Ladies, I found another gem on the dating sub. I don’t care how they explain their need for coffee dates. It’s a no for me, but all the other pickmes can have these men. 🥴

Inspection-Critical · 2020-09-22T17:38:37+00:00

"At least the guy liked your body"????

He thinks that's a BENEFIT?

I hope he's single forever.

AnniaT · 2020-09-22T15:53:16+00:00

That's the most dumb and convoluted excuse for the lazy coffee date I've read. The only woman worth simping is your wife? Since when is providing a woman YOU WANT TO IMPRESS and get to know better a nice date simping? If you invite a woman for a date it means that she caught your interest in some sort of way (yeah I know men swipe right to everything but still), so why aren't you at your best behavior to court her? Also, since when is being paid a dinner gold digging? These men seem to prefer cutting an arm than inviting a woman to a proper date and spend a few extra coins to pay for food. As if these cheap men had any gold to dig lmao

If you're so reluctant in providing a meal to the date you want to court and impress, it means you're not a generous man, therefore us high level women won't go out with you... nor go Netflix and chill to your dusty place just to show you we're not gold diggers lol

electroloop · 2020-09-22T15:55:11+00:00

LOL. Screw males and their ridiculous expectations of women. Nah, I'm not going to put on my $36 lipstick, perfectly coif my hair, and wear designer clothing to have the honors of meeting you for a $3.00 coffee.

It's sad that men use the coffee excuse as "training wheels" because "wE mIgHt NoT bE cOmPaTiBlE!~"

Tell me why then, you're spending $3.00 on a coffee dragging out a boring conversation over an hour long while I roll my eyes at you. Isn't that the same time invested as you would taking me out to dinner? Isn't your end goal getting me into bed? I'm not asking you to take me to a Michelin star restaurant, at least put some effort in for christ sakes.

This guy is going to remain single, or end up with a desperate pickmeisha who is willing to tolerate this kind of treatment. Set the stage of how you need to be treated from the very first date with someone, even the first interaction. He can bitch all he wants that we're high maintenance, he won't lock down a HVW that's for sure.

BasieSkanks · 2020-09-22T16:59:58+00:00

I can’t even fathom just how stupid the male brain is. Do these bums honestly believe that a woman will spend hours doing her makeup, hair, nails, waxing/shaving, etc for the grand prize of a...free meal?

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-09-22T15:46:47+00:00

It's just insulting to put in all the effort it takes to get ready and look nice (haircut, makeup, cute outfit, shoes, purse) and then get taken out to split a coffee.

Wow, I spent 3 hours getting ready so I could "impress" you. And you think I'm after you for your money you spend on coffee? Really dude?

They want us to look beautiful and instagram ready. I ain't doing all that for a coffee. I get coffee every day by myself. You're going to get the messy bun, jeans and t-shirt on my way to run errands version of myself on a coffee date.

liondale · 2020-09-22T17:03:58+00:00

Oh right cool. You don't wanna be a free meal ticket, cause you don't wanna spend 60 bucks on someone you might not like but it is okay for me to have sex with someone I don't like and potentially fall pregnant with. Do the calculation and see which one is more expensive. F**ing a*shole

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-22T16:23:43+00:00

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vmuzondi · 2020-09-22T15:37:29+00:00

Also wanted to add the importance of not negotiating with men. His last paragraph shows that even if you do get a man to take you out to dinner, he’ll still ask you to split the bill. He doesn’t realize it’s not about being used it’s about showing that you’re not stingy through your actions. Only stingy men would care if a date ghosted them after an $80 meal. And if this happens often, figure out what’s wrong with you first. Also what are your finances looking like if that hurts the bank to begin with? I swear these men are something else. Luckily I’ve never been asked to pay for a first date, but if it ever happens I’m blocking that man on the spot.

Edit: these men also wouldn’t be saying this if they even got a chance to sniff Beyoncé. Notice how they only say this about women they’re not “sure” about. If he thinks you’re amazing and the best thing that’s ever happened or will happen to him he won’t entertain this mindset. Also wanted to add that the more messages I get from scrotes for this the more powerful I get. Keep the messages coming pls;)

_mooness · 2020-09-22T16:10:36+00:00

Honestly I block immediate after they suggest coffee. I’m not in the business of arguing with LVM. If I have to ask for the better thing now, chances are I’ll always have to do this in the relationship. I want the guy who WANTS to wine and dine me, not just does it cuz I asked.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2020-09-22T15:56:23+00:00

Coffee dates are the cleanest, cheapest, and low-effect way for a man to "date" a woman. If she denies his sexual advances, doesn't give him the right vibe, doesn't look like he wants, or is boring he didn't spend more than 10 dollars on her. Men are taught to not take the risk now a days. The risk being them not getting what they want in terms of sex looks and conversation. And ladies remember not all well off men are HVM. Do not think because he took you to restaurant he is a HVM.

veruscka · 2020-09-22T17:06:12+00:00

I don’t understand where these women using dates to get a free meal are? I have plenty of female friends out there dating and I have literally never heard of this before I joined Reddit. Maybe there is a tiny fraction of women that do this? But it can’t be enough to justify this widespread FeAR oF bEiNg UsED.

I feel like an easy way for both sexes to deal with this is to video chat or at least a phone call before meeting. If it goes well then there’s literally no excuse not to go on a nice dinner date. If you hit it off on the phone and he still wants to just do coffee, then he’s a low effort scrote and you block and delete. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mulkvistee · 2020-09-22T16:11:01+00:00

Imagine going for coffee with some stingy dope hoping for a crumb of pussy for the low low price of house brew 🤣

Or even worse paying for your own coffee while he fluffs himself to the sounds of folk music in the bathroom because he's sure you're duped and it's too early to admit the required porn to get it half up?

He AiNt No SiMp!!1! Enjoy, pickmes

vereelimee · 2020-09-22T16:16:59+00:00

Still mind blowing. Do these men think we don't eat dinner every single day?

I cook for myself from scratch. Anything I cook is 100% better than eating out. In terms of flavor, health, and complexity.

Agreeing to a date for food is the last thing on my mind. If I'm picking the place, then it's my favorite restaurant. I eat there regularly. Them picking up a check is still less than treating a friend or family member. I guarantee that they don't tip as well as I do at my favorite restaurant. I regularly spend money there because it's my favorite place.

They know me there. Sometimes they will bring dessert or a new dish to try. It is an excellent test to weed out LVM.

Some men will complain immediately that they didn't order that dish. They will show that they are cheap and unable to go with the flow. I know you didn't order it. They wanted me to try a new dish or the usual dessert.

If a man can't handle a free dessert, then he's not worth a second date. I certainly won't risk an almost ten year relationship with my favorite restaurant for a man.

Maisiebr · 2020-09-22T16:16:36+00:00

They don't seem to care about the shitton if dark triad men who use women, right? And women expecting effort as a way to dodge being used.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-09-22T18:18:50+00:00

20% of women use men for dinner dates.

What percentage of men try to use women for sex!?!?!

Shut up.

Bovvsette · 2020-09-22T16:20:13+00:00

What a piece of work. Oh boohoo my 20 dollars, well guess what, fuckface, meanwhile women are risking getting MURDERED and RAPED agreeing to go on these dates with you. Your lunch money is nothing compared to those risks and yet you're still stingy as if everyone was out to do nothing with their lives but rob your cheap dusty ass. Why would women ever agree to go out if you can't even show minimal compassion and compensate their trouble, risks and efforts looking good for you? You'll have no wife to ”simp” (hate that word) for if the most you can do to impress a woman and show her that you're worth her time and trouble is a cup of coffee. No one wants to play a losing game with incredible risks and no rewards, including women that you want to scam.

CoffeeBeforeAdulty · 2020-09-22T17:22:20+00:00

If I spend time and effort to get dressed up and made up, it won't be for a damn coffee date. My cheapest lipstick still costs more than my usual 20oz coffee.

My presence at the same table as you makes you look good. So, if you aren't even reasonably good looking. I'm out, Jimmy.

High maintenance usually means busy with work and/or taking care of yourself in order to support your lifestyle.

Low effort dates are tacky for high maintenance women.

Do you think Amanda Priestly would make time in her schedule for a coffee date? I'm no Dragon Lady but it doesn't mean I deserve less effort.

throwawaydoll0 · 2020-09-22T16:42:44+00:00

"at least the guy liked your body"

WOOOOOW

Trying to gain sympathy by comparing the fear of being used for sex vs. for a MEAL TICKET

I have zero empathy for you dude.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-09-22T17:52:59+00:00

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seraphinelysion · 2020-09-22T16:15:08+00:00

When is “SIMPing” going to stop? They need to get through their dumb heads that they aren’t going to get married if they aren’t dating. They can’t even compete for a woman properly. I have rejected more than two marriage proposals in my lifetime. Why would a woman want to marry your no value low effort broke ass?

missjtobby · 2020-09-22T17:17:38+00:00

Why yes, I do in fact think he’s being cheap and lazy by not asking for a proper date. He says it’s not about the money but then complains about spending $80 on food.

mostdefinitelynturs · 2020-09-22T20:12:09+00:00

There was a meme floating around that said "Ladies, are you able to afford the same dates you ask men on?" Im like "Yeah, but im not going to. Lol" So many guys flamed me🥴

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-22T16:03:09+00:00

omg blah blah blah so many words to explain why he's a lazy cheapskate

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-09-22T18:26:09+00:00

Again, we have to PROVE ourselves to males before we even meet the first time. How do they prove they aren’t rapist, a killer, an abuser, or all around shitty user?

Besides, she can be a gold digger and agree to a coffee date for the first meet up. That proves nothing! Maybe she’s just taking it slow to see how much he’s really got. Lol!

Also 1/5 women are Dark Triad? . Nope, that’s men. But the number is higher.

naenita_ · 2020-09-22T18:09:10+00:00

There was a very FDS-y comment there, where she said she does zoom/video calls as their "date zero", then for first dates she says she does something that involves more effort. (Dinner, concert, museums, bloudering) that isn't always expensive.

Which one of you was it?!

BabeOfBlasphemy · 2020-09-22T21:41:20+00:00

I make more than 20 an hour, I work from home and can log in at any time.

If I agree to a date I take a shower, wash then dry my very long hair & shave - which takes a hour.

I do my nails, both hands and feet. If I get them done professionally that's 100 bucks. Its also another hour of my time i could spend working

I take an hour to do my make up: moisturizer, foundation, facial oil, concealer, setting powder, use, bronzer, contour, sponges/brushes, make up wipes, q tips, mascara, eye liner, mascara, eye lashes that are at least 8 bucks, eye shadow, lip liner, lip stick, perfume - all of this shit costs money, especially if you buy quality stuff. My lotion alone is 50 a bottle.

I then spend another thirty minutes getting dressed - heels, thigh highs (which cost 12 bucks and are normally only good for one or two wears), skirt, top, earrings, necklace, jacket, blah etc. I often have to spend money getting these professionally washed and pressed.

Then I hop in my car and drive over with my gas.

By the time i get there I have just sacrificed in the very minimum at least three hours of my time, which is enough money to buy myself two dozen coffees if I would have stayed home and logged into work.

Men who don't understand this basic crap are too mentally disabled to waste time on. They are the poster boys for why roughly only 20% of human males in history made it into the gene pool.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-22T16:42:33+00:00

Here is a peer reviewed study😂😂😂

Nah I'm only dating men who want to impress me with a real date.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-09-22T20:43:20+00:00

In their sad, delusional minds, they will be “dating” a different girl every day of the week. 😹🤡 So I can see how a dinner for two at a decent restaurant could get spendy.

But the reality is that most men won’t get a fraction of that number of dates.

Go ahead, fellas! But out that Amex and blow the dust off! You won’t get to use it again for awhile.

shortywannarock · 2020-09-23T01:10:20+00:00

Makes me fucking laugh that these men are out here wringing their hands in terror over the prospect of sociopathic women “using” them for a $40 meal, while we women are live-sharing our locations in case we get fucking murdered.

NomorenightmaresX · 2020-09-22T18:41:21+00:00

I’m not sure if anyone came here to say this but... what about the 4/5 men who lure you on a date under false pretenses to get sex. So basically they’re saying they want to make no effort to get what they want from you.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2020-09-22T21:33:39+00:00

“struggle bus for coffee...”... I’m dying. 😂 Sometimes I just can’t comprehend that virtually no one, even women, seem to understand even after reading here???

2020-09-22T22:38:59+00:00

There are ways to get around this other than coffee. Make a phone call. Have a zoom chat. Suggest a museum date or event date. And if you show up to dinner and the person is terribly catfishing you, which is still going to be the minority of people, you can apologize and excuse yourself before ordering. If you’re too broke to afford a $20-60 meal, you’re probably too broke to be dating by the standards of modern society in most countries. Go join a commune in a remote area, idk.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2020-09-22T23:24:40+00:00

Reading this again is triggering .... this guy is such a manslaining piece of shit ....HE feels used and worthless ???? He’s equating paying for coffee to being used for sex- I hope he rots a virgin.

2020-09-22T22:19:11+00:00

So the guy is afraid being used for a meal. How much we're talking about here, 20€, 40€ tops? I mean if we're going that way, how much is a prostitute again? Yeah right, and they say boys are good at maths.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-09-22T22:28:25+00:00

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wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-09-23T09:22:10+00:00

WOMEN DO NOT GO OUT ON DATES WITH GUYS THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN JUST FOR THE FREE FOOD.

If a man actually likes a woman, he will put in the effort and the money.

nat890 · 2020-09-23T07:06:31+00:00

The thing that always gets me is that guys quote whole amount when talking about dinner dates. Spending “$60” on a dinner date. No, you spent at least half of that ON YOURSELF, and the other half on your date. It’s like they forget they eat meals too. 😱

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-09-23T09:31:16+00:00

Part of me wishes I was back out there dating just so I can use FDS on these scrotes. A low-effort date is an immediate no and block. If we do go out on something proper and then, at the end, he expects me to pay for my meal, I gladly will then block him on my drive home.

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