Many male advocates hesitate to bring in involuntary celibacy as an issue. Partly of cause for fear of being identified as the more bitter, misogynistic type of ‘incels’. Partly also because it’s scary enough to be left wing but against any postmodern ‘social justice’ theory; even scarier to come out as basically a defender of men against feminist excesses; and scariest of all to confess sexuality plays a role here.

People will say that there are ‘more important issues’ for men and we shouldn’t rock the boat by bringing up this. But how true is that? Does suicide or abuse of alcohol and drugs never have to do with sexual frustration? Isn’t intactivism important because circumcision impedes sexual pleasure? Isn’t falling behind in education and career especially worse for men, because most women want a man who is more successful than themselves? Don’t men end up in abusive relationships and eventually nasty divorces out of despair of staying alone?

Then there’s the crazy answer that ‘men are not entitled to women’s bodies’. That makes them sound more like cannibals than like beings with a natural craving for intimacy. Of course it would be idiotic to force women to that intimacy. But there’s nothing idiotic at all about changing the narrative around this:

  1. Women are told the best is not good enough for them. That makes a lot of them ridiculously selective. I saw podcasts by dating coaches who finished their job because of that;

  2. Women are never told to think rationally about what would be a good man for them. (Men aren’t either, but I have the impression they learn it sooner the hard way.) They often keep dating impressive, either physically or financially successful men, and when they don’t turn out to be nice partners they blame it on patriarchy. A few generations ago, this was different, as people had a wider circle of friends and friends often turned into lovers instead of getting friendzoned;

  3. Women are told anything can be harassment when it makes them feel uncomfortable. So if a man is not so self-assured, any ‘wrong’ approach can be met with an aggressive reaction, which will make him hesitate even more the next time. Men will take no for an answer a lot more than most women suspect, as long as it’s done in a gentle way. That may even encourage them to approach more women and become less awkward.

It is time for peace between the sexes. Healthy romantic and sexual relationships will be a necessary part of that. I even think the world will feel safer for women too if that becomes the case. But they too have a part to play to make that the case.