There’s a post floating around today from 4chan, containing a story as old as time: A guy gets dumped by his girl because she found someone better. I guess I can elaborate with a little more detail. A guy and his girl move into a new apartment, the girl starts hanging out with some of the people there, doesn’t come home one night, and the next day dumps her boyfriend. She explains that she met someone else, is really attracted to him, and was with him last night. The guy asks, “Did you fuck him?” and she responds, “No, but I’m going to.” She explains, essentially, that she didn’t want to cheat on him, so she waited to break up with him first.
Honestly, that little factoid doesn’t matter. The part where she spends all night with this other guy talking about how they’re going to fuck, making sure she has sure thing lined up before dumping her boyfriend – that’s cheating, too. Just as much as fucking the guy would be. If you ask me, she might as well have fucked him.
Our Red Pill brethren predictably flood this thread with comments about how annoying women are. How can she be so callously disrespectful, people ask. I actually find it interesting how much more direct and honest women are toward men that they don’t respect. Once she doesn’t need you any more, she doesn’t need to lie to you any more. I’d give it decent odds that this girl was telling her guy the truth, and she hadn’t fucked the other man yet. She’s breaking up with him anyway, she clearly doesn’t respect him, and she gains very little by lying to him. It’s not like she seriously expects this guy to remain her friend or admire her for not actually cheating. That’s stuff she’s telling him for his benefit to let him down easy. She doesn’t benefit from that.
But anyway, TRP predictably complains. Women have no honor, no respect, yada yada. But there’s something our fathers told us, or should have, that really applies here. Something society tells us daily, actually: Respect is earned.
Think about what we’re asking of this girl, or of women in general, if we expect loyalty. We’re asking that if a woman meets another man who’s better than you – be it better looking, higher status, more wealth/security, better social acumen, more interesting skills and hobbies and shit to talk about, whatever – that she pass on this better opportunity solely because you came along first. Essentially, we’re asking women to only commit to a relationship with you if she expects to be with you forever. She can never cheat, never dump you for a better offer. Just stick around forever, or until you dump her. Because apparently, it’s a race and you came along first, so anyone who comes along later must be ignored.
That’s not a fair thing to ask of women. It’s not her responsibility to stay with you on principle alone. It’s your responsibility to be the kind of man who doesn’t get dumped or cheated on. It’s your responsibility to earn her respect, every minute of every day. If she passes on a better offer just on principle, she’ll spend the rest of your soon-to-be-very-short-lived relationship resenting you, finding fault in everything about you, suddenly “realizing” how unhappy she is.
Society’s message – “respect is earned” – is a true one. Where society fails us is in the shitty advice we’re given on how to earn respect. You’d think that being a loyal boyfriend, having an established history with a woman, moving in together, doing shit for her, planning on a future together – that all of this would lead to her respecting you, such that when she meets another guy she’s attracted to, she can shrug it off. Sure, the new guy is hot and fun, but she has history with you, right? You’ve done so much for her over the years, right? Tough shit. That’s not how you earn respect.
You do not earn respect by respecting others. You earn respect by respecting you. It’s counter-intuitive. By being a selfish ass who puts himself first and does what he wants, even at the expense of others sometimes, the whole world bends at the knee and chases after you, trying to win your validation. Everyone else is so fucking polite and respectful by default, while you’re busy respecting yourself instead. That rubs everyone funny, not just women. That makes people try harder around you.
Your job is to be powerful. Important. Successful. You don’t have to be a dick if you don’t want to, but being nice and doing shit for your girlfriend? That’s the path to being replaced. Your job is to do shit for you, that as a side-effect, benefits your girlfriend. Your job is to be a man that raises others up. That raises the value of everyone in the room just by being there. To be the man that every woman wants to fuck and every man wants to be.
You don’t avoid getting cheated on and dumped by being a nicer boyfriend. You avoid getting cheated on and dumped by becoming a man that nobody in her right mind would ever risk fucking things up with.
I, for one, don’t want women to be loyal, principled, and honorable. That would just encourage me to get lazy. Reward the stupid and lucky. The right-place, right-time guys who just happened to get there first. I’d rather earn respect.