Women, what honestly, truly attracts you to a man (besides looks)

SonicBackScratcher · 2020-09-30T20:16:14+00:00

Real confidence. Desire for me. Being good at conversation.

janearcade · 2020-09-30T20:27:44+00:00

most women are attracted to men who ignore them/are aloof/assholes. The reality is women want to fuck these men because they want to gain the validation from them.

Hard no on most. And this may be news to you, but they might just want to have sex with them because they are attracted to them, not for validation.

Confidence, ambition, creativity, intelligence, dark humor, sarcasm, fringe interests, non-perfection.....

NarniaFox · 2020-10-01T00:01:21+00:00

I've said it before but I'll repeat myself. I get sexually attracted mostly to people I know well and it usually means that I get attracted to my friends of both genders. Not to all of them, but to ones who I'm totally comfortable with, who smell great and I like them touching me.

When my husband and I started dating, we'd already had a few talks here and there, so at first I was just curious, shy and nervous and it kind of made me horny, but when we got to know each other better, I got far hornier, that horny that I initiated our sex. And no, he was never ignoring me, dreading etc. None of TRP shit. He's interesting to talk with, he makes me laugh, he's really generous with compliments, I feel that I'm safe and secure with him, as he never made me feel unwanted or unloved. I was able to initiate because I was sure that he loves me for me and not just for the opportunity to have sex.

And also he smells great and his kisses are hot as hell.

flamingoinghome · 2020-09-30T21:08:47+00:00

Being knowledgable about subjects I find interesting.

Refinement/worldliness.

Remembering things about me.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-30T20:24:16+00:00

Someone who is fun and enjoyable to spend time with and also escalates sexually with me.

thelajestic · 2020-09-30T20:42:32+00:00

As an example, most women are attracted to men who ignore them/are aloof/assholes. The reality is women want to fuck these men because they want to gain the validation from them. They would outwardly say they want a nice guy who always pays attention to them. But their vagina votes for the guy who ghosts them for weeks

Why ask if you're just going to answer it wrongly and condescendingly?

I can't be arsed with game playing; it's immature and unattractive. Plus, the tactic some guys have of pretending to ghost and then popping back up a few weeks (or months, or years, or every few months for a few years) is not effective, it's just laughable.

I like guys who are funny, don't send dick pics, and can actually carry a conversation. And if they've rolled up their sleeves 💦

pandora_box- · 2020-09-30T20:37:28+00:00

Putting a ring on my finger & committing for life LOL (my husband is the only man I’ve been with).

But what would make me interested in learning more about a man when I was dating is if he had confidence and leadership potential. I’m pretty sure I’m demi-sexual as my husband is the only man I’ve ever been sexually attracted to. If he died, I’d just be single and celibate.

goatismycopilot · 2020-09-30T20:29:20+00:00

Somebody who is relaxing, pleasant and phsyically attractive in the way that I like. I have never been interested in aloof guys or assholes but they have in the past been interested in me nothing I can do about that.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-09-30T21:39:26+00:00

Tall - at least 5’8 - full head of dark hair, and a crew body (broad shoulders, long arms, big hands)

But to really get me going, you have to be charismatic and know how to flirt. You have to be able to make me follow you around the room with my eyes - and you don’t have to be the most handsome guy in the room for that, but you do have to click with me

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-09-30T20:23:02+00:00

Here is my answer to a similar question a year ago.

Edit: I'll go ahead and copy/paste here for convenience's sake.

A face I find nice to look at. I'm really bad at describing faces so I don't know how to be more specific than that. I know it when I see it. I will say that I tend to like full/shapely lips and dimples/smile lines.

Dark features (brown or black hair, brown eyes). Swarthy white guys and hispanic guys are my preference.

A thick head of straight or wavy hair. Curly hair on men squicks me out, idk why.

V-shaped torso. Broad shoulders.

Big hands.

Physical competence. Not necessarily athleticism, but just a guy who is comfortable in his body and comes across as fluid and un-self-conscious. In MBTI terms this would be dominant or auxiliary Se.

Dancing is a great demonstration of this; every guy I've dated was a good dancer. I went two stepping (country/western dancing) a lot when I was younger and there was no quicker way to get me thinking filthy thoughts about a dude than to feel him leading me around a dance floor with a firm grasp on my waist. Some guys when they dance feel so stiff and mechanical, you can literally feel them counting the beats in their head and planning their next step. But when a guy makes it seem fluid and effortless... chef kiss

Charisma. Magnetism. Understated cockiness. A guy who knows how to flirt and tease and play with my head a little bit.

Edit: Adding a few more things.

For me to go from thinking a guy is cute and alluring to actually wanting to have sex with him, he has to sexualize his interactions with me and physically escalate. But I still prefer this to be done in a subtle, teasing way. I remember one time when my husband and I were still in the will-they-or-won't-they stage of our would-be relationship, I was at a party at his house and a bunch of us were listening to records in the living room (yes we listened to actual records at parties because we were insufferable fucking hipsters). He got up to flip the record, and I was standing near the stereo, where he had to walk around me to get to it. As he walked behind me he gently put his hand on the small of my back for just a second. I turned around and he was already gone but I knew it was him. We barely spoke again for the rest of the night and I obsessed over that moment for WEEKS afterward. That kind of shit drives me absolutely crazy. If a guy does things like that and whispers in my ear and does that little eyebrow-raise thing when I meet his gaze I am putty in his hands.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-09-30T21:54:06+00:00

You ask us what honestly attracts us to want to fuck men then you proceed to tell us what you think is the answer for most women.

SaBahRub · 2020-09-30T20:34:04+00:00

Not being a bigoted, perverted ass

Men pretty much weed themselves out by opening their mouths

philomexa · 2020-10-01T01:09:41+00:00

Christ almighty, for the last time; art fag, rock or industrial musician, pale, skinny, long dark hair, angular face, gregarious, charming, tenacious, passionate about his art, isn't afraid to express his attraction to me, treats me im the most fascinating woman he's ever met.

How many times can this question be asked, only for some dude to come around and call us a bunch of liars. What's the point?

2020-09-30T20:39:04+00:00

Pretty much what all of these women said. Masculine physical traits, decently high escalation/desire for me, confidence, and enjoyable time/conversations together. I will admit all of that. I'm glad that I want those things. I STILL also want to be treated well and to not be with an asshole. I can still be attracted to a great guy who does all those things. I have my husband, after all. In fact, assholes are LESS likely to have enjoyable times/conversations with me. I once rejected an otheriwse hot guy for that reason

LittyKitsune · 2020-09-30T22:54:06+00:00

Maturity, confidence, level-headedness, having his shit together, someone I can feel safe and comfortable with.

Hyper-masculine/aggressive vibes turn me off.

relish5k · 2020-10-01T01:30:05+00:00

I met my husband because I have him my number because I thought he was hot. He was tall, had curly hair and big blue eyes. He had a kind smile and a laid back attitudes and when I laughed at his non-jokes he seemed very interested in me. So I guess looks (conventionally attractive), good attitude, gives me attention that makes me feel desired would be my top 3

funlightmandarin · 2020-10-04T12:36:03+00:00

If we're talking only sex:

Preferably tall, at a minimum taller than me.
Handsome face, usually a solid bone structure (wide jaw, high cheek bones, strong forehead).
Healthy body weight with some fitness, not excessively fit. He needs to look like he uses his body, instead of purely skinny-fat.

Skin color, hair color and eye color isn't as important, though I like light eyes and dark hair (not buzzed, long enough to look tousled).

It's not a guarantee for sex though, I have to like his company too leading up to sex. There needs to be good conversation with perhaps a little teasing each other, I need to feel safe in his company. I want to feel respected as a human and woman, not just a means to an end (his orgasm). There needs to be a small friendship and I need to feel good in his company, whether or not we end up having sex now or later. It's that spark.

I don't have sex outside an LTR though.

For a LTR, the stakes are higher. Here I look at work ethics (not what his job is) and personality traits, to gauge compatibility. He is willing to work hard, he's kind, willing to take charge, decisive, confident, he respects and values me, he is willing to compromise the small things for my happiness, his humor matches mine and he wants me as I want him. I expect to be evaluated in the same manner. It's an interconnection between the feminine and masculine energy.

EnrichedBee · 2020-09-30T20:19:36+00:00

My vagina goes for men with great personalities. If you’re an attractive man that can make me laugh/have a good time then you have a decent shot at getting into my pants.

dalimadness2 · 2020-09-30T20:23:28+00:00

My vagina needs her voting card revoked🥴I like nice guys and assholes. If they’re into a kink I’m into, that gets my attention vs something materialistic.

heythere360 · 2020-09-30T20:50:02+00:00

A man who projects that he knows how to please a woman in bed.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-30T20:21:21+00:00

[removed]

_mwk · 2020-09-30T20:44:27+00:00

like pure raw sexual desire ?

i was just talking about that in the other thread but broad shoulders, a v body shape. big hands. veiny forearms. Adonis vs. the trigger for the sexual desire is an action that displays these assets. like climbing stuff. taking off your shirt the manly way by pulling it from the shoulders. lifting weights. man, do i have fun at the gym. dancing. most of my crushes that i desired the most have been gymbro dancers.

one huge huge attractor i have is big wide smiles that makes his eyes disappear, with big white teeth. especially on mediterranean looking or black dudes.

also pheromones. my god, a manly smell is intoxicating.

and thick curly hair. some body hair too is hot, especially on the torso.

nemma88 · 2020-09-30T20:53:03+00:00

Confidence, display of affection/attraction to me, helicopter dick.

Well okay not the last one but confidence is confidence you know.

Lacuna-Foil · 2020-09-30T21:39:06+00:00

I find I'm attracted to men who have intellectual strengths in areas I don't and are eager to share their knowledge (and interested in what I excel at). I'm talking engineers, some hard sciences, etc. Unfortunately that population seems to have an overgrowth of either 'has no filters or unwarranted self-importance. (I know this sounds like a continuation of all women want assholes, but I don't find this extends to athletes or chefs or other areas.)

On a purely physical level, I find a lot contrasts- light eyes, dark hair or dark hair, light eyes, deeper skin with lighter hair or eyes- really attractive.

ItIsnt0verYet · 2020-09-30T23:08:43+00:00

Passion for something outside a relationship. My final yes decision on my ex was due to him being so driven and capable of holding an intelligent conversation about multiple topics with me. Also, long legs and strong forearms are a winner lol

cashmereKitt3n · 2020-09-30T23:10:00+00:00

Consistency, sticking to their words and being funny

mistresswhat · 2020-10-01T01:11:58+00:00

Effeminacy. There's a specific way more feminine straight/bi men perform gender that I find nearly irresistible.

2020-10-01T06:22:26+00:00

I like performing musicians and writers of fiction, if they are both talented and I relate personally to their work. The way that mind works excites me and I feel familiar with him if I’ve seen how he expresses his heart. Artists are naturally curious and they really appreciate being appreciated. Being able to converse into the night is important. Turn me on to what turns you on, your favorite subjects, teach me something new. Speaking of turn ons, I dirty talk so be able to do that back.

Don’t crowd me too much too soon is my answer to the question about aloofness. Instant intimacy is a red flag.

Give things time and space to grow, leave something to the imagination, let us miss each other. Then things should progress into romantic gestures then spending the night and next day together. If you’re going to disappear I’m not going to be there when you circle back. Pace and consistency is everything to establish trust and bond, which unleashes my sex drive.

Ok the specifics. Tall and skinny, hairless chest and crotch, big nose. Not ‘pretty’ and not weathered. Bonus if you’re Italian. Must be vegetarian at least.

Responsible with money and health, clean house smells good.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-10-01T10:41:38+00:00

Humour & charisma.

If your funny chances are I’d want to jump into bed with you, or manly smelling guys. Ppl underestimate the power of pheromones

LooseIndication · 2020-10-01T11:24:49+00:00

As an example, most women are attracted to men who ignore them/are aloof/assholes.

Why don't you try walking on the street, completely ignoring all women, and count how many of them throw themselves at you?

It will be zero.

Even if a woman somewhat likes you, and open a conversation with you, if you ignore her, or pretend to be non interested, it still will be zero.

Reality is far more complicated than your depiction.

A man has to approach women, not ignoring them. A man has to seduce women.

What you depict as being aloof, is blaming men for women's faults.

When, after sex, a man ignores a woman, that's the woman's fault. It is not that the man is aloof.

When somebody wants your company, it is your merit. When they don't want your company, it is your fault.

Willow-girl · 2020-10-01T11:42:44+00:00

"Among those I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those I love, I can: they all make me laugh." (W.H. Auden)

Reisiluu · 2020-10-01T12:42:42+00:00

Funny, kind, a bit damaged, strong, a bit shorter than me and has a beautiful face and smile. He intruduced weed to me, simps hard but only for me, is not very rich but is generous with the little money he has, comes from a good family, is good with pets, has nice stories to tell, can be a dick sometimes, is willing to make me cum, plays music, has an exotic accent and is a gamer like myself. Also does not give a single flying fuck about political correctness or what stupid people think of him.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-10-01T17:15:37+00:00

For me, and yes I know how this sounds, it's about him connecting with me and then recognising something in me that excites me about myself. It doesn't have to be that incredibly literal. But let's say you spend a night having a good talk to someone and then he makes an observation about you that makes you think, that amuses you.

No, I have absolutely no attraction to men who ignore me, quite the opposite. I get attracted by the thought that I am so damn attractive to him that I just want to excite him a little bit more. But like I said, we do have to genuinely connect of course, have some deep, great talk or get into something odd and personal in the heat of the moment without any planning at all or ulterior motives

LeatherDifference583 · 2020-10-01T19:51:17+00:00

1) sexual prowess

2) confidence

3) humour/ talent.

rubbooyuri · 2020-10-01T20:59:54+00:00

Manners/consideration/decorum, in and out of the bedroom. Basic human decency

You would think these are easy to find. They are not

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-10-05T20:32:21+00:00

Artistically creative & athletic guys who love fitness, surfing, nature & music as much me

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-07T13:26:29+00:00

Shared hobbies, interesting conversation, kindness towards others, wants to spend time with me as a friend, smells good, lets me spoil them on dates, shows their vulnerable side.

This last one is huge. I love when a guy feels safe enough around me to talk about his insecurities or even just if he's been having a bad week. It awakens my protective side and for some reason also my need to comfort and show desire.

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ofratsandcats · 2020-10-01T14:10:16+00:00

Besides physical characteristics (e.g. clean shaven, chest hair) there are two things that will make my panties wet and that’s an alignment with my morality and ideals and femininity in men. The alignment in morality and ideals are self explanatory, so I’ll focus on femininity. A man who is in touch with his feminine side is the biggest turn on. It doesn’t even have to be anything specific, he can like painting his nails or have feminine gestures or speech, or he can enjoy traditionally feminine things or clothing. But there has to be a mixture of masculine and feminine traits. It doesn’t even have to be consistent and all the time just sometimes. What that tells me is that he is comfortable with himself and with he doesn’t harbour traditionally machismo outlook on life. That’s important because that usually corresponds with treating me well and is having common ground. Nothing turns me off more than a man who says “no ew that’s for women, or gay”. Everything physically is a distant secondary compared to these two things. A good example of a guy that I’m immensely attracted to is Jim Sterling from Jimquisition fame. He’s overweight, not traditionally attractive but he’s comfortable (at least now) with his feminine side and he aligns with me morally.

My current partner (fiancé) is a slim, tattooed up guy with long hair, who loves painting his nails and is a bit flamboyant. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find femininity in men attractive over almost anything else physically.

Title	Women, what honestly, truly attracts you to a man (besides looks)
Author	iammrmosely
Upvotes	5
Comments	117
Date	September 30, 2020 8:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j2tou7/women_what_honestly_truly_attracts_you_to_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-what-honestly-truly-attracts-you-to-a-man.317132 https://theredarchive.com/post/317132

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