I hate children.

est-la-lune · 2019-04-30T17:02:08+00:00

You're not guaranteed to catch "baby rabies" and have a change of heart the second you turn 30. There's a lot of freedom that comes with knowing what you don't want and filling that negative space in your life with things that actually make you a better person.

And aside from the reasons you shared (which are mostly personal), there are a lot of social and environmental reasons not to have kids.

Don't force yourself to enjoy the company of children just because you want to be RP. These "rules" are a template for how to be a better woman - how to apply long-term sexual strategy to find a husband. I assume you're here because you want to focus on self-improvement and eventually get married, but you don't have to want or enjoy the company of children to be RP.

And if you're worried that you're destined to be alone because you don't want kids, don't date men who want kids.

My suggestion? Get a degree, get a job, be an otherwise well-rounded, feminine woman. Date throughout college, learn vetting, don't sleep around, and don't get serious with anyone unless you properly vet him. Men don't have the same pressure to make a decision early on, so most of them will tell you what you want to hear. Figure out which ones are bluffing. Ask about long-term goals before you lay your cards on the table, and do so after a few dates but before you're exclusive.

A lot of people are motivated to be successful because they want a family. Those kind of men will never marry you. They'll try to have sex, but they won't see the point of a long-term relationship and marriage with you. Find someone who is self-motivated, goal-oriented, and also doesn't want kids.

Disposable__Male · 2019-04-30T19:39:16+00:00

First, good instinct: Don't get teen pregnant; stay in school.

There's nothing wrong with not being as agreeable or attentive as other people want you to be. You are your own person with your own personality. If you're not intrinsically motivated to be nice to children, but if it is bothering you, work on your frustration tolerance.(Is it necessary to be a certain way, or would acting a certain way be sufficient?)

Kids are annoying because they don't know how else to engage with you yet, or else they don't have the self-discipline to keep themselves in check. The boundary encroachment and idiosyncratic thoughts they present are an important part of learning how to not be annoying without being silent.

The next time you are forced into a situation with kids and you find yourself agitated, try this: Take a deep slow breath, smile, forgive yourself for losing your temper, regain composure, and try to be the best you you can manage at that time. (and if that fails, try to namaste the human they will be one day 😐)

Men on aggregate don't value childcare skills as highly in a wife as women value interest in family in a husband, but will be scared if you are mean to children. You don't need to virtue signal being good at it as much as that you are not going to cause adverse childhood experiences to his nieces and nephews (maybe children someday if you change your mind or adopt (though my uncle has a very happy marriage and no kids so the opposite case exists)).

bbcbarbarossa · 2019-04-30T16:55:29+00:00

give it time, you're 15

throwawayindisbelief · 2019-05-01T12:41:32+00:00

You can be kind and nurturing without having children of your own. Mother Theresa didn't have kids. These are personality traits that you either have, or don't. There are people out there who do have children, who still aren't kind and nurturing.

Mentathiel · 2019-05-01T03:21:57+00:00

Hell, I hate myself as a child. I was annoying and so so irritating.

I have SO MUCH RESPECT and ADMIRATION for my mom for putting up with the pain of birth and me being an annoying piece of crap for most of my childhood.

I suspected this may have a little something to do with it. I don't know who's planted that idea into your head, but you weren't annoying or a piece of crap. You were just an innocent being with needs and wishes, and a limited ability to communicate them, resorting to whatever you did know how to do to acquire attention, affection, resources, etc.

You can't love kids if you can't love yourself as a child. You need to learn to empathize with your past self first.

kaylin_xx3 · 2019-05-01T02:56:46+00:00

I am 27, and a pediatric nurse. I always wanted kids, but I never really went goo goo gaga over babies or little kids. Even when I became a nurse I swore I wouldn't work in peds. And once I started in peds, I was basically like "yeah, babies are cute I guess, whatever." I have my own child now, and I think he's the cutest kid who has ever walked the earth. Other kids and babies are cute, but mine is the cutest.

Basically, I think you're fine to not like babies and little kids at your age. I certainly didn't. I wouldn't spend too much of your time worrying about it, either, TBH. Your mind can change a lot once you get older, once you have a serious relationship and start thinking about what your own children may look and be like. That said, it is more than fine to not change your mind, either.

UnblinkingLycopene · 2019-04-30T15:58:33+00:00

Give yourself 15 years and reassess. When I was your age, I didn’t want kids either.

Lethal-Procedure · 2019-04-30T16:35:42+00:00

You are quite young and it seems still deciding who you want to be. This could easily change in three to five years. Or three to five months. Or not. It is hard to say. The possibility also exists that this could be due to poorly behaved children (there are so very many of those these days) that you are around, rather than your reaction to all children. Consider looking for ways to be around children other than the ones you've been around so far, looking for those that are better behaved, and see how you deal with that for comparison. Perhaps read a book or three on parenting and child development. (Be selective. There is a lot of bad material out there in that regard.) Understanding children better and/or having more tools in your toolbox for how to deal with them and their behavior can go a long way to improving your experience with them. Not to mention their experience with you. Consider asking older women who have better behaved children about parenting etc. Some women definitely put a lot more thought and effort into being a mother than others do and the results are often significantly different.

If this doesn't change ... there is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone needs to like or want children around them and that is ok. You don't need to feel like there is something wrong with you. You will just have to realize that you will have to deal with this in your search for a man in your life and many men do actually want children. So you will be kind of stuck either looking for a man who also doesn't want children or going for a somewhat older man who already has them from a previous relationship and so won't want them with you as strongly.

minyman60 · 2019-04-30T16:18:03+00:00

There's a great many men and women who have chosen not to have children permanently. You're not weird not wanting them. /r/childfree

Edit:

You can be very feminine and nurturing to your future partner whilst not wanting children. They just aren't for everyone.

Wolfssenger · 2019-04-30T18:16:26+00:00

I'm a 15 year old girl

You're a girl, a child. Older children tend not to like younger children. Give it some time. Also hormonal birth control completely fucks up your oxytocin dynamics so I'd probably do some research into that if you're on it.

peacocktoast · 2019-04-30T20:56:32+00:00

I think the real problem here is that you're a 15-year-old girl who is "hateful" about something (childbearing and childrearing) that isn't even your business at the moment, as a young teen. Don't be negative, and don't be stressful. So you don't want kids right now? Thank goodness. If you aren't part of a culture that demands young girls to marry and reproduce, then have fun developing your hobbies and healthy habits-- it sounds like you're already doing that, which is great.

You might change your mind about children in the future. Lot's of women seem to. If you don't, that's fine. The point is, don't put yourself through tons of stress about an issue that is beyond your current life stage right now.

LadySylwia · 2019-05-01T03:40:07+00:00

I was the same at 15, it was because I was badly socialized and emotionally blocked due to a bad upbringing. I used to call babies "larvae" and like you I was horrified at the grisly details involved in caring for something so seemingly boring. I got away from my family, worked on letting myself be vulnerable with others, and now I am comfortable having strong nurturing feelings and can sincerely enjoy babies and children. They're not boring, they're tiny people. If you feel that something is wrong with you, look at your surroundings and who is influencing you.

yuiskuk · 2019-04-30T19:45:28+00:00

If you are interested about living a childfree life, you are not alone. I suggest you go and visit the r/childfree subreddit. It’s full of people who live meaningful and great lifes without ever having children!

Its_me_Cathy · 2019-04-30T18:15:28+00:00

I just wanted to put this out there--it isn't aimed at you per se, because, hey! Your feelings toward small children may change, or they may not. I was you when I was 15, and now, in my thirties, I still can't muster a lot of gooey sentiment for other people's children. And although I love my own son fiercely, I still also value my individuality and fiercely, and honestly I'm overjoyed when Daddy wants to take him for a ride or Grandma wants to keep him for the day. Having sufficient time to myself helps me be more present when it's my time with him.

BUT! Please know this. Pregnancy does not have to ruin your body. At all. The secret is to achieve a high level of fitness before you get pregnant (I became dedicated to robust fitness as a way of life when I was about your age.) This will allow you to continue to be active while pregnant, and to bounce back super quickly once the baby is born. The second is to continue to eat in moderation while pregnant. You aren't eating for two; pregnancy is not a license to onverindulge. You're eating a couple to a few hundred extra calories in the second and third trimester to support the baby's growth. This only equates to an extra couple of sandwiches above your own full calorie complement. (Of course, I'm not a medical professional. This is my own experience plus research and a solid grasp on nutrition.)

I started with a BMI of 18, and gained 15-20 lbs during my pregnancy. The doctors and nurses only ever expressed approval for my progress and overall health. My baby's progress was perfect all along, and he was born and remains neither too big nor too small and robustly healthy. As I was being wheeled out of the hospital on our way home, the nurse said, "You don't look like you just had a baby." Within a month I was back in the gym (thanks to my husband's support) and two months later I had my abs back. Five months later I was in nearly the best shape of my life; to the point where the owner of a fitness studio took one look at me and said "I want to see about finding you a position here..." I have no belly pooch, no stretch marks, nothing to indicate that I've ever been pregnant. My husband likes to cart me around to business meetings and such because "I make [him] look better."

I say none of this to brag. I will cop to maybe being too appearance-focused (although it doesn't rule my life, and honestly doesn't take all my free time or cash. I don't have much of either!) I just really want young women to know they that they don't have to fear pregnancy, and moreover, you don't need to fear the Wall (so, in addition--start using sunscreen now! Don't smoke, drink in moderation at most, and take of your hair! ;)).

dusty_dungarees · 2019-05-01T15:44:25+00:00

I used to have zero attraction for kids and babies and privately worry that there was something wrong with me and that I'd make bad mother. Babies were loud and stinky. Kids even more so.

This all changed when a broodiness came over me after almost 2 years of marriage. I had scratched the "relationship itch" and a new need emerged in my heart: I wanted to have a baby! I now have 3 little boys and am absolutely smitten with them - snips and snails included! I adore every aspect of them. Even the smelly nappies are weirdly endearing. maybe that sounds gross and crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It is my pleasure and honour to raise my children, and I'm not just saying it to sound good! I genuinely want to care for them and love every stage of the process!

As for ruining your figure: this also really concerned me, not to mention the hardship of birth. I can only speak for myself, but being fit and healthy through the pregnancies and especially after has helped me get right back into shape! I daresay I like my body even more now than ever before, because I see how exercise gives you so much control! You wouldn't say I've had three (big) babies apart from some light almost imperceptible stretch marks.

Of course there are rough moments and difficulties, but they pale in comparison to the rewards. I certainly respect my mother on a whole new level now, for sure, but I also marvel... do my parents really love me this much?!

Umsandly13 · 2019-04-30T17:03:05+00:00

You’re only 15, you don’t need to worry about any of this right now, I defiantly didn’t feel motherly towards children until I had my own.

lovin44 · 2019-04-30T23:14:53+00:00

You have more than enough comments here telling you to give it time and that you'll change your mind. I'm in my late 20s and have never wanted children of my own, not for a second. Do I hate children? Nope! I simply don't have the patience or energy for them. I think kids, especially babies and toddlers, are innocent lil sponges observing the world around them as they grow and learn and take it all in! My best friend had a baby less than a year ago, and I love cuddling her daughter and making her smile. I enjoy doing silly things to make kids laugh. My favorite thing about them though is that I can give them back to their parents when I'm done!

Not wanting kids is alright. When going through the vetting process with a man, make sure these values align! Do not let anyone disregard your feelings by telling you that you'll change your mind or attemp to persuade you otherwise. That's annoying and disrespectful. On the other hand, if you know a man wants a family, do not proceed in a relationship believing you can change his mind. That's also unfair and disrespectful. There's someone for everyone, and in a world with so many people, you can most certainly find a man who shares your desire for a child-free life.

ZzZzish · 2019-04-30T21:19:29+00:00

I hate 15 year old children who think they're adults

JohnPettimore · 2019-04-30T16:52:08+00:00

Here's a different perspective. Assuming you never like children, you're on the path towards winding up with some of the most high-value men in the world. If you stay fit, get a really good education (both in the formal sense and through things like travel and exposure to art, literature and music) you will set yourself up to end up with an extremely high-value man. These are guys who are building businesses, writing novels, or otherwise changing the world -- for real. They may be divorced, or they may never have had kids, but the absolute last thing they want is to help raise someone else's children, although they may want help with their own. I live and work in/around Silicon Valley, and know a guy like this. He's built several companies, one of which used very advanced tech to provide people in closed societies like China and Iraq with access to the Internet without filters. He has homes (that I know of) in Northern California, Martha's Vineyard and Barcelona. He's an incredible guy. And his girlfriend has no children, which is not an accident.

krysmingo · 2019-04-30T19:00:15+00:00

Don’t worry about it yet. I was the same way at your age. Even when I was first married I didn’t want kids for a few years. Give it time.

Also- it’s totally different when it’s your kids! I still hate other people’s children. Like honestly they drive me crazy and I can’t stand them sometimes. But having my own are different- they’re MINE and I’ve raised them according to my own beliefs. Even then, my husband and I don’t desire any more kids. We have 2 and are done. I got my tubes tied. And with each milestone they reach we say things like “I’m so glad we don’t have to do that ever again!” We very much value our time alone without the kids and still do dates and trips alone whenever we can. We love them so incredibly much but we are still each other’s number one priority before them. When they are grown and gone we will still always have each other. I say all this to emphasize the idea that you don’t have to love babies and kids to be a parent, or even a great parent. My husband is the best father in the world and neither of us were even sure we wanted kids. Both were planned but I got pregnant so fast we didn’t have a chance to change our mind.

troubador127 · 2019-04-30T23:54:24+00:00

I'm 30 and I enjoy teaching English to small children abroad-- I get to play with them and if they're a brat, well, I only see that kid an hour a week. My teaching hours are 22 hours a week, the rest of my time at work I spend cleaning and helping manage the school. So I hang with kids 22 hours a week, and it's just the right amount of time for me.

I also come home to peace and quiet and can enjoy my off days as I please (I have a Border Colliebut she's very fun and chill. As smart as a little kid but more obedient). I enjoy studying languages, going to concerts, reading books, and exercising/hiking on my off time. It's great.

I think I prefer not having children and that's fine. If you get the need to nurture later on, there are ways to do it in your career, with pets, volunteer work, etc.

My family asks who will care for me when I'm old, but some of the members with children are in senior homes or struggling by themselves because their children won't help them anyway. I recommend saving and preparing for retirement as early as possible.

If you find a guy that supports your decision not to have kids, that's fine. If you don't, that's also fine. Devote your life to being the best you. :)

lydia_cat_lady · 2019-05-01T02:32:13+00:00

I’ll be 16 in a few weeks and I actually asked almost an identical question here 6 months ago. I grew up in the Mormon church which is known for big families. This never really appealed to me, partly why I left. I’ve never rly wanted kids but something my friend said was “having your own mini you is diff than a bunch of screaming crying kids running around at family events”. I’m currently dating a really good guy and while I know statistically I probably won’t marry him, seeing him handle little kids in a dominant but nurturing way makes it all seem a little more appealing. Similarly, I can handle older kids way easier than younger ones so adopting has always been something in the back of my mind. First and foremost realize not wanting kids doesn’t make you any more or less of a woman. Right now since we’re young I focus on school, career, health, friends, family, my relationship a bit, and generally just trying to be a better person. If later down the road I want kids great! If not, more time to focus on a career and giving back to society in other ways. Try not to stress too much about it, and feel free to hmu. I wouldn’t mind getting to know another rp girl my age, no worries either way. Best of luck💛

LateralThinker13 · 2019-05-01T14:42:26+00:00

Not everybody is wired to want/like kids. And at 15, you aren't even a fully fledged adult. That won't happen until you're about 25. A lot can happen - and you can and will change drastically - in the next ten years.

Don't sweat it. Don't force yourself to change, but also don't marry yourself to your positions - any of them. Accept that you may change your wants/needs/desires, or you may not, but that they're okay either way. You do you.

grand_tiremaster · 2019-05-04T04:59:57+00:00

I find myself to be very awkward around children. I am often jealous (positively jealous) of other young women who can click so well with kids. When I am with friends and there are small kids around, I often just observe them (I find their behavior to be intriguing) and not much else. At a social gathering once, a little girl ran up to me to show me some lego thing she put together. I had no idea what to say, so I awkwardly said "Wow! Hey, that's a thing..." and someone suggested me to ask the little girl "what is it?" etc. to her. In my case, it sucks because I actually want children one day. I think it will be different when I have kids of my own. I am often worried that potential mates will see my awkwardness with kids and think that I am not wifey material. But I am very affectionate and sweet with animals/pets.

I was not raised with other kids-- I was raised an only child with a small family. Just my mom and dad mostly, all of my cousins were adults when I was a toddler. I think people who were raised in large families know what to do when it comes to wee kids. OP, you may be the same way or come from a similar circumstance.

When I was your age I did not find babies very cute either. I am 25 now and I always smile at the babies I see with their mamas out and about. I think they are cute now (and still very intriguing, developmental psychology is one of my favorite subjects.)

likeaprometheancurse · 2019-05-04T05:38:24+00:00

SAME. Also, all I see from new mothers is stress. Their relationships fall apart, they miss out on things they love, they talk about feeling like a shell of a person... it's hard for me to consider the idea of having children rationally - it seems like a purely instinctual urge to me? I don't know.

I feel "maternal instincts" towards animals. Yeah yeah I know how stereotypical that is. But I have an emotional reaction to animals. I want to protect them, I feel warm and fuzzy and can't help but smile, I feel overwhelmed with how adorable they are. Caring for animals doesn't feel like a chore to me. I have never felt any of these things about a baby or child :/ When someone asks me to do something for or hold their baby I feel uncomfortable, I feel clumsy and awkward interacting with them. I feel a natural interest in animals. Sigh.

I truly hope this changes one day, because the experiences sounds like it could be beautiful if you're not the type of person that I apparently am! But it certainly hasn't happened yet.

You're 15, it would honestly be more odd if you were baby-crazy right now! Don't even worry about it!

TheMedsPeds · 2019-05-06T21:08:18+00:00

When I was your age I thought the same way about kids.

I will be 29 next month and you know how I feel about kids now that I am older?

...

The exact same way. Some people are maternal. Others are not. It's good to notice that about yourself and accept it if that is the case. Don't force yourself to fit a mold you are not meant to be a part of. Most women love and want kids. The human population isn't going to disappear if women with natural aversions to children don't breed.

Don't cater to the pressure unless you naturally change over time.

Hammocknapping · 2019-04-30T19:23:20+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with a woman who does not want children. Not all women are nurturing. You are fine just the way you are.

There are a lot of comments in here that are telling you you’re just 15, and that you’ll inevitably change your mind. Maybe you will, but maybe you won’t. Either option is perfectly fine.

I’m in my mid-20s. I was you at 15. I still HATE babies and children. HATE. I have no maternal instincts. I’m not particulatly nurturing. I love my husband and pup, and I have no problem being nurturing to aging family members, but I have no desire to even hold or touch babies or small children.

I have a freaking awesome life and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on a dang thing. Not everyone is meant to have children. I also agree with /u/JohnPettimore that the highest value men (my husband included) that I encountered when dating did not want children.

OhIMeMine · 2019-04-30T18:07:31+00:00

I hated kids until I was about 20. Also, keep in mind that you can train your own kids not to me parasites on the planet. I partially hated kids because when I looked around I saw all these awfully behaved children who just ran wild. Children are tough, yea, but they don't have to be as bad as some people will lead you to believe. You CAN raise kids to be an overwhelmingly enjoyable, net positive, aspect of your life.

countrylemon · 2019-04-30T21:23:10+00:00

I wasn't hit with any kind of baby fever until 24. Had zero interest in even holding my friends' kids, even less interest in photos of them. Seriously expected to never want kids.

I'm 26 now and I almost cry sometimes from how badly I want to be a mom and how cute kids can be. A huge jump start to that feeling for me was finding a man who carried strong values and when I saw him playing with his niece, my heart skipped. I wanted kids with him.

Things change all the time, never cement yourself into being one kind of person because you never know how you may change.

ManReggie · 2019-04-30T23:22:51+00:00

You're 15 ..

What you TOTALLY HATE!!!!!

or

TOTALLY LOVE!!!!!!

Will change by the day.

Don't worry about it.

blackishcat2727 · 2019-05-02T23:11:15+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you. I didn't like kids until I had my own. Shockingly I'm a pretty good mom so don't stress too much. Even if you don't think you'll ever like them don't worry. Just find someone with the same life goals as you when you're ready.

slynn2 · 2019-05-14T10:58:04+00:00

I thought kids were gross and annoying at your age too 😊 Now i'm a mom to a beautiful one and cannot imagine my life without her. You might end up like myself, or might end up with no kiddos but don't be hard on yourself.

MaxwellPancakesMcgee · 2019-05-29T05:05:41+00:00

To be honest, I never wanted kids, once I became ok with not wanting kids but knowing the future may change that, I was able to be more comfortable around kids. I co-parented my niece for the first 6 years of her life, my partner also has a niece who who see often. I work around kids and get to teach them things every now and then. Kids are cool, kids are the future, but they aren't for everyone.

Long story short, keep things framed in a realistic perspective, honestly think of the possible futures ahead of you and what you could get out of each one.

I'm 29, I still don't want kids. At 22 I had a nervous breakdown toward the end of my engagement because I wasn't being honest with myself about not wanting kids and ended it. I do, however have to and get the privilege to be a positive role model for the children I am around.

padpump · 2019-04-30T20:05:20+00:00

There’s always adoption. Just adopt older kids.

favoritesound · 2019-04-30T19:27:01+00:00

When I was a 15 year old girl (just a child!) I didn't like children either. Now, I do.

mercederu · 2019-04-30T19:32:44+00:00

I didn’t want kids at 15 either. And part of that is because, well, you’re still a kid yourself.

It’s hard to imagine enjoying the elements of parenthood that seem in your teens to be drawbacks. But over time, negatives increasingly look like positives to a lot of people.

Some people never change their mind though. That’s why as you get older, wanting/not wanting kids can be a dealbreaker

eatavacado · 2019-04-30T21:31:10+00:00

I felt the EXACT same way when I was your age. Now I’m 20 (still young but closer to the time of picking my family), and I’ve gone through some self reflection on what motherhood would mean to me and what I want in my future. I see children differently, and even people differently. Your perceptions are going to change the next 10 years drastically. Don’t be stressed about not adoring children as a teenager- you’ll develop your feelings based on your desires, and right now you are not so close to the prime years for motherhood, so it makes sense that tiny sticky children don’t sound adorable :) even if you never like the idea, that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you. But realize that you’re young, and the way your feeling is ok and has a good chance of changing when you go into your 20s.

BenWillDoIt- · 2019-04-30T23:53:39+00:00

It’s a spiritual impulse. In some ancient wisdom it was known that having babies limits a woman’s spiritual journey in some ways. There’s alot to say about this, but in short I’d say this probably has to do with the rush of the hormone oxytocin that is associated with having a baby, which increases a woman’s nurturing impulse towards taking care of her child, but the other side of this heightened impulse is sort of a decrease or blindness if you will of the impulse towards truth. In short, you seeking your feminine side is a spiritual impulse, and there is nothing none feminine about not wanting children. I may talk about this more and introduce some resources in the future.

maljo24 · 2019-04-30T21:15:21+00:00

You will likely have a change of heart as you grow older. For example, I didn’t like Brussels Sprouts at your age.

Title	I hate children.
Author	Tepid_Teal
Upvotes	50
Comments	67
Date	April 30, 2019 3:57 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/bj4ym5/i_hate_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-hate-children.236719 https://theredarchive.com/post/236719

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