How to be the Other Man?

Effective-Pin-5984 · 2025-10-15T18:02:18+00:00

I’m just stumbling onto this post and using a burner, obviously. I don’t have a good answer to the question of “how,” but I have recently found myself in the position of the other man. I guess I was just friendly to her, idk. At first I was unaware she was married and cut her off after finding out, but things have changed and it seems we will continue hooking up.

Women, and men but mostly women, are scumbags. Myself included if I continue down this road. I just don’t care anymore after my divorce. I was cheated on, my best friend’s wife is having another man’s child, and this girl cheating on her husband with me has been the nail in the coffin. So if everyone is going to be scum, may as well have some fun with it.

BaldieGoose · 2025-10-03T11:03:39+00:00

Take her away from her responsibility. These hos cheat because these guys convince them to take up a new hobby with them or whatever and leave responsibility to the chump at home. Most of these women I've determined are lazy and should never have become wives or mothers because they just want to party and be hos.

Gattsama · 2025-10-03T05:41:04+00:00

As others pointed out, there's no logical reason or even emotional one to become am affair partner. If you're talking about being a better man, and a different man. That makes a lot of sense .

Do not remarry. The marriage contract is fundamentally broken. But if you want to have sex with women, emotional relationships with women, intimacy with women, etc. that's easy to obtain.

There is no shortage of women, they're everywhere. The number of good ones is somewhat slim, but again it depends on what your goals are .

Before you get involved with women. Though, it's extremely important you ReDiscover yourself. Once you are fit: physically fit, emotionally, fit, mentally fit, financially fit. Then decide what it is that you want from women or in a relationship. And only then do you go out and seek it .

If you are not fit, and you don't know what you want, then you were adrift in the wind. The sea will carry you wherever the current blows. And what you want to do is actually be the master at the wheel .

NewDay0110 · 2025-10-03T04:46:43+00:00

To be the other man you need to have your life in complete disorder. Be a little nuts and spontaneous. She likes the other man because he doesn't know where his life is going or what he's going to do 10 minutes from now. He's just a delinquent who is good looking, maybe he got a big dick, but most important he gives your wife the attention she's seeking (which plays to her own insecurities) because he's got nothing better going on in his life.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-10-03T01:46:27+00:00

I think your real question is how to do you become one of the 50% of guys whose wives remain loyal to them.

Two parts:

1) Choose a good woman

2) Keep dating your spouse

You are in complete control of each part.

retired337 · 2025-10-03T01:45:28+00:00

A real man is not a lying adulterer who destroys a family

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-10-03T00:58:04+00:00

I will never get married again! I will also never be the other guy. No man deserves that and there are always kids involved. I've learned to vet them that they know their cheating ways won't work with me. Being the other guy to me is having morals and not breaking up families.

Besides it never fails, they will cheat on you too. They go from host to host, extracting resources, leaving devastation behind. See them for exactly what they are and you will have found peace.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-10-03T00:57:51+00:00

Step 1. Be an immoral scumbag

Step 2. There is no step 2

Legitimate-Corgi · 2025-10-03T00:40:54+00:00

If they’ll cheat with you they’ll cheat on you. Plus why even get involved in that drama

liquid-icee · 2025-10-03T00:18:10+00:00

Think about how awful it was for you to be the betrayed. My exs AP is a lowlife, I bet deep down he knows it and I think he deserves a cheater like her. Would you want to be a part of the equation for some poor guy who’s never done anything to you. Obviously if a woman is willing to cheat she’ll find someone else to do it, but let that be some other guy willing to compromise his morality. Don’t do it, you won’t feel good about yourself.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2025-10-03T00:08:09+00:00

Wanting to be the other man still relies on a woman as your fulcrum of validation.

Reflog1791 · 2025-10-02T23:52:01+00:00

The Other Man is any other bozo your ex wife gets a hard on for.

The answer to your question is get buff and upgrade your hairstyle, wardrobe, and general appearance.

The extended answer is you don’t want to be the other man. Married women looking for an affair are horrible and will bring you nothing but pain and misery. They are the bottom of the barrel. They are liars and users. Their husband might exact revenge on you up to and including death.

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2025-10-02T23:28:56+00:00

When I first saw this question I thought it was in the context of "How can you stand yourself?"

Azazl187 · 2025-10-02T23:28:35+00:00

I already am. I just followed my own path alone for another 2 years and suddenly here I am.

I of course don't act on it because I don't want to do the same to someone else that happened to me. Married women in long term relationships want change, chaos and excitement. They know I can provide it and they thirst after it and will give up everything to get it.

I stick to single women but only put in minimum energy so that I save the best of me for my own progress, path and craft.

Honest, open, with integrity and dignity and they lap it up but are not surprised when you let them go because even though they are desperate to make you theirs they know deep down you won't be because you are too focused on your own game.

It's the only way to counter the modern boss bitch modern women.

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-10-02T23:17:44+00:00

Bro don’t let her turn you evil 😅 That’s obviously not you. You just need to heal

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-10-02T23:14:34+00:00

Hell no!!!!

Sorry but I have zero respect for the other guy, and so should any decent guy out there. Fuck that cheating dishonest tik tok BS fake ass shit they’re pushing now, I’m not pretending to be in love w anyone.

It’s more pathetic my wife couldn’t leave me, she had to cheat because she couldn’t afford to get her own place and AP didn’t have his.

I’m sure she lied to AP, but still, even then, he came in and lied at our trial for her. So I have zero respect for anyone that is with someone who is actively cheating, or w another persons spouse.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2025-10-02T22:55:52+00:00

That’s just your anger talking. I’m two years out and have clarity. I’m not getting into a relationship again.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-10-02T22:54:51+00:00

You still have some healing and inner growth left to do Sir. Hold off from this course if you really are considering it, you are not that man.

LoveCrispApples · 2025-10-02T22:33:29+00:00

If you go that route, you'll be no better than she is. Or, who your ex is. You want something real and true, and that can only happen once you have grown into the best man you can be. It takes time doing the work and building character- things that low-lives like cheaters and liars don't comprehend or possess.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-10-02T22:22:27+00:00

that's your anger talking....if you have a sense of honor, doing that would eat you alive

thriller1122 · 2025-10-02T22:20:02+00:00

You’ll still feel the way you feel AND you’ll be a piece of shit. Totally understand the impulse, but that ain’t it.

Sufficient_Tone9314 · 2025-10-02T22:17:34+00:00

I’m sorry for what you’re going thru. There are women out there who just want to love and be loved. I think when you’ve healed it will feel different.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-10-02T22:11:23+00:00

If you mean becoming the AP, not interested. Why open yourself up to drama, profit off the misery of what is probably a regular decent guy, and potentially physical harm. Also, many cheaters can become dangerous stalkers themselves.

If it Floats, Flies, Or... Ducks? Rent it by the hour.

DetroiterInTX · 2025-10-02T21:47:03+00:00

Nope, was never interested in that. Did get remarried, and we both had finalized divorces when we started seeing each other.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-10-02T21:44:36+00:00

You’re speaking from a place of hurt. Don’t even think about engaging with women until you’ve healed.

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2025-10-02T21:37:04+00:00

Never. Being a party to cheating is almost the same as cheating. I will always remember how it’s felt, and I am not willing to wreck anyone’s home. It may not stop her but, I won’t have to live with that on my conscience.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-10-02T21:35:19+00:00

Not a chance, don’t need any bs cheater drama in my life.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-10-02T21:26:14+00:00

Be attractive.
Don’t be unattractive .
Be at the right place in the right time.

But really, you should focus on finalising your divorce first.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-10-02T21:25:08+00:00

I could never be the other man. I know the pain I went through and would never do that to someone else. I learned to read the signs, speak my feelings, and trust my gut. I got remarried and my wife is always shocked when I can pick out which of her friends are having relationship issues. It’s just a matter of paying attention.

Title	How to be the Other Man?
Author	Numerous_Study_1846
Upvotes	1
Comments	57
Date	October 2, 2025 9:19 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nwgegz/how_to_be_the_other_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-be-the-other-man.1563305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563305

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