Scrotes will be scrotes. NEVER move in with a boyfriend.

DallasM19 · 2021-11-07T16:59:01+00:00

This is so sad.

I lived with my ex for years and he did something similar - gave me a very limited time frame to move, but luckily I didn't /do not have children.

He's definitely met someone else. If he actually had an iota of compassion or was humane, he'd say "I don't want to live together anymore, but start saving your money and you can leave in 30-60 days (whatever they agree on and pretty sure legally he has to give her 30 days). A decent human breaking up with a woman who has kids, makes a small income, has an unreliable car would perhaps say, well I don't want you destitute, so save up, yes I still want you out of my home but I don't want you to suffer. This man? Wants her to suffer. He knows what he's doing.

At 28, this naivety is a but concerning but perhaps she desperate when he first invited her to move in, in the first place. There's more to the story and he sounds like a total psychopath. Giving her such a short time to get their things together, turning his friends on her. A decent guy would, oh I don't know, be civil and perhaps assist with packing and the moving? Provide a downpayment on an apartment? This guy is purposefully throwing her out knowing she has nothing and basically no options. Has anyone here seen Maid? Mmhm.

Sage_Planter · 2021-11-07T16:00:38+00:00

This is a cautionary tale about why women need to focus on ensuring they have good careers, ample savings, and strong support networks. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. The OP works a low paying job and seems to have limited resources (eg. her older car). Yeah, the situation would suck regardless, but this situation would suck a lot less if she had the ability to just say fuck it, rent an apartment, and hire movers to get her belongings out ASAP.

corkymuu · 2021-11-07T15:16:59+00:00

Especially never move in with a guy that’s substantially older. They’re the most childish, emotionally stunted men.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-11-07T17:46:27+00:00

If the home is a rental: If she has mail in the home, and or has paid any bill (but is not on the lease) she has legally set up residency in the home. Her BF cannot legally evict her, the landlord has to do so. And even then he or she has to give her 30 days notice because of the residency she has set up. Her BF can also be evict if he did not notify the landlord which therefore broke their lease.

If the home is his: Residency has still be established, and he must give her 30 days notice.

This is only of course he she is in the USA, and exclude in some states.

miaumiaoumicheese · 2021-11-07T15:19:45+00:00

28 years old with 38 years old boyfriend, I start reading and I already know it won’t end good

FDSfollower1 · 2021-11-07T15:31:05+00:00

Sickening story. Also, as a mom, she should not be moving her minor children into a home with a man she barely knows. There is more to this story than meets the eye. This man is horrible in other ways.

arnezuara · 2021-11-07T15:35:00+00:00

How was she not afraid of taking such a huge risk? I have a feeling he threatened her with a breakup to ensure that she complies.

Disgusting.

KindredMaximus · 2021-11-07T21:09:26+00:00

This is such a powerless feeling. I hated having nowhere to go with little kids. That power imbalance will cause many men to use it, in order to either be abusive, dismissive, treat you like a slave or take that power and rip the rug from underneath you (like he's done to her).

I will never put myself in this helpless situation again. I feel for her. This just shows that you should never trust them. I never had parents to move to - if I was her I'd straight up move to my mums and take the kids out of school and make plans to put them in school near her mum and move close by. They are young enough to catch up. Yes, changing schools is traumatic but it's not as traumatic as living with a big, huge man who isn't your Dad, who doesn't want you in his house and hearing your mum fighting and crying. She needs to go and settle near her mum.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-11-07T16:14:49+00:00

Oh no.

She should just bite the bullet and move back with her mom. I know that her children are happy and have made friends, but they’ll be able to make more friends in their new school. Either that or she just sucks it up and drives 1.5 hours a day for her kids.

I’m pretty sure this guy is sick of her and found a better offer, which is why he wants her out really fast. What’s likely going to happen is that, in a about a few short months he’ll ask her to move back in with him when he needs another roommate.

In a perfect world, she should have kept her old apartment while living with him just in case, but it sounds like she was tight on money.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-07T21:07:04+00:00

Man wants instant family, or trial run of "kids some day".

Man does not like the reality of living beings who need stuff like food.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-07T22:20:28+00:00

besides the obvious age difference, what else catches my attention about this pickme? oh.. the fact that he practically kicked her out with her kids with no remorse and she still thinks of him as her boyfriend? plus she's a 50-50 gal...what can I say?!

sweetie, he's never been your boyfriend. he just used you up and now he wants his space back.

just because a man gives you some attention, f-s you and wants you to move together, or even marries you, just because he might be doing all this shit, does not mean you know his motives unless you vet him. most men are not in relationships with women because they love them. they are in relationships with them because they couldn't find something better and because they subscribe to the "I need a bangmaid asap" strategy. she was just there, an opportunity to be taken advantage off. and she took the bite. besides not giving two fucks about her, he even jeopardized the stability of her kids. men truly are heinous.

yes, it's SO disheartening! pikachu big watery eyes. what is disheartening is reading about a woman bing kicked to the curb like a damaged puppy, with her kids and nowhere to go, with no explanation... and seeing her still thinking of that aggressor as her boyfriend.

pickmes are incredible indeed.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-11-07T18:59:17+00:00

In most states she has the ability to stay. He at least needs an eviction notice to kick her and the kids out.

I’d venture to say that a judge would be extremely reluctant to evict a mom and her two children. If anything the judge would order him out.

Live-Werk-Pose · 2021-11-07T17:07:09+00:00

Having a kid at 17 and a second at 22, moving yourself and your children in with someone 10 yrs older than you after a few months of dating… Ladies, don’t have children until you’ve resolved at least some of your father issues and codependency, of those are issues that apply to you. The adults in this story have made their own choices. The ones I feel bad for the most are those children. Now they have their own traumas to resolve.

No_Gap9092 · 2021-11-07T16:09:03+00:00

I already would have been looking at him suspect for being with a woman 10 years younger than himself. We already know there are predatory men who target single mothers so they have access to their children. He's already showing that his taste for women run younger than what should be socially acceptable. Even if this man isn't currently attracted to her daughter, who's to say he wouldn't be in another year or so. I remember once I turned 12, it seemed like old perverts jumped out the woodwork to hit on and try to take advantage of me. Plus a lot of men online already admit that they believe most men are attracted to teenage girls aho are minors and that the only thing holding them back is the law and their social standing.

Even if we take him being a potential predator out of the picture, why would she make such a huge life altering decision before they were married and before she had any form of security?! I don't want to put all of the blame on her, though I do think she needs to be held accountable since she's a mother with kids depending on her. I already think it's a terrible idea for a childless women with no financial security to move in with her boyfriend is bad, but adding kids into the situation is a whole other thing.

But what type of trashy ass man kicks out a woman and her kids for no reason after convincing her to move to another city to live with him KNOWING she's not financially secure? I'm curious if he found another younger woman, maybe one without kids since he sounds like the type to think woman are tradable. Or maybe he's doing this to flex his control and power over her. Maybe she stuck up for himself or he's not quiet getting the mommy treatment from her since she has her own kids. I just feel like whatever his reason is is petty and disgusting.

Davina33 · 2021-11-07T20:22:30+00:00

Wow that is so heartless. What a scrote he is! Yes I will definitely never make the mistake of moving in with a man again, let alone a boyfriend. I enjoy my own space.

sleepybebegrl · 2021-11-07T16:23:30+00:00

This makes me so sad. We as women should always have the ability to support ourselves. I hate that she made a choice to put herself and her small children at risk by moving in with her boyfriend. If I were in that position and were able to, I would be moving back in with mom and leveling up with her support. Also, he would no longer be in the picture. If he truly cared about her he wouldn't be putting her in that situation. She needs to drop him like the hot sack of scrotes he is and focus on herself and her children. This is just another story to remind us to make better choices and always have something to fall back on.

lapindeux · 2021-11-07T16:40:25+00:00

Which is why we don’t move in with boyfriends. I as a mother am not in trial and error mode anymore. I am worthy of being honored and claimed by my man who should want to cover me with protection and value me in our home.

Fuzzy-Albatross2911 · 2021-11-07T17:47:41+00:00

Moral of the story: degrees > relying on boyfriends I told my parents how I want to save up for my own condo (I’m in California with a shitty housing market) since my mom said she’ll kick me out the second I get pregnant (I want to be a single mom by choice so there’s no biological clock or pressure, and I can find a good father instead of leaping on the first guy i can find) and my parents, friends, everyone are like “Just find a husband so you can have a double income!” No thanks. I’d rather bust my ass working two jobs to save than have to rely on a man’s money that might not be guaranteed if he dumps me or turns out to be abusive. I think it’s better always to have your own money, that you earned yourself. Getting a master’s degree should be the new “find a husband”

NowTruly · 2021-11-07T16:47:30+00:00

WHHHY is she looking for legal grounds to stay longer???

This guy already showed her the face under the mask. Why would she ever want to keep her kids around that? After he pulls a move this heinous, how does she feel comfortable leaving such young kids around him in the evening while she’s working?

Like, sure, he’d kick kids out into the street with less than 24 hour notice … but there’s no way he’d abuse them?

The house is burning down around her and this poor woman is watering the plants.

blessedwiththree · 2021-11-07T17:18:58+00:00

This is so sad. I will never cohabitate with a man unless we are married. Not only does this provide legal protections, it gives you a higher chance of someone being serious about their commitment to you (yes, you can still end up in a bullshit situation, but at least you can have the legal protections if/when that occurs).

This man wanted the benefits of a wife without the commitment and she probably thought he was going to escalate the relationship to marriage. Surprise, surprise, they also have a nice age gap. If you are a single woman this is still a sad situation to be in, but once you also have children, you have to think about the trauma this subjects them to. We should always be vetting men regardless, but if you have children, never move them in with a boyfriend or let your boyfriend move in with you. Screen him heavily, give the relationship time to ensure you are aware of his character, make sure he is appropriate with the children once they are eventually introduced, and DO NOT LIVE with him until you are MARRIED. If he wants a trial commitment to "SeE hOw It GoEs" then he isn't all in with you. That's a man who wants to have his cake and eat it too, while he looks for an "upgrade".

In general, living with a man is not going to be an equal situation for a woman. She will most likely be taking on most if not all of the cooking, cleaning, emotional labor etc- at the very least. At the worst, she will be supporting the household financially-in addition to the other responsibilities, doing all of the childcare (if there are children), or paying into an asset she has no legal rights to without marriage.

WhyComeToAStickyEnd · 2021-11-07T16:02:22+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this! I just saw this too and as I'm new here (can't post), was wondering how others are treating this? Could a rescue mission be reached out to her after she gets her children to a shelter safely?

OvarianSynthesizer · 2021-11-08T07:00:58+00:00

Ugh, I’m reminded of how a friend asked me how I “convinced” my husband to marry me, since she was trying to get him to pop the question.

”Refuse to move in without a ring and a date“ was not the answer she wanted to hear.

nothingt0say · 2021-11-07T22:51:36+00:00

In many states you do have rights in these situations I hope she gets good advice

dinarvand88 · 2021-11-07T16:18:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

YesPleaseMadam · 2021-11-08T07:02:45+00:00

specially if you have kids!!!!

2020na · 2021-11-08T12:25:08+00:00

Single mothers have to be careful of losing their independence when entering a relationship as the children are relying on them only.

Dstar538888 · 2021-11-08T12:53:32+00:00

So she uprooted not only her life, but her children's life as well?? she doing all of this over a boyfriend??

fairywakes · 2021-11-09T04:27:40+00:00

This was like reading my worst nightmare. My heart aches for her.

poison_snacc · 2021-11-14T18:03:55+00:00

The way she doesn’t refer to him as her ex or her “bf at the time” etc makes me think she thinks the two of them are still together. As experienced women we all know that “needing space” is literally shit-code for a breakup but she is obviously not experienced. It is extremely depressing to think of someone this vulnerable— emotionally, financially and probably even physically (she sounds stressed and overworked)— being strung along this way. Not only does she seem to have no clue that he’s done with her, she seems to have no clue that what he’s done is ridiculously cruel, unfair (HOLY SHIT I almost didn’t see the part where she states that she’s paying half the rent… WTF?!) and downright abusive. Hell, he’s probably been abusing her physically already, not just emotionally.

While I feel terrible for her, I gotta say I still am more angry than anything at the fact that she brought her kids into this totally bullshit situation. Yes she probably was manipulated into thinking everything was totally OK and it made sense to her at the time of the decision but it is so stupid to trust someone who hasn’t even proposed to literally take care of your entire family. This is what it looks like when you put a man first, ladies. Bad, bad choice to stick a male in front of all of your other priorities, like including your children and literally whether they have a roof over their heads. She put the safety and well-being of her kids in the hands of some scrote and I think we can all take this post ad a reminder to never trust someone you’re not married to you to take care of you— or your kids— this way. And it doesn’t matter if it’s the old 50-50 on rent and bills, which she probably thinks makes her more desirable, it is just a form of financial control. I’d love to know, if he didn’t want her on the lease, and he already rented the place before she came along, how was he paying for it up until then?? Why does he need the 50-50 contribution of a waitress with two kids on a place he was already able to pay for himself?

Some more of the following red flags should have alerted her, it’s important to be aware of everything that you are trusting a man with because you may just not realize it when you’re being blinded by manipulation and lies.

🚩 🚩 🚩 1. Paying 50-50 of rent and bills when she is not on the lease. 2. Separate finances— she moved in with a man who has not supported her one bit, apart from putting a roof over her head, but she still thinks of him as supportive; no if he were remotely supportive and planned to stay with you, he would have made sure you have something to fall back on besides your waitressing tips and would not allow you to be stranded without a home even when you break up 3. Code words used for breakup. Him “wanting his space back”. If a male ever says those words to you then yes, give him space. Space to never see or speak to you again! 4. Relocation: She moved an hour away to live with him. She’s the one with kids. 5. Swept up in romance & ignoring reality. She assumed her kids are happy and well-adjusted in this fucking chaos. Sure, they could be, but it’s a rare 5-12yo child who immediately makes friends in a new place in a matter of a few months at school. Sorry hon, your kids are probably not enjoying this nonsense, even before he decided to make you all homeless, and the actual red flag is that you have been so wrapped up in this scrote that you might not be paying attention to the needs of your own children. Your increased attention on a scrote has resulted in the possibility of emotional neglect of your children and that’s bad. 6. Giant red flag: the fact that he put two kids out on the street in a matter of hours. What is this, a fucking Disney villain?? 7. He’s a decade older than her. This means he’s had an extra decade to learn how to manipulate vulnerable women just like herself. Also, 28 is just young. While it wouldn’t be a huge stretch in my imagination anyway for a 38yo to date a 48yo, the same age difference for a 28yo and a 38yo is a lot different as a 28yo woman just hasn’t had enough time to learn how the world works. Also she seems extremely naive even for 28. 8. Moving too fast: In only 7 months she’s gotten very serious about a dude (no idea how long they’ve been dating but knowing these situations it probably was only a few months), moved in with the dude, moved her whole family to another town, changed her kids’ school district, possibly gotten a different job, started paying half someone else’s rent/bills/who knows what else. 9. Putting kids in danger: never, never move your children into the home of an adult male without serious vetting. We have no clue what he is capable of. If he is able to put your kids out on the street with a wave of his hand, he could already be doing a lot worse to them. If you have female children, do not move them into your boyfriend’s home! Actually, if you have kids, do not ever move in with a male until he’s your husband. 🚩 🚩 🚩

I’m grateful for this sub in the way that it helps women to be able to see the problems and risks of moving in with a man. Our culture is obsessed with “romance” and the way we are encouraged to live together before marriage is downright stupid. Hindsight is 20-20, and while it’s good to have learning experiences, the trauma of these situations is going to have lifetime consequences. It’s better to never have to be put through something like the woman in the post. Hopefully more women here will learn to recognize the red flags as we are warned of these risks. I know I wish I had. I am still dealing with the consequences of moving to another state to live with an abusive man. One of the worst decisions I’ve ever made and the fallout never seems to end. Thank you FDS for protecting women!!

Title	Scrotes will be scrotes. NEVER move in with a boyfriend.
Author	stripesonthecouch
Upvotes	738
Comments	69
Date	November 7, 2021 3:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qoq9u7/scrotes_will_be_scrotes_never_move_in_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/scrotes-will-be-scrotes-never-move-in-with-a.1085423 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085423