Note: I’m absolutely not saying anyone deserves abuse or is to blame for being abused. I’m saying when we don't always assume the best of men and educate ourselves, we can better protect ourselves.

When I see women posting about how their husband and father of their kids “suddenly” became abusive, I’m always a little skeptical (I myself grew up in abuse and have had abusive partners).

Men absolutely will show signs early on that they have the potential to be abusive and we need to be educated on what those signs are. One of those signs is SEEMING TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. (lovebombing) Other signs, like jealousy or believing in rigid gender roles, can seem cute or innocent at first.

By not even letting women talk about vetting men without banning them, men, mods, and Pickmeishsa are silencing an important conversation to keep women vulnerable. This functions to keep women ignorant and in a position where we're in the dark about a man's true character, which is the goal, to ensure their continued access to women. If you don't know the signs, it will absolutely seem like a man changed overnight when he was really that way all along.

We women have to take accountability to protect ourselves by knowing these signs and not falling into the Pickmeisha trap of thinking we can change a man by forcing him to act right, or go to therapy, or get sober (our obligation to standby and fix men is also a consistent theme in these subreddits).

We all have to be humble enough to accept that what you see is what you get (date reality, not potential) and not have the ego to delude ourselves into thinking we’ll be somehow magically excluded from his abuse because we’re special.

With that, I would love for all of us to share signs that might seem innocent at first but indicate a man is likely to become abusive.

This article is fabulous: http://www.usafvshelter.org/red-flags-warning-signs-of-an-abusive-personality