Am I right to skip this date tomorrow?

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-30T08:42:42+00:00

10 YEAR age gap
Forced intimacy by suggesting he goes to your place to “meet your dogs”
Offered to “play frisbee at a park” for the first date
31 years old working at a supermarket
Wants to know your address (ABSOLUTELY NOT!) before you get to know each other properly
Doesn’t drive
We are STILL in the middle of a global pandemic!

Edit: extra word

burpleseaurchin · 2020-07-30T08:39:06+00:00

[deleted]

Maisiebr · 2020-07-30T08:33:30+00:00

Please be wary of sharing your address with him. I don't know much else, but there's a reason you also spotted his throwawayish phone and the details about him just feel wrong to you. Trust your gut.

zielona_kotka · 2020-07-30T08:44:38+00:00

First of all I wouldn’t give him my phone number. Please be careful when giving it out. Also like ladies before me wrote, trust your gut. I wouldn’t go on the date with that guy. He is pushy, and of course age gap doesn’t matter to him because you are a lot younger and he thinks he can probably easily manipulate you. Also the narcissistic part about him not looking the age - is it supposed to convince you that age gap is acceptable?🤨 Lastly, the phone thing. I do not mind old phones, not everybody has the latest tech but seriously that phone is probably older than you. And it baffles me, maybe I watch too much crime related stuff but old Nokia’s cannot be traced so I in my mind I would picture myself getting buried alive and they couldn’t even trace the guy. 🙈 sorry for the exaggeration.

ScrappleSandwiches · 2020-07-30T08:14:54+00:00

Always trust your gut. If you do decide to go, meet him at the restaurant, don’t give him your home address!

goatismycopilot · 2020-07-30T08:30:21+00:00

I think you should trust yourself more. Your gut instinct is good here so give yourself more credit for being able to read people than you have. Don't go on the date.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-07-30T10:38:02+00:00

Alright, so those family and friends telling you to go? Don't listen to them for advice on dating anymore. "Give him a chance" no. That age gap is the worst. And him not driving/owning a car/working at a supermarket is also all just no's at his age. Unless you're managing the supermarket or own it, just being a bag boy or cashier at 31 is kinda painful. With the pandemic (here in the states, but only some states) the supermarkets were almost the only things open and only way to make money for a bit, so that's somewhat understandable. And the jobs market took a downturn - my industry and company laid off 40 people permanently, all skilled jobs - so again, could be a factor in why he's there.

But the age gap is the worst sign and when you combine all those factors (plus the immediate "I'm going to your house" thing) it just is a recipe for disaster.

cosmic-rebirth · 2020-07-30T11:29:55+00:00

Cancel the date. He tried to come over and see your dogs, ie. probably pressure you into sex. He's bombing you with compliments, ie. trying to groom you to do what he says. He's using an OLD NOKIA, meaning he has a real phone somewhere - one that his actual wife or girlfriend knows about.

Alma00019 · 2020-07-30T12:05:21+00:00

Don't give out your address to strangers (especially men)
Do not give out your phone number to strangers. Get a google phone number (they're free!) and use the instead until you have vetted the man and are 100% sure you can trust him.
This guy is a LOSER
Generally, I don't think an age gap of 10 years is a big deal. I do think that at 21 and 31 though is a iffy. If you were even a few years older like 24 and 34, it would be less weird. But at 21 you're barely out of your teen years, while he's already had a good run. If you're very mature for your age, then maybe I could see it. If you had met this guy through friends or work and had become friends first and realized you had a lot in common, then fine. But you met him randomly in a super market. So, yeah 21 and 31 is iffy. REGARDLESS, the issue here isn't the age gap. The age gap is the least alarming thing out of this situation.
WHAT IS ALARMING:
1. He met you in a store
2. he's 31 and can't drive
3. he's 31 and getting a job at a grocery store - not trying to be elitist, but... seriously?
4. Immediately after meeting you in a store, he where you live. NO SANE NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO THIS!!!!!!! THIS IS AN AUTOMATIC RED CURTAIN OF NOPE!!!!
5. Tries to invite himself over to your place - he JUST met you! This SCREAMS PREDATOR. NO SANE PERSON WITH GOOD INTENTIONS WOULD (EVEN JOKINGLY) INVITE THEMSELVES OVER TO YOUR PLACE 5 MINUTES AFTER MEETING YOU RANDOMLY SOMEWHERE!
6. Can't decide on his own whether he wants a doggy date or an actual date.
7. Talks about how he's a "sprightly lad" and "looks young" for his age. That means that he knows he's too old for you, but is trying to manipulate you into thinking it's fine.
8. has an old Nokia? Either he has a real phone for his wife/gf like another poster said or this guy's a complete mess. He's seriously giving me weirdo bum vibes. Once, late at night I was doing some grocery shopping and this super creepy dude who was also AT LEAST 10 years older than me or more comes up to me and asks where the frozen foods are, and then starts saying I'm really nice and really pretty and that his wife kicked him out and he'd sure like a place to stay with a nice girl. I BOOKED IT. I made sure he wasn't around when I left the store to go to my car, and took a long detour home just in case. That's what your guy reminds me of. DON'T GO.

Honestly, I would text him and tell him that something came up and you have to cancel. DON'T GO. Block and delete. If he already knows your address, I would wait to see what his reaction is before blocking him, to make sure he doesn't fly off the handle and start threatening you. Please be safe.

And, as a final reminder:

NEVER give out your address to strangers (especially men)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

asianinindia · 2020-07-30T09:43:16+00:00

These are all red flags please don't go on this date. He's not bothered by your age because it's an advantage to him. 10 years is a big age difference however you look at it.

Not to mention he's asking for your address so soon? This is setting off alarms in my head.

DallasOMalley · 2020-07-30T11:16:51+00:00

Red flags galore. Please listen to the other posters. This man sounds like a predator, and I'm afraid you will not be safe dating him.

Wait__No__What · 2020-07-30T13:09:30+00:00

DO NOT MEET HIM.

BLOCK. DELETE. I'm getting serial killer vibes off your post.

Cloddieee · 2020-07-30T08:25:02+00:00

Too old!!!!! I know it’s legal but it ain’t right

bisanti · 2020-07-30T08:39:43+00:00

Yes you are damn right. Too old! He's experienced all of his 20's and you're just beginning. Completely different stages of life. Dude may very well be divorced or have hidden children.

Plus when you're a hot 30 year old he'll be balding with a big ole gut. We simply cannot have that.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-07-30T09:17:23+00:00

Always trust your gut.

If your gut isn’t enough, the age gap and the low effort should be enough to block and delete.

balladwilds · 2020-07-30T09:45:47+00:00

don't do it girl

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-30T11:34:21+00:00

Girl run

circescircus · 2020-07-30T13:45:12+00:00

So many red flags. So creepy. Please avoid this guy. Yes you are right to skip this date.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2020-07-30T12:23:54+00:00

Yes it would be a waste of your time. Don't go.

Plants_haveprotein · 2020-07-30T13:49:53+00:00

Girl what...I’m surprised you would have to even ask this. So many red flags I could make a scarf out of them 😬

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2020-07-30T22:55:25+00:00

A lot of men are interested in younger women because a healthy, accomplished, 30 year old woman would straight up laugh at this man’s lack of growth and progress in his life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t kid yourself, I literally have a 32 year-old friend who is dating a 23 year old girl because and I quote “30 year-old women expect me to own a home, so I just date younger.”

He is literally not willing to step up to the plate (in all areas of his life) so he instead just goes after 20 somethings... 🙄

GlitteringContact8 · 2020-07-30T14:43:10+00:00

You don't need anyone's permission to decide you do NOT want to see him. You don't need to justify it. Stay safe. Don't give him your address.

NessaMonsta17 · 2020-07-30T15:34:10+00:00

Omg, block him!!!!! He is sounds sinister!!!

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-30T14:45:12+00:00

Of course he's not bothered by your age, that was the whole point.

If he has an old Nokia at 31 that means he's probably jobless and possibly semi homeless. Couch surfer on his buddies couch likely. (Okay I missed the part about him working at the grocery store. That's not much better)

Taxi means no car. Probably because he has a DUI and isn't allowed to drive.

Also picking you up in a taxi at your home means he gets your home address and you don't even know this man. I can't possibly impress on you what a terrible idea that is. You don't want a poor, jobless, crazy 31 year old man who know your address when he decides to be a stalker because he's got nothing to lose.

Also "throw a frisbee around" as a date?

Every one of these alone should have caused you to brush the guy off or take his phone number and then block it later. Please read the handbook in the about section and think about what you want, what you deserve, what your future goals are. Maybe address some self-esteem issues that have you accepting this stuff.

cakefacednurse · 2020-07-30T14:27:04+00:00

Please don’t go! Lots of red flags

nat890 · 2020-07-30T14:37:06+00:00

Please don’t go out with this guy! When I was your age I dated a guy 10 years older than me with a couple of red flags (but nothing too sinister that wasn’t easy to overlook). He turned out to be abusive and by the time I found out it was too late I’d married him by then! Cannot say this enough, Aspergers or not TRUST YOUR GUT! Sending a taxi to get you at your home when you’ve only just met (never give out your address again please!) reminds me of an escort - you’re not an escort please don’t allow yourself to be treated like one. The phone thing is a red flag for sure too.

throwmefaraway85 · 2020-07-30T14:47:30+00:00

No, no, no, no, no ... do not see this man under any circumstances, cut all contact. This is all wrong in many different ways and waaaaay too many red flags.

aTrueJuliette · 2020-07-30T16:13:13+00:00

Girl he works at a supermarket. This is enough to next.

Orphanedpinkpetals · 2020-07-30T18:28:19+00:00

Get a free google voice number ( aka a burner number ) So future guys cant look up your info

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-07-30T19:34:33+00:00

Pro tip- only drug dealers use old ass Nokia’s

Blackishcat27 · 2020-07-31T06:06:48+00:00

I have asbergers too. With lots of time and practice you'll learn how to read people and listen to your intuition. Run from this guy and don't look back. For some reason his casually approaching you while you were grocery shopping seemed like a disregard for boundaries. The fact that he's pressuring you and refusing to take no for an answer...huge red flag and the age difference is another. You did well. Now stick to your guns and don't cave!

RiteWriter · 2020-07-31T03:16:48+00:00

Yeah at 26+ you can stretch it more I think. At that age a 6 year age gap — yielded a pretty good relationship. Tried a bigger one at 29 and yeahhh no. He was not porn addicted but was married to his work.

dzgata · 2020-07-31T05:00:13+00:00

Block him.

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