[deleted by user]

InAJam_SoS · 2022-01-26T00:08:27+00:00

Two months after the judge turned me, a father, into a weekend visitor to my children, a man moved in and is able to be with my child more than me.

Share your stories with as many as you can. Share what the family court system as done to your children and you. Share with moms of sons, share with paternal grandmothers who will barely be able to see their grandchildren if their sons go through the family court system. There needs to be sunlight in the corrupt family court system that has no mandate for judges to provide children with maximum equal time with both parents. There's no judicial oversight, no burden of proof for false allegations, no review process. The system is made to destroy families for the sake of money and hides behind the saying: "best interest of the child". Help expose this system. Helpful Links to look at and share:

National Parents Organization

The How & Why This has Happened

Divorce Corp

Although we know this affects children of fathers 95% of the time. It does happen to mothers and try to stay away from making it a Men's Right's / Father's Rights issue. It's a PARENT'S Rights issue and traps have been set to divide men/women andf Dem / Repub on this issue. Don't step in them and present this a one sided. We need allies, not enemies. Good luck everyone.

crowexplorer · 2022-01-25T22:31:12+00:00

My ex wife married the scumbag she was cheating on me with, then told my kids they had to call him "dad". Good times. They divorced within a year though, so it worked itself out.

NLP_Onyx · 2022-01-25T21:23:30+00:00

Hard agree with this. Especially knowing my STBXW and her tendencies. My two boys have amazing potential within them, and at 4 and 6 are already showing it in their studies. Both have been testing well above average, and both started school a year early due to late in the year birthdays. I've been doing what I can to provide for them and instill good morals, habits, etc... in them for when I'm no longer as involved as I want to be (and eventually pass away, but that's for another existential discussion).

However, as they age, I'm sure they'll come to the proper realizations. In the meantime, I might just end up being a deadbeat and irresponsible father (because mommy said so).

2022-01-25T22:04:35+00:00

I feel you brother.

My "replacement" walked out on his own wife and 6 month old baby.

I fucking despite the fact she refers to him as their "step dad". You have to earn any title with dad in it as far as Im concerned.

The world just aint right sometimes.

euphramjsimpson · 2022-01-25T21:27:21+00:00

That person is my old neighbor. I don't know what my ex saw in him but he is not a good person. He has been and is abusive to his ex and his own mother, calling them both c**t and b***h. I know he has cursed his ex in front of his two young daughters. I think the things he has done are reprehensible and irredeemable. He probably isn't like that to my ex or to my sons but I know that is what he is.

To me, it is very sad that his daughters will grow up thinking that an acceptable way to speak to women is the way he talks to their mom. But those are his kids and that is on him for being that poor example. That my sons may think it is a tragedy.

Classic_Dill · 2022-01-25T22:29:28+00:00

Then use your influence as their actual father, to push or teach your children your moral and value foundations.

used2befast · 2022-01-26T01:10:02+00:00

Yup. My ex turned into a real piece of shit. She was an attorney and local/state politician.

Attempt at a fake DV charge. Attempted to claim I was inappropriate with my daughter. Parental alienation. Gave my parents estate planning advice which surprisingly benefited her in the divorce.

Ended up spending $125K in attorneys bills just to secure 30%. I was afraid to risk it all at trial. Namely my parents life work and savings.

This was a devout catholic too.

JonathanApple · 2022-01-25T23:56:04+00:00

Haven't gotten there but it is absolutely the stuff of nightmares. My step dad was an asshole too.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-01-26T01:09:06+00:00

My ex-wife left me and eventually moved in her girlfriend. You read that right.

Fortunately, her gf by all accounts is a pretty decent person. It could definitely be worse.

I have chosen to do the opposite--the kids barely know that I'm dating, let alone have had a new gf of my own around them. I just am not ready to have them see me as a single person, and to introduce a new adult to their lives.

Fuzzy_Development_37 · 2022-01-25T23:34:26+00:00

I’m lucky, my ex is a narcissist who needs empathic people for her supply.

I work on me and make sure the kids get the emotional support when they’re with me. I also found an amazing and kind lady who’s in my life now who my kids adore

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-01-25T23:27:30+00:00

It suck’s major. But you can do nothing about it. Nothing. Be the best dad you can. Heal yourself first, then help the kids. In time they’ll see for themselves just how big of a wh**e piece of crap mommy and her pathetic boyfriend is.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2022-01-26T01:32:31+00:00

Their janky little friends will be even worse. That's the true value. Unless this guy is something exceptional, no grown-up is gonna be cooler than their peers.

What can you do about their friends? Only a little.

Soooooooooooo.... You can only worry about the values and image that YOU project. External forces are everywhere with social media and teh Intarwebz. That guy is a drop in the motherf***ing bucket when you look around at what's assaulting your kids. The number one single in America was Wet Ass Pu**y. That should concern you more.

Run your own race. If you're not yet a perfect father, guardian, mentor, and coach, then you have more important things than to worry about the blowings of the ephemeral winds. If the guy gets 86'd (like you did and her next one, likely), then what? You've wasted cycles on nothing.

Sharpen your swords, improve your dadcraft, build better communication, be loving-but-firm, and win the culture war. Nothing else matters.

ETA: It ain't easy. I know it as much as anyone. But hyper-focus on the important stuff. It ain't easy.

Party-Kaleidoscope23 · 2022-01-26T03:09:46+00:00

And that’s the main reason I’m toughing it out with my wife. We split back in April but my wife started talking to a guy and all I could think about was my kids. Even though everything was amicable I couldn’t take that.

RubberNipples7890 · 2022-01-25T23:10:37+00:00

Stepdads are known to sexually abuse kids. Mostly, because it’s not their genetic material that they’re fondling. That’s why I decided to wait until my kids go to college.

One of my ex-girlfriends was sexually abused by her stepdad numerous times when she was in elementary school. He only stopped because her brother walked in on them. Pretty gross.

ElliotMarriott · 2022-01-26T03:02:03+00:00

I paid $30000 in lawyer fees $6000 in super visits. Then lost $150000 to settle and my home that I bought with my inheritance. After all this I pay $609/month for child support.

I am switching trades to see my son more and during my first few years of apprenticeship I will be left with zero money after I pay for everything.I started living on the mock income right now. I have been back to court yo adjust my child support by they told me that I was being lazy and trying to pay less support.

I was never charged with domestic violence/not one hospital visit or any thing linking me to domestic violence. The women shelter aided her and made more accusations towards me. Her lawyer quite once the judge gave me visitation rights.

The worst part was losing my son 7 months to the visit. I was only allowed to see him 1 hour/visit ar a decided place by my ex wife and the agency that the court appointed. I lost my pride and my dignity.

It doesn’t bother me much that my ex has a new man. Or my kid has a new dad. Because I know I fought hard to be able to see my son 3 days a week. I was there when he was born at 900 grams. I never missed a child support payment and pay for all his cloths and such when he is with me. I really try to be the better man. As long as the new dude cares for son and son is happy I can’t ask for more. I will not be friends with him but I will not stress about things I cannot control. That is the major thing I learned about family law.

yourmomshotvag · 2022-01-25T22:52:57+00:00

You and me both man.

AlexFromOgish · 2022-01-25T23:33:29+00:00

Talk therapy; for you and for kids

Mountain_Split_2381 · 2022-01-26T03:17:25+00:00

Fake fathers (step-fathers) trying to scold or well-orient our kids makes me vomit given the reality that it is 99% of the time false love.

_nothingmatters_ · 2022-01-26T04:08:16+00:00

This is so painful to read. You got me in the gut. I’m sorry, man. It fucking sucks.

2022-01-25T23:06:58+00:00

Having confidence in your ability to be a father should offset this feeling. A new guy might even push your children towards you more.

My children know who I am. I'm not worried if my ex finds someone and they eventually live together.

More than anything, I think her next relationship will fail as well and if it works out and she has matured, I think my kids would ask her- "why couldn't you be like this with dad?"

Frosty_Season_8092 · 2022-01-26T02:48:24+00:00

💯 agree

jiveassjake · 2022-01-26T02:56:26+00:00

Yea,,, not much we can do. I enjoy rum and or whiskey on my night off. Whatever gets you out of the of that zone is good as long as it doesn't effect you or the people around you in a negative way

CaliBoundDad2015 · 2022-01-26T03:36:12+00:00

You will always be your kids father. Always.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-01-26T07:13:34+00:00

i keep thinking why can't we petition the supreme courts in our jurusdictions for a change to the laws?

as a group? like imagine 50 individuals all pay for and try a suit to change the current laws..whats the worst that could happen?

HENKH4L · 2022-01-26T08:44:45+00:00

What a coincidence.. Yesterday I was dropping off a laptop for homeschooling at my ex who now lives with my formerly friend.

He was there to open the door. We had a informal chitchat about him getting another PCR. My kids where still up and were a bit surprised that I was there. My 3 yo asked if I was picking him up. It was about 8:15 PM. He told them that they were going to bed, that my 8 yo needed to get upstairs and I caught him saying you stay with daddy downstairs to my youngest son. (They rock the toddlers to sleep)

He has 3 kids of his own, ages 2, 8 and 10. I wasn't too bothered, I could be that he does this automatically, could be not. He ain't a terrible dad or something. However he calls himself, I for a fact know that my kids know better and that I'll always be their dad. They love me a lot and I love them even more.

Did not really want to make a deal of it, seems like a waste of energy to me since I know better.

Eedoryeong · 2022-01-26T12:45:45+00:00

That is sickening but it needn't necessarily be a bag of shit. Hear me out. Your kids are in one aspect going to be influenced by several mentors and advocates in the world. Most of those influencers are not going to be you or mom. I don't know your specific circumstances but I hope for you that it turns out (as it very well could) that your kids will have acquired an addition to their roster of long term advocates from 2 people to 3, instead of just removing one (you) for another (him), the latter which it sounds like it's not really happening if you're getting regular time with them. That 3rd person is vetted by the same one who picked you. So hopefully that brings you a little assurance in the interim. Stay vigilant of course, but what they will need is for you to be

There
Acting right
A reliable and welcome support

Do this and over time, they will see and know.

I hope that works for you. It's what I'm using for myself and our situation.

Flimsy_Ebb_3116 · 2022-01-26T13:17:15+00:00

I really feel for you bro. I know one day it will happen to me as my ex moved on. Now a days people don’t even care or have the mental capacity to show other peoples kids the love they need. People are selfish and in their own world. Just shower them with love. One thing I will tell you a kid can realize true unconditional love and you keep showing them that. One day they might not even want to stay with mommy and her bf. Women are always in their feelings and don’t realize the damage it can do to a kid. Don’t get me wrong yes move on, but from what I read about divorces you should 1. Be by yourself (at least a year if their young kids) 2. Let the child understand what’s going on. Also let’s be real you shouldn’t want no man around your kids too fast. But like I said women and their needs come before their own kids well being not all women but alot and I’m only speaking on this because I lived it as a child. I love my mom but I never forgot and it does damage you. So just shower them in love and I’m hoping the best for you

Snowbirdy · 2022-01-26T13:18:54+00:00

I lucked out. My ex-wife married a guy who really is decent and helps take care of the kids. We might even all go on holiday together with my new partner and her kid. But I definitely am aware of how lucky I am.

So it’s not a foregone conclusion that she will get with a scumbag, but as this thread shows, it is certainly a risk. Good luck my friend

thefudmaster · 2022-01-26T13:37:28+00:00

OP, my ex dated a number of trashy guys (Domestic violence convictions, child abuse convictions, etc.) but then she met a great guy and married him. I would feel the same way as any father with less time, but I fought tooth and nail for 50/50. It was my hill to die on and I achieved it despite lawyers, judges, and other court personnel attempting to persuade me to be a visitor to my children. It wasn't going to happen.

pilotbrown16 · 2022-01-26T13:45:16+00:00

Damn I haven't even gotten there yet. My my kids only listen to me anyway so I am not worried

relationshiptossoutt · 2022-01-26T16:33:31+00:00

This fear kept me paralyzed and in a completely dysfunctional marriage for far, far too long.

I have 50/50 custody with my kids. My wife is chaotic and will likely have a string of partners in and out of her life. The best thing I can do for them is hold tight, be a stable, predictable force. I should show my kids how people live.

You're doing them no favors by modeling an unhealthy relationship.

Mickwillie · 2022-01-26T03:09:02+00:00

Get over that shit. Have some faith in your ex and your kids.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	82
Comments	58
Date	January 25, 2022 9:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/divorce_men/comments/sco5j4/deleted-by-user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/deleted-by-user.1600066 https://theredarchive.com/post/1600066

Comments