Disrespect

roshi-roshi · 2024-09-23T04:40:31+00:00

Thank you. Seems to be a familiar story. I hardly know who my ex is now. Although as time goes on in recognize it more and more in the past. Stonewalling, my way or the highway, treating me with so much disdain and condescension. Time to get angry I guess.

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-20T19:05:57+00:00

https://archive.org/details/THEPREDATORYFEMALENOMISSINGPAGESLawrenceShannonAFieldGuideToDatingandTheMarriageDivorceIndustry This is a pretty quick read and addresses a lot of your questions. He goes a little harder than I’d prefer and paints with a pretty broad brush, but also brings up some excellent points.

onajourney13 · 2024-09-20T14:30:24+00:00

I feel you brother. Accountability is women’s kryptonite 🚨

Local_Initiative2024 · 2024-09-20T09:20:43+00:00

Women maximise the quality and fitness of their mates. They judge their own mate value by the way men behave towards them. If they sense their man is beneath them, they’ll respect him less. If their man agrees to marry them, showers them with benefits and kindness, they may subconsciously draw certain conclusions about their own mate value vs. their man’s.

Marriage has to work much better than average to be compatible with peace of mind for a man. In this day and age it’s probably better to stay unmarried if one wants a peaceful life.

georeddit2018 · 2024-09-20T04:54:57+00:00

Like you guys always say. The woman you marry is not the same you divorce. You also don't know what they are capable of until divorce. I bet she was telling you before marriage that she is not interested in your money.

techrmd3 · 2024-09-19T22:14:36+00:00

It is a bit of a mystery.

The only theory I have remotely considered valid is this one:

Some people are very NOW focused. That is what are you doing for them right this moment.

If you give the person some money. (well they have that... so what now?)
If you give them a house to live in. (well they have that... so what now?)
If you give them great trips and vacations. (well they have that... so what now?)
If you give them X. (well... what now?)

Some people will not look at past gifts, benefits or experiences as anything because to them... well they already got that. What they are looking for to be engaged with a future with you is WHAT will you do for them in the future.

What WILL they get that they have not gotten?

I think this is why conmen and other future fakers are great in romance. They CONSTANTLY project a cool future that is 'just around the corner'.

Some people eat that up. Meanwhile steady people who keep roofs over other's heads are... BORING!

and yes divorce is a death, it's a death of your naive thoughts on marriage

jakoby24 · 2024-09-19T21:44:50+00:00

It's the worse. The thought that had you treated her like shit she'd love and respect you more.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-09-19T21:29:01+00:00

Basically all said- in the end- we,men has to pay for everything! Like you,Mine is not over yet. 3 times - 3 times!- each time- more - I want more $. Her lawyer kept revising as she kept demanding. And what’s worse?- all my assets and accounts are frozen by her and lawyer. Broke as F, and resorting to food banks for food! I don’t even have money for lawyers anymore!

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-09-19T20:36:52+00:00

Welcome to the Aquarium tank 🐟!
You’ll try to warn the younger wild fish, 'Don’t take the bait 🎣! That shiny hook ain't what it seems!' But They bite anyway bc dickie is in charge & not 🧠.
Rince & repeat for ever generation.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-09-19T20:19:49+00:00

Female relationships are just more volatile than male relationships. Like most dudes in my life that I've had beef with were settled over a beer, a handshake or in my younger days maybe a couple punches. Afterwards, if me and that person weren't friends, we didn't go out of our way to spite one another.

Women on the other hand, when there is a problem in a friend group, it turns into tribal warfare. Their friendships have a nuclear meltdown when they end. That's how they end their marriages too (not all of course, there are some even-keeled ladies out there in this world).

I think part of the difference is when we as men confront the end of our marriage we are trying to preserve our way of life as much as possible (financial/access to our children). When a lot of women confront the end of their marriage, they are trying to preserve their ego so it turns into a nasty conflict.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-19T18:27:57+00:00

Initial post and all the comments resonate so deeply for me. I was a devoted and loving husband and father with a six figure income and retired to be primary care giver to our special needs youngest.

What did I get in return?

A wife who had no regard for me or my emotional experience.

SO. DONE.

BigPapaJava · 2024-09-19T17:47:24+00:00

A lot of women lose respect for men who treat them well due to their own insecurities. They feel like any man who treats them well must be beneath her or trying to manipulate her in some way. There are men like this, too.

Then in a divorce, they want to demonize you and project as much negatively and blame onto you as possible so they can feel better about themselves and the split.

When she filed, my ex told me that i had contributed “nothing” in our marriage despite the years of bringing in 80%+ of our family’s income and supporting her. The 4+ hours of chores i had to do every day were also “nothing” because she said i didn’t do them well enough as part of an evil scheme to hurt her through “weaponized incompetence.”

When i pointed out things i had done or even disagreed with her when she started telling me horrible things I was thinking to myself in my own head, she said this was “gaslighting” and “minimizing (her) hurt.”

When i tried to (once again) change a laundry list of things she was upset about and continue to treat her with respect and patience as I hoped for reconciliation, she framed that as evil “manipulation.”

Now she’s told all her friends (who were my only friends, since i wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone she didn’t approve of) that those things were forms of “psychological and emotional abuse” and they all hate me.

Yeah, paying bills, cleaning her house, learning how and actually doing thousands in home repairs we couldn’t otherwise afford, giving up all other interests or career goals to try to make her happy, living in my car for weeks so she could “have space,” respectfully not shouting back at her when she was screaming and berating me to my face…those things were all “emotional and psychological abuse.”

Then she told our 6 year old that I had cheated on her and done all kinds of ugly things to turn her against me, too. Her definition of “cheating” is having a conversation with any woman, any time, even if it’s necessary for my job.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-09-19T16:31:30+00:00

Don't worry. I was a jerk and it still happens to us. A jerk in the sense that I completely dominated and never put her on a pedestal. She always wanted for me to simp after her and I never did. It's just not in my nature. She always sought validation from me and I never EVER gave her that. So she finally found someone who did...and good for her! He can have her. She wasn't the prize she tried to claim she was. Somehow, I always knew that she wasn't. Perhaps that is why I never gave myself 100%. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her no matter how much I tried to force it. She knew this and it broke her heart. I mean, I loved her enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her. She was the mother of my child. But realistically, she was an average 6 in the looks department. Had no interesting hobbies or any depth to her personality. She was boring AF. Not very intelligent. However, at the time I believed she was loyal with a genuine good heart, self respect, not a modern girl who sends nudes (she was too classy for that) and that to me was worth all the gold in all the world. But no, it turned out she was none of those things. So good riddance. I'm happier now. I'm dating and have had great experiences so far. I realize I might get thumbed down but shit, I'm just being real with you guys.

Wingnut8888 · 2024-09-19T16:24:03+00:00

For the most part of this process, she’s been freezing cold toward me. Ironically, the only times she treated me nicer was when I (heatedly) stood up for myself. That disgusted me, and actually made me lose respect for her. At one point, I told her this separation has really opened my eyes to the oh do of person you are — I think she might have seen it as a compliment. I think she’s mistaking her disrespectful behaviour and meanness for toughness. Whatever.

Slowloris81 · 2024-09-19T16:06:47+00:00

This rings so true. I loved my wife and she was supposed to be my partner. I never doubted that she was fundamentally a good person; otherwise, I never would have married her. I understand that people can drift apart but I never understood the animosity. I would never act towards anyone—anyone, let alone someone with whom I had kids—the way I was treated, and all without any apology.

I have no place in my heart for hate. Yet she seems filled with it. This cannot be the person I married. Yet it is the person I am divorcing.

raginggear57 · 2024-09-19T16:00:43+00:00

Read the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It will answer this and many other seemingly unanswerable questions about the way they act.

notaprogrammer · 2024-09-19T15:43:24+00:00

My only response to this is to do exactly as your lawyer says. Do not give into any demands. Do not give any concessions unless your lawyer advises it. Only let her have the minimum that the court orders. Take it all the way to trial if you have to. She is the adversary now and you must treat her as such. I know it’s hard, but please forget about the past and focus on securing a financial future for yourself.

You will thank me in three or four years

Affectionate_Chef415 · 2024-09-19T15:40:22+00:00

I’m going through it right now. What you’re experiencing is similar to me. The person that I thought she was has no resemblance to the one I’m dealing with through this. I have wasted too much of my time trying to convince her to work on it and trying to accept blame. After 3 months of living together in the same house while she’s deciding to divorce me I finally moved out. There are some good days and bad, but I’m generally starting to see her for what she is. Hang in there, you’ll make it through and eventually the pain will start to subside.

As an added bonus when I sit down and do the math, even with a very sizeable payout and alimony, I think I’m going to be better off financially. I didn’t realize just how much money was going out the door to her whims and hobbies vs. mine. Life will go on!

DudeforRighteousness · 2024-09-19T15:37:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Disrespect
Author	No-Profit-1027
Upvotes	123
Comments	53
Date	September 19, 2024 3:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fkne5c/disrespect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/disrespect.1530772 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530772

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