At any stage of the dating process, there exist patterns of behavior which distinguish between men who are interested, and men who are just playing with their phone (or looking for a back-burner option, or an ego-fluffing, or some other weak and callow purpose) . These patterns are easily apparent even before you've met the man in person, as is in the case of app-based dating.

After two successive weekends of experiencing a particular pattern of behavior, I have a new rule: If I haven't heard from my date the day prior to our plans, they're cancelled.

In my experience a man who is sincerely interested in meeting you, is serious about dating, and is respectful of your time will always reach out the day prior to an agreed-upon date. This applies to any scenario, including those in which you already have established a day, time, and place. The conformation can serve a number of purposes, including: 1) confirming already agreed-upon plans, so that both parties are confident the other will not flake; 2) letting you know that he is looking forward to the opportunity to meet you and/or 3) firming up details (time/place).

This is behavior that I am accustomed to from men interested in meeting me. The absence of this behavior lets me know they are not very interested in meeting me at all. But don't take my word for it...read on for story time.

On a Tuesday, I had made plans with a fellow to meet him on the coming Sunday. We set a time in the afternoon, and he selected a place near me. Wonderful. But by that Sunday morning, I hadn't heard from him since our Tuesday conversation.

I was visiting with friends that Sunday morning, and shared with them that my inclination was to reach out to him with some variation of the following message: "Hi, since I haven't heard from you, let's scrap our plans for today." It will likely not surprise you that 2 out of my 3 friends did not agree with this approach, one citing a recent conversation she had with some male colleagues that men do not pursue women as much 'these days' due to their desire to be respectful of female empowerment. (I really, really need to stop taking my dating advice from lesbians. I promise I will. God I love them but gosh golly are they terribly out of their depths here)

Fueled by my own childish desires to prove my own instincts were correct, I didn't send the message I had wanted to, and instead decided I'd go along with this ill-fated meeting. I send a text: "Hi, just confirming if we're still on for today."

"Hi. Yup. Still work for you?"

That insufferably mundane response was sufficient to move the needle with one of my friends. Yet another believed this was a "totally normal response" and thought I should meet him. Yes, you can roll your eyes.d I did.

Well, I did meet him. I took a lovely walk, at a lovely time of day, to meet him at my favorite tea shop. Had it not been for these favorable conditions, I'm certain I wouldn't have gone.

Within 120 seconds of being there, I wanted to leave. He kept his sunglasses on and avoided eye contact at all costs. His affect was flat, he was altogether unexcited to be there.

Was I surprised? Absolutely not. He had already directly telegraphed his disinterest in me the day before, when he didn't reach out to confirm plans.

One week later, one new fellow. On a Wednesday evening, we texted to settle plans for Saturday at 11:30 am. I couldn't choose between two options he selected for a place to meet in my neighborhood, so we decided we'd make a game-time decision. Friday evening rolls around and...I haven't heard from him. I've decided he, too, has already telegraphed his disinterest in me, but I decide to collect the data point anyway, by reaching out again with a "Hey, just confirming if we are still on for tomorrow".

And finally, something that actually did surprise me.

He quickly responded with "Hey, sorry but I'm going to have to say no, my heart's just not in it."

Ah. How honest, how refreshing. His words lined up precisely with his behavior. He wasn't excited to meet me, and so he didn't reach out to confirm plans. All made sense in the world.

But it still stung.

For me, the take-away in all of this is to cancel plans with a man who has not firmed up the day before. No questions, no leaving the time free in case he reaches out, no deciding to go if I happen to hear form him at the last minute and I have nothing else going on, and no flaking. That'll be me.

My suggestion to you here is this: be ruthless. Don't listen to your friends who think you're too judgmental or too critical or you make too many assumptions, or what the eff ever. Listen to yourself. Observe the patterns in your dating history. Expect a strong show of interest at every step of the way. If at any time that interest flags, cut it off at its head. Don't wait. Preemptively strike at the moment your expectation isn't met. Shut the door, and don't look back.