Dating women with kids

Fluffy_Afternoon652 · 2026-04-09T21:14:18+00:00

So, went out on a date with her yesterday. 30 minutes into the date her daughter calls her to come home to make dinner. Then calls her two more times during date. Then she proceeds to tell me I should date someone who is also an empty nester. She has her kids 100% of the time. Strange she agreed to the date in the first place. Lots of money questions. Needless to say, I'll be avoiding dating women with kids still at home.

DeedIndeed · 2026-04-08T11:35:17+00:00

The question is: what is dating a woman like without kids when you have kids?

I think that scenario is actually more difficult to navigate.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2026-04-08T07:19:06+00:00

If you like her then go out with her. Have a good time. You are overthinking and putting the cart before the carriage. Once you two start dating then you can have conversations to address your concerns, and I’m sure she has hers as well. If she willing to date you and you broke she just really like you.

Substantial-Spinach3 · 2026-04-07T20:37:41+00:00

This is your preference, I really think that step parenting is a thankless job. My own Dad wasn’t father material and never wanted to be a parent. It’s okay to not want to go down that road, no apologies.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2026-04-07T20:28:47+00:00

Every situation is different - early after the divorce, I dated a few women with teenage kids still at home. Although the first relationship was 6-8 months - I did NOT support her children in any way financially as I was merely the dude dating their mom..

As long as you're dating and NOT living under the same roof - your finances are YOURS and hers are HERS. Any support given from you is your decision to make.

keencone · 2026-04-07T20:10:35+00:00

Navigating the same thing myself.

My attraction and connection for Mothers vs. childless women in their 30’s or older has been distinct; In short, I’ve become a REAL motherfucker post-divorce 😂

There’s definitely some high value single-moms out there, just vet them hard, stay frosty, don’t get overly entangled!

keencone · 2026-04-07T20:10:30+00:00

Navigating the same thing myself.

My attraction and connection for Mothers vs. childless women in their 30’s or older has been distinct; In short, I’ve become a REAL motherfucker post-divorce 😂

There’s definitely some high value single-moms out there, just vet them hard, stay frosty, don’t get overly entangled!

Hour_Dust_1766 · 2026-04-07T18:14:31+00:00

If the father doesn't have 50% custody. Run!

notconvinced780 · 2026-04-07T13:32:57+00:00

I am a divorced mid 50s dad with older kids in college+. I am dating a divorced mom of teen girls in jr. high and highschool (13 and 15) I shared some of your concerns at the outset of the relationship but quickly found it to be a non-issue. The ex has some custody, so we have lots of freedom to go out, take long weekends, travel, etc. Teens are learning independence and whether in a two home divorced family or living with parents who are married, they have their own lives; filled with school, activities, friends, social lives, and a healthy dose of teen drama (which can be hilarious!). I feel lucky that I actually like her kids (and that’s either reciprocal or they are amazing actors).

There is another side as well that is advantageous. Dating a mom who is a good parent means that you are with someone who (at least sometimes) puts the needs of others before her own, is able to compromise, communicate and recognizes that “ the unplanned” is just part of life and the compromise on perfection doesn’t negate the very good.

I’m 3 years into dating her, and so far so good! Occasional Disagreements seem not to have anything to do with kids. If the other stufff is right, her being a mom to teens won’t be the issue. Further, if it turns into a relationship that endures, her kids will be even more independent over the course of time.

amazingbluedart · 2026-04-07T12:27:41+00:00

I dated a woman with kids for 8 years. When we started they were 8 and 12. I got along great with them, my own kids are grown and out of the house. I "adopted" them and have always treated them like my own and they have always been great to me. We have an awesome relationship.

Not so with their Mom. We broke up earlier this year and seeing as the kids are older it wasn't that traumatic or whatever for them and they have decided to hang with me the same as ever. Before I started dating their mom I thought long and hard about what the two kids would mean. First, you're not just dating mom. You're dating the kids, too. If they don't like you your life could be pretty difficult. Second, if and when you break up you also break up with the kids. They don't get a choice in the matter. So if you love those kids and they love you back you are in a pickle.

Luckily for me the kids are old enough to make their own choices and they choose to love me back. I don't need to see their mom anymore to hang with these awesome kids. It could have been really really hard to lose both a relationship with mom and no access to the kids but it worked out. Beware, though. You can wind up losing a found family just as easily as anyone else and it hurts.

KuzoKing · 2026-04-07T11:09:31+00:00

If you have children, many women without kids may not fully understand the level of time, energy, and commitment your children require, and this can create friction. If she is significantly younger and does not have children, she will likely want children of her own at some point, so it is important to be clear about whether you are open to that or not.

Women with children often get a bad reputation, but they are not all the same. Some are financially independent and do not need support from a partner, others may expect you to carry the full financial responsibility, and many fall somewhere in between.

Dating after divorce is complicated. It becomes important to heal properly and to understand clearly what you want from a relationship. Compromise is necessary, and sometimes luck plays a role in finding someone whose goals and values align with yours.

The divorce process also forces deep reflection, and naturally you want to avoid repeating the patterns or circumstances that led to the breakdown of your previous relationship.

LoveCrispApples · 2026-04-07T08:54:34+00:00

I'm 53 with a tween daughter at home full time, dating a 56 year old woman whose 3 boys are all in their upper 20's and out of her house. It works, and it also helps that she gets along really well with my daughter. Almost like the girl she never had.

Il_Valentino · 2026-04-07T07:40:12+00:00

My biggest fear in dating a women with kids is that at some point I'll be expected to contribute fincancialky to easing their kids.

why do you think single mothers are the only ones available to you to begin with? What do you think goes on in the head of someone like that when they want to get closer to you? The other gender doesn't see inherent value in us, it's all about the things we can provide. This can be money, status,...

Just ask yourself what do you think she wants from you and you will see through the mask.

engineered-chemistry · 2026-04-07T04:59:38+00:00

I have 3 kids in elementary school and younger with 50/50, early 40s. Women without kids think they can deal with the responsibility that I have to my kids. Most really just don’t get it and don’t want the burden of only seeing me every other weekend and maybe a weeknight. I don’t blame them.

I generally date self sufficient professional single moms with 2 kids max. If we ever blended families, I don’t want a Brady Bunch. The one non-professional woman I dated made 1/3 me and she was really sweet and absolutely gorgeous. We had that long term talk and I told her if I was to ever get married again there would have to be a pre and post nup. That ended our relationship! Dodged a bullet probably and a repeat from the past.

I stick to professionals, typically with advanced degrees. I’m a professional as well. Much more alignment across the board. I also tell them I’m not interested in marriage pretty soon to weed out the ones that want to be married again. I’d say 75% are ok with not being married and understand why.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-04-07T02:03:07+00:00

First off you’re assuming you’re going to be in a traditional relationship, is that really what you want? It doesn’t sound like that based on your post. You’ve got this whole thing backwards, don’t worry about what she wants bc you can’t control that and it’s not a healthy way of being in a relationship. What do you want your relationship to be? Do you want to meet her kids and be a family or are you just looking for the adult side of the relationship? Define what you want and pursue that type of relationship. Be upfront and honest about it and keep your boundaries firm. If she wants something different then you’re just not compatible and that’s ok, you’ll both move on to other people who are a better fit.

Single mothers aren’t all the same, some are looking for a daddy and to Brady bunch up. Others just want a casual relationship to pass the time when they don’t have kids. Remember, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, keep the relationship on your terms and don’t be afraid to walk away, it’s the healthiest way to be

Redditneckbeardzz · 2026-04-07T01:29:59+00:00

Don’t do it. Not worth violating your peace over.

Firstborn3 · 2026-04-07T00:54:20+00:00

I have found that with dating single mothers, there’s often 2 categories.

The women where the Dad is either not around, or lives far away and only gets them every other weekend. These women have very limited availability, are often broke and relying on grandparents and even great-grandparents to help, and are just absolutely burnt out on life.
The women where the Dad is involved and they have 50/50 custody. These women are unavailable half the time, and the other half of the time they are sad and feeling guilty.

However, I am also a 50/50 single Dad so I understand their situations, and my kids also come first. Women without kids have a hard time understanding.

ghatboi · 2026-04-07T00:44:48+00:00

Easy pass.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-04-07T00:39:07+00:00

Joining in to remind myself what a nightmare it will be with my 3 young kids. I can’t wait to spoil them even more! No time for dating

hikeruntravellive · 2026-04-07T00:34:16+00:00

As a rule I don’t date women with kids. Too much potential for drama or gold digging.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-04-07T00:29:57+00:00

Look, in general, you have to follow your gut.

My gf had older teenagers, I thought it was worth the risk.

You need to assert, from the beginning, your level of involvement. No involvement, some involvement or full involvement.

I chose full involvement, and yes, I subsidize some of their life, but I demand full authority for my efforts. Their father is not involved at all, except child support. I just kicked the 22yo out of the house for getting plastered and waking the whole house up at 3am, also was belligerent. Kicked him out right on the spot at 3am. He had been warned multiple times. Gf lost her mind, I told her she either accepts it, or she can start packing her bags and get out. She tried to backtrack and say I had no input into her “children”, and I said I sure as hell do, and if she doesn’t like it, she can leave. She accepted it.

If you want zero drama, don’t date a single mom, go younger if at all possible (30s).

Bagman220 · 2026-04-07T00:28:27+00:00

As a single dad with 4 kids, I pretty much only date women with kids. Not really sure how to avoid it. I’m 36, my dating pool is super narrow, I’m not going to make it more narrow by looking for women without kids.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-04-07T00:15:57+00:00

Lots of women in their 40s have kids. It’s so common that I don’t know how you could avoid them.

Charming_really_ · 2026-04-07T00:04:19+00:00

I’m just here to say (from the reverse side) I am (almost) divorced and have a young child and as a woman am feeling the same way about a man with kids lol. But also if I see a man my age who has never been married and doesn’t have any kids… my very first thought is what is wrong with him bc most desirable men (in my experience) get married and have kids.

I’m sure a lot of people will rule me out given mine is still pretty young, but oh well. This is a whole chapter of life that no one planned for 😂. Don’t forget there is a likely a father out there paying child support, FWIW. I’m on my own feet without a man and it’s pretty damn satisfying!

Zenyquyen · 2026-04-07T00:02:15+00:00

Single mom knows that a relationship is complicated by her children too. That's why after you finally help her nurture and provide for her brood she will want to go see family out of state for something important. When the kids are out there's a good chance you're out too. Thanks for the help kind stranger. I just need to find myself now. Menopause.

too-far-for-missiles · 2026-04-07T00:01:22+00:00

If you're worried about the potential financial impacts, then just have that conversation like a functional adult.

If this other person takes offense at the notion you aren't going to exist as an ATM for her own kids then it's an easy red flag for you to consider.

I have 1 kid, and would never expect a dating partner or even future spouse to contribute too much to them. He already has a mom, and that mom will be paying plenty of child support.

aardy · 2026-04-06T23:58:07+00:00

She might have been supporting them just fine for the last 10 years. Don't assume she needs or wants your money.

Simple litmus test. You take her out, you pay.

Two kids there as well as her, split the bill. See how she reacts.

DarthDad25 · 2026-04-06T23:56:14+00:00

Flip the script. How would you feel if women weren’t interested in you because you had kids? Are you trying to fall in love with a woman or fall in love with a situation? And why would a woman who is worth pursuing that has no kids pick you? Are you a high value man that can pick from a large pool of women? If so, then awesome for you! Go do it. If not, then maybe you need to stay in your league.

Not trying to be rude. Just blunt and honest.

StatisticianEven6354 · 2026-04-06T23:50:37+00:00

Ugh. I'm not ready to start dating again, but this is one aspect that I'm dreading. Just seems like the supply of child-free women that are worth pursuing in my age range is going to be in short supply.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-04-06T23:40:07+00:00

It’s not natural. You will be in First Place until she knows you’re invested. Then you’ll slide to Dead Last. It is absolutely not worth the risk

Queasy-Bid4796 · 2026-04-06T23:37:47+00:00

Idk just date someone without kids if you’re not down? 12 and 14 are pretty old though, and I’m pretty sure a childless woman will be even less delighted about your financial situation than a single mom…. They will see you as being used up by your first wife. Feel like it’s easier with someone who already has kids to keep things separate based on you both already having kids.

That1TimeN99 · 2026-04-06T23:37:45+00:00

Worse. You’ll be always competing for attention and won’t never come first.

Title	Dating women with kids
Author	Fluffy_Afternoon652
Upvotes	30
Comments	67
Date	April 6, 2026 11:29 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sef92b/dating_women_with_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-women-with-kids.1577332 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577332

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