And if it does, it’s probably gaslighting

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-10-01T23:46:54+00:00

Omg if I had a dollar for every minute I spent in the most psychotic and insane fights all because I believed I could maturely and calmly share how I feel about something, I would be a billionaire right now. It doesn't matter if you word it just right and avoid accusing trigger words. LVM will activate into Tekken mode. You can't discuss your feelings with someone who would rather destroy you than be wrong.

seraphinelysion · 2020-10-01T23:56:44+00:00

There's nothing better than when you tell your (ex)husband of 10+ years that you don't ever feel loved by him and his reaction is to be mad that (1) I felt that way at all and (2) I told him about it.

Then he never tries to figure out why I feel that way nor does he do anything to change it. 🤡

awkchihuahua · 2020-10-02T00:04:24+00:00

Whenever I used to try to discuss how I was feeling about something with my ex, he'd do his signature move..sigh loudly, put his head in his hands and say "really?! We're doing this right NOW?!"...when it was a Sunday afternoon and we're sitting on the couch. It's a BAD sign and shows major communication issues.

pao664 · 2020-10-02T00:38:32+00:00

This!!!! I swear, the minute a man starts to argue with me about “how I feel,” I AM SO FUCKING DONE.
This is a form of gaslighting and emotional abuse- by arguing with you he is diminishing your feelings.
Scrotes that do this usually show it early. You can sniff it out in the first couple of phone calls.

43rdaccount · 2020-10-01T23:56:38+00:00

This made me think of my sister and how she expressed some of her feelings to me today, and I turned it into an argument. I don't want to do that to her. Thank you for posting it.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-10-01T23:45:05+00:00

I was SO AFRAID to tell my current boyfriend how I felt about something and he was like, understanding and wanted to make me feel better and immediately took action to make the situation more comfortable for me and like, I have so many exes who would have made that conversation into a fight. Just more proof for me that he’s on a different level.

bonheurdupasse · 2020-10-02T06:35:37+00:00

[deleted]

2020-10-02T00:58:31+00:00

I learned later in life people are supposed genuinely care about your feelings. Like, during the pandemic people have actually asked how I am doing.

jayohday · 2020-10-02T02:38:56+00:00

Every single “discussion” with LV ex.

TexiMcCrae · 2020-10-01T23:25:09+00:00

Right? This drives me insane and is the biggest red flag for me. I attract men that don’t understand that I NEED communication. If you’re gone for the weekend then I expect at least one check in daily. And I KNOW that’s me being pick-me. 🧐 And if I can’t even get that? Boy, fuck you and bye. As I get older I’m getting less and less tolerant of “I’m just bad at texting”.

BasieSkanks · 2020-10-02T05:15:27+00:00

With my ex, this always happened. No matter how nicely I worded it try to spare his feelings, he would ALWAYS take issue with how I said it, so he could play the victim. It’s such a toxic pattern if this does happen, and you need to leave. Your feelings should not be up for debate.

callofktululu · 2020-10-02T08:00:44+00:00

Told my ex how he invalidates my feelings most of the time, showed him examples such as him saying "you cant logically feel that way", "its not a big deal", "you shouldnt feel that way". He then proceeded to tell me how I NEVER get over any of our issues, I never heal or improve from them and that I have a problem with that. That he had already apologized for one of those things and I still haven't forgave him EVEN THOUGH HE APOLOGIZED HELLO!! Then he told me that I don't trust him and that he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust him. We broke up 2 mins after that. I was relieved. Then a few days later came the waterworks. But it was a blessing in disguise you guys.

AnneLindy · 2020-10-02T02:13:37+00:00

This is so hard to swallow but so true 😢

Betty_Bottle · 2020-10-02T05:55:42+00:00

After a huge sigh "you're hard work, you are".

Have we all dated the same man??

PeachPitiless · 2020-10-02T10:15:19+00:00

Every single time a man I've been with has asked me how I feel, it's always ended in an argument. I've never met a man who really cared. They get defensive and angry once I start talking about being unhappy in the relationship. Not even being unhappy, just talking about any feeling that they don't deem perfect. They just don't want to hear it. They loved unloading their misery on me though lol. Never again.

gabydrt · 2020-10-02T12:22:09+00:00

I was so used to end up crying after I told my ex-bf about the way I felt that I ended up carrying toilet paper in my car for the next time I was inevitably going to cry after an argument. It’s hard to break off the old habit, and I was so confused when I had disagreements with my current bf and he would patiently listen to me, try to understand my point and actually acknowledge if he needed to change something, not once have I cried in an argument. It wasn’t that I’m too sensitive I was being neglected

m00n5t0n3 · 2020-10-02T03:06:49+00:00

Woah

super_thinker_ · 2020-10-02T12:55:32+00:00

These are the kinds of arguments that turn women into pickmes. I wish we taught kids about healthy communication in grade school.

2020-10-02T03:13:33+00:00

Umm you don’t have to air out my dirty laundry in public?

CloacaDiddler · 2020-10-02T06:25:07+00:00

As I calmly ask “why are you mad? What about this managed to upset you?”

“I’m nOT fUcKinG mAD gOd yOu’rE tHe ONe wHo’S MaD LiSTen tO yOuRsElf HOooOolY sHiT”

babyfrog98 · 2020-10-02T12:11:20+00:00

Ahhhh! Every time I would try to talk about how we needed to work on communication I was met with either a brick wall or made to feel like I was crazy and needy. I actually looked into BPD because of how neurotic I was being made to feel for wanting to talk about how I felt... since I’ve been on my own for a few weeks I haven’t cried or felt overly emotional at all.

Queencake504 · 2020-10-02T13:05:24+00:00

Emotionally manipulative azz narcs.

Silverpool2018 · 2020-10-02T05:36:41+00:00

Ugh my parents did it.

Villanelloh · 2020-10-02T11:03:23+00:00

"But what about how I feel?! Don't you care about meeee?!!!!!!"

huevos_and_whiskey · 2020-10-02T19:34:32+00:00

Toxic people take accountability as an attack.

thegrrr8pretender · 2020-10-02T23:50:37+00:00

“We were having such a nice time and now it’s all tense and uncomfortable because of what you said. Do you see what you did?”

“Look at where we are right now, I’m right here with you and that’s what matters. Look at where I’m at right now. It’s not about yesterday, just be here, in the moment.”

“There is no way that I can go back and remember how and why I was feeling that way. How can you ask me now about what I said/did then? It’s impossible for me to know.”

Actual quotes from my NVM ex when I would bring up things he said, did, or asked about his ex girlfriend. Turns out, she wasn’t an ex, and he was a sociopath who lied about every single thing he possibly could and got off on pulling the wool over girls eyes.

Now, just last night, it’s a fucking psychological struggle for me to be able to speak up and say something when I’m made to feel uncomfortable or concerned. Don’t want to ruin the moment, ya know?

fermata102 · 2020-10-02T16:22:27+00:00

Worsen still - a conversation about how you feel isn’t supposed to end in ... the ending.

galvanicreaction · 2020-10-02T15:45:16+00:00

My ex's response was always, "Well that's just your old baggage."

Jerk!

AliceKingsly · 2020-10-02T17:00:51+00:00

@ my toxic ex-friend. I wish I would've realized this before I took her back just to get my self-esteem ruined... Again. Also, don't forget my ex-crush making everything about him whenever I told him something bothered me.

XxShykatxX · 2020-10-02T19:17:26+00:00

Oh my gosh, this was my last relationship xD Every time I said I FELT concern for his drinking he would interject with either "You're blowing this out of proportion!" "That hurts my feelings!" "I disagree!!" And every time I had to tell him that his response was uncalled for. Eventually he claimed I was stepping all over him and was done with me after I broke up with him. He didn't like how I had all these valid reasons for leaving and had to go and shout literally the same things back to me. LVM up the wazoo!

ThrowRA745318 · 2020-10-08T12:34:39+00:00

Yes, this. Every time I'd bring up how a thing made me feel with my ex, it was a huge thing. He'd say things like "I just want to go a week without some stupid issue", as if me saying "this is how this thing makes me feel" was some massive hardship he had to shoulder.

fermata102 · 2020-10-02T16:21:23+00:00

Needed this today. Thank you. ❤️

comrademasha · 2020-10-29T07:37:37+00:00

Hoooooly shit this thread has opened my eyes. My ex would pull the "You're not listening!" Card and repeat all of his arguments every single time I disagreed with him. I broke up with him but we stayed friends because he seemed to be getting his anger under control. I let him move in with me when it looked like he was going to be evicted and made him pay only like $200 bucks a month... He lost/quit his job and stopped paying that, went and bought $200 worth of weed for "medical reasons" when the pandemic hit, and then when I was out of my own stash one day, he refused to let me hit his bowl because, and I quote, "I don't owe you my time or my things". AND I DON'T OWE YOU FREE HOUSING SO GTFO.

And he did, thankfully. And stole all my condiments. Including the salt and pepper. Petty ass bitch.

StalkMarketNewb · 2020-10-02T17:05:59+00:00

I recently explained my frustration and hurt to a former male friend who suddenly reappeared in my life after nearly a decade of no-contact. Why the sudden reappearance? He was interested in having me help facilitate his move to my country. And when I wrote to tell him that I wished he'd make an effort to be friends in the meantime, and felt hurt that he only really values me for my citizenship, he went DEAD silent and left me on read. For over a month.

Men are a trip, but that silence speaks absolute volumes.

Title	And if it does, it’s probably gaslighting
Author	ellaykim
Upvotes	2667
Comments	87
Date	October 1, 2020 10:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j3j2m7/and_if_it_does_its_probably_gaslighting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/and-if-it-does-its-probably-gaslighting.282457 https://theredarchive.com/post/282457

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