot. I don’t need a man to be feminine, but I do need one who’s emotionally available and honest. I don’t need one who makes a ton of money or does everything around the house, but I do need one who sees a relationship as a partnership of give & take, and sometimes that’s not going to be 50/50. I paid the bills when my ex got laid off, and he handled 75% of the housework. When he had mandatory overtime for 2 months, he didn’t cook a meal and did a LOT less around the house. As it should be.

I’m more interested in men who know their worth but don’t need to gauge it by putting others down or thinking others are “less than”. Need to “feel like a man”? By all means. Just don’t expect me to be less than so you can feel more than. A man who is secure enough in his masculinity to perform traditionally feminine tasks when needed or show feelings or not belittle others is the sexiest man.

As for the shitposting this will possibly attract, it just proves my point that some “men” can’t feel masculine unless they’re insulting or belittling others. And by calling women like me, who are open & honest about our wants & needs liars (because apparently we all want 6/6/6 🙄) just removes them from the dating pool. So how does that benefit them? What it makes it look like is that they’d rather be tough and red pill on line to randos than be attractive dating material. 🤷

RubyDiscus · 2024-03-19T05:52:47+00:00

I don't really care about money or status, just as long as he works

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-19T06:20:44+00:00

The only part I give much of a fick about is looks, and that's according to my personal taste. Other than that I don't care so long as he's not in debt or actually hated by other people. If he has a significantly large amount of money or status I'm probably not going on that date because it's likely we're incompatible on that basis (okay, I've never turned down a date, but I don't think that date could go anywhere). I care about how we get along and how he can fit into my life and about what makes him actually sexy to me, not how other people see him or how much money he has (and no, I don't take handouts).

Planthoe30 · 2024-03-19T06:48:29+00:00

My requirements were pretty fluid, I’d compromise sexual attraction for successful men who are funny and not socially awkward. I have dated as low as a 4/10 but he was ripped plus met other requirements. I’d compromise status and money for looks (rarely). I don’t ever compromise on humor, personality or intelligence. I prefer status/money over looks. As for minimum requirements for money I was more concerned about having a college education (bachelors degree) and it appears the average income for college graduates with a bachelors is 58k. I’d say that is an accurate approximate minimum. I’m basing this off my dating history I’d consider dating outliers and have. That happened situationally and I usually knew these men for years.

mrs_seng · 2024-03-19T08:19:17+00:00

I'll try to split this and touch more aspects than your post.

Looks: it's usually something i found physically attractive in that man. Could be eyes, could be hair, could be style of clothing. In my husband i found his tits and chest very attractive. Very plushy skin, looked so soft (it really is) with a healthy glow and he has nice boobies. He had a cap on his head, i couldn't even see his face. When we met a few days afterwards, he had no cap on but i recognised him because of the titties.

Money: i dated rich and i dated poor. When i say rich i mean villa with a pool. When i say poor i mean 2 room apartment for 4 people. Money never mattered because i have money. My husband had a similar financial situation as me. Then 2008 financial crisis hit. And his family was left with nothing, lost the house as well. It's ok, i was able to provide a condo, then a 2 room apartment and now we're building our dream house. My parents bought a brand new car for us, my husband was the first to drive it out of the dealership.

Status: wtf is even this? I didn't even know it existed. I imagine it's like celebrities who pull women just because they are public people and those women want money and a launching ramp for a tv show assistant or modeling or some sugar daddy. Not interested in either.

What you didn't mention and hear me out, it's more important for more women than you think: humor and charm and attitude. This one makes or breaks a relationship, it's needed even for a ONS. That's sometimes even the reason why some people end up cheating. Having a good time is necessary. I find it sad that some men equate this with being a dance monkey or a clown and ironically say "entertain me, boy". No, it's simply about having a good time, being in a good company. Laughing makes a woman think about that man the next day and the day after.

It's those small things that men say that make you chuckle and catches your attention. Yesterday i saw a comment from a woman about how she met her husband. She posted a story on instagram and he commented that she has beautiful ears. Lmao. That's original, ngl. Also funny. And that hooked her enough to want to talk to him, go on a date, eventually they married. That's humor at work. It's not about jokes you read somewhere, but about those instant one liners that are funny, unexpected, blow you away and original.

ohdiddly · 2024-03-19T08:52:32+00:00

I don’t care about money or status at all. But I do care about looks.

YouHateTheMost · 2024-03-19T08:56:15+00:00

I married the guy who was nowhere near my prior expectations in looks, money and status - but our chemistry is amazing, he is my favourite company, and every single day he makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive just by how much effort he puts into making me happy. God sent me not the husband I wanted, but the husband I needed!

Dishonouronmycow2 · 2024-03-19T11:29:29+00:00

Looks: yes I’d like to be attracted to him. I usually like well built brunette guys with beards and nice eyes. Money : I like money a lot, wish I didn’t but I like pretty things and they bring me joy. Status: doesn’t really bother me but it generally comes with the territory of having money/being attractive

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-03-19T11:38:37+00:00

Income, needs to be able to pay his own bills, though saying that my husband couldn’t as he had just lost his job not long after we met More importantly he needs to be fun We need to get on very well and have a good connection

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-03-19T14:58:23+00:00

I generally value potential partners based on how well they fit me: if we get along, if we have values that generally fit, if the sex is reasonably satisfactory, and if they have a good solid future plan or goal for stability.

Money and status can certainly help the stability factor, but one doesn't have to be rich, just able to sustain themselves. My career can't sustain children or a second person all that well, so if they want kids, they're probably going to have to make more money than me.

sweetestpineapple · 2024-03-19T15:08:44+00:00

If a guy meets my physical criteria, I’m willing to compromise on money and status. Attraction is the most important factor in the beginning and I know instantly if I’m physically attracted to someone or not. As I’ve gotten older I’ve started to care a bit more about money because I’m unwilling to be poor. I grew up upper middle class and will settle for middle middle but won’t go any lower. If a guy makes $50K or more per year that’s fine. My lifestyle dealbreakers are nonmonogamy, drug use, girl best friends, and conservative social views.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-03-19T16:20:13+00:00

I actually find wealthy people unattractive, esp if they didnt work for if. Either via a trust fund, or by a fake job ‘finance’ i find it really gross

apresonly · 2024-03-19T16:55:25+00:00

i feel like men think we want lenny hochstein when they say shit like this? and that's... repulsive:

https://www.instagram.com/lennyhochstein/?hl=en

> If your physical Prince Charming took you on an introductory coffee date tomorrow, what status and income level would you expect him to have?

not really into random coffee dates with men i don't know?

a better question would be if i met my prince charming tomorrow and for weeks we connected emotionally through conversing, what income would i expect him to have? and the answer is as long as he provides for himself (including retirement and emergencies) we're good.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-03-19T16:59:07+00:00

Compatibility of morals/personality, attraction. Those are the two parts of the equation that equal “I want to date this man.” So you see, both of these elements are equally dependent on ME as they are on him.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-03-20T05:16:53+00:00

Looks:

Of course looks matter. No one, regardless of gender, wants to date someone they find unattractive. Where communication breaks down about this between genders is that what women see as attractive is often not what men think women find attractive.

Money:

The amount of money a man has upon meeting doesn't really matter. What matters is * how he thinks about and manages the money he does have * if he has drive and is willing to work/ earn money consistently * if we share the same values re: spending, saving, and investing

Status:

What does this even mean? Is he popular? Is he famous? I literally don't get what people mean when they say this so I'll assume it doesn't matter at all to me.

Stoned-Lab-Tech · 2024-03-20T07:58:58+00:00

Income I’d want 85-100K.

I want someone equal to me, someone also in STEM like I am, and at a semi-similar level of education. The types of jobs that come with that pay in that range. If I were in a different field, like a humanities field and wanted someone similar to me, the income would likely be lower. In my case it’s more about compatibility and that’s the incomes that aligns with that.

This is all theoretical though. 95% of the time I have zero idea exactly what a guy makes until I get to know him and if I like him, then the income won’t matter at all.

2024-03-20T16:07:10+00:00

My current partner makes 170k a year, is the life of every party and is one of the first people his friends call when they have exciting news or need advice, and I personally think he’s not as fuck.

If we broke up tomorrow those would be my new metrics 👍

Epinefrin3 · 2024-03-20T18:14:50+00:00

When you say “status” do you mean socioeconomic status?

I’ll play along with the hypothetical. I don’t need them to make six figures, but I want them to have goals/ambitions and be able to take care of themselves. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation for both parties. Ideally I’d like them to have enough money to travel with me because I don’t know if I could afford to cover us both, but it’s no biggie and if I ever make enough to spoil them I absolutely will!

darkredpintobeans · 2024-03-19T00:41:49+00:00

I don't need him to be a perfect adonis man if he's passably cute and has a steady job that's a good start. The most important thing i look for in a partner is emotional intelligence because we can't both be emotionally stupid.

Eta: he also needs to have the capacity to commit violence against me

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-19T01:10:01+00:00

If your physical Prince Charming took you on an introductory coffee date tomorrow, what status and income level would you expect him to have?

I'd go on a date only if we already had some emotional connection and I was at least slightly interested in him. It's based mostly on emotional connection and not solely on his appearance.

Now to answer your question, I'm in my late 20s and I'm very close to a position of a refugee in a foreign country. Thankfully I'm married and I'm here with my husband. If I had to date right now, I'd be fine with dating someone in a similar position, i.e. basically no status and very low income. Preferably college educated and 100% necessarily plans on the future that he's actively working on though. I have no intentions to stay in my current position forever.

If I was in a better position, let's say you asked it a few years ago before all the shit show, I'd say that anyone with a similar level would do. So middle class is fine. When my husband and I actually did start dating, we both were broke students with no/minimal income and I was fine with it too. No status whatsoever.

AngeCruelle · 2024-03-19T03:04:24+00:00

College education. He could be a barista who was raised in a shack as long as he has a degree. Conversely, all the money and status in the world wouldn't make up for the lack of a college education to me.

Title	Q4W: Looks, money, status... Is it true?
Author	OtPayOkerSmay
Upvotes	7
Comments	88
Date	March 19, 2024 12:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bi6xzg/q4w_looks_money_status_is_it_true/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-looks-money-status-is-it-true.1426580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426580

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