I know the typical theory here is that there’s some “ideal woman” for every man that would make him drop everything to commit to. I’m sure this is true in many cases. But, more often, I suggest that timing truly is more important. In my experience, most dudes will happily pursue basically any “good enough” woman as a girlfriend/wife - but only once they’ve decided they want one.

Long before my FDS days, I dated this guy. We’ll call him Freddie. Freddie was a lawyer. Handsome. Came from a good family. Always a perfect gentleman. I’d known him since high school and we kept in touch over the years but we were always dating other people and living in different cities. Eventually we both ended up single and living in the same city. The chemistry was instant. I was crazy about him.

Of course, we talked about what we both wanted in an ideal partner. On paper, we seemed to perfectly check each other’s boxes. It felt so effortless. I was so thrilled to have finally found the guy I wanted to be with.

One night he picked me up, took me out to a wonderful dinner, and when we got home he dropped the bombshell on me - he loved me, but he “wasn’t ready” to get serious. I was completely heartbroken and immediately cut contact.

After several months, he came crawling back begging for another chance but by then I’d realized he had indelibly set the tone for the relationship. I didn’t want to spend every waking up wondering if this was going to be the day he decided he was “unsure” again.

It took two full years before I was completely over him, but we’re now good friends. He recently proposed to the girl he started dating immediately after me. I realize I’m at risk of sounding like the bitter ex here, but she genuinely is nothing like the woman he said he wanted.

He said he wanted something harmonious - they bicker constantly.

He said he wanted someone ambitious - she dropped out of college and works a dead-end job.

He said he wanted someone passionate about staying active - she never exercises.

He said he wanted someone who’s fiscally responsible - and then confided in me that she’s got five-digit credit card debt.

And that’s just the basic stuff.

I've noticed this with tons of guys I and my girlfriends have casually dated. They turned us down because they “weren’t ready for a relationship” - and their next girlfriend was the polar opposite of everything they said they wanted and needed in a partner.

It's like they’re perfectly content to fill the “wife” void with someone. They’ll love, appreciate, and make concessions for her no matter who she is. All because they woke up one day and realized they were missing something.

I literally do not understand this mentality at all. The idea of marrying someone who I’m not perfectly compatible with and who doesn’t really see me makes me physically fucking ill.