Male value must not be measured in women

One of the biggest issue plaguing men is that they determine their self-worth to be measured in part by their appeal to women.

Women's issues are largely due to cultural and structural subjugation. Men suffer structural issues too, e.g. female biases in the legal system and public space, but the most relevant issue men suffer today is one of mental health. Men suffer because they feel, or fear, that they may be inadequate. Because society does not appreciate them. Because their problems are minimized and their identity demonized. There are many issues plaguing men in this department, and I cannot hope to tackle them all. Instead, acknowledge that ultimately, all gendered issues take their root in gender dynamics. After all, a society without gender dynamics cannot enable gendered issues.

In other words, male issues (as with female issues) stem ultimately from some type of interaction with the opposite sex. Men, as with women, are largely homosocial and so most of their non-political interaction with women falls along romantic and sexual dimensions. Given the growth of the incel and incel-adjacent communities, it seems that a major male issue is that of perceived sexual or romantic inadequacy. There is no simple solution to this as neither romantic nor sexual validation can be forced. Rather, male value and self-esteem must be decoupled from women. Women must not be a yardstick by which men are measured. This is a difficult thing, as notions of masculinity are culturally linked to sexual "success". Still, we as men, must take stock in ourselves and distance ourselves from these notions. We cannot allow others to define our masculinity. We must take heed of the feminist movement and its message of independence. As women benefited greatly from distancing themselves from the economic and structural dependence on men, so too must we distance ourself from our emotional and psychological reliance on women.

In other words, we must become independent men; stressing meanwhile that independence must not mean loneliness. We must strive for indepence from women, not other men. We must lift each other up and create an environment wherein the male can be male for the sake of the male, not the female. We must embrace masculinity, if and because we want to, not so that we can appeal to them; not so that we can provide for them. But so that we can provide for ourselves. I know intimately the desire for sexual and romantic love and I am in no way arguing that we forsake it's pursuit, but our happiness must be grounded in ourselves, not the society which demands our sweat, blood, and sacrifice.

Remember, you are stronger than you think, and although it may feel like it at times, you do not truly need a woman.