✩ FDS FOR TEENS ✩ PART 1: LITTERALLY ANYTHING ELSE > MEN

souredskittles · 2021-04-11T05:01:22+00:00

On the flip side:

I didn’t date in my teens or early 20s and I don’t regret it EVER. I’m glad I was conscious of the fact that they literally don’t have much to offer you, yet you will go through the ups and downs of relationships, for what sis? A guy that’s not worth a damn?

I dated men later on and I fully realized what I escaped from. I would had definitely BUCKLED at all the gaslighting, emotional abuse, their porn addiction, cheating etc. had I been a teen or young adult. And how much anxiety and pressure it created. No way I was going to do as well as I did in school or achieve what I did if I had those external factors.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-11T06:33:42+00:00

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kr_uhd · 2021-04-11T04:28:19+00:00

I wish every teenage girl could see this post.

seraphinelysion · 2021-04-11T07:21:18+00:00

Agree.

Treat men as disposable.

Discard them when they're of no use in your life.

You don't owe them shit.

You only owe yourself.

For everything else there's Mastercard.

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-11T04:18:36+00:00

Thank you! This kind of content is much needed. Part of the reason I'm here is to receive advice from older, more accomplished women. <3

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-11T06:46:00+00:00

I’m in my early 20s and honestly don’t want to date until my late 20s. I’m still figuring out who I am and establishing myself in life and I don’t want a Scrote to derail me and ruin my life. I already feel like I’ve wasted too much of my life. And I’m honestly scared of losing all progress and compromising on my dreams for some stupid male.

So many women’s lives have been taken over and ruined by parasitic men who place themselves as the center these women’s lives. Honestly everyone should read this post not just teenagers.

ellaellaellaayye · 2021-04-11T05:16:58+00:00

This makes me want to cry. I wish I knew this in my teens. I’ve wasted so many years on men with nothing to show for it. Finally woke up. No joke I feel like I’m 19 and starting over - it’s an amazing feeling tho :)

secularwitch · 2021-04-11T10:15:25+00:00

This was my motto in my pre-teen years. "Get a solid education and career, men will fall into your lap". It worked. Not only men fell into my lap, asking for a date, treating me, prioritizing me etc, but also I got to be treated well by the rest of the society due to my accomplisments.

Focus on being excelled in a hard area, work on your skills, build a solid career, the rest follows girls!

YongisDumplingCheeks · 2021-04-11T07:00:40+00:00

Seriously. THIS. I'm 18 and have had 2 serious relationships with men (almost made it three but by then I wasn't as stupid) and seriously regret both. These guys were all the lowest of the low, I was WAYY out of their league. 1st one was a pathetic weeb gamer with no life goals, no real aspirations who couldn't even bother to make me feel loved and the 2nd one was an idiotic asshole with a giant ego. Always tried to undermine me, my opinions and my intellogence because it threatened him. 3rd one was straight up a goddamn parasite. They're all vampires, ready to suck the life out of you. I have zero intention of dating men at the moment and I'm honestly the happiest, most confident I've ever been. People lie and tell you that men will make you happier, but they have to tell the lie for a reason. Otherwise no one would waste their time with these bitter, miserable assholes who're alwaya waiting, ready to bring gorgeous confident women down with them.

Platipus6 · 2021-04-11T04:57:54+00:00

It was pretty bad "back in my day" but I'm horrified at the 'dating' scene now.

Males are broken. It's undeniable. They're pornsick beyond civility. If you start dating at 17, you'll meet males who have been struggling with porn addiction for at least 5 years already.

There is no dating. You will not be taken on cute dates. It's either agreeing to be his cumrag a couple of times a week or nothing. If you decline, he'll point his dick at the next woman shaped object. He didn't want *you*.

Make friends with high value women to retain your humanity.

drunkenwithlust · 2021-04-11T06:57:10+00:00

Prioritize your skin care routine, not men.

_cnz_ · 2021-04-11T07:57:35+00:00

I’m still in my early 20s but I wish I never dated or was interested in men. Ive never even been on more than 3 dates with a boy or been in a relationship, but I’ve officially given up for life. The act of dating around did not effect my classes or career, but the violence I’ve encountered at the hands of men has finally caught up to me and impacted me especially now during my senior year of college.

I’m not saying you’ll end up getting assaulted/abused due to dating/hooking up (I’ve had plenty of friends who walked away from dating during teen years/college trauma free), but I wish I would’ve used that time instead to become HV, forge better friendships with similar women, and let go of the need for male validation. Dating during this time literally adds no value to your life

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-04-11T09:31:28+00:00

OMG, I wish someone had told my idiot 15 year old self this.

Fernxani · 2021-04-11T06:18:13+00:00

Thank you for this❤❤, I literally joined this sub to hear advice from older ladies.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-04-11T14:09:33+00:00

When I was 21, I declined an overseas work opportunity to stay with a lvm. I can tell you that it was 100% not worth it and have never adjusted my career for men since. It was a hard lesson.

Latter_Ostrich2875 · 2021-04-11T10:55:50+00:00

All of my life I’ve been harassed by people about whether or not I had a boyfriend yet . The pressure really started when I was 12 and everyone around me was dating. I was called weird and some people told me I should just date people despite feeling nothing towards them because it’s mean to reject someone. I was called heartless and that I would be miserable, by peers, adults and family. All my friends were miserable when they dated these boys. They got used and broke up every week. I’m in college now and luckily those people aren’t in my life anymore but I’m still so angry and disgusted that I was sexualised so much.

lovablealpaca · 2021-04-11T12:22:34+00:00

I'm 19 and I messed up my high school grades due to chronic depression and laziness, but now I'm one of the top students in my college. Going to a women's college definitely helped me distance myself from scrotes, but unfortunately all the girls in my year are pick mes with abusive boyfriends who are having an arranged marriage right after graduating. I'm having a hard time here lol

FDS-GFY · 2021-04-11T14:13:59+00:00

I'd add that if you grew up in a house with abuse or neglect, start your mental health journey ASAP. It's like giving yourself a gigantic 30th birthday gift.

Don't worry about marriage till you're 30.

bizzybumblebee · 2021-04-11T12:26:19+00:00

i wish this series existed when i was a teen. i was super boy crazy back then and wasted so much of my time :( to this day, i still think i would be smarter and more accomplished if i had focused on the right things. i remember actively looking for someone to pine over every year, i think it was to avoid feeling my depression and boredom. honestly would suggest dealing with depression by seeing a psychiatrist in your teens and find a hobby you love. who knows, maybe you will get into a nice college because your hobby is interesting and you are good at it

solstice100 · 2021-04-11T14:57:05+00:00

1000%

Last year of college and living with a girl who spends 3/5 of her time at her boyfriend’s house, sitting there as he watches sports and gets high with his boys until he asks her to fuck and suck him with no reciprocation and walk back home alone at night. Her grades are garbage, she spends more time with him than any of her best female friends, and he puts her through an emotional rollercoaster everyday despite being one of the “decent” guys by today’s standard.

I used to live for the male validation and the drama that came with it, so I get why she stays with him. I’ve separated myself from men for nearly a year now and I feel like I’ve finally developed, or at least have made progress toward developing, into a self-actualized adult with standards, values, and strength.

relationship_reddit · 2021-04-11T15:52:20+00:00

For the love of god, young ladies, please listen to this post. I am in a really bad position right now because of the choices I have made with men. The attention feels nice, I know, but men can ruin your life. The most important thing is to be financially independent before you get with a man, and NEVER quit your job. In fact, rely as little as possible on as few people as possible, even your family.

spiderunderweb · 2021-04-11T14:35:46+00:00

I dated in my teens and it was the worst. Please don’t do it. There is so much trauma linked to teen relationships. My first ex was physically and emotionally abusive. And my second whilst kind, passed away recently from cancer. Both left me with a lot a trauma, stress and fears. If I could go back I would have never done it and spent more time practicing piano or with my girl friends. Save yourself the trauma and focus on your girl friends and making memories.

I turned 20 last week and have made a pact with myself to focus on my studies and not date until I get my bachelors. I plan to leave the country after my education. So everytime I catch myself wanting a boyfriend or physical affection, I remember that casual relationships are pointless, men my age are dumb and broke, and of course I am moving in 4 years and a man is not in my five year plan, on the other hand a degree and an apartment is. Set goals!

Another thing is (now I do need some clarification ) limit your male friends. Before I started my journey with FDS (September last year), I have had several male friends. And now I have been distancing myself from them and texting my women friends more. The thing is, male friends take up a lot of energy and time too. A lot of them will treat you like a therapist or a place holder for a girlfriend, aka “my best friend”. You will find yourself texting them a lot and investing yourself into them. And from 15-20 I can say most of my past male friends have flirted with me or asked me out. Their intentions of friends is not the same as ours. Also men this age are pathetic. My girl friends write letters, we make each other earrings, bake cakes for each other’s birthdays. We also remember each other’s birthdays. We have hobbies. We have passions. The majority of my ex male friends only had their studying and video games, they had no real goals or ambitions.Not to mention a lot and the majority are porn sick with porn addictions. Yes it does sound nice to have a “guy best friend” or text boys, however there are too many downsides and negative repercussions for having male friends. Reduce them, and increase high value friendships with women

Keeping your social circle surrounded by women who are also career or similar goal focused will help you reach your goals. You are who you surround yourself with. Pick well. Please save yourself the trauma and look after your future

v4lleyofthed0lls · 2021-04-11T07:35:45+00:00

this was strangely reassuring. i’m 19 and the last “relationship” i had was in 7th grade and lasted maybe 3 months. it’s hard to even classify it as a “relationship” tbh. i was never really interested in dating in high school, but looking back i was starting to feel like i’d missed out.

PenneyPence · 2021-04-11T15:12:44+00:00

Back in high school when everyone was getting their college acceptance letters, my close friend, who was in a relationship with a cheating LVM, got into an out of state private college across the country and a local college in our town. Nothing was wrong with the local college but the private college would have been a fresh start for her, away from this LVM, and would have been a great opportunity for her to get to know herself. She chose to stay local so she could be with LVM. They broke up after he escalated his cheating during her first semester.

Instead of taking a break from that relationship to heal and reflect, she immediately got into a series of increasingly worse relationships with LVMs, dropped out of college, had a child with an abusive LVM and never graduated.

She is now with a great man, but they’re both limited financially due in part to the lack of college degrees.

Don’t ever make an educational or career decision based on a man during this critical time of your life. I dated a lot of LVMs but never made any educational or career decisions based on them. I’m sure my friend would be in a much better place if she had chosen herself instead of the LVM.

When in doubt, always choose YOU. Trust that guys will always choose themselves without a doubt.

ksprayred · 2021-04-11T15:09:47+00:00

I dated in my teens/early 20s, and men were gone the minute they didn’t fit what I wanted to do with my life. Men were welcome to my company, as long as they were not interfering with my priorities. And my priorities were never them. And I STILL would warn against it. It’s playing with fire and you really could get burned.

I thought I had it all - the thrill of new flirtation, sex when I wanted it, never affecting my work, studies, or hobbies. And yet, it was all almost lost forever because of a manipulative and abusive man. A month into dating him I was hooked, three months later I was crying everyday because I wasn’t good enough for him. I was only saved because I was lucky: he was actually a decent guy and was acting out the patterns he had learned from his family. He was already in therapy from his childhood trauma and his therapist called him out when he shared about our relationship. He dumped me because his therapist helped him see how he was manipulating me, and he couldn’t stop doing it. I would not have left on my own because I was completely under his control. And if he was not prioritizing his growth and mental health over sex, I would have had a deeply different and horrible early adulthood. I did not see the abuse until almost a year later, even though I cried literally every time I saw him. My friends saw it and told me and I wouldn’t listen. Over and over.

Ladies, you are not ready at 21 to protect yourself from that shit. Go live your life! Also, listen to your friends. They have a better viewpoint than you and can see more.

demipolymerase · 2021-04-11T15:14:54+00:00

i’m 17, a freshman in college and i had a high school boyfriend. i broke up with him after my fall semester (because i lost interest). i really feel like i lost myself when i was dating him, and i realize that i absolutely do not want a relationship, or anything even close. sometimes i feel lonely but then i remember that i’m too selfish to sacrifice myself for a guy that put no effort into his future

FDS-GFY · 2021-04-11T18:02:04+00:00

Love this. My niece went off to college this year and I have been saying to her “wait to date at least one year-you have to learn how to be a college student first. Make friends, build a support system. “

I said that hoping if she could wait a year she could go longer. Her mom is a kind if strict catholic and she’s not a rebel. So I THINK she will be ok. Love this.

CandidKick · 2021-04-11T21:11:32+00:00

What I noticed about the most happiest, most successful women around me is that they all had mostly female friends and seemed to distance themselves from male peers and male friends. This lowers your chances of dealing with LVM. LVM will ALWAYS try to mess your life up. They don’t want you to be happy or successful

The best thing girls (and women) can do for themselves is distance themselves from unrelated men. Otherwise, you will most likely keep finding yourself in LVM situations.

I have surrounded myself with amazing women and my life has become so amazing, almost magical. I still have a lingering LVM in law and realize almost all the old problems in my life stemmed from LVM trying to mess my life up. Surround yourself with supportive girls/women and watch your life level up.

beatlefreak_1981 · 2021-04-11T15:23:41+00:00

So much this. If I could redo my late teens/early 20s I would and I would not be in a serious relationship with a man. I am currently undoing and paying for those things that I neglected during that time. It wasn't worth it and it is probably harder now that I am older. There is PLENTY of time for men when you are settled in your career. Frankly there is too much emphasis on young ladies finding a partner and getting married/having a family in high school both back when I was there and now in 2021. You don't NEED a relationship or man in your life at that age there are many other important things to focus on. All you need is yourself and don't let anyone tell you any differently.

MisandryFTW · 2021-04-11T17:27:40+00:00

Also, if you are sexually active with men make sure you use at least 2 forms of birth control (especially if you aren't willing to get an abortion or live somewhere it is illegal or difficult). Having a baby as a teen can make it very difficult to finish school, get out of a bad relationship, and earn money. In addition, condoms protect against a lot of STIs when used correctly (bring your own, check expiration date, don't leave them in a hot environment or in a pocket or wallet) and look into getting the HPV vaccine before you are sexually active. HPV can cause cervical/throat/anal cancer. Birth control pills can cause stroke, weight gain, depression, and loss of sex drive. If you have migraines with aura or other risk factors for stroke, ask your doctor before taking it. Some medications like antibiotics can make the pill less effective. If you are very overweight it can be less effective as well.

How to know when you are emotionally mature enough for sex? Can you buy birth control for yourself without freaking out? Can you discuss your anatomy and boundaries with your partner? Can you say "no" and stick up for yourself? Do you actually really want to for yourself, not just because you feel pressured? Also remember you aren't obligated to try anything just to be "sex positive". It's completely acceptable to not do things (even ordinary things) simply because you don't want to. Also "blue balls" isn't a thing. If he's in pain he can masturbate. You don't need to help unless you really want to.

Before getting intimate with a partner: discuss boundaries and make sure you are both enthusiastically consenting to all activities. Either partner can revoke consent for any reason at any time. Make sure his hands are clean and his nails are filed and clean. Pee after PIV. If you do anal, be aware of the risks and never go from there to the mouth or vagina.

Creative-Fuel7595 · 2021-04-11T09:15:09+00:00

This is so true. I’m in college right now and I’ve always agreed with this. I really don’t see a point in dating at this stage and boys have literally nothing to offer other than drama, std’s and potentially derailing my future.

LanaDelReysRapperBF · 2021-04-11T16:41:47+00:00

Honestly watching friends/acquaintances date now is just a constant reminder of this advice... I see my peers putting themselves in danger to meet up with Tinder hookups, literally leaving their phones at home and sneaking out to meet up with these men at night without telling anyone where they are going! All for some mediocre sex and an STD scare the next week. And repeat that the next weekend. And the week after that. Sometimes I get a bit jealous of the attention and "rom-com moments" but then I just watch the cycle and think, it can't be worth it.

lilithdianara · 2021-04-11T20:24:36+00:00

I started dating at 21, when I had my first job in the hospital. I was so focused on my career and meeting new people that it was so easy for me to dump whoever didn’t fall into the standards I set. My mama advised I didn’t date until I graduated college (yes lol), passed the boards and become a full fledged nurse which I didn’t understand at first.. but gooood I am so thankful for now. She taught me to put my education and work above all else because men will fall at my feet after without effort once I become established. And she was right! I stopped dating for a year due to the pandemic. And tbh... after discovering FDS in 2020, I never want to date again. I can say now in retrospect at 24 those defining years without men were the best of my life. I didn’t miss out on anything from staying single all throughout high-school and college. Spending my time on traveling, books, my family, friends, pets and self growth was worth it in the end because it gave me a stable sense of self that I didn’t compromise even when I fell in love. My friends who dated way too early ended up being cheated on multiple times, wasting their good years in school stressing about men instead of investing in their career. To me, there’s a less chance of being a pick-me when you don’t don’t date before 21. Girls often underestimate just how essential it is to heavily invest in yourself during those years (and ofc throughout your lifetime!) as these years are crucial to setting a stable self of self.

LanaDelReysRapperBF · 2021-04-11T16:50:53+00:00

Oh I also forgot to add that recently I learned it is not uncommon for boys not to walk a girl home after sex bc she "isn't pretty enough"??? WTF

CSardothien_1 · 2021-04-11T17:52:41+00:00

I think it was Cher or might have been someone else that once said, “Men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, disposable.”

Altowhovian93 · 2021-04-11T18:18:14+00:00

This this this! I used to be so upset that no boys like me or asked me out during high school and early college.little did I know that was life’s way of protecting me from dumb life choices! I was FREE to study what I wanted, work the jobs I wanted, wear what I wanted, and move where I wanted!!! I almost didn’t go to grad school so I could stay at the same place with my (now ex) LV boyfriend my senior year of college. I decided that if that relationship was meant to be, it would survive long distance. That relationship did not survive, but I stuck with my education and graduated. I always encourage women don’t date in high school, go get that degree, go get that job. If you are financially independent, you are not forced to settle for a crappy man to afford your own rent!!!!

Sewud · 2021-04-11T16:48:33+00:00

I thought the thing to do was fall in love with the first guy was demanded sex from me. I would tell girls: don't fall in love, you will leave him in the dust and everyone knows it, but make it painless by not feeling empathy and pity for these guys. He's not your son. These boys treat you like a complaint counter where if they get upset and resent you they should get comfort and sex in return. Opt out. Just wait and maybe some day you will find someone who cherishes you and values you and wants to earn your affection.

what-why-ok · 2021-04-11T15:23:21+00:00

I wish I had learned this when I was younger.

brainsandb00bs · 2021-04-13T14:21:27+00:00

Can confirm, if I could change anything about my 20s at all I wish I never dated men. I am still successful in my own right but I’m well aware how much I lost out on too. Don’t ever make exceptions for a man. If he actually loves you and is actually good for you he wouldn’t expect you to ruin your life for him anyway

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19000israa · 2021-04-11T16:06:33+00:00

I'm 18 now and I gave up doing school when I was fifteen , to :protest", "the boy crisis" in American schools. I stopped handing in work and studying to seem like a "cool girl who hated our gynocentric school system" But now I regret it because no college choose me (insert clown face).

2021-04-11T20:28:56+00:00

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basicbagels · 2021-04-11T20:38:19+00:00

This is such important advice that I wish my teenage self listened to!! I’d been even better off if I didn’t worry about boys. NOT WORTH IT

gfcacdista · 2021-04-11T21:40:12+00:00

Ask to put it in the handbook !

✩ FDS FOR TEENS ✩ PART 1: LITTERALLY ANYTHING ELSE > MEN

School, family and work trumps men ANYTIME. Absolutely ANYTIME. Men are your very last priority in life. Let me explain why:

Comments

Title	✩ FDS FOR TEENS ✩ PART 1: LITTERALLY ANYTHING ELSE > MEN
Author	Moira_Spice
Upvotes	715
Comments	76
Date	April 11, 2021 4:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mok0xw/fds_for_teens_part_1_litterally_anything_else_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-for-teens-part-1-litterally-anything-else-men.1189062 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189062