Men actively police the preferences, sexual tastes, and dating choices of other men, and it makes everyone miserable

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-03-08T04:01:49+00:00

Men and women do this. We are social creatures. We want to fit in with our perceived peers.

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2026-03-08T03:52:21+00:00

The problem with this take is that women do this as well:

A woman is dating an older man? He's grooming her because of her inexperience.

A woman dates a sub-5/less attractive male? Girl, you can do better he's not on your level

A woman is dating a short man? Her friends will make fun of his height

A woman is dating a man who earns less? Girl, you can do better he's not on your level

A woman is dating a man who wants to go 50/50 on dates? He's not really into her

Morbidly0beseCat · 2026-03-08T11:48:21+00:00

A man dates an attractive woman who’s ’leagues ahead’ of him? Obviously she’s had her fun and is settling with the boring nice guy

Usually "post-wall" narratives describe a woman whose looks are fading.

A straight man dates a trans woman? He’s actually in the closet in some form

This is more about semantics than anything.

Many people, probably most people worldwide, do not consider MtFs to be really women.

She doesn’t sleep with you early? She’s using you and isn’t truly into you

A lack of attraction is a plausible explanation for not wanting to sleep with someone early. There are possibly explanations, but it is something consider, especially in societies where promiscuity is relatively normalized.

A man is earning more? She’s using him for his money

Also unfortunately common.

A man is content earning less? He’s a placeholder

A man dates a woman with (gasp) a sexual history? He’s suppressing his desires for a woman with less of a history.

Can't say I've ever seen these talking points personally.

So now we get to why I am calling this out - because the performance of being a certain type of guy is exactly why many men are miserable.

I think most men wouldn't want to marry a woman who sees him as a wallet, and/or isn't very attracted to them. Or be cheated on, etc.

Men advise each other to avoid partners with traits that might undermine their happiness, just as women do.

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2026-03-08T04:10:07+00:00

What Orwellian novel are you reading?

I have never met a single man or woman who opined about or much less tried to influence my choice in women that I date or hook up with.

But i admit I am curious about this outlandish, dystopian world. Where is this happening? Can you invite me to that party please because I find it hard to believe until I actually see it!

RandHomman · 2026-03-08T03:45:09+00:00

People police men at every corner, no need to single out men, most men will change and model their behavior based on what women responds to. Women are also policed for their behavior, that's what we do as social creatures.

These-Sport-421 · 2026-03-08T06:02:20+00:00

A straight man dates a trans woman? He’s actually in the closet in some form

...yes? Can you call a man straight for dating transwomen?

Head-Living2526 · 2026-03-08T03:54:55+00:00

This post is a thinly veiled attempt to disguise clearly less sexually attractive characteristics behind socialisation etc.

You can argue things like willingness to sleep early are neutral, but the rest are clear negatives.

Well yes, it's well established a large part of sexual marketplace dynamics related to intrasexual status.

Status leads to more access to resources and networks. A higher value woman (all things being equal: more feminine, better shape, hotter, less sexual history, clearly into the guy sh is with and loyal) beside you leads to more status. It's quite logical.

Also some of these are downright stupid. Most are things that indicate lower fertility (fat, trans woman, not sexual, career focussed/masculine) or lower trustworthiness (high body count). Of course a straight man will prefer a biological woman (more fertility cues, pheromone differences).

To suggest a woman is something that can be achieved with a few surgeries is quite ridiculous to me once you study the scope of biological differences. Particularly with fertility cues etc which trans women have zero of. I mean a man can't reproduce with a trans woman. It's silly to explain.

Women are even more impacted by this impact:

- Men having been with other women

- Men seem with other women

- Other women wanting that man

- Their friends opinion of the man.

All hugely impact things.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-03-08T05:00:16+00:00

lol No we don't. This is statement is so deeply ignorant of male nature I don't even have any words to say. We have no desire or even the idea to control other men's sexualities. Like, where the hell is this even coming from? Who even thinks like that? The very idea of it is alien and foreign to us.

Other dudes are sure as hell welcome to try. As if our sexuality is something that can be dictated. This is something women would say. I always hear women speak this kind of dumb nonsense.

A man dates an attractive woman who’s ’leagues ahead’ of him? Obviously she’s had her fun and is settling with the boring nice guy

I can personally speak about this because I was that guy. NOBODY said my ex-gf was "settling" for me. This was just pure and raw biological instinct for me. Every fucking dude I know either didn't care about my relationship or actively supported me and called me lucky for having such a girlfriend, even though I suspect they were just being supportive just because it's the polite thing to do even if in reality they actually didn't give a fuck. The point is, it was never men who were against me, it was other women. The subtle jabs, the hints, the looks, the questions, the insinuations and all that other subtle passive aggressive bullshit women are notorious for and for which men have no patience or taste to even begin to imitate. This is a woman thing, not a man thing. It is women who constantly attempt to police other people's core-preferences and appetites. Men just simply do not have the patience for such shit.

A straight man dates a trans woman? He’s actually in the closet in some form.

Straight men aren't into dick, this is not controversial.

A man dates a woman with (gasp) a sexual history? He’s suppressing his desires for a woman with less of a history.

Nah, that is just disgusting to average men on an instinctual level. We feel revolted and unattracted and NO not because "someone told you so." It's just basic ass male instinct. We don't like women for serious relationships who have taken a ton of dicks. In the heat of the moment our disgust can be eclipsed by lust but once post-coital clarity floods reason back into our minds the disgust comes back.

Point is - men have an active and constant history of policing each other’s sexuality.

Uh, no. And the times in which some men have tried they failed, miserably and laughably.

as a huge part of the male dating economy is impressing other men.

Jesus Christ where are you even getting this from?

because the performance of being a certain type of guy is exactly why many men are miserable.

Let me tell you something that you've never figured out. The reason we are miserable is because, as men, we set our own standard on what "type of guy" we desire to be. It is not something that can be dictated to us, we pick it up on our own as soon as we can walk. We see the world and we form our own patchwork of traits into a model of a man in which we wish to become. And then we toil and tear ourselves apart our entire lives attempting to build what we instinctively desire to be. Each man sets his own expectation and personal standard and dignity, we march to the beat of our own drum.

theminxisback · 2026-03-08T03:37:37+00:00

I'm so glad you posted this...

mobjack · 2026-03-08T03:59:39+00:00

These are mostly red pill and incel ideas.

I only see this policing from men on the Internet. The average man in the real world isn't doing this.

socraticsnail · 2026-03-08T12:30:47+00:00

Us real gigachads and chadettes hear all this nonsense and continue to proceed with our lives. Nobody has to answer for our choices except for us, and if anyone has something dumb to say about it, fuck ‘em.

ConstantSample5846 · 2026-03-08T03:40:43+00:00

Nailed it. The vast majority of men that are miserable when it comes to dating/ coupling is because they care too much about what other men think. Too many men yearn to submit to the desires of other men. Then get mad that makes them feel gay, but that’s a whole other drama.

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AchingAmy · 2026-03-08T04:52:54+00:00

So, with recognizing that in reality, it's usually the opposite of what I'm about to bring up; usually it's the case men would shame other men for dating someone trans, I want to ask if specific types of shaming would be okay by you? For instance, if a man were to shame another straight man for the dating preference of "no trans women", calling him transphobic - is that acceptable shaming? Or perhaps shaming someone for other bigoted dating preferences (i.e excluding an entire race). Basically, this is to ask if you think all shaming of dating preferences is bad or if certain types might actually be a good thing

LolaPaloz · 2026-03-08T08:05:27+00:00

If Ur friends are hating on Ur gfs and u don't agree with what they say, get new friends. It's way out of line

Unless they are warning U about manipulation or have news on cheating or something suspicious, any hate on Ur gfs weight or whatever is out of line

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-03-08T08:21:38+00:00

The only time I experience anything like this is when someone is attracted to me and a guy blocks me or her, in any way to ensure it doesn't happen. But it only happens if she's attractive. So I'll experience 'guarding' and it works. Hopefully they aren't doing it thinking I'll date 'the other one', time has told the truth, that it wont happen. It has to be someone I want, be it the guarded, or none at all.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2026-03-08T10:40:41+00:00

You got a point here, but this isn't something that works in isolation, norms that is.

Firstly, women do the same kind of policing. The height thing? Did you know that outside of american/anglosphere context, it's not much of a thing?

Unfortunately, it's begun coloring off on scandinavian women too. Far too many of them hivemind into listening to vulgar and obnoxious American podcasters. Instead of having a chauvinistic and healthily antisocial "Haha, look at what vapid nonsense the americ*nts obsess over now"

Have I started to stray? No, I have not because I have a point with this.

What you are observing is the negative side of norms, but there's also a lot that you probably agree with and find positive. They all tie back to the same thing though, oversocial people wanting to belong, get an imaginary mark of public approval.

I endorse people to be different, but the people who are different when it comes to this might upset your stomach a little. They are callously insensitive to norms in the whole, also ones you like.

They bulldozer on, often upset "polite society" with their behavior and opinions, but they are unique, original as hell, and group think doesn't apply to them. Existential lonliness never frightens them.

Social constructivists are deluded. They think they can fight bad norms in isolation. Pick out raisins. No, you need to nuke people's instinct about chasing broad approval entirely.

SirRedentor · 2026-03-08T21:28:17+00:00

That isn't policing - policing is actively preventing people from doing things. This is just men having opinions. And if you weren't so much of a cream-puff, mere opinions would mean nothing to you.

kartu3 · 2026-03-10T09:03:32+00:00

Citations needed.

Described stuff looks like controlling behavior typical for women.

Men don't even share such stuff and it frequent that female partner forces men to cut off links with his friends.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-08T15:24:55+00:00

Men love competition and ego almost as much as they love sex, so this isn’t going to change any time soon

Title	Men actively police the preferences, sexual tastes, and dating choices of other men, and it makes everyone miserable
Author	KayRay1994
Upvotes	28
Comments	141
Date	March 8, 2026 3:34 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rnu4aq/men_actively_police_the_preferences_sexual_tastes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-actively-police-the-preferences-sexual-tastes.1574964 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574964

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