"Activity dates are best for first dates because they enable you to get to know each other better and in a lower-stress manner": solid dating advice or liable to make women lower their standards?

IndigoTR · 2021-08-15T00:37:52+00:00

Not first a first date. Second/third date and beyond maybe. I agree with others it’s too many moving parts when you’re trying to get a read on someone.

MostlyPeacfulPndemic · 2021-08-15T00:13:52+00:00

You shouldn't want to make it less awkward for a guy you are just meeting. You need to see the real them, you need to have flowing conversation, with the ability to touch on lots of topics.

Activity dates I think are fine first dates if you've already known the guy from work or mutual friends or whatever. Back before OLD, activity first dates were cool. But if you're just getting to know someone you've never even met before, activity dates are just going to prolong the process of getting to know them

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-08-15T00:37:28+00:00

I don't agree. He should want to get to know me which involves having conversations with me. Going bowling, walking around, or throwing things will pull focus from the conversation. Activity dates are distracting. On top of that, I really think men ask women on those kinds of dates because they're activities he enjoys and he just wants her to tag along before he tries to bang her.

Human_Summer_1709 · 2021-08-15T01:27:11+00:00

If a grown man cannot handle the "anxiety" and "awkwardness" of sitting at a meal for 90-240 minutes and having a conversation with another person he is presumably interested in and wants to get to know better, then I'm not sure he's someone you should be looking at in terms of long term, serious, romantic relationship material.

_cnz_ · 2021-08-15T00:39:56+00:00

Activity dates raise your heart rate and result in neurological love bombing and increases early attachment. Activity dates almost always turn into long overdrawn dates with multiple locations to also induce love bombing. These dates in general bypass important stages of intimacy and can dwindle ones boundaries over the course of one date

Ive seen this type of date being suggested by redpill or LV dating/improvement advice platforms (ie Improvement Pill has a widely popular video about this tactic). Don’t fall for it. Even though a mans intention may not be malicious, an activity date shouldnt be the first date as you don’t know the person and literally have nothing to bond over.

I would suggest activity dates maybe further down the line or going to eat maybe beforehand to get to know someone better (and possibly escape more easily).

ALysistrataType · 2021-08-15T00:38:48+00:00

We're in a spot where men don't want to even invest in breaking bread with women so I'm on the fence about activity dates. Activity dates sound great! Well after the first date though. Seeing how he treats wait staff, plans a date, dresses for a date, communicates with you and others, you can actually do all of that at a restaurant.

butterscotch17 · 2021-08-15T00:12:29+00:00

I would do brunch/dinner before or after an activity date just to make sure I can gauge and vet my date in different settings - Pay attention to how he reacts if he loses a game, if he looks out for your needs (Eg. if you're thirsty, does he offer to bring you a bottle of water)?

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-15T00:37:39+00:00

Bowling or arcade maybe as the 2nd or 3rd date. Excercise is bad idea. Dont forget that its very important to limit your time with your date early on to prevent false intimacy.

purasangria · 2021-08-15T00:53:29+00:00

I don't agree at all. I want to see how he behaves at the table, because that tells me a lot about his manners, behavior, and upbringing. I want to talk with him, in a quiet place, face to face. Men who are avoiding this are hiding something, and seem shady to me.

I don't care whether the dinner is steak or Thai food, but I do want the opportunity to get to know him without the distraction of an "activity." Any man who avoids this opportunity for a real get-to-know you session is hiding something, IMO.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-08-15T01:34:47+00:00

Not all activity dates are created equal and I think age is also a factor.

Bowling would be fine as a date for a middle school, high school or even a university date but not for working professionals, definitely not as a first date, not when there are so many other things for adults to do.

Exercising together? Yeah…no….not unless you’re both avid athletes who live life for sport. I used to be an athlete, I played a skating sport and I had exercising dates with other athletes but definitely not an amateur. I hate to sound like a snob but exercising is only a great date if you both live for it and have already seen each other sweaty. Even then, I wouldn’t consider an exercising date as a real first date unless it was followed by dinner.

So yeah….no to the activity date. I’d love to have a man to work out with but I would never consider going to the gym or on a bike ride a date.

I would say walk dates count as an activity date too and 👎🏻 . Maybe if you live in a country with a lot of historical monuments and you’re touring a district, followed by a nice dinner.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-08-15T00:52:44+00:00

I will go on activity dates, as long as I feel safe (aka no hiking even though I genuinely enjoy it), fairly quickly.

I think you can learn a lot about someone from them.

Things like:

Are they extremely competitive?

Are they encouraging?

Do they offer to let you have the first turn?

Do they offer you a drink/food if it’s an activity place with that?

Do they make sure you are having fun and comfortable?

But this is only for public things like bowling, mini golf, or similar types of things.

And I only accept this if I feel comfortable, if I don’t, dinner in public. Not sorry.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-08-15T00:45:13+00:00

If a man is too awkward to hold a conversation, he just needs to gtfo. A grown man should have enough social skills that he doesn't have to plan a first date around distractions.

shockingupdate · 2021-08-15T02:36:46+00:00

I think a great first date should start with an activity and end with dinner. The activity would hopefully break the ice and help you get to know your date’s personality and interests from several angles. If you decide you’re not into them, you can always dip out early, but if you’re both still interested, you now have more to talk about when you sit down for dinner.

ellewoods_21 · 2021-08-15T00:10:45+00:00

I think it depends on the activity. I really like skating dates bc we can groove, move slow, or get closer if I like him enough, but DO NOT do silly activities or things that are primarily for his benefit or at his convenience.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-08-15T10:45:23+00:00

They are better for bonding and that's what makes them bad first dates. You shouldn't be bonding on a first date, you should be learning.

Ironsculpture · 2021-08-15T13:31:13+00:00

"lower-stress manner" Is it just me or does this seem kind of weak and pathetic. If you can't handle dating then just don't date.

08__80 · 2021-08-15T00:25:48+00:00

Absolutely not. I want to sit my ass down and concentrate and actually get to know a person. I don't want to be sweating and climbing up rocks, or trying to shout over people at a noisy arcade or whatever bullshit.

If they want to go on an activity date, they can follow me around in the mall and hold my purse while I go shopping. The fuck I'm gonna go on an activity date?? Don't make me laugh!

BasketLow8411 · 2021-08-15T04:35:40+00:00

I am positively frightened about going on an activity date as a first or early date. Too much opportunity to be alone and away from others (like hiking). No thanks.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-08-15T03:48:28+00:00

People find eating in restaurants stressful now?

mariacolada · 2021-08-15T10:32:00+00:00

Exercise dates just seem more anxiety inducing. Imagine worrying the entire time about whether you're sweating too much or if you're looking ridiculous running after that ball.

yoursultana · 2021-08-15T00:52:55+00:00

Doing an activity on the first date is the worst idea. You’re meant to get to know the person. That stuff can be done with friends or later on in the dating phase or during a relationship

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-15T09:26:28+00:00

The first date is an interview. I want them sitting across the table from me so I can observe their conversation and get a feel for their vibe, no distractions or crutches. If a date with me is so stressful, they aren't my guy.

emziewemziee · 2021-08-15T13:18:28+00:00

never for a first date! you can’t get to know each other at all. although i do like them when you already know each other. i went to a trampoline park with my ex boyfriend and tripped and went head first into the foam pit, i was embarrassed enough then and we’d been dating for a while, imagine if it was a first date!!😂😂

AdmiralRando · 2021-08-15T17:15:27+00:00

I kinda like the idea - playing mini-golf or something. Is he a sore loser? A sore winner?

I don’t think these kind of activities should come in place of a meal, but it sounds like more fun than dinner and a movie.

The only activities you should look out for are the ones you would invite your dog to. Don’t “go for a walk”, or a hike, or sit in the back of his kayak (I hear that’s a thing near me. Lol) But yeah, if he plans a go-carting date with dinner after, why not?

MissouriBlue · 2021-08-15T07:54:51+00:00

I find Table Manners a huge vet.

If I cannot sit across the table and confirm that you know How to use cutlery correctly and How to chew with your mouth closed… or, Goddess Forbid, not speak with your mouth full… then I’m not interested in going on an “activity date” with you.

First things, first.

Second date is a spelling and grammar test…? 🤣

eru378 · 2021-08-15T08:48:13+00:00

If a man feels unable to start off a potential romantic connection with a focused, sustained conversation it does not bode well for the future. Sitting down in a restaurant and having a discussion with another person is a normal social event and a guy who is too anxious/shy/lazy/etc to do this, and who doesn't want to step up and work through his social issues to get to know a woman, is probably not suitable to be dating. Ten years down the track, with marriage and kids and a mortgage and two careers and everything else on the table, a couple isn't going to be going hiking or axe-throwing or going to the beach every day - they are going to be talking to each other every day, often about things that are complex and tricky to deal with. This comes back to the FDS point that there's no point expecting things to get better when they start out at a low point. If you can't have a proper conversation with a man right off the bat, there's no point expecting that that man will magically develop the ability and aptitude for it further on.

Also totally agree with your "bro" point! Activity dates have always made me mildly uncomfortable and I could never put my finger on why, but I think this is a big part of it. I want to dress up and I want my date to dress up, and I want to have a meaningful, special time with him. Dressing down and doing active things can happen later on once a connection is there. Let's not start things off with minimal effort and no sense of occasion. A date should have a sense of pressure and some mild awkwardness produced by both people putting something on the line, wanting to put their best foot forward, striving to make a good impression, etc.

skyerippa · 2021-08-15T07:06:33+00:00

I dress up to do all those things 🤷‍♀️

DuchessDurag · 2021-08-15T23:27:26+00:00

Activity dates are better reserved if you both have things in common and know each others physical abilities and boundaries.

A lot of activity dates suggested by men are done so that they can show off to their dates 😂 Or a good excuse for their friends to tag along.

Too many stories of people on dates getting injured or stranded in awkward situations because the activity date was too extreme.

2021-08-15T00:44:29+00:00

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Pokegirloras · 2021-08-15T23:17:55+00:00

Meal+activity is a good date for me. Lunch and going to a museum for example. So you can actually get to know each other while still making sure it isn't low effort

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