28/198lb/5”11 sorry for the long post
Long time lurker, first poster. A little history: I’m 28 and I’ve been with my wife for over 8 years now and for as long as I can remember I have been over 300lb and, in a dead-end job. When you are morbidly obese and are filling your body every day with so much sugar and carbohydrates I suspect it alters the balance between testosterone levels and oestrogen levels. As well as that I was ashamed of the rolls of fat and man boobs.
I started university in 2010, graduated in 2013, and started my first job a few months later. I was the only male worker on an entire floor of 60+ people and after a few weeks in the new job I was systematically targeted by the majority of the women on my team. I hit an all-time low and suffered from a bout of depression. I left after 3 months and started working in a minimum paid post. Words cannot describe how sick and ashamed it makes me feel looking back. I’m not angry at them. I am angry at how pathetic I was.
I actually remember the exact moment that the lightbulb in my head turned on. Two years ago I went to Amsterdam for my stag. It was amazing and it remains my Mecca to this day. Like every tourist who goes to Amsterdam I visited the red-light district. I have no interest in using prostitutes for sex however I find the whole red-light district interesting.
What struck me the most about the women wasn’t their massive boobs, tight bodies or sexy outfits. It was their eyes. How they looked you up and down. How they were filled with this ravenous desire, even if it was more for the money in your pocket. I giggled like a little schoolgirl when I passed the first window.
It’s hard to explain to people, but when you live a lifetime of obesity you never experience people looking at you like that. You never experience people looking at you at all really. People don’t want to look at you. You feel invisible. It was at that moment I decided I was sick and tired of being invisible. At that moment it felt like I had been hit by a bus.
As soon as I returned from Amsterdam I started running- if you could call it that. It took me 4 months to complete a 5km jog and even then I still walked half of it. After another 4 months I managed to finish my first 10km jog, again still walking half of it. I had also started dieting and religiously counting calories on my fitness pal. I lost more than 50lb in three months and my sex appetite had suddenly gone up, my wife was more than happy.
I was still 250lb however, my life was slowly getting better. The more weight I lost the more confidence and cockiness I gained. I started a new job- one that needed a degree. It was only part-time and although I shared an office with one other person I had my own computer and desk.
I kept running and dieting. I lost another 20lb in two months and had gone from morbidly obese, to obese to overweight. I neglected lifting. It would have been useless between 220lb to 300lb. I continued to drop more and more weight. I started applying for fulltime jobs at the top end of my career ladder. I attended interview after interview, failing them had stopped bothering me. I had developed an IDGAF attitude- even though I had yet to come across this subreddit.
Eventually I was successful and I was offered a fulltime post in a job with my own office and my own fucking name on the door. I was now at 200lb. Even though I was in the overweight category I had developed a substantial amount of muscle. I don’t know the science, and I hadn’t been lifting but maybe running around with 300lb builds a lot of muscle.
When I started my new post I was a different person and people were treating me differently. Women were actively going out of their way to help me. They were bringing me cups of tea and coffee telling me how skilled I was even though I was only two weeks in the door. I was no longer invisible. It was like living life on easy mode. Three months ago I hit the GYM with SL5X5 and started building some decent muscle- especially in chest. My man boobs had disappeared and I started dressing to impress.
Now I regularly catch girls looking at me. d. Last week I went out with some work colleagues, most of them women and for the first time in my life my wife was terrified that something would happen.
I can’t say that I thank this subreddit. I changed my life around long before arriving here but I can honestly say that this is probably the most accurate sub in terms of understanding women and how to be successful at life. The worst thing I find about this sub is the toxic posts which come up every now again from angry men after a breakup/ divorce. I can see why they are angry, but personally I find little to be learned from these posts apart from “arrgh, don’t ever get married. I hate all women etc etc!”
What I will say is that there are some real gems of information to be found in this sub. What I like about TRP is that TRP psychology and TRP discourse is cutting to the fucking bone. That is what psychology is supposed to be…accurate and based on observation. We live in a world which is dangerously dominated by the PC brigade and feminists who run around screaming at the top of their lungs without any due respect given to observation or analysis. After this journey I feel confident in saying that 100% of people in life are vain. Looks matter. Lifting and Exercising matters. A good body matters. IDGAF attitude matters. You want to do well? Follow the advice on this sub, I’m just sorry I didn’t arrive here five years ago when I needed to learn about this the most.
TLDR: prostitute looked at me, lost 100lb and counting.
Good for you man. I'm so happy for you. This thing doesn't always have to be about spinning plates and chasing sluts. Sometimes knowing they are interested is enough. That wife of yours stuck by your side through thick and thin, pardon the pun. She's a keeper. God bless.
yea, definitely. She was with me from the beginning.
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.9863
She's not that fit, but has a great figure
She might start working on her body too after she have experienced your transformation and all the female attention it's getting you.
Dread game is an extremely potent tool for almost everything when it comes to women.
"TRP is full of men who think all girls are sluts who should be abused!!"
"TRP dehumanizes women and acts like all of them are pieces of shit that should rape conditioned!!!"
Pretty close to the same story. I was 300++ ham as well. Then lost the weight. I am pretty close to your weight now. Got fat because a relationship and thinking nothing mattered but "love". I got cheated on of course, and she went with a guy in better shape, one of my friends sadly.
I like to hear more about how people treated you different. I had not gotten laid in well over 2 years after my break up. When you are THAT fat, people treat you like a elderly person. They do the minimum nice things your would say or do for a old person, anything more then that they wouldn't budge. The last thing they would do is see you in any type of sexual way.
Then I lost 80 pounds, and yeah! It was weird to see a woman look at you with desire. You are right it is hard for most people to understand how that feels see those "eyes" after such a long time. The first time I felt it again was in a college library I had lost 65 pounds, and was knee deep in a dry spell. I walked across the library and saw a cute indain girl smiling, made eye contact with her and we smiled at each other for like 5 seconds, then she waved. I have no idea who she was, I did not know her. I did not approach cause I thought she was looking at someone else, but no it was def me in retrospect.
The following year after losing more weight, I broke the dry spell with some one night stands. It was amazing.
Now I am down 100 pounds, and kind of in a dry spell again. I have been so focused on weight lifting, work and getting my 2nd tech degree that I havn't been able to game as much. I hope that losing another 30 pounds may get me out the dry spell again. Because it still is ALOT of work and TIME to get laid. Not in shape enough for easy mode.
“I like to hear more about how people treated you different”
When Obese: (when passing) women look away once eye contact is established and do not look again
When fit: (when passing) women look away once eye contact is established and then look back again. Once eye contact is established the second time they hold it for a few milliseconds longer before looking away.
When Obese: (at an unexpected contact/ startled), eyes suddenly widen, then look away, apologise and keep walking
When fit: (at an unexpected contact/ startled) eyes suddenly widen, maintain eye contact and smile instantly, apologise and continue walking, may glance back and keep apologising.
When Obese: No gifts.
When fit: small gifts occasionally- especially at events birthdays, Christmas and Fridays, i.e tea’s, coffees, chocolate bars.
When obese: (stationary in same room) no eye contact, except in occasional verbal exchanges.
When fit: (stationary in same room) poor attempts at hidden stare. I.e she pulls her head back to drink from bottle/ cup and maintains look/ sideways stare. Only looks away when engaged in eye contact.
When obese: compliments only at clothing/ hair.
When fit: compliments ranging from being skilled and experienced, regardless of time in job to looking similar to someone famous. Never compliments at clothing or hair (I no longer get complimented on my clothing or hair, even though I wear a suit and have improved my look immensely. I have no idea why)
When obese: rolls eyes at jokes.
When fit: laughs too much at jokes.
When obese: will talk "girl talk" with you- especially about how other men treat her
When fit: will no longer engage in topics about how other men treat her.
these are only a few of my experiences. I could be completely out of the ballpark, but again, this is what i have felt change
I've always found that the longer you dress well the less you get complimented on it. When I first changed up my wardrobe I got a lot of compliments from colleagues but they eventually dried up. Made me think I'd gone wrong till a friend pointed out the first time you eat a great steak you compliment the chef. After a few times having the same steak you don't say anything. It's still great it's just become normal.
That is an interesting anecdote that I've noticed a few times.
A new guy at work once asked me if my clothes were tailored. I was also asked this before performing at a show once if all my clothes were tailored. I just fit medium slim fits from express really well I suppose. The clothes aren't special. If you look good normally then well fitted clothes will also look good. Lift to get some shoulder mass and diet correctly so you don't have your gut pushing buttons out.
Friend's wife commented on how well I looked when going to play basketball once. She had only seen me in basketball gear.
I play in another social league where everyone is in fitness attire. I had the "I want to fuck you eyes" from a girl when we all finally went out in normal clothes. It's a shame she is as tall as she is round.
In general though guys don't get a lot of compliments. Don't forget to use this knowledge to your advantage. I just gave out a few examples that are embedded in my recent memory. A hot girl will probably forgot about all of the compliments she received from the past week.
Making friendly allies by simple compliments go a long way whether it's at work or social gatherings. Obviously make sure you mean it - don't make up compliments.
Dude, once you'll get below 13-15% bf you'll see a whole new world. What you're seeing now is nothing
Thanks for the stories. Similar experience for me. I went from 300+ to 160 last year. I had times when I was younger that I'd been around 200 so this was new for me.
For the first time I have women openly flirting with me and honestly it took me awhile to get used to it. I was always shy, apologetic and deflected any praise. Whereas last year's goal was to improve my health, this year I have been focused on improving my self attitude. Accepting praise graciously, stating my own value and worth when necessary, and forcing myself into social situations I would have shied away from before.
Everything matters, size matters, looks matter, attitude matters. I'm a lot younger than you but you should be happy you found this sub "just" five years later. I've seen the stories of men who get divorce raped at 45 and never recover. Congratulations on the changes you've made.
It is never too late. Even at 80 it is not too late. The day before you die is not too late either. Sooner is better, yes, but on the whole it does not matter. Only marxist thinking has this 0-sum way of looking at things. So you had a rough start with women/money/whatever? Be thankful, thats the only start you got and it is part of your experience.
Thinking it is too late, or that time spent was wasted or whatever won't help you in any way. Warren Buffet said "Learn from your mistakes, you payed for them." and it is a great way of approaching failures not just financially, because it empowers you as an individual to have agency in the creation and navigation of problems.
One of the principal destructive forces of Feminism is this loss of agency, you are no longer a person with responsibilities, you are a faceless representative of the mass of "oppressed minorities/genders" out there, "suffering under the patriarchy" because all the problems in your life could not possibly have originated from your own actions but rather, they certainly must come from an invisible fantasyland.
Simple test to check, what is the first question you ask when something bad happens? If it isn't "What can I do to change it?" then you need more TRP sidebar.
I recently learned that my Great-Uncle dumped my Great-Aunt at 80 and found a "girl" 20 years younger hahaha
Big up to your Uncle, my ex's uncle did the same thing at age 70 after 50 years of marriage and I think she mentioned it at least once a week. "Would you do that to someone?" "Isnt it better to just stick it out for her?" "Omg if someone did that to me I would kill them". Hopefully the current gen of old men dump women en masse, putting the fear back in the lesser gender.
Bruh stop making me feel old
Down votes: fight me bruh
A lot of low smv fat white guys have the potential to become 8's if they go down to 12% BF, as most of the time they have the facial aesthetics...
OP, you probably need to cut more and reach 77-80 Kg with 12- 15 % BF and that's gonna take you another year.
Man but try convincing them. I hear it all the time especially here online like over and incels. "I'll never be attractive because I don't have a good face". Bullshit ... maybe you won't be a model but you will at least get a face that doesn't handicap your body.
My before and after
It's amazing how ugly facial fat can make you. Because with fat, a face is not a face anymore there's no shape. Even a 10/10 model would be invisible at 300+lbs. Good job man you look good now.
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Gonna have to disagree with you here. I used to be a solid 4.5, but then I changed up my morning routine and diet. Now, in the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. It's really not that difficult and has done wonders for me.
Did you remember to activate your almonds
Is this a quote from the movie?
you can workout 10x a week and you'll never have god-tier chirstian bale muscle insertions
Of course any Guy without a medical condition could look like Bale in that Movie, it is just a question of diet, excersise and discipline.
The question would be, are most guys willing to put into the needed work, and skip the Doritos with Beer? The ever increasing obesity numbers suggest not.
Here's brad pitt as a fatty, just to prove your point.
To be fair Brad Pitt is 50+ now. But you're right, I was surprised how different he looked to my image of 'Brad Pitt' in Fury.
He still looks good in allied
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Dude that's amazing you look so much better.
Amazing change, congrats! I do wonder if you guys should be concerned about doxxing.
Congrats on the neck. But for real good job bro. I went from opposite end - skinny to wow I have muscles.
It just seems to be the theme that men and women plan or don't care about letting themselves go. Or they don't care enough to do anything about it. I see so many girls that make me think "she could be hot if she wasn't fat".
Our society (at least American Society) are in an age where comfort means so much. Men and women are getting fatter and more anti-social with fast food and being able to do everything electronically. Ironic that the advent of the internet and social media where you can instantly connect with people across the planet makes people locally very anti-social.
In one aspect there is less men to compete with and in another there are less women to choose from.
This kills me so much I have seen so many women who are fat and if they lost weight they would put their prettiest thin or fit friends to shame . But they don't want to or don't make the effort to and because we have this " Healthy at every size" culture they will NEVER get to experience or understand just how gorgeous they can actually be . It's asinine .
Some of them have always been fat, but the ones that kill me are where I've seen photos of them at 18-22 and they just plop on another 30-100 lbs.
There's a really good thread in the sub if you search the history comparing women pre and post weight - loss . It is hard to believe how a smoke show can turn into a whale in a less than 5 year period . Here are the images: http://imgur.com/a/N2cyu
edit: Apparently the bot didn't like me linking the thread but it's " Another reason not to get married the weight gain"
Yes it's so frustrating, like my friend who has no confidence but complains he never gets attention from women... all he would have to do is start lifting and stop eating like shit 'cause he has a good bodytype for fitness but he's lazy.
I hate when people waste good genetics. I know this Asian dude with wiiiide as fuck shoulders, good face but doesn't do anything with it.
Yeah LOL like dude if I can get my ugly ass to the gym 4-5 days a week, then so can you Mr. Aesthetic genes
Every man has to make his daily decisions that add up. Be glad though, that's less competition for you.
've a friend like that This kid is chubby (very big) but if he lost the weight and built a bit of muscles hed be well high on the scale
You look good dude. Congrats!
whats the difference in bf% and how long did it take?
I'm not a nay sayer, I'm just someone who is trying to achieve the same thing.
Dropped about 100lbs and 20%bf total but from that photo about 50lbs. Took me 5 ish months total.
Hey man, be careful about showing your face. There is a threat of being doxxed.
That is true, my face is already on the internet connected to my name in multiple spots so at this point ...
Not gonna lie, I hate your face. That said, you definitely look fuckable now. Good job.
I don't know that this is entirely accurate... I'm 6'2 and have about 12% body fat but I'm only 165-170 (depending on my creotine cycle). Although I just started lifting, my goal is to reach about 195-200 by the end of next year. It all depends on height, because I am lean but still skinny af for my height.
It's accurate if you are 48% body fat.
If you are coming from the other end then 12% body fat means nothing if you also have no muscle mass.
Yeah, but I was saying that without knowing his height you really can't say what weight he should be at in order to really have the ideal physique. I get what you are saying though, that he should focus on getting lean and then work back up with real muscle mass instead of a lot of unneeded fat.
dude so many overeweight and obese people have no idea how good they'd look at even sub 20 percent body fat. It's very hard to truly visualize your facial aesthetic when you have significant weight, and I truly think many would be absolutely shocked at what they look like underneath the lard.
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It would not have been useless in the slightest. Yes, your muscle growth would have been concealed by fat but your strength and muscle growth would have still been there.
Totally. I went from 285-200 in ~8 months by doing Wendler's 5/3/1 strength training regiment, eating clean (basic paleo diet), and light cardio (cardio is deathly boring for me). And as I dropped the pounds it felt awesome to notice actual definition appearing over time as the fat melted away.
Once you've hit the ~300lbs mark, any form of physical activity will help. I enjoyed challenging myself through strength training. Would I have lost more weight if I had done a more aerobic regimen instead of an anaerobic regimen? Theoretically. But I probably would not have stuck with it had I done an aerobic regimen.
Not to mention that the additional muscle mass raises your metabolic rate, which helps you shed the fat later.
The effect on metabolic rate is minimal. A pound of muscle at rest requires about six calories per day. A pound of fat requires about two calories per day. See, e.g., this.
As a guy who lost 100 pounds, I lift now, but I wouldn't really recommend lifting while 300 pounds. Guys who never got super fat don't understand how depressing, pathetic and fucking worthless you feel while on a diet or exercising at the gym. Yes you could do 100% everything right, but most guys don't do that much and its a lot to ask. Most super fat guys are not super disciplined to do 100% right.
On top of that, Lifting makes you much more hungry, and slows down what you see on the scale when you weigh yourself in the short term. It can be super de-motivational to see you lost nothing this week, even if you gained 1lb muscle and lost a 1 lb fat vs a pound or two lost. OP is right, not like we can SEE the muscle, and being able to lift 10 more pounds on a bench press doesn't exactly get us all the poon suddenly. As a whole it is worthless, staying true to your diet and feeling motivated is much more important in the long term then risking it with lifting short term.
Once you get down to 220, hell ya go lift, thats what I did.
As someone who lost their weight through lifting I have to disagree with you entirely.
People at the gym either a) don't care about you because they're focused on their own fitness or b) are secretly super happy to see you busting your ass. There are assholes, but unless you're going to a douchebag gym you won't see them often. My journey from 285 started at a gym. People's anxiety over going to the gym is pure projection; you think you're disgusting and worthless, and so think that everyone at the gym must also think the same. The reality is quite the opposite. Not to discredit these mental hangups. They are a legitimate barrier to bettering yourself physically but they are not nearly as difficult to overcome as people think.
No it isn't; it's the bare minimum one can be asked. You workout with proper form, or you eventually injure yourself. This applies to running as much as it does to lifting. Get a personal trainer to do one session a week with you to give you instruction and a routine. Following instruction is far easier than trying to decode all the contradictory pieces of advice out on the web. It's well worth the investment and you do not need to keep going with the trainer indefinitely. If a personal trainer is too much money invest your time in a good beginner fitness program (Starting Strength, 5/3/1, etc.). These provide the instruction, routine, and structure that will lead to you developing physical aptitude of your own.
This is because you're obsessing over the scale. That is the quickest way to defeat. Diet pills, diet programs, etc. have led to an obsession with weight. Weight is not the problem. Fat is the problem. The man who plays The Mountain on GoT, for example, weighs in at 408lbs. He holds multiple world-records for strongman competitions. He is an extreme example, but it best illustrates my point.
Once one realizes they're trying to lose fat, and not weight, then those hiccups become nothing. On top of that, people weigh themselves 'wrong'. To get the most-accurate sense of your weight loss you need to weigh yourself daily and at the same time and average out your weight over a period of time, and comparing the averaged weight to previous intervals of the same length. This gets rid of the natural fluctuation in one's weight (having eaten a large meal, retained water-weight, etc.).
Additionally, lifting gives an entire new set of benchmarks to hit and be excited about. "Ahhh man I only lost 2 pounds" becomes "Ohhhh yea I added 10lbs to my squat this week." Who gives a fuck if you didn't lose any weight on the scale this week if you improved all your lifts? They're both measures of your success.
The muscle you gain also is not visible to you, but it is DEFINITELY visible to others. You are aware of yourself every waking moment of the day. You see your body in the mirror, every day. Others don't. It always takes the longest for you to notice changes. The more muscle you build, the more fat you will burn. I went from a size 44 to a size 32 in my pants. I can borrow my friends clothes who are 20-30lbs lighter than me and fit into them, and look good while doing it. That was because I focused on lifting and building strength as a means to my fat loss.
To each their own, of course. If lifting is not for you to start nothing can be done to change it. But you're simply doing a terrible disservice to yourself if you don't even attempt it until you've already lost weight.
Bingo. It's Ham Planet Hamstering, and Planet Fitness feeds on it.
God Planet Fitness is an awful, judgmental place. They prey on insecure people and reinforce the false perception you're being judged if you actually workout.
He didn't miss out on too much gains though, considering losing that much weight in a short period of time requires a big calorie deficit. It's very hard to put on muscle during a large calorie deficit.
But it can be done, particularly with obese, untrained individuals.
This part is wrong, from what I understand. At a caloric deficit, you're not gaining actual muscle-- you're just increasing the "muscle-mind" connection, vascularization of muscle, etc. that in turn increase your strength.
The most important part, that you didn't mention, is that lifting while losing weight curbs muscle loss that is concomitant with weight loss.
If you are obese and start weight lifting while losing weight, you are going to gain muscle. If you are 15% bf and have trained for 5+ years and you do a cut, you are not going to gain muscle mass. Most likely you will lose a small amount of it.
Feel free to source this; it's contentious, at best, unless you're extremely obese.
Your understanding is not accurate. In obese, untrained individuals, lifting can produce muscle gains even with severe caloric restrictions.
Being fat causes the body to create more estrogen so you become more of a bitch the longer you stay fat.
I think the binge eating fucks up reward systems and kills a mans drive, when I'm hungry, I'm more aggressive. I also believe sugar spikes and crashes are real.
Can relate big time to the feeling of shame aswell.
Also, fucking well done on your progress mate!
P.s. Amsterdam's class!
Every single sentence you said here rings true with my experiences when I lost weight a few years ago.
Lifting, especially, made me hungry and super fucking aggressive when I was dieting. It always feels good, though, when you know that you have more testosterone and less estrogen.
Good work, brother. Keep lifting. And consider joining a boxing gym or laid back BJJ workout. (Some gym where guys have fun, play safe, and don't take themselves too seriously.) You will not regret it.
You were on a 10+ year bulk. Congrats on your success cutting down to the new you.
I'm curious, how many times did your wife say "you look fine just the way you are" during your transformation?
at first she was really encouraging. About halfway through she said that I had done really well and didn't need to lose anymore. I genuinely dont think she meant the comment maliciously. Now she is saying things like "can i come to the gym with you?" "lets go running together" she is actually really pretty and i'm very lucky to have her.
Pretty classic from the women in most guys lives. My mum was the same when I went from 360 lbs to 250 and told me to stop Just ignoring it is best decision you can make.
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As a guy who was 310 now 200. I promise you will not regret it. Not even because of getting laid, but everything in life is better/easier:
I had severe sleep apnea and needed 10+ hours a night. Now I am down to 6 on average. This has made me much more successful in other areas of my life as I have more time.
I got compliments from nearly everyone I ever knew. That felt great.
My own family was impressed and I got 3 or 4 of them on diets themselves. They take my opinion much more seriously as well, not even on just weight lost.
I went from XXL to a M/L, and clothes shopping actually fun and not just whatever I could slap over my body to cover my shame.
I can keep up with children/teens in all games including sports, paint ball, laser tag ect; Instead of tiring out in 10 minutes.
Exercising turns from publicly shaming yourself to staring at yourself in the mirror looking all tough and shit while lifting.
No fear of rollercoasters, airplanes, buses, trains, or other small spaces you couldn't fit your fat ass in and was scared everyone would notice.
Knowing that girl is staring at you cause she likes you, instead of wondering if she is staring at you cause you have fat hanging out, or food on your shirt or some insecure shit.
BINGE EATING is even better because, you know you can afford to gain a couple of pounds, instead sheer utter terror/fucking guilt welling up because you are making a bad situation worse.
And lastly, it is just nice being thinner then a lot of the population. Obesity rate is at a all time high, I find myself becoming a sort of shit lord, as I can't watch as someone who is 300++ pounds putting away pizza/cookies/other sugary shit as I want to slap the plate out of their fucking hands and say "STOP IT YOU DONT NEED THAT SHIT". Not because I am a dick (I think), but because its so fucking painful to dig yourself out of that hole and life is so much better once you do.
Last bit of motivation: This can be all achieved in LESS THEN A YEAR. I dropped 70 pounds in under a year, and got most of those bullet points covered. Even in the short term, your depression and sadness will lift knowing you are doing something about your weight. I promise you will feel so much better about yourself just successfully doing a diet for a day, week , month. Progress is the key to happiness.
Did you do any lifting during this period? My step-bro is begging to take me to the gym.
go lift. gain the muscle. keep shredding. i see hints of it here and there while im lifting heavy. Im bent over doing rows or picking up weights i see my biceps and shoulders growing. i finally see the seperation. I still see the fat on my abs and my chest. i see the ligaments in my quads, hamstrings, and calves. I know im going HAM when i see the vein pop out of my forehead like im harry potter or something.
little by little you will the the progress but keep at it. dont give up. people who see you in the gym know you lift and get serious. you have no time to waste and they move when you go for weights or ask them to work in because you are about your shit. its addicting to say the least.
there is this myth which is spread to lose weight first before lifting. do all the cardio in the world, make sure you lift too. lift heavy and with volume to grow in the beginning of your workouts to put on the mass (make sure your form is correct), and then cardio it up afterwards to burn excess calories and fat. lifting before cardio works great for getting stronger and retaining size while losing weight.
Yes I tried HEAVY lifting for 2 months when I weighed around 260 and then again at 225. Honestly... both times I felt like it was just too frustrating.
When you are that fat you do not see the results as well as a dude who is skinny fat. When you go to weigh yourself, your weight loss is slower then cardio, especially in the early months when you are getting noob gains and putting on muscle quick. Not only that, but it made me SO HUNGRY. I found myself stuffing down 900+ calories in a meal and still hungry. This is pretty hard to control when you got work, school, social life and hobbies and now you are super hungry a lot.
That all being said. IN THE LONG RUN it is better for you for sure. If you are ok without seeing the scale move hardly for a month or two and are in this for the long haul, you should heavy lift But if you are a scale addict, and love seeing progress every week shown on the scale, heavy lifting will indeed stall you for weeks or months. Getting depressed easily, and losing motivation was a big issue for me back then.
I am at 200 right now, and I started heavy lifting seriously since the start of summer. Since I am low enough to see my own body finally looking more athletic, I HIGHLY recommend lifting if you are just overweight/chubby... obese people need to drop that body fat as quick as possible and cardio really is better for that in the short term.
What I would recommend for you is a middle ground. You really do just need to get to the gym, and if someone (WHOS IN SHAPE) wants to give you free lessons you should do it. Follow what he says word for word when you are with him. Then while you are by yourself do higher reps at a faster speed. This will be more of a cardio workout. Instead of doing sets of 10, do sets of 20 with lighter weight.
This will get you exercise you need, satisfy your bro, and you will better off in the long run knowing how to lift properly. My own cousin actually showed me how to lift properly over the summer, and there's a lot of small stuff he really helped me on that I still use constantly. I have since very much enjoyed lifting way more then I ever have and do it 4 times a week happily. So I say go a couple times a week with your bro, then do high reps, lose that fat down below 25% then lift heavy and enjoy your results!!
So much this. This is why i felt like lifting was pointless above 200lb. You see no results on your body or on the scale. I dropped from 300lb to 200lb before even touching any weights or starting any weight lifting. When you are that big and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, seeing the scales drop 5/6 pound a week in the beginning is really helpful psychologically. All i did in the beginning was running/ walking/ swimming. Now i run maybe 2km once a week and completely focus on weights the rest of the time.
Hah all the former fatties coming outta the closet on this thread. Awesome.
Yep totally agree, never lost 5+ pounds a week but sometimes 3 to 4, and those weeks were such a motivational boost when everything else my life was kinda shitty and boring. They got me to keep going despite cravings and bad habits.
Keep at it you will be at your goal before you know it
The Cake and Ice cream will patiently wait till you come back to them. Don't you worry!
And don't forget to wash it all down with a nice ice-cold Mountain Dew, so refreshing. mmmhhhh!
It will be a long journey. Just stay consistent. If you have a bad day and fall back into old habits, dont let it affect you and just start again the next day.
Hey, great story man, glad you turned it all around.
Not true. Lifting helps with fat loss, motivation, T levels, mood and carb cravings. It wouldn't affect how you look, but would have all the other benefits.
It (the lifting) may have affected how he looked once he hit a certain size, should he have started it sooner rather than later. It would have been like a butterfly breaking out of one's fatass cocoon, a very dramatic and magical-seeming transformation.
What a great post. Thanks so much for sharing, and congrats!
It just completely boggles my mind how someone who fits your description would be in a position to decline sex and only have almost no sex. wth have I been doing wrong.
testosterone:
a lack of it makes life extremely boring.
too much of it makes men go crazy.
As i said, i think that diet has massive influence on testoterone levels.
No he's talking about dating a girl(or being married) and letting the world walk all over you but still having a wife that still wants to fuck you.
Congrats. Now get your ass over to /MRP and share this shit there too. Be prepared though, we may still call you a fag, but we do it out of love.
Good for you and a good read. The "tldr" is hilarious;)
I respect the OP and what he has achieved. All the same I have to put a word of caution out there:
Running as a 200lb-300lb man spells a near death sentence to your knees and the arches of your feet in the long run and makes you that much more prone to knee related injuries.
I recommend getting a good bike, stationary or otherwise and starting with that. Once you drop a good amount of weight, you can also incorporate jogging in your routine, as it has its own additional benefits, but work yourself up to it very carefully.
My call to action was a rejection by a oneitis. After that many rejections on approach. It felt bad despite all my positives as a person I would be stigmatised for my extra pounds.
Lost 30kg. About 10 to go. I have women (cute but a bit chubby, good body average face) who I don't exactly crave treat me like a king. Last night out I had a girl buy me a beer, follow me around and give me a massage. Also she nearly flashed her boobs at me in a "joking" manner.
Sometimes I feel like I am enough while others times not as I have a way to go. Any ideas on that?
I changed my life this year in 10 months and 15 days I Dropped 220 Pounds . Got some attention at my Christmas party , it was nice not being invisible and having people actually want to be near me and with me .
Before anyone asks
I was monitored by my doctor . I took a crap ton of multivitamins daily and I was miserable when it came to eating . Zero cheat days Zero Excuses just 100% dedication to it .
How many calories per day? How many days of workouts per week? More information will be a great help. thanks
2015 XMas Party -> 2016 XMas Party
Amazing results man! thank for the reply
Around 1200 calories . Never worked out at all . I am a lazy person so I just found a diet plan that I could work with and stuck to it to the letter measuring everything and being incredibly strict with myself. Being a fat guy for all of my adult life and most of my childhood I knew I had to be this strict or it would not work . Not giving myself any cheat days . I was 100% dedicated and committed to it . It is the Ideal Protein diet . I know it doesn't work for some but it worked for me . I know I am not the normal results as they always vary when it comes to diets . I plan to switch to a traditional Keto Diet and begin a gym routine in the new year . 2016 was a tear down , 2017 is a build up year
For the past 10 months and 15 days
My Daily Meal Plans have been
Morning Oatmeal Garden Salad Lunch with a dressing made with hot sauce and oil and vinegar
Dinner : 8 ounces of protein and steamed vegetables
Snack : Liter of Water and like cucumbers slices
I was like 'ok that's not too bad" until I saw cucumber. I would rather eat a piece of bread that fell on a hairy floor than a cucumber slice.
The first time a woman visibly checks you out really is amazing. Her eyes flicking to your chest or arms with a noticeable look of desire. If I knew all it took to get that was losing weight and lifting I would have done it long long ago.
I found this kind of post very good. I was fat too and right now I'm 205 lb and still look over-weighted.
How many calories do you eat per day to lose fat that fast? I'm on a 1500 calories per day diet and some days I feel really hungry...
Thanks for your time and great post
I ate about 1200-1300 calories per day, as well as ran 5km every day and 10km every second day. it was really difficult and i was hungry most days. i ate meringues as my sweet treat
Thanks for the info. Right now I'm doing 1300-1800 calories per day and running 6 km per day plus walking from my house to my work about other 4 KM from 5 to 6 days per week. I have lost only 33 lb in the last 8 months but I was not eating right until 3 months ago.
Now I know that I'm on the right track and I will keep working for my goal (187 lb)
It is always good to hear feedback from people that was fat and how they got the results that we want.
What are you eating in general? The more whole plant based you go, the more you can eat in general because it's high volume, nutrient dense, and low calorie.
Most calorie restriction diets don't work long term. Something like 95%+ failure rate iirc.
breakfast: 2-3 eggs
Lunch and Dinner: Brown Rice, Chicken breast, broccoli or portobello mushrooms.
Snacks are Fiber One Brownies (90 calories each) 2 per day.
Congrats on the weight loss. Don't worry about those losing weight super fast, a lot of time the fastest to the goal have the biggest bounce right back.
Yeah, almost no one really got fat on vegetables, calories in vs calories out isn't that simple especially for fiber rich foods; minus bullshit mayonaisse, salad dressings, butter and all that garbage you can eat veggies ad libitum almost. If you ever get tired of your current diet, try some fruit or nuts for snacks (always better than processed food), cutting down on eggs, and incorporating a couple veggies each meal.
The last and only time I lost weight and kept it off, 15 years now, is when I stopped starving myself. It was slower than I wanted to go, but there was no bounce other than when I started lifting. The fat people around in modern times aren't there because they're perpetually broken or are more gluttonous than ever, they're just going after calorie dense and nutrient poor foods that don't really satisfy.
That TLDR; was awesome.
Happy for you brother!
Your a fuckin animal dude keep it up. Uplifting stories like this make my day.
I was shocked at all of the attention I recieved after I lost weight. Touching, being opened by hot women, you name it.
My first thought when I read this was - I have no idea what it means to feel like that, and I can't believe I ever will. All i could think was - is this real? Does this happen to guys like me?
Then I remembered that when I used to be an ace at X, I used to have people ask me "How are you so good? That looks fucking impossible." This is the same damn thing, just not in a sport.
Keep chugging, and one day this will happen.
Just focus on the next damn step.
You have a wife who would still be with you even as a 300 lbs with low sex drive, you hit the lottery before you even started to lose weight.
When you're ugly...even prostitutes refuse to have sex with you.
When a good looking man passes by the windows, they all call him and try to "have him" first. But when an urgly dude comes by...they barely look at him for a second, then they quickly decide this guys is too ugly and they look away. Even if the guy begs or double the price, they still refuse him.
I've seen it with my own eyes, in Europe, at the red ligh district of Brussels.
Oh shut up, I'm ugly and I've never been turned down by a hooker. Don't pull sob stories out of your ass. If you got turned down by a hooker it was probably her first night or something.
EDIT: or maybe you had dat DICKCHEESE
Fantastic job man, good for you. My only problem I have is this:
This is absolutely wrong. Even if your goal is just weight loss, lifting still burns more calories overall, not to mention all the other health related benefits it's going to offer.
A good mix of cardio and lifting is what's going to work best.
Muscle also uses far more energy than fat and is super-dense in comparison. The more muscle you build, the more energy you burn. The more energy you burn, the more fat you lose. The more fat you lose, the more defined your underlying musculature becomes. It's a positive feedback loop.
Congrats on the Accomplishment!! I understand exactly how you feel. I lost 100 lbs to join the Marines. It was amazing to go from women not giving me the time of day, to actively pursuing me.
great post, congrats on them life gainz OP; oh and the tldr is hilarious!
The fact that this is one of the few places on the internet that acknowledges that women actually have the power to make choices and have preferences makes this one of the least sexist places I've seen at least.
Awesome transformation bro! really encouraging! to get rid of the last few pounds and get into lower double digits or even single digits, i encourage you try intermittent fasting. it has changed my life..!
Perfectly described TRP for me. There are alot of toxic posts on here, but this subreddit helps build character and confidence. Great story very inspiring.
Truth. Quite simple, we as the red pill need to acknowledge that there's a bunch of toxic sludge on this subreddit. Lots of guys trying to use TRP as an excuse to hate women. I don't hate women, I love them. That's why I practice dread, and sexual strategy, and other rp concepts. Because I just love women.
I love to look at them. I love to touch them. I love to fuck them. So I learned how to handle them. You dont hold it against a horse, if your first attempt to ride it lands you on your ass. You study the nature of horses and tame them.
One thing I've learned about emotions is that the best way to get out of apathy in an area of your life is to focus your mind on something that you desire. Desire is a motivational emotion that's not positive in and of itself but will get you moving in the right direction.
Just be thankful you aren't short, man. I would trade my height for a lot of weight any day.
Inspiring story , bro. Could you share before/after pics ?
I really enjoy these stories. My best friend at his peak weight was over 340 lbs. Funny guy, everyone loved him. I was a scrawny short kid. We both started lifting at the same time, he is now 220 lbs and confident as fuck! Im on here now because I need to learn how to bemore confident,but I must say, I have high respect for people like you.
The issue with any massive deviation from the norm in a negative way, such as obesity, is that you need to compensate to an extreme level on other qualities. A 300 lbs man with billions can still get hot chicks, due to the money, but will lack in raw attraction.
There is simply too much to compensate for, one can look at the sexual market place as a place where people make deals, based SMV as a proxy. As a billionaire you can provide a woman and her children with a flush lifestyle, with high social status you can open many doors for them, but if you deviate much in the appearance department, those are compensatory qualities.
If I did this in a very simplified way, and broke SMV down into social capital and biological capital. Wealth is a representation of what your group owes you, your social status is a function of the respect you have within the group. Both of these qualities, if you are a 10 in both, means an average of 10. However, if you also are a 1 in terms of biology, this means your SMV on an average is still just 7.
As women tend to view male SMV through a negative lens (your SMV is perceived as lower than it is) and their own SMV through a positive lens (*she sees her SMV as higher than it is) you may be an actual 7 and she may be an actual 5, but she perceives her SMV as 7 and yours as 5.
Thus, you have to not only make up for your shortfall in biological SMV, but also for the natural negative view that she has of your SMV.
Can confirm, if you are morbidly obese you will have low testosterone levels due to excess aromatase conversion to estrogen, the more body fat you have the more of your Test will get converted to estrogen.
I am currently 5'8 and 165, but have maybe 20-25% body fat. My goal is to get down
Alternatively your morbid obesity could be a symptom of low testosterone and not the cause. I recommend you get a full hormone workup - thyroid, testosterone, estrogen, pregnolone, dhea, cortisol, the works.
Alternatively you could be hypothyroid like I am, resulting in a sluggish metabolism even if a minimum of calories are consumed.
Sad to say but websites like sluthate are the real redpill. Looks absolutely do matter. Unfortunately they tend to just make you wallow in self pity.
LMSH = Looks Money Status Health. People will judge and treat you based off of these 4 pillars. We think we are high, mighty and beyond baser instincts but the truth is we are just highly intelligent mammals.
On Reddit, 300 is about average
Don't lump not getting married with hating all women, please. There are legit reasons to not get married and not all of us hate women.
If you want to ramp up your weight loss goals into overdrive and get ripped as all hell I recommend the keto diet. Lots of horribly obese people use this diet to shred 100 pounds in a year, but it works just as well for getting someone from 10-15% down to 5-8%.
This diet is life style on hard mode. If you cheat or slack on it, you will get severely punished with headaches and nausea. But if you follow it correctly you'll feel fantastic all the time, and will be incredibly ripped. Up to you if you wanna give it a shot but it sounds like you like challenges so I thought I'd drop one by. Either way good work on the transformation man.
Totally agreed, although for anyone reading this, if you haven't dieted before I wouldn't suggest a ketogenic diet. It is an incredibly strict diet. Simply put, you cut out carbohydrates completely. Eventually your body will enter a metabolic state known as ketosis, where your body uses converted fat (in the form of fatty acids and ketone bodies) as a main source of energy. This causes rapid natural weight loss.
However, like /u/filli1aj said, if you cheat or slack, it will kick you in the fucking dick. Repeatedly. You've trained your body to minimize glucose production. Inundating your body with carbs while in ketosis loads your body with glucose it isn't prepared to process. Thus the headaches, stomach cramps, etc. You also need to make sure you're also eating good foods and not simply cutting out carbs. Glucose is important in brain-functions, and if you aren't eating well enough while on the keto diet you could feel a mental 'drag'; like you're not quite all there.
BUT no other non-medical diets come close to the effectiveness of a ketogenic diet. 100% recommended. For new dieters interested in a keto diet, starting on a paleo diet is a good idea. They share many of the same principal philosophies and science, but the paleo diet doesn't shit on you if you slack a bit/have a cheat day.
Out of curiosity, once you enter Kelo how do you stop?
You slowly begin reintroducing carbohydrates. This will ease your body back into utilizing glucose. Beans are a great way to start. So long as you keep your workout regimen at the same intensity you'll only gain a little bit of water weight back. I'd personally suggest transitioning from a keto diet to a paleo diet.
Dude, the halo effect is very, very real. I have a few questions for you:
At 300 pounds, were you seen as creepy by women even when you weren't hitting on them?
Did you have difficulty having platonic relationships with women?
When you were fat, did women think you were hitting on them when you talked to them?
creepy no, but they didnt care because they knew from the beginning that i wasnt getting in their pants, so they didnt care. its like being an instant orbitor, denied sex right away. you are good for giving my attention, locations for the parties, free food and booze, and your hot friends/family.
platonic, not at all. they will converse and talk to you, but instantly you are their best friend and they talk about feelings and guys to you.
when fat they just brushed it off and didnt worry about it. once you made a move it was eeww unless they were lonely and then it was its better than no one giving me attention until a man with .005 more SMV gave me attention to ignore you for awhile
Right, so it's not ugliness that makes it hard for you to talk to women without being seen as creepy.
this is 100% bang on. Bravo. This is exactly what i used to experience. Women talked a lot to me when i was 300lb. They talked to me about everything: their home, their family, guys they found sexy and how adventurous sex was. Women especially talked about all of the shitty guys in their life. When I asked them why they go back the shitty guy, they always shrugged their shoulders and said something completely pointless like "when its good its good" or "i wish i could find good men like you".
Since i lost 100 pounds, hit the gym and started dressing well all of this emotional transference has completely and uttely stopped. Now my conversations are more appropraite with women and conversations are mostly about work, interests and what we did at the weekend. Women no longer speak to me about their home, their family or the men in the lives and I certainly dont ask.
Its because you are no longer viewed as an emotional punching bag. You are no longer viewed as an extra ear in their lives. you are viewed as a potential opertunity. Something they want to impress. Something they really, actually want. You are also using a small component of Law 16: "creating value through scarcity" in that a good looking, athletic, successful man is scarce.
That's because you were their fat friend.
You're only overweight at 5'11" 200 lbs if you had a high amount of fat relative to your lean weight (which i'm guessing was the case because you said you didn't lift yet). To say it's useless to lift between a certain range of weight is bullshit. You would've lost the man titties sooner as well as continued to lose the fat if you ran in addition to lifting.
Now you just have to keep up the routine (and confuse your body) for the rest of your life to keep the weight from creeping back on.
wait, let me get this straight... if you get in shape, you'll be more attractive?!
I love this thread , There's not a ton of resources out there where formerly fat men to reach out to currently fat man in a non Gym instructor come pay me to work your ass into shape way . That feeling of invisibility you describe I know well and many other men here do as well but it's fantastic to here it only gets better. I lost a significant amount of weight but still have more to go but it's good to hear the story of someone whose actually accomplished wha I want to in terms of my body and health .
Sugar has definitely been linked to LOW Testosteone for men. AVOID IT .
Oddly enough... My "get skinny" motivation is that in January I start my road to becoming a Paramedic and during CPR class it was embarrassing and painful to be on my knees... In front of possible co-workers...
Ya fuck being fat, I'm gonna make a change soon
My life is a bit like yours was when you were obese except I'm not fat.
I like stories like this one because they show us an example of a good man. It's like a tiny bit of mentor/strong father figure you can look up to. Thanks OP
Perfect TLDR. Good on you. Keep grinding.
I actually find your journey somewhat unhealthy. This is one of the thing that distresses me about some TRP stuff. You were ignored most of your life and now that people marginally know you exist now out comes this talk about how everyone's vain and idgaf and how girls are checking you out, I'm cocky, etc. How about you work on gaining some lasting confidence that is a result of pride of hard work and self-value. You sound deeply bitter. That's not a healthy way to develop a foundation of self worth
i guess i am bitter. I tried so hard to be freindly, go above and beyond to help people and generally go out of my way to impress others. I was very bitter about women until i met my girlfreind- who became my wife and then i became bitter when i was targeted at work. i only noticed changes in how people looked at me and achieved success after the weight loss. I guess i've turned into a cynical bitter guy who despises the world for what it is, but unfortunately, as the saying goes- the truth is a bitter pill to swallow
I completely get it and understand. You are right a lot of the world is shallow and meaningless. But trust me, you will be happier in the long run if you just build healthy internal confidence. Put good work into yourself and good will naturally flow outward
It's exceptionally difficult to build a sound mind without a sound body.
I don't disagree with you. I was talking about purely mental aspects
It takes an enormous amount of work to drop 100+ pounds, your assertion that his self worth and pride is not based on hard work, or any other merit you deem valid, is so fucking baseless and condescending. Who the fuck are you to tell this guy that his newfound happiness and attitude is all wrong?
Lol, chill out keyboard warrior. I offered constructive assistance. He can choose to take whatever he wants from it. He's done good things. I hope he picks a route to happiness.
Can confirm similar experience. Was athletic in high school even though I didn't play sports. I worked out on my own and was into biking and the outdoors.
Let myself go with first LTR who nailed my balls to the cross because I listened to my family about relationships. Got depressed and fat as fuck. Still got laid because I had solid game and wasn't a total loser. But it was work.
Got fit again + solid game = good times. Got new GF. Let myself go. Got hit by car. Developed body of 80 yr old being out of commission for 8 months until I could even rehab.
Began work on body again. Relationship gets better the more I improve. So much temptation. When I was a fat nice guy no one cares. When you're a jacked dickhead everyone who matters loves you.
Good job m8. Keep it going. Congrats on keeping the wife in line with your ways.
cheers man. Don't let the world stop you, keep on at that body.
Lol I feel also invisble and like shit, but I'm bald and there is no solution to that.
Imagine all of the tips given here about trp applied to you on 300 lbs, would it have helped somehow? Ofc not, now imagine following it religiously, get the changes but still doesn't matte because you are bald.
Oh and ofc looks matter, lol
"I neglected lifting. It would have been useless between 220lb to 300lb"
Who the fuck told you that? LOL.
He means muscle would not have done anything for him while he was still super fat. Like being muscular wouldn't have made him confident while it was buried under fat.
Depending on his Height, 220-240lbs is a decent weight to incorporate lifting while doing cardio.
Unless he was going for the "All Bones Marathon Runner" look.
Just FYI, if you have a wife in this story, you weren't actually invisible.
I mean, good for you for losing the weight and gaining a positive self image, but a lot of this post makes no sense.
It's hilarious to see how fat dudes on this subreddit often hamster away how important your physique is when it comes to attraction.
I'd say that above 15% bodyfat, you're putting your SMV significantly at risk by not losing any more weight. Like it or not, women have their pick of the best dick guys can offer-- therefore, you need to be competitive in the sexual marketplace.
Eat less, eat filling foods that have protein, lift, and do cardio. There are no excuses. It's OK to be hungry, remember that-- you suffer slight discomfort now in order to reap huge benefits later.
true but attraction is easier when you are leaner. its not an excuse, it should be more of a wakeup call that you need to get your ass in gear and cut weight.
Looks really don't matter, though. They matter insofar as they allow yourself to give yourself permission to act a certain way. I am just saying, you don't need to be good looking to be attractive, you just need to cultivate the same attitude and confidence that someone who is good looking would have. Stop being ashamed.
That's not to say that you should let yourself go or not take care of your body, but don't limit yourself because you don't fit society's standards of beauty or masculinity. Women don't care about your looks anyway; they care about how you make them feel and how grounded you are.
No.. this is not true... when I was fat I tried it and just attitude will not make it... you need the looks too.. people will respect the positive attitude and the positive results but that is just 50% of the work and the other 50% are looks.
I know what I'm saying goes against the narrative here, but try to rationalize where I'm coming from. Why would a man's looks matter to a woman? Think evolutionarily. As men, our mating cues are mostly physical; we look for specific traits such as wide hips, firm breasts, fair skin, all as a sign of youth and fertility. Women have a genetic timer, and as they age they lose power and value because an old woman does not make for a good mother for our children.
For women, a man's fertile signs are not all that important. Men are not tasked with birthing children, and their seed will be strong until they hit like their 70's on average. Aside from initial attraction (girls will notice you more and check you out, as well as be more receptive in their first interaction with you) your looks aren't going to do shit for you. Your personality is what women use to decide if they like you past the first 10 seconds of an interaction. Are you needy? Will your children be needy? Are you social? Are you controlled by fear? Are you grounded in your own reality, or is your reality fragile and quick to crumble? Do you have a steady temperament; are you icy? How will you handle yourself if she takes away signs that she is receptive and enjoying talking to you? Is your mood reliant upon her reactions to you, or do you cultivate enjoyment from yourself through self amusement? Will your sons be socially awkward? They figure this out through shit tests. Women's game is literally just create an obstacle and see if the guy knows how to get around it. This is how they screen your personality traits.
A woman wants to be with a great man, not a good looking man. Ask a girl if she would rather date an average/ugly guy with a great personality or a stud with a shit personality. Do you think a dwarf like Peter Dinklage can't get laid? Do you think Jack Black is super hot? What do you think they have going for them? Money? Lol.
So why should we try to look good as guys? Well, if you believe that women must be attracted to looks because 80% of attraction for us is a girl's appearance, then you will assume that women will dislike you unless you look a certain way. You will not give yourself permission to behave confidently or boldly; you will not be unashamed in your desires and your pursuits in life. You will not believe that you are making a stranger's day by approaching and talking to her; you will put her on a pedestal and assume that you have less social value because you don't look good. By improving your appearance you are conforming to your socialization; buying in and reinforcing your reality that your looks matter to women because they matter to you. You think that you are taking, not giving. There's no magic pill; the sex you get from one night stands is fun, but meaningless. Your looks won't help you with getting into a good relationship because your personality is what women are attracted to in the long term.
You should look good for you, not for the girl. You should hit the gym and eat right because your body is your best friend, and you need to treat it right. You should feed your mind with knowledge and meditation because your mind is your best friend. You should get proper sleep to nurture both your mind and your body.