If you’re scaring them, you’re doing something right.

dontblinkyoullmissme · 2022-04-05T03:56:03+00:00

You triggered the angry male lurkers with this one 😂 ! apparently your awesomeness making men (who would make your life miserable) reluctant to approach you is something something hate and violence

Nice work.

warinmymind94 · 2022-04-05T00:49:55+00:00

This is the vibe that I out out at work and when I go out in public.

You'll probably notice a lot of them staring at you or even ogling at you. I'll be alone and yet they don't even bother to approach. But they will stare at me and my chest like a hungry dog looking at his dinner. It's vile but I'm definitely doing something right.

I generally act like I don't notice them at all and like they don't exist. When I walk I keep good posture and my head higher, and I have a confided when I walk. I walk like I know what I want in the store. I think that's also a part of it.

I saw a hvw in a grocery store by herself. She was dressed to kill, looked like a business woman from out of a movie her outfit was stunning, clean, and tailored. She was very well groomed and had a perfume on you could smell. She walked like she owned the store and knew exactky what she was looking for. You should have the seen the amount of guys that all just literally stopped and stared at her, but none approached. She was confident and knew her value. I've been imitating that and it works

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-05T00:36:14+00:00

a guy has a crush and refuses to talk to you? that's a severe level of timidness there.

all through uni i had guy "friends" point out that the reason i wasn't getting asked on dates was because i give off an air of emotional self-sufficiency. it bothered me at the time - now i realise it's a mark of my strength in how much effort i put into self-therapy to get to that stage where people can see it.

indigo_flamingo · 2022-04-04T23:07:09+00:00

I wish I knew this in university - instead I felt I was doing something wrong when I’d hear through the grapevine that certain guys thought I was hot but not worth going after (because I was a prude…) and it lowered my self-esteem… For a really really long time I felt like there was something wrong with me, but now I realize something was (and is) very wrong with dating culture.

creamtart_ · 2022-04-04T23:59:26+00:00

If a man is turned off your confidence and boundaries, he is telling on himself and is absolutely the wrong kind of man for you.

A healthy and self-assured man is attracted to those qualities and sees them as strengths.

Platipus6 · 2022-04-05T00:50:29+00:00

Someone called me intimidating.

I was like, fuck off. Intimidating is a verb. Men have actively intimidated me and used their anger and body size to make me afraid, comply and bend to their will.

If I'm just existing and these men are quivering in their boots, there's something very wrong with them. Huge levels of insecurity and some kind of emotional stunting where they feel something so they blame the woman, then expect her to do the emotional labor to soothe his anxiety.

A gross frightened baby and kindly mommy dynamic before we've even met.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-04-05T00:05:11+00:00

Been “scary” since I was 15. Can confirm. If you aren’t brave enough to approach me, that’s gonna be a no for me. 😅

thelionmermaid · 2022-04-04T23:36:36+00:00

I’ve had guys tell me that after talking they now understand why I’m single, and that my worldview turns men off. My response is “That’s precisely the point..”

creamtart_ · 2022-04-05T01:30:02+00:00

I will never understand guys who need to enlist the help of a woman’s friends just to talk to her. If you like her so much, find a way to talk to her. If you’re too lazy to do that, you don’t deserve her. If you’re still hesitating, then you don’t like her as well as you think you do, because if you did, you’d fucking TALK TO HER.

JesusisKingisLord · 2022-04-05T14:52:05+00:00

The best of both worlds is a man whose intimidation of you comes from a place of realizing what a catch you are, not wanting to mess things up, but still ultimately shooting his shot!

exhalefierceness · 2022-04-05T02:34:47+00:00

I have this coworker who confessed she finds me scary and other coworkers have mentioned the horrific things she’s done in the past with everyone there.

It seems to me that she met someone who knows she can’t play mind games with.

Automatic_Bug2247 · 2022-04-04T22:31:29+00:00

Men avoid me like the plague now. I’ve been called “difficult”, “snobby”, “a feminazi” by men to my face, online, behind my back. Weird because I call it self respect.

dontblinkyoullmissme · 2022-04-05T02:43:03+00:00

One time I was drinking at a bar and a guy comments on something that very much irritated me, and he got onto a topic of insects and I said my favorites were praying mantises because the females mate and then eat the heads of the males. 🙂 This had the desired effect.

shockingupdate · 2022-04-04T23:53:40+00:00

What were you supposed to do with that information anyway? Were you supposed to get both of these boys' names, get dolled up and doe-eyed and go prove to them that you're not so scary after all? Did they stroll up to your roommate and ask her to pitch BOTH of them to you at the same time? Were they planning a boxing match against each other and wanted you to be the prize? Did literally a single soul in this scenario think this through???

Smolfrend · 2022-04-05T10:08:36+00:00

If you hadn't mentioned you were in gradschool I'd have assumed junior high or high school lol. What kind of grownass men say they have a crush? And not even to your face. They're too cowardly to say it to your face and blame you for it by calling you intimidating. Makes my eyes roll all the way

Catz10000 · 2022-04-05T02:06:25+00:00

Never dated in university. My nickname working in prison was "the scary little bitch." If scaring men is the only thing that gets grudging respect for your boundaries, then great! You're doing something right in your life. The patriarchy teaches us to be less than and like we're worthless. A HVW is worth more than a million scrotes. And there's more of us to. Let's respect biology and only be with fellow HV people.

dottywine · 2022-04-05T06:33:35+00:00

If they are interested at this age but are also afraid to make their interests known, that is a low value person to date. You dodged a bullet. They want to play like it’s middle school - not mature yet. Or they purely want to use you. Be proud they cannot view you as prey.

hashtaggoodvibesonly · 2022-04-05T00:20:15+00:00

Ugh same.

I would have been so happy hearing guys from the local rugby team are trying to find out if I'm single and are soooo interested in me. They can't even meet my eyes when I see them out bahahahahaha.

Pathetic 😂🤣

thewetdog_ · 2022-04-04T23:17:45+00:00

Your roommate isn’t charitable, or maybe she is, but she is certainly part pick-me too, acting like a handmaid pimp in this situation.

iheartnoodlez · 2022-04-05T20:57:12+00:00

Strong women intimidate boys and EXCITE men. - saw this quote somewhere and never forgot it!

ferociouslycurious · 2022-04-05T17:22:07+00:00

I have always intimidated people by simply existing and I don’t know why. Maybe being quiet and academically confident. When I was in high school someone who was appointed to head of a major federal commission by the former president had a crush on me but was too afraid to talk to me, as an example. Definitely dodged a bullet there. I am on the opposite end of the political spectrum now.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2022-04-05T01:11:48+00:00

Nice! Well said.

lakat17 · 2022-04-05T23:38:48+00:00

QUEEN!!! 👑. Omg. I loved the way you articulated it. If They were confident, self assured in themselves, or knew thier value/ what they offered they wouldn’t see you as scary. Thier not use to working for female attention and companionship. But it’s easier to label you as scary then for them to see the reality that’s it’s thier own insecurities or thier unwillingness to level up to have something to offer.

katiekat0214 · 2022-04-05T19:53:30+00:00

BITCH: boys I'm taking charge here, or babe in total control of herself. Choose either, I like both. I've said this to men before. The surprised Pikachu face is everything.

If he wanted to, he would, but you're right, they know they have nothing to offer. They know they're not on your level. They know you're smarter, more successful. It's a blessing when they don't approach, because on some level, they actually do have some self-awareness.

evezinto · 2022-04-04T23:49:00+00:00

Literal queen 👑

darkenchantress44 · 2022-04-05T01:51:46+00:00

This is the old “too much” phenomena.

You’re too strong minded. You’re too wild. You’re too high maintenance.

And the list goes on and on.

They don’t want you happy, self assured, have your own interests, or have your own passions because they want your whole world to revolve around them. They want to know that they will have your full attention so they can use their absence to control and manipulate. They want weak boundaries so they can mentally run circles around you.They just want control and to play mind games

E_J_90s_Kid · 2022-04-05T00:37:35+00:00

Classic. I love when men claim to be scared and intimidated by smart women. Like, no, your fragile egos just can’t handle being with someone who can outshine you.

True story: my mom grew up next to a couple with four children (this was the early 60’s). The wife was not “allowed” to work. She was given an allowance, and solely took care of the housework. At some point, she must have had it - she went out, and got a job that paid more than her husband. He actually divorced her for doing this, LOL. She ended up doing quite well for herself.

That’s how petty men can be. Cut off your nose to spite your face. Smart, dude.

id3amav3n · 2022-04-05T00:43:37+00:00

I've had a few men call me intimidating in my lifetime.

I think they are lying and use it as a method of getting me to act smaller than I am. Something more in line with what they can handle.

If you can't handle any woman at their level, then perhaps you should stay single until you can.

fckthatguy24 · 2022-04-05T02:10:10+00:00

The double edged sword here is that psychopaths are well known for being fearless so you will have to vet extra hard those who actually approach you.

ML200 · 2022-04-05T01:24:32+00:00

A-fucking-men. My resting bitch face has served me very well.

BTW, I've discovered that those who do eventually approach can still not be HV so keep the guard up and continue vetting.

Acrobatic_Rock_ · 2022-04-05T05:28:17+00:00

They are scared of you, cos they feel like a fraud, like a thief. Those boys know well, that they have nothing to offer, nothing to match you, yet dream to get their dicks wet and waste your time. They only have the AUDACITY!

MariaSmithxx · 2022-04-05T15:10:15+00:00

Lol the risk of rejection is too high basically so sounds like they are letting it be known…hoping you suddenly say Hi :) and make it easy for them.

Like you said if they were a “peer” of yours they would be in sphere of interest already and Hi would have already happened lol. I have fell for this before and everytime they are punching.

lalalalaalaoooq · 2022-04-05T01:56:05+00:00

Wow I’m a lot older than you and this is resonating with me. A guy at my shared hobby seem to be crushing on me- gawking, and making attempts to cross paths. I sometimes see he is hesitant with approaching me. I know I’m awkward when he does talk to me but I feel like a HVM would persist so long as I an receptive to him. People tell me I am intimidating all the time and I hate the idea of having to ‘disarm’ myself to make men more comfortable approaching me.

Natural-Object-4628 · 2022-04-05T00:47:51+00:00

I can confirm. Usually, LVM who tried to approach me and asked if they can court me, leave three days after. They told me I was too scary. I just laugh at their face and leave. These men really do blame you for their incompetence to offer something good and worth my time. I also taught my siblings to never entertain men who can offer less.

I have these moments wherein I dated these guys but after some months they told me we weren't compatible. I really thought it was my fault so I lowered some of my standards. Behold, I was cheated on and the other one is a narcissist. (Both have high paying job but one hates confrontation and the other one thinks you're not good enough for his money. 🤷🏼‍♀️)

I am really happy to find this sub because it added to what I know and strengthen the foundation I have since the day I've known that my place offers lots of LVM.

I'm really thankful to everyone who built this sub and made me realized some things the society blamed me wasn't my fault.

2022-04-04T23:52:41+00:00

You’re my hero 😍 Signed, always the bubbly friendly girl-next-door/aspiring ice queen

2022-04-05T04:55:13+00:00

Hahahah to the funniest thing I’ve read today. Holy shit that actually made me laugh out loud.

GustavZheKatze · 2022-06-22T13:36:11+00:00

Why are they afraid? Because they know they have nothing to offer me, they know that they would merely waste my time, and despite knowing this, they harbor a crush.

1: people can't control who they have a crush on

2: many people (yes, also men, but you people ofc don't care about that) have issues with their self esteem and are literally afraid of rejection (bullying, depression, anxiety, etc. exist)

3: idiot

4: hm, so women having a crush and not approaching, according to your own logic, is also disgusting. Or, are you a hypocryte?

5: idiot

6: self esteem issues

7: disgusting women like you exist

8: when have YOU approached your crush?

9: idiot

PS: call me a mysoginist all you want, every sane person realizes you treet men as a ressource for your beloved strategies

Title	If you’re scaring them, you’re doing something right.
Author	dontblinkyoullmissme
Upvotes	1560
Comments	78
Date	April 4, 2022 10:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/twexaz/if_youre_scaring_them_youre_doing_something_right/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-youre-scaring-them-youre-doing-something-right.1111263 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111263

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