Did anyone else experience a complete 180 like this before divorce?

IceDue123 · 2025-11-20T18:41:57+00:00

It felt like my ex was a pod person, I couldn’t even recognize her going through the divorce. For someone who wasn’t concerned about money, she made sure to get every penny she could and every household item she could, she even took the kids $25 dvd player.

She was unnecessarily cruel and got off on deceiving and gaslighting me

I thought she was a good mother but doesn’t support the kids one iota and missed a bunch of school stuff with my daughters

I think that by society’s standards she’s a pretty terrible person. I know I hate her

scootfaster · 2025-11-18T21:45:10+00:00

Sounds like you are with my ex-wife. Lol.

thraxx171 · 2025-11-18T08:19:30+00:00

A lot of women check out way before we even realise the relationship’s in trouble. They’ve already talked it to death with friends or divorce groups, figured out their new chapter, and processed everything while we’re still trying to make date night work. By the time it hits us, they’re emotionally done and somehow we’re the designated villain. Because if they admit they played a part, that means taking responsibility… and that’s not a popular option, no one wants to be the bad guy.

My therapist even laughed and said it’s a textbook pattern. They’ll swear it’s not about the money, but funny how the whole thing somehow turns into a spreadsheet exercise and they come out swinging for every dollar. And yes, they’ll watch you burn if that’s what helps them justify the exit. Bottom line: Accept the loss early. Hold on to the good memories if you want, but understand the person you loved is gone, and trying to revive it just drags out the pain.

ozdomguy · 2025-11-16T23:24:02+00:00

I think alot of us on here feel like we were tricked. And the whole “how did I not see this”

Accurate-Ad-6189 · 2025-11-16T08:05:30+00:00

My wife has said to me 3 times im leaving you in 6 months she's still fuckin here thats woman 4 ya.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-11-14T22:56:58+00:00

My ex-wife emphatically insisted she was going to be the "best wife in the world!" I didn't believe it even a little bit, but I appreciated her intent at the time, which was right after the marriage. She then proceeded to treat me WORSE than anyone in her life and worse than anyone had ever treated me in my life. Her little games of trying to keep me interested by bragging about all the male attention she was getting and had gotten in her life had the opposite effect. It wasn't "best wife" behavior, not even close. I suffered no cognitive dissonance either because her charade and lack of sincerity were too obvious. Instead, I became indifferent, knowing that when she realized I was unable to be manipulated like other men she'd leave, which she did after 7 months of marriage. She asked for a divorce 3 months after marriage. Like WTF man?

Crazy and baffling. Not "best wife" material at all lol

Mysterious-Offer-949 · 2025-11-16T05:21:21+00:00

Yes, we lived together and her nature was same until the day we got married. They won’t say it or name it exactly why they changed, but here’s what I concluded with my questions to her during divorce in court, questions not direct, but tells me about her thought process. So here’s what happened, before marriage for her I was a muscular guy abs and all, decent looks dense hair, good earning tech guy, in a hard rock band, martial artist, with open minded family a good deal for her! But her intention was not good.

Post marriage day 1, she came very late to home with lot of bs excuses, with her nature she made me fall in “love” again and then blindfolded me, so I was in blindfolded love with her, she then exploited it. Sucking on my money, coming home drunk, locked and hid her phone, went on so called “business trips” every now and then never picked my call when she was there or when she was in office . She’d call me back talk for few seconds that she’s very busy and cut it.

But whenever she came home she was fully waxed, hair done, looked like a beauty parlour make over, it didn’t fit in with how busy she was day and night. Now she thought my love and marriage have trapped me and I’ll accept everything she does, praise her, fund her, get expensive trips, give her luxury. So for many out there this loving feminine energy is a bait so you can be trapped, that’s what’s happened with you as well I guess.

Before marriage we lived together for some months and we were competing who’ll be the nicer one, who’ll be the most caring so we both hid raw real true discussions . From next time don’t make her sad , but if you’re living together or talking also, bring in real life situations and real talks to avoid this and actually know her intentions and validate it somehow also

playerknowmore · 2025-11-16T01:40:42+00:00

22 years of marriage taught me, marriage can survive a lack of love, but not a loss of respect. What you described is someone who doesn't respect you. Get out before her actions affect your self-respect.

warwww · 2025-11-15T16:19:01+00:00

I actually stand behind the movement of them leaving. They should leave quick and leave fast.
Would make men’s lives 100x better.

I only wish they would do it before having kids with the man so said man can stand a chance at finding someone who’s in it for the long haul.

I’ll say it for the 900th time. It’s not her leaving that wounds most men, it’s when she leaves after having kids for the man. Doesn’t apply to all cases but I would say it’s usually the case.

Rarely do I see a man weep for his ex but I’ve seen many a man cry over his kids.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-11-14T17:36:03+00:00

Covert narcissism. Yes it’s all planned and a long con. And everything you saw was a mask. “Within months of marriage.” Sorry if you have to go start down the rabbit hole reading about this but the sooner you realize you were duped and get clarity, the sooner you can get out.

Maleficent_Grab3354 · 2025-11-15T11:51:16+00:00

Oh yeah and It’s not just you.

It appears to me it’s just how the female brain works once they’ve fulfilled that essential part of life that defines their femininity and hormonal desires.

Again, through observation (67 years), appears to be a rarity if this isn’t the case, especially nowadays.

Also, looks to be getting worse as the feminist movement continues to target men’s masculinity as an evil trait. In the feminist world the flip from sweet and demure to demanding boss bitch is worn as a badge of freedom.

My belief is MANY men live in silence with this and opt to just deal with it because that is what we’ve been programmed to believe it means to be, by today’s standards, a “real man”.

Altruistic_Special82 · 2025-11-15T07:59:01+00:00

I think you found the wrong woman. I softened considerably after marriage. When we divorced, we split amicably and are still good friends. Not all marriages and not all women are like this. What I find is that men often chase attraction and forget to measure for friendship, companionship, and character. I get how important attraction is, but when it wears off there’s nothing left.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-11-15T02:40:06+00:00

Remember people change after marriage: for the worse.

Kiss your ever loving stars that you didn't have children. Good god man! You are lucky!

Now don't EVER get married again. If you want children, look into surrogacy.

Enigma_Colchonero · 2025-11-14T23:59:58+00:00

When you first meet a woman.. YOU ARE MEETING HER REPRESENTATIVE! Not her true persona!

That representative will start unmasking herself slowly as you become emotionally attached and more invested in the relationship.

TattedGeek_Age · 2025-11-14T23:49:33+00:00

It can be sooo sooo SOO MUCH WORSE MAN, I thought that too.. I thought on the really bad days that “these are just the rough patches that all marriages go through and conquer when both sides each let go of the ego and anger..” 11 years of marriage, one daughter, three divorce filings (she would threaten me with divorce cause I would stand up for myself FINALLY on something, she’d leave take the baby, and file, then months down the road start the mind games to work every thing back into what she wanted) I had to sell TWO houses, that my son and my daughter cherished and you gotta understand, that that was our HOME.. our safe place.. the only place my kids could say was THEIRS.. and she told me sell it so she could have her half.. if not she’d elect the court to do it or she would do it herself and while it may take a lil time and slutting, but she’d get it done and keep it all.. so I by myself, a. Disabled vet, had to repair, and renovate our homes each time (after i would move us apartments as well to and from) so that I could at least make sure I could use the Va home loan for myself after I maybe recover from her asteroid impact in my life…

Well the third and final divorce file (after her first affairs came to light and one even being with my best man from our wedding, after she hadn’t had sex with me in two years, after I wasn’t allowed to sleep in our room, she covered my tattoos, amount all sorts of new things went down) she filed In June of 2022. We barely got it finalized in FEBRUARY OF THIS YEAR…. Three years of absolute hell… cause I had to move back to my deceased mothers house that was kinda dilapidated and neglected due to my brother being a severe alcoholic and lazy, and his schizophrenic uncle moved in cause he burnt down his house elsewhere cause he thought there were goddamn bugs under the carpet and in the concrete so he burnt down the house almost completely and had to move back to town. His wife (completely understandably) can’t deal with his bullshit and nowhere else and no one else will take him so we’re stuck with him…

But

I can’t leave the pups I got my daughter (before her mother filed were go both of them, but the 1400 each one I still paid and she didn’t wanna deal with them she said so I took them) because I’ve caught the uncle leaving the stove on and almost blew up the fucking house one time I had to go to a va appointment. He’s burnt pan after pan and burnt food to the point that I never thought we’d ever get the smoke smell out.. I’m FUCKING TERRIFIED TO LEAVE MY DOGS HERE FOR ANY AMOUNT OF TIME, And even three days ago he flooded the back half of the house with shit water (who the fuck knows how) and was gonna leave all the stuff soaked and not tell anyone… I just so happened to be awake n couldn’t sleep so I went to piss and there he was: NOT MOPPING OR DOING ANYTHING REMOTELY WORKING, he’s just moving shit water around with a broken broom..

My daughter and I went to a movie premiere she had been waiting literally months for and like she counted down days and hours it and I even got her a huge cosplay costume so she could like be liked and fit in (she’s been thru GUCKING HELL CAUSE OF HER MOM AND HER MOMS HABITS -that I just found out about and will mention here in a sec - but her mom changed her school 4 times in a year… my daughter was even sexually assaulted by an after school employee who worked the after school program.

I had to literally beat myself up so I didn’t kill this kid for touching my daughter, and I beat myself so bad that I had another seizure.. cause there was nothing I could do.. I made her change the school to closer to me (at my mom’s house of dumbasses) but still NOW MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING BULLIED EACH AND EVERY DAY… she comes to me crying and hating life and I don’t know what to do…

But back to the movie premiere oct 4th.

My daughter after the movie and after a great day and night, (for once) I took her home to change clothes and get some stuff to stay with me. She (I found out finally, AGAIN AT THAT) walking in on her mom an some dude fucking each other all drunk an high.. she came down in tears cause her mom knew I would now find out and got mean to her…

My daughter told me that she stopped counting the different men after 30 that this slut vile evil dumb bitch has even currently been taking and boning in the house around my daughter. That she’s been fighting with them like DOmestic violence fighting n shit and there’s even stuff she couldn’t tell me that made her break down and cry that occurred at her moms house and she doesn’t want to tell me… that her mom made me out to be some monster.. that I’d hurt my daughter and her mom and her moms familiar I knew.. and tha she’s been taking her on trips out of state to god knows where, and I couldn’t know cause I’d hurt them if I found out…

I’m like what???
I’d never EVER hurt my daughter and DEFINITELY never wanna even lay my eyes on her mother or hear her mothers voice again let alone spend a SECOND of whatever time on earth I have left trying to ruin that minuscule amount of life.. that’s the last possible thing I wanna do or is even been thought about.

There’s SOOOOOOOOO much more to this awful, debilitating, cursed, and completely destroyed waste of my life and I wish I could say that this isn’t fact… but it is..

I was raised by a woman and I was born In 88. All I’ve ever wanted in this life was to be a father, and husband and have a normal family life.. something I was never allowed as a child. And I with no custody, of two broken kids, half of my money FOR FOUR YEARS GONE.. I haven’t had physical contact with a woman in 5 years.. I’m terrified of woman and what they can do cause it’s happened now to me TWICE… and like no one fucking cares..

I’ve almost died for my country.. I obey the law. I’ve never cheated or beat anyone I love, and I’m always happy to help anyone and I give give give to anyone who needs it… I’m taken advantage of daily and I’m sober and been sober for a while now.. I used to use to much of stuff to numb everything out but I learned to live with it.. I just can’t seem to be loved tho.. it’s like I’m unworthy and I’m just not good enough..

So I hope you know you are NOT alone and life can get worse and shit what if my seizures turned to strokes and then what if my tumors turn cancerous and I get really sick like I’m projected to… see?? Just have to see what little things were a win out of the complete collapse of our lives

iqeq_noqueue · 2025-11-14T21:29:26+00:00

Wedding cake is a tricky dessert that never leaves them the same as you found them.

Cool-Lavishness-1955 · 2025-11-14T20:20:13+00:00

Your ex-wife was wearing a mask, this is who she really is now.

Sunnydaysahead90266 · 2025-11-14T19:53:05+00:00

She is a master covertly disordered woman-girl. Sorry you got duped. Wishing you well.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2025-11-14T19:45:37+00:00

After they get what they want (marriage, security, financial support etc) then the mask comes off and their true self is revealed.

Happens all the time.

Flapique · 2025-11-14T19:12:06+00:00

Yes, we were having what I thought was a normal type argument but she just kept on being mean to me and sniping at me like she wanted to fight and I literally had to lock myself in her bedroom so she would leave me alone she then proceeded to call the police until then they had been drinking and that there were guns in the house they asked if I had threatened her done anything wrong she said no but that her attorney had told her that she should call them if that was the case and my neighbor's wife came out apparently they're inspiring together I got to see it all on the police body cam really really disgusting they were telling her that if she was concerned about my mental health than she should call the crisis line never happened I ended up getting the silver bullet like 3 days later she told the judge that I threatened her and the kids with guns and she was in fear of her life blah blah blah never happened not even anything close I loved her all the way up until that point and had no idea what was going on but later on found out she was cheating on me I have chronic health issues I've been dealing with for a long time. I figured someday we might have a mutual separation but I thought she loved me I never thought she would put her disabled husband out on his ass she apologized to me but that doesn't mean shit.

jimsmythee · 2025-11-14T19:06:42+00:00

I saw the 180 change in her personality changed and did the full 180. After our second kid was born she changed.

Her change was caused by prescription drugs. Narcotics, muscle relaxers, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills. Add in ADHD meds too.

Everything revolved around her and her need for more and pills. She became so entitled and nasty. Everything became my fault. All of her disasters were my fault -even her great big DUI crashes. My fault.

henrysmyagent · 2025-11-14T18:45:52+00:00

Most men only meet the woman they truly married at the divorce.

She could keep up the act of portraying a decent person for just so long. Then the viper fangs come out.

If it makes you feel any better, in my experience, the next guy she runs this scam on will get her good persona for far less time than you did.

ColdHandGee · 2025-11-14T17:38:21+00:00

TJ, every man divorced has the exact same shit. The faces and names change, but the bullshit still stinks.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-11-14T17:31:15+00:00

Mine absolutely calculated it with her chicken head divorced friends. Waited until one month after our 20th anniversary. This entitled her to a bigger part of my pension.

Unfortunately for her she was caught in her affair so it kinda torpedoed her plans. She still got alimony but not what she thought she was gonna get.

Ruined her relationships with our kids and now she lives alone, kids live with me full time.

Tasty_Dinner6530 · 2025-11-14T17:21:43+00:00

My STBXW was going through a lot of family trauma and drama when we got married.

Once all that healed and family ties got better - I became the enemy :)

Women don’t leave the day they tell you, it’s months before when they have clearly charted out the plan and next steps. It’s the way it is.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-11-14T17:15:05+00:00

Like weirdly within months of marriage.

Once she had what she wanted, she wanted something else

Egatuab · 2025-11-14T17:06:06+00:00

Look up avoidant personality type and see if that fits. Often people that have that really do want to be in a relationship, they try their hardest, they mask to be exactly what you want, might even love bombing for a while, but eventually once they start to get too close to you, they panic. They freak out. They run away. They ghost They cheat. Meanwhile, they blame you for it all.

Maximum-Access-9408 · 2025-11-14T17:03:17+00:00

They treat you like you're simply a means to an end. They lure you in, and when they've got you - they strike

That_Cup_3858 · 2025-11-14T16:57:29+00:00

Same here man. Mine was quiet and meek. After a few years it all changed. Almost like I was set up. Some see dollar signs

Terminal-Earth · 2025-11-14T16:55:16+00:00

You are not alone in the brother. When that mask slips, it slips entirely.

Unduetime · 2025-11-14T20:58:07+00:00

I feel this in my bones, I got conned by who she presented herself as when we were dating and how well I was treated to watching my wife, mother of two walk out the door every chance she gets because she needs space from her commitment and responsibilities. With work and her hobbies I’m home with the kids 3/4 of the time, doing it alone except when she wants to feel like she’s being the mom she thinks she is.

Alternative-Text5897 · 2025-11-15T10:32:59+00:00

Women are by default neurotic/borderline insane--it's no secret that they operate off massive hormonal fluctuations that happen at least once per month. Add in the fact that most of them can't really think for themselves without the opinion of others who know fuck all about their situation/s and their proclivity to lean on cocktails of psych meds and popular drugs to "cope", and you get these sorts of experiences.

Lee_Glitter · 2025-12-12T05:56:56+00:00

It’s called Narcissism.

Title	Did anyone else experience a complete 180 like this before divorce?
Author	TJ_on_a_trip
Upvotes	79
Comments	66
Date	November 14, 2025 4:47 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ox1p0w/did_anyone_else_experience_a_complete_180_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-anyone-else-experience-a-complete-180-like.1566504 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566504

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